Chapter 27
CHAPTER 27
NICOLE
Atticus asked me if I’d go back to his suite after the reception, but I declined, instead practically fleeing to my own room before I could change my mind.
We’d planned to get together in the morning, though, for breakfast before I had to catch my flight. That seems safe enough , I told myself.
Yet despite successfully breaking away from him, every second since I’d returned to my room, I regretted not spending the night with him. He’d promised “ not to try anything ,” saying he just wanted to lie with me. And I would’ve been fine with that—but after today, I didn’t trust myself . I didn’t want to sleep with him. I wanted to sleep with him, and that was the problem. Taking that step with him wasn’t fair when there were still things about his current life I wasn’t sure I could ever accept.
As I lay on my hotel bed, staring at the ceiling, I realized I still had the two pieces of cake I’d wrapped in napkins and stuffed into my purse earlier. When they’d served it, neither Atticus nor I had an appetite for cake.
Something had kept me from getting out of my dress and taking a shower. Intuitively, I knew I wasn’t done for the day. It was the middle of the night now, but all I could think about were those two pieces of cake burning a hole in my purse—not because I was hungry, but because they were my excuse to see him again. Because as much as I’d already decided it was a bad idea, Atticus was all I could think about.
I didn’t want to leave California tomorrow, either. Didn’t want to leave him. And I couldn’t believe I was wasting this precious time alone in my room.
Reaching for my bag, I headed out the door. He’d given me his room number in case I changed my mind, and I hoped I remembered it correctly.
When I got to his door, I took a deep breath before knocking.
A few seconds later, Atticus opened, and his mouth curved into a smile. “Hi, beautiful. This is a surprise.” Though he didn’t seem that surprised at all.
I raised an eyebrow. “It almost seems like you were waiting for me.”
“I’m always waiting for you, baby. Always.”
He still wore his suit, though he’d loosened his tie, and his hair was beautifully disheveled, as if he’d been running his hand through it since we parted.
I entered the room, reaching into my bag. “I, uh, forgot to give you this.”
He took the cake. “Thank you.” It was mostly just a lump inside the napkin. “You came here to give me a smashed-up piece of cake?”
I felt myself blush. “I know how much you love…cake.”
He set it on an end table. “Not as much as I love you .”
My heart felt ready to explode. The words I love you, too were at the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t feel brave enough to unleash them yet.
“I’ve been staring at the ceiling, wishing you’d come, but not wanting to cross the line by calling and begging you. I guess wishes do come true sometimes.” He inched forward. “I’ve had that happen more than once today. Anyway, you’re right. I did have a feeling you’d show.”
As he stared down at me, he placed his hand on my chin. Then he took my mouth in his, the long-lost yet familiar taste consuming me. I moaned. My Atticus. It had been too damn long since he’d kissed me like this. It was different from our chaste kiss back in New Jersey. That had been controlled. This was completely unbridled, wild, and ravenous. His tongue searched desperately for mine as our bodies pressed together. I knew there was no turning back.
“Don’t fucking leave me tonight,” he rasped. “Stay with me. Be with me. I can’t handle being apart from you.” He moved back to look at me. “It’s what you want, right? That’s why you really came?” His eyes glistened, as if he might cry.
Any potential response was squelched as his lips returned to mine, devouring me before he lowered his mouth to my neck.
I whimpered as he sucked on my skin, my head bending back in sweet surrender. “Atticus…”
“Let me make love to you, Nicole. I need to release this tension inside of me, everything I’ve been bottling up for more than three fucking years. I need to give it back to you tonight.”
I panted, clawing at his back. “Yes…” I managed to say.
Atticus groaned as he kissed me harder. My panties were already completely wet. I could feel how much he wanted me as his erection pressed against me. My knees quivered as the muscles between my legs contracted.
My chest rose and fell as I pulled back for a moment of air and looked up to meet his incendiary stare. I was going to give all of myself to him tonight. I was going to let myself have something I’d wanted for so long and love every minute of it. I wasn’t going to worry about the repercussions. Not until tomorrow, at least.
My husband.
For one night, I’d have my husband back.
My body filled with heat as the space once again closed between us, his lips on mine. Never in my life had I been more ready to be consumed by someone—craving not just sex, but the unmatched connection he and I shared, the way it had always felt like we were one, body and soul, whenever we made love. An experience only possible with him, no one else.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he mumbled over my mouth. “You’re so fucking mine .” He hissed. “But you know that, don’t you?” He kissed down my neck to my collarbone as his warm hand slid over my spine.
Atticus worked to unbutton his shirt, but not fast enough for me. I moved his jacket off his shoulders and slid it down to fall to the floor. He unzipped my dress, and it too fell, followed by the remainder of our clothes in quick succession. I’d lost awareness of who was removing what until suddenly we were both almost completely naked.
Atticus shook his head slowly. “So fucking perfect, baby. Fucking hotter than ever.”
