Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Alone in the kitchen, I have no idea what to do next.
I can’t go after her. Feeling like shit about what just happened doesn’t change any of the realities that made it happen in the first place.
I also can’t imagine stewing on the couch for the rest of the day. Plus, I’m feeling claustrophobic again. After the compounding stressors of this morning from hell, I need something physical. I learned a long time ago, if I make my body hurt, it can ease the pressure on my mind.
The gym is busy but not packed. Would it have mattered if it was? In my current state, I would have picked up the last remaining free weight and lifted it in endless reps until my arm gave out.
After a warm-up mile on the treadmill, I start working on my shoulders. Ten minutes into my reps, a disturbing sensation of being watched chills my sweaty skin. I make a discreet scan of my surroundings, and my stomach rolls when I spot him.
What the fuck is he doing here?
Our eyes graze each other long enough for Orin Cantea to assume it’s an invitation to approach. He occupies the empty machine next to me, and I grit my teeth as I go back to my workout. This is the last thing I need right now.
“Hey, Casey. Good to see you again.”
I toss a curt nod in his direction and pretend to be engrossed in my workout. Not that narcissists like him give a shit if their desires are inconvenient to other people.
His invasive stare makes the vibe flat-out creepy as I work out beneath his intense scrutiny. I’m not particularly interested in giving him a show.
A few minutes in, I let the bar drop and sit up on the bench. Grabbing a towel, I wipe the sweat from my neck and face as I twist toward him.
“How can I help you, Orin?”
His sly grin makes it clear he didn’t catch my irritation—or doesn’t care.
“Actually, it’s the other way around. It seems I may be in a position to help you. ”
Something twists in my gut at the way his gaze travels over me.
“Yeah? How’s that?” I take the bait, mostly because I need to know what sick plan he has cooking and if it’s another threat we’ll have to prepare for.
“Your boy had a busy night in the news cycle. Things are looking pretty bleak for him and the future of your band.”
“And?”
“And I can help spin it for you.”
I return a tight smile. “Thanks for the offer, but we already have our people on it.”
He smirks. “You know your people are owned by my people, right?”
My fingers clench around the towel. “Right, well, it’s not really my call anyway. The Label is handling the PR for now. You’ll have to contact them for a statement.”
“Word is the Label isn’t so happy with you either. How long is that going to last? What happens to you and Luke when they decide it’s not their problem anymore?”
My gaze darts to his before I can stop it. His smile grows until it’s downright chilling.
“What are you talking about?” I hedge. I know, obviously, but I want to see what he knows, and have no intention of giving more away than I already have.
“Come on. You’re smarter than that. You’ve been in the game long enough to know how this works.”
“Apparently not, because I have no idea where you’re going with this.”
He shifts on his bench, and I swivel to face him on a more even level.
“I think you do.”
“I’m not gonna fuck you, Orin.”
His eyes go wide. His face flushes. “How dare you! Why would you even?—”
“Save it,” I spit out, impatient. “Just tell me what you want.”
He looks like he’s about to continue his pointless denial when he decides better of it. Good. I’m already sick of this conversation.
“I want an exclusive.”
“From whom?”
“Luke.”
I hurl a bitter laugh. “Never gonna happen.”
“Fine, then you.”
I grit my teeth. “Which publication?”
“All of them.”
“Yeah right,” I scoff.
“What’s the difference? If I own you, I own you. What does it matter where?”
I free all my resentment and anger into my scowl.
After a short standoff, he sighs. “Look, I’ll make it look good, I promise. I’ll even let you submit the questions as long as they’re substantial. I don’t care what the story is, I just want it juicy and I want it first.”
For the hundredth time today, I scrub at my face. I hate everything about this. It doesn’t mean everything he’s saying isn’t true.
Luke’s latest stunt put us over the edge, and right now, I have no hope of getting a workable demo by Friday. Our entire legacy crashes in four days if I don’t do something.
Orin and his media empire have the clout to turn this thing around for us. If he keeps his promise, we’d be back on top like none of it even happened. The Label would be thrilled and forgive anything. More importantly, the pressure would ease off Luke and Callie. For now.
“Let me think about it,” I say finally.
