Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“Did you enjoy supper?” Dorian asked Penelope as they started from the dining room together.
“Wh – what?” Penelope wasn’t paying attention, her mind, her thoughts, in other places. Dangerous places…
“Supper,” Dorian repeated. “Did you enjoy it?”
“Oh. Yes.” She forced herself to focus, needing to keep her mind from straying to the obvious. That being, why was Dorian walking her to her room? What did he want? And most importantly, what did she want?
“Barbara clearly did,” he said with a smile that was honest. “Truthfully, I can’t remember the last time she left her room for supper. And I certainly can’t remember the last time I saw her enjoy herself like she did.”
“I am glad.”
Penelope knew her response to be lame, that she should have offered an elaboration on the point, anything to keep the conversation flowing rather than letting it descend into awkward silence as it ended in doing.
But she was finding it impossible to focus.
Dammit, she was finding it hard enough just to walk without tripping over herself.
The duke had his arm linked through her own, their bodies were held closely, his other hand had reached around and was rested on her arm.
And all the while, her room came closer as they continued through the empty halls.
The silence growing around them…
What is this? I might say he is simply being a gentleman and walking me to my room, nothing to over think or wonder too much about. But it feels as if it is more than that.
Was it possible that he intended to make good on their deal right here and now? With the arrangements for the party having been made, with her task done, that he was ready to give her the child that she so desperately wanted? And if so, was she ready for such a thing?
It was no wonder that Penelope could hardly put one foot in front of the other without stumbling And trying to make her tongue work normally… she might as well have sprouted wings and started to fly.
“I was surprised when you invited me to supper.” Penelope forced herself to speak. And she looked dead ahead when she walked, determined to appear calm. “Might I ask what changed?”
“It was Barbara,” the duke offered simply. “She wished to join us.”
“She is certainly not as I originally thought.”
“She still is,” he said. “But she knows this weekend is happening, and that she cannot stop it. My hope is that tonight is proof to her that being social is not the horror she has spent so much of her life believing it to be.”
“A sign of things to come,” Penelope said, but only because she felt she had to say something.
She was not at all certain of what was going on. If the intent here was to take her to bed, why was he talking about his sister? Should he not have been preparing her? Letting her know what he wanted… and how he wanted it.
A shiver ran up her spine at the mere thought of where tonight might lead. All afternoon, Penelope had debated with herself what she wanted and what she might do when the time came. If it was best to avoid the duke, or if getting closer to him was the right move to make.
Now, she knew that it made little to no difference what she wanted. At the end of the day, it was the duke’s decision to make.
For this reason, she felt her heart thunder in her chest. Her excitement growing steadily. They turned the corner, her bedroom door came into view at the end of the hallway, and despite the nerves flooding her, she felt a pull in that direction… as if the doorway was beckoning her.
“I wanted to thank you,” Dorian said.
“Huh?” Penelope tore her eyes off the bedroom door and looked at him, not sure at all what he meant.
“I wanted to thank you,” he said again, this time with a smile attached. “For the way you have treated my sister. You have shown her a kindness, and I don’t think you understand just how big of a deal such a small thing as that is for her.”
“Oh…” Penelope’s frown deepened. Again, if he was leading her to the room to finally make good on their deal, why was he still talking of Barbara? “It is quite alright. In truth, I rather like your sister.”
“She likes you too. I can tell.”
“Well…” She laughed awkwardly. “I am rather personable, once you get to know me. No doubt these last two weeks and you’ve started to realize what it is you have been missing.”
Thankfully, he laughed at the joke. “I wouldn’t go that far.
You are not so good of company as that.” He looked at her flatly, and she smiled because she could sense that he was trying to make a joke.
“But I do often wonder…” He sighed deeply and she could feel him tense through her arm.
“My sister was not always as she is, and seeing the two of you, it forces me to consider where it all went wrong.”
“I… I am not sure what –”
“It is not your concern,” he spoke over her. When he did, he squeezed her arm gently and she felt it pulse through her body so her heart started to beat all the harder. “I suppose my mother is who’s to blame, not that it would make any difference.”
“Your mother?”
“Not a conversation to be had right now.” There was an edge to his voice, and clearly this was a topic Dorian did not wish to breach.
