Chapter 6
CHAPTER 6
ATTICUS
PAST
Julian came up behind me after our jam session in Cassius’s basement.
“Do you think Nicole would go out with me if I asked her?”
The question felt like a punch to the gut. A rush of heat shot through my body.
Nicole and I had become very friendly over the past year, and I felt protective of her. But she was still only seventeen now, so it couldn’t be more than that. I’d be damned if one of my friends moved in on her, though. Once she turned eighteen next year, I was considering telling her how I felt. But that wouldn’t be possible if she was with someone else. Over my dead body would it be Julian. That would be worse than anything, having to see them together all the time.
“How would I know whether she wants to go out with you?” I finally answered. “Why are you asking me?”
“Because you’re my friend, and I want your opinion…” His eyes narrowed. “Why are you so pissy?”
I deflected. “Don’t you think Cassius would kill you if you made a move on his cousin?”
“Not sure I care about that. You know Cassius. You think he would hesitate to date my hot cousin, if I had one? I doubt it.”
I crossed my arms. “Well, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Why, though?”
I had no damn answer. At least not one I was willing to admit. “I already told you,” I huffed.
“I still might ask her out and see what happens. What do I have to lose? Cassius will get over it.”
Angrier by the second, I snarled, “Why the hell did you ask my advice if you’re not gonna take it?”
“Damn. What’s gotten into you?” He cocked his head. “Wait… you like her?”
“No,” I snapped. “She’s too young for me.”
“That’s right. You could technically get arrested.” He added, “But that doesn’t mean you can’t like her.”
Asshole.
The age of consent here was sixteen, so while I couldn’t get arrested, she was still too damn innocent.
“I like her as a friend. That’s it.”
He rubbed his chin, looking at me skeptically.
Is he testing me right now? Trying to bait me into admitting something? I needed to leave before he could see the truth written all over my face. “I gotta get out of here.” I took off for my house.
I spent the rest of the day in a horrible mood. Julian was Nicole’s age, and it made total sense that he would like her. He was a pretty decent dude, so I shouldn’t have gotten so damn angry. But it pissed me off that he could make a move on her when I couldn’t. Age aside, I also doubted I’d be good enough for her. She had plans to go away to college. Nicole had made it clear that she wanted to experience living away from home. She’d be leaving no matter what. And anyway, I didn’t even know whether she liked me that way.
Later that afternoon, my doorbell rang. My mom had just left for her evening-shift job at a local factory, so I was the only one home. When I answered the door, there was Nicole. I’d been thinking of her a lot today, so it was odd that she’d shown up here. She’d never come to my house before—except for standing outside it the first time we’d taken that walk together. She and I had mostly gotten to know each other over at Cassius’s house.
“Hey, you. What are you doing here?” I looked behind me. I hadn’t had a chance to pick up the mess in the living room.
Nicole fidgeted. “Is this a bad time?”
“No. Come in.” I stepped aside. “What’s up?”
She bit her bottom lip. “I came by because I wanted to give you something.”
“Okay…”
“I overheard you talking to my cousin the other day about not being able to go to that music workshop in the city because you couldn’t afford the fee.”
Damn . She heard that? My ears burned.
There was a workshop in Manhattan this summer, run by a retired member of a famous rock band. From what I’d read, they sometimes brought in big names to perform alongside the participants, and to mentor you. It seemed like a dream come true. I’d applied for a spot with a video of one of my drum solos from the basement. But the cost was nothing I could afford. While I had a job working at a local tire shop, I’d given most of the money I’d made over the past few months to my older sister, Tina, to help with expenses after her husband’s death. I wasn’t even sure why I’d applied, since I couldn’t afford it. Maybe I just wanted to see if I was good enough to get in.
“I know why you don’t have money, Atticus, even though you work hard. You’ve been helping your sister out, and it’s not fair that you should miss an opportunity because of your kindness.” She handed me a white envelope. “I want you to take this.”
Are you kidding me? I peeked inside. It was filled with cash.
“Two-thousand dollars,” she said. “That’s the admission fee, right?”
Whoa. I could barely breathe right now. “Nicole, this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever tried to do for me. But I absolutely cannot take this.”
“Yes, you can,” she insisted.
“Where did you even get this kind of money?”
“It’s some of the cash I’ve made babysitting over the years. I’ve been saving it for nothing in particular. Just a rainy day, I guess. But I don’t need anything.”
“You’re gonna need this cash for school.” I put the envelope back in her hands.
She shook her head. “There’s a good chance I’m gonna get a scholarship. I probably won’t need it.”
