Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
“And when are they arriving, exactly?” Barbara asked, and Dorian could hear the panic in his sister’s voice.
“In a couple of days,” he told her. “Likely, they will be here for a day or two before the party begins.”
Barbara nodded to herself, swallowing back what looked like a lump forming in her throat. “Good. That is… it will be nice to have more people in the house. Nice for you to have someone to bother, other than me for a change.”
Dorian cocked an eyebrow at his sister. “Is that what I do? Bother you?”
She shot him a wicked grin. “Almost constantly.”
He laughed gently and started into the room, making for where his sister was sitting on the bed. There, he sat beside her, resting a hand on her lap. “You know Albina and Joseph, Barbara. How many times have you met them?”
“They are your friends, not mine,” she said, speaking into her chest.
“Which is why you should get to know them better.”
With news that Joseph and his wife would be arriving in a few days’ time, Dorian had come to see his sister so that he might break the news to her personally. So that he might prepare her, as he knew she needed to be prepared.
For more than five years now, he and Barbara had lived in this house together, and during that time he could count the number of guests who had visited them.
And never, not once, had those guests stayed for the night – and never had Barbar been obligated to speak with or even see them, if she did not wish to do so.
She was nervous about them coming here, that much was obvious. Just as it was obvious that their visit was hardly a fraction of what truly worried her.
“It is good that they will be here early,” he said gently, giving her leg a squeeze. “Just the two of them, it might be a nice way to prepare you.”
“Prepare me for what?”
He looked at her flatly. “You know what. The party is set for this weekend, Barbara. There will be close to a score of guests staying here. And as we have discussed, you will be expected to attend and make your presence known to them.”
His sister’s expression darkened. “Do you really think I am that pathetic that I can’t handle a single weekend of people in my house?”
“I never said you were pathetic.”
“You implied it!” she cried. “I do not care about the party, Brother. In fact…” Her eyebrows firmed into a stubborn knot and she fixed him in her glare. “In fact, I am looking forward to it.”
“Are you now?”
“I am,” she said with a righteous nod. She was as stubborn as he was, and this little act of rebellion wasn’t in the least bit surprising.
But Dorian knew too that it was merely for show, and inside she was petrified.
“I worry for you, is what. That if this party goes how you wish it to, that you’ll miss not having me around. ”
“Is that right?” he tried not to laugh.
“You act as if you are the one looking after me, when it is the other way around.” She leaned back and folded her arms. “I wonder, what will you do once I find the man of my dreams and leave here? Leave you,” she said righteously. “You won’t know what to do with yourself.”
“I think I’ll manage.”
“Will you now?” she rallied.
Dorian winced. Blind as the blow might have been, Barbara had managed to stab directly at a point of serious worry that had been plaguing Dorian so much lately.
There was a part of him which wondered often what might happen when his sister found herself a husband and moved out of the home – God willing. He wanted it like nothing else, knowing it was for the best. But there was that small stab of worry when he could not help but think about what came next.
For so long, everything Dorian had done was for his sister.
Her happiness was paramount and he put his own goals from mind without hesitation, needing to do it so that she might heal and find a life beyond these four walls.
That was, after all, why he left Penelope as he had done, not because he wanted to, but because he had no choice…
But when that choice is taken from me? When Barbara no longer needs me? What then? Who will I be if not the older brother whose life revolves around his sister?
What should have felt like relief, felt suspiciously like misery. An emptiness threatening to open and swallow him because he could not imagine his life without her in it. His singular purpose, gone for good, and he had no idea what he would do once that happened.
“If you think this is some clever way to make me cancel the party, you might as well give up,” he said, forcing himself not to go down that line of thinking. “It’s not happening. Or rather, it is. The party, I mean.”
“I told you…” She pushed his hand off her leg.
“I am not worried about the… the…” Her body was shaking, and he could see the fear in her eyes.
“In fact. Yes.” She was still shaking, but she sat herself up and firmed her expression as if trying to demonstrate bravery. “It is almost time for supper, yes?”
“It is…”
“Good.” Barbara was quick off the bed and then across the room where she threw open her wardrobe.
“What are you doing?”
“If I am to join you for supper, I had best make myself presentable. I would hate to embarrass you.”
Dorian stared blankly at Barbara. “You… you are going to join me for supper?”
She turned back and cocked an eyebrow in his direction. “Is that a problem? Unless you and Penelope would like to be alone.”