His face lights up with surprise and excitement. Clearly, he wasn’t expecting that answer.
“If it happens, I want everything you just said in writing, got it?” I warn with a cold stare.
He holds up his hands. “Of course. Whatever you want. But remember, I want substance. I’m not making this offer for some disclosure about your strawberry allergy as a kid.”
“Yeah, I got it,” I mumble, dropping to my back on the bench again.
This time he takes the hint and rises from his machine. I feel his hungry gaze as he walks away but ignore it.
Sleazeballs like him always end up on top.
It’s easy when you’re willing to step on and exploit every other person in your path.
As much as I can’t stand the guy, he’s just a photocopy of most of the other industry movers and shakers I’ve encountered over the years.
And for some reason, this one has always taken a special interest in me.
The irony is, because he’s an egotistical, self-indulgent opportunist, I actually take him at his word.
I do believe he’ll make us look good and do what he can—not because he wants to help, but because it would serve his needs.
He gains nothing from adding his voice to the existing cloud of criticism.
Bucking the trend is where the attention is.
Plus, I doubt he’ll want to betray his promise and alienate me after finally trapping me in his web.
Maybe it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I used that to my advantage. Would it be so bad to turn the tables and exploit him for once?
I just need a story worth sharing.
My head is still grinding when I return from the gym.
Already on edge from the repeated blows this morning, my unsettling encounter with Orin pushed me off the ledge.
It took a very long time to work off the demons crawling in and around me.
I could barely walk by the time I made myself quit.
No point adding physical trauma to my long list of mental ones.
Callie is in the kitchen, and just seeing her ignites a spark in the shadows crowding my soul.
I hesitate to approach for her sake. She understandably wanted space, but I have nowhere else to go, and honestly, after what just happened with Orin, I’m in desperate need of a brush with the opposite end of the humanity spectrum.
She glances up from the bagel she’s preparing and offers a tight smile.
“Hit the gym?” she asks in a forced casual tone.
I nervously play with the edge of the towel slung over my shoulder.
“Had to work off some steam.” I manage a diplomatic smile as well.
She shifts on her feet, and for a brief moment looks like she’s going to say something. I’m disappointed when she shakes it off and picks up the plate on the counter .
“Okay. Well, we’re watching spy movies in the back.”
She moves toward the hall and it physically hurts to have her light ripped away. I know it’s my fault. I know it’s not fair. But after everything… God, I feel so alone again. So scared and helpless and I just can’t handle being on bad terms with her as well.
“Callie, wait. Please.”
She pauses, and I hold my breath.
When she turns, her expression is unreadable.
I swallow the pang in my chest. “I’m sorry about earlier. I just need you to understand that it’s not you. Please know that.”
“Yeah. It’s not you, it’s me. Got it.” She spins on her heel back toward the hall.
“Stop! Will you just stop?” I reach for her arm, and pull her too close again.
Gorgeous hazel eyes peer up at me, glistening in the sunlight like they’re reflecting the depths of her inner radiance. I’m a moth to a flame. A vampire who’s been staked and drained over and over. My gaze drops to her lips, and she rips her arm away.
Her gaze narrows with justifiable resentment.
“What is your problem, Casey? What do you want from me? You want to fool around for a bit before you head back on tour with your real model girlfriends? I’m not interested in that, okay? I was pretty sure you were smart enough to pick up on that.”
I reel from the blow, not because of her words, but because she’s right. None of this is fair to her. She’s the only blameless one in this entire nightmare and we keep jerking her around to suit our needs.
Somehow I need her to know this. To understand we’re the damaged ones, not her.
Images of the last few days crash into me.
All the laughter and smiles. The admiration in her eyes when she looks at me.
I know she’s not using me like others do, but it doesn’t mean she hasn’t idealized me into a fantasy I can never live up to.
She wants me to be her rock, Luke’s savior, and right now I feel just as weak and broken as anyone.
“It’s not like that, Callie. I don’t know how to explain it. I just don’t want to hurt you. I’m afraid I’m not what you think. I’m afraid I can’t live up to your expectations. I mean, I’m not…”
The prince you think I am.
I’m not… enough.
“At the end of the day, I’m just a guy,” I say instead.
I wince at her harsh laugh.