His glistening dick bobbed as he removed his boxer briefs, and it was hard not to gawk at his beautiful, thick cock. My mouth watered. I pried my gaze upward, only to find him exploring me with his eyes. As his gaze traveled down from my breasts to my legs, I took in the beautiful ridges of his abs, the ink on his tattooed chest. Not a blemish on his golden skin.
Atticus lifted me and walked us over to the wall. With my back against it, I wrapped my legs around him, ready to accept anything he’d give me.
His eyes lingered on mine for a moment before he took my mouth again. My fingers threaded through his hair, both of us breathless and crazed. I couldn’t explore him fast enough and struggled to control my frenzied need for him.
He flipped us around, carrying me over to the bed before we tumbled to the mattress. With the weight of his body on top of me, I fully surrendered, spreading my legs wide. He looked into my eyes as he thrust into me for the first time. I kept my eyes on him, making an unintelligible sound at the sweet burn of him entering me. I’d been unprepared for the intensity of that first push, having nearly forgotten how he filled me, how amazing it felt to have him inside of me.
What started out slow and easy quickly grew faster. Atticus groaned as he fucked me harder, my worries fading away as we fell into a beautiful rhythm. “You’re mine,” he said as he plowed into me. “I hope this helps you remember you’re still my wife.” Atticus kissed down to my breasts, taking a nipple in his mouth. “God, I’ve missed these tits.” He sucked harder before letting it go. “Missed every inch of you, baby.”
I dug my nails into his back as he pumped in and out, his lips eventually finding mine again.
“Never forget who you belong to,” he growled, pulling out slowly and thrusting hard.
I bucked my hips to meet his while he lowered his mouth to my neck, sucking on the skin there. He eventually kissed his way back up to look me in the eyes. I studied his every expression as I squeezed his muscular back.
“I love the way you look at me when you take my cock,” he breathed. “Like you know I belong to you.”
My mouth opened, but no sound came out—just the most intense orgasm I’d ever felt roll through my body. “Atticus…” I panted.
My muscles clamped down around him as I came. He pumped into me one last time as he shrieked, the force of his own orgasm shattering me as his hot cum filled my core.
We rocked back and forth for several minutes until there was nothing left in either of us.
“I’m afraid to let you go,” he whispered over me. “I don’t want to pull out. Ever . My beautiful wife.”
***
The following morning, I woke with Atticus spooning me, his arms wrapped tight. His cock was fully erect as it pressed against my ass. It felt just like old times at Mimi’s, except that everything had changed since last night. It had felt right to make love to him, yet where would we go from here?
I tried not to give in to my fears right away. When I turned to face him, he was wide awake, just looking at me.
“Good morning,” I mewled.
“Good morning,” he said softly. “I never wanted morning to come, though.”
“Me neither. How long have you been up?”
“A while. I’ve been wired since last night and didn’t want to waste these moments with you by sleeping.” He buried his face in my chest. “I have an idea.”
Immediately turned on again by his scent, I dug my fingers into his hair. “What’s that?”
“Cancel your flight and come back to my house and never leave.”
“You’re not even joking, are you?”
He lifted his eyes to mine, flashing an adorable grin. “Nope. Not in the least.”
“I wish it were that easy.”
“Is there anything I could say or do that would convince you to stay here for at least a little while longer?”
It was tempting to just say screw everything and stay in Cali for the week. But as the haze of last night lifted, I realized there was much more I had to work through before I’d be able to consider building a life with him again.
“I’m fully booked this week, so I have to get back.”
While that wasn’t a lie, it was a cop out.
Atticus nodded. “I understand.” He rested his chin on his hand. “For now. I understand for now , Nicole. But I can’t accept being apart from you forever. I need you to tell me what I have to do to get you back. I’ll do anything.”
Getting us back to a place where we could be together wasn’t just his responsibility.
“It’s not just what you need to do, Atticus. It’s what I need to do, too. I need to come to terms with the biggest part of your life now. Don’t you see? Until I can do that, we’ll never be able to make it work.”
“Don’t say never.” His face filled with fear. “I can’t handle never. How can I give you what you need to come to terms with it?” His eyes watered and a tear fell. I hadn’t seen him cry in a long time.
My voice shook. “I never imagined that the biggest part of your life wouldn’t be me. And though I know it’s not a competition, if I’m not absolutely certain I can learn to accept it, I can’t lead you on. Because it’s not just us who stand to get hurt here.”
He sniffled. “I get it.”
I caught his next tear with my fingertip. “I’ve tried so hard to stop loving you, but I can’t. It’s not about that. I couldn’t love you any more than I do. You know that, right?”
He nodded. “I won’t ever stop fighting for us. But you’re right. We have to be willing to face everything. To feel the pain. I need to resign myself to the fact that you were with Julian and find a way to stop wanting to physically hurt him every time I think about it. And you…” He paused. “You need to face the person you fear the most, the person who happens to own the other part of my heart.”
Tears blinded my eyes as I nodded. “I need to meet him.”