A good thing too, for they just now arrived at Penelope’s bedroom door. It was closed shut, and when they reached it Dorian pulled his arm free but did not step away. Rather, he turned to face Penelope, meeting her eyes, one hand still touching her lightly on the wrist.
Her eyes flicked to that hand… held it… her breath catching and she was all but certain he could hear how her heart hammered.
“Here we are,” he said.
“Y – yes,” she stammered, hardly able to stand the tension.
This is it… the moment I came here for…
Her feelings concerning Dorian were still confused. But they were less than they had been before. Putting aside the attraction she felt, Penelope could not help but wonder if the confusion came from something deeper.
All this time, she had wanted a child because she thought that she must have one.
Must. The emptiness inside of her, the need to fill it with a purpose of her own.
But what if it wasn’t a child that she wanted?
What if… could the duke be her purpose? The marriage she never wanted, now given a real chance like never before?
Would that be enough to fill the hole and make her complete?
And most importantly, would the duke want such a thing? Or was he merely looking to fulfil an obligation and be done with her?
Right now, it felt as if such worries weren’t what she should have been focusing on. Her heart was thumping so it hurt her. Her eyes flicked to Dorian’s lips, plump and full and so close… they called to her, as if begging to be kissed.
She had tried so hard not to think about Dorian like this.
She had been desperate not to think about him at all.
Yet as things stood, where she believed this night was going, she decided that what she had wanted and what she wanted now were two completely different things.
And there was nothing wrong with that. Not even a little bit…
“Penelope,” Dorian began, his voice dropping to a whisper. “There is something that… something I need to ask you.”
“Yes,” she said, puckering her lips on instinct.
“It might come across as brash and a little forward,” he continued. “But please, consider it. I am sure you will see it is in both of our interests.”
“What is it…” She leaned in just a little further, eyes flicking to his lips and then back to his eyes.
“Tonight made me realize that this party, although it is necessary, it is but one step in the right direction – a vital one, of course. But still, just one of many factors that need to be considered.”
“I don’t…” Penelope’s brow furrowed because she had no idea what he was talking about now.
“Seeing you and my sister together made me realize that what Barbara needs most of all is a friend, someone she can be social with, who might help guide her so that when the time comes she will be ready to find a mate.” He smiled and Penelope’s frown deepened.
“This party is so soon but I believe that if you were to spend more time with Barbabra, shepherding her, by the time it arrives she will finally be herself in ways that I know she can be.”
“I…” Penelope gave her head a shake. “I don’t understand.”
“I am asking for a favor,” he continued.
“Please, would you consider spending more time with Barbara these coming days? Coaxing her from her shell so that when the party begins, she will not be nearly so withdrawn.” He took her hand and squeezed it and she just about cried out. “I would be beyond appreciative.”
Penelope’s heart sank.
Well… that is not what I was expecting.
She thought Dorian was bringing her to her room to make good on their deal. What she had gotten instead was a favor asked, one that had nothing to do with… that.
“I… yes, of course,” Penelope stammered as she tried to hide her disappointment. “I would be happy to.”
He smiled with relief. “Thank you. You have no idea how much… I can’t tell you how grateful I am.”
“Don’t mention it.”
She didn’t know what else to say. Feeling foolish, Penelope looked away, her cheeks flushed pink because now that she understood what the duke wanted, she could not believe how close she had come… how much she had wanted him… dammit, how desperate she had been!
That he thought to ask her for a favor instead… it brought an unexpected smile to her lips. Such a small thing but it was a sign of how far they had come in these past two weeks. No longer complete strangers, a man she was slowly coming to learn about as he was her.
I suppose that’s one thing to be glad for. Small victories, as it is.
“I owe you,” he said to her, giving her hand a final squeeze before letting it go.
“D-don’t mention it,” she said, still awkward because he could surely see the disappointment in her eyes.
Dorian left her after that. A quick goodbye and he hurried down the hall and from view. This left Penelope standing outside her room, still feeling confused, but not quite as much as she could have done. If anything, her mind had never been so clear.
Again, she was forced to consider the reality of her situation.
The child that she was desperate for, and what it represented.
She knew it was not the child that she yearned after, but the purpose that it brought her.
And with how she was starting to feel about Dorian, might a different purpose be preferred?
This marriage… this situation… she knew now what she wanted. The only question was, did Dorian want the same?