“You’ll always need spending money, even if your tuition is paid.”
“Atticus…” She pleaded. “I’ve told you this before. You’re so talented. I don’t mean to be cruel to the other guys, but they’re just playing around when you all practice together. You have real skills on those drums. You can go somewhere with this. It made me so sad to hear you say you’d have to give up this opportunity because you don’t have the sign-up fee. You never know. You could make an important connection there.” Nicole shook her head. “Anyway, I won’t take it back.” She shoved the envelope of cash into my hands. “I’m not taking no for an answer.”
Then she threw open the door and ran off before I could say anything else. Literally ran down the street.
What the heck?
I debated chasing after her, but I was still frozen, in a state of shock. My heart was bursting with an unidentifiable feeling. Gratitude couldn’t even begin to describe it. I’d thought this girl was incredible before. But this? I was speechless.
Up in my room, I paced with the envelope in my hands for the next hour. There was no way I could accept this money. I’d done nothing to earn it. That wasn’t up for debate. But I was still baffled as to what to say, how to thank her, whether to go to her house now to give it back.
Was it tempting to take it? Sure. But more than anything, it was the meaning behind this that mattered the most. She believed in me. When we’d first met, I wasn’t sure if she was just pulling my chain being so complimentary. But we’d gotten to know each other since then. She’d seen me perform countless more times. Nicole’s opinion mattered more to me than anyone’s.
Finally done deliberating, I grabbed my jacket and hopped into my beat-up car, heading straight to her house. It was the first time I’d ever visited her there, and I hoped her dad wouldn’t want to kill me if he got the wrong idea about me stopping by. But as I was pulling up, I saw another car pulling out. Not just any car—Julian’s.
My blood started pumping. There weren’t any other cars in the driveway, so it didn’t look like her parents were home. She’d been alone with Julian?
After he pulled out of the driveway, Julian took off in the other direction. So he didn’t notice me parked outside the house.
For a few minutes, I sat in the car, unsure what I was gonna say to her, especially now that I’d seen him leave.
Forcing myself to get out, I walked up to her front door. This was no longer just about the money. Now I had to know what the hell was going on with Julian. As I knocked, I felt my heartbeat accelerate. I had to be careful. I didn’t want to come off as jealous, even if that was the damn truth.
After a moment, she opened. “Hey,” she said, surprise on her face.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure…”
I looked past her. “Are your parents here?”
“No. They went to church for a holiday bazaar planning meeting. My mom is on the board, and she dragged him along.”
I kept nodding. “Did I just see Julian leave?”
“Yeah. He came by.”
I tilted my head. “Just a visit or…?”
“Well, yeah.”
I swallowed hard. “What did he want?”
Her face turned beet red. “He asked me out, actually.”
Clearing my throat, I willed myself to remain calm. “Really…”
“Yeah.”
My stomach was in knots. “What did you say?”
“I…told him I’d think about it.”
“What’s your hesitation?”
She looked down at her feet. “I don’t know if I’m into him that way.”
That gave me intense satisfaction, though it didn’t sound like she’d totally made up her mind. “Well, if you’re not sure, you shouldn’t sell yourself short.”
She lifted her gaze to mine. Her eyes were piercing. For a second, I was tempted to admit that it wasn’t just Julian who had feelings for her. I liked her, too. But then I remembered the repercussions. I was twenty. She was seventeen and I was pretty sure still a virgin. So I kept my mouth shut.
“What made you stop by?” she asked. “I hope it’s not to give back the money.”
I pulled the envelope from the inside pocket of my jacket. “I can’t take it, Nicole. As much as I would love to attend that workshop, I just can’t do it.”
She frowned. “I really wish you would.”
I stepped closer to her. “You have no idea what you offering it to me has meant. My sister and my parents think I’m crazy for believing I could make a career out of music. You’re the first person who has ever told me they believed in me.”
Nicole placed her hand on my face. Her skin felt so damn soft. I closed my eyes momentarily, yearning to kiss her. But just like I couldn’t take that money, I couldn’t take her . Not yet , at least.
“While I won’t be accepting your generous gift, you’ve given me an even bigger gift that will stay with me. Thank you for believing I was worth your savings. I’ll never forget it.” I exhaled. “And mark my words, if I ever do make it big, I’ll make sure to repay your act of kindness.”
She opened and closed her mouth multiple times like she wanted to say something but thought better of it.
I chose not to say anything else, either. Maybe someday the time would be right to tell her how I felt. Maybe I’d get to a place in my life where I felt like I deserved her. But today was not that day.