Dorian felt his face pale at the implication. He and Penelope did not eat supper together – that was not part of the deal. And he was glad for the fact, still resigned to the belief that the less time he and Penelope spent together, the better.
His sister also, she never left her room for supper. Dammit, she hardly left her room at all! Since the first time she and Penelope had spoken, they had seen one another a few times, but it was a rare thing, and Barbara had given no indication that she wished for it to change.
That she wanted to join them now… well, Dorian knew the reason. She was stubborn and wished to prove a point. A point he was happy to see proven.
“Not at all.” He rose from the bed. “In fact, I am sure Penelope will be delighted that you wish to join us. I will tell her at once.”
“You… you will…” Barbara’s face paled, the determination fading quickly. But then she strengthened it and glared. “Good. I am looking forward to it.”
“No more than I, I promise you that.”
Dorian couldn’t say exactly what he expected from supper, but it certainly wasn’t this. Not that ‘this’ was a bad thing. Not even a little bit.
“I will have to come and visit,” Barbara said excitedly to Penelope, who had just explained to her that she would be an aunt soon… assuming everything went as planned. “I have always suspected I would be good with children.”
“I am sure you will be,” Penelope laughed. “And I am certain that I will need all the help I can get. Truthfully, I don’t know the first thing about children.”
“That makes two of us,” Barbara agreed. “But between us, the smart and capable women that we are, I am sure we can figure it out.”
“I’ll be sure to have a room ready.”
Dorian eyed his sister, knowing well enough that there was little chance she meant to visit Penelope once she left – that would require her leaving this house, which she had not done in years. But the fact that she was even willing to joke about it was significant.
“And I will be sure not to bring my brother.” Barbara stuck her tongue out at Dorian. “He will only kill the mood.”
“And there it is,” Dorian sighed. “I was wondering when you would turn your rancor on me.”
“Is that what I am doing?”
“I make an easy target,” he said simply. “Even if I have said or done nothing to warrant your attacks.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Penelope grinned down the table at him. “If she did not say it, I was about to.”
“Women only,” Barbara agreed as she took a sip of wine. She had already had a glass, well into her second, which might have explained why she was speaking so freely and with such comfort. But Dorian didn’t let that bother him, just glad to see his sister getting along so well with Penelope.
And Penelope also, getting along so well with his sister.
And it doesn’t feel forced, either. To look at them speaking, one might assume they have been friends their entire life.
Despite himself, a smile came to Dorian’s lips, and it grew as he watched his sister and Penelope chatter merrily as they ate supper.
He had been worried about extending the invitation to Penelope to join himself and Barbara. Not because he feared for his sister’s comfort, but he was concerned how such an invitation might appear to his estranged wife.
He could not help but think back to earlier, when Penelope had come to him in his office, telling him that the arrangements for the party were complete, while also confirming their deal was still intact.
It was a fair question to ask, but the way she had asked him…
how awkward she had become… the look in her eyes and the flush to her skin…
And Dorian was not so innocent himself.
Just two weeks ago he was certain that when the time came that Penelope would change her mind because she had not considered the implications of what having a child together meant.
But now, he wondered if that was part of the reason that she was so determined for it.
Just as he wondered if he was suddenly not so against the idea as he should have been.
Sitting at the head of the table, he attempted to be subtle as he studied and even admired his wife in ways he had tried so hard not to do these past weeks.
That he found her so attractive had no changed. If anything, he found her even more so. Never mind the full lips and the petite features and the fair skin and those big green eyes that were a little too intelligent for their own good. Never mind that!
It was how fierce she was. How independent and confident. A woman who did not need someone to look after her or care for her, and how much he wanted to do just that. She was so different to all the other women in his life and that as much as anything was what brought the most attraction.
“Brother? Brother…” Barbara was saying.
Dorian tore his eyes free, realized he had been staring, and grimaced as he took a hasty sip of wine. “Yes?”
Barbara rolled her eyes. “We were just saying, is there desert? Both of us are still rather peckish.”
“Oh…” Dorian blinked, his cheeks flushing slights because Penelope was smirking at him and he got the distinct impression he knew why. “I am not –”
“One thousand apologies…” one of the footmen apologized as he hurried back into the dining room, having come from the kitchen.
“Perfect timing!” Barbara cried out, laughing gaily as she did. “We were just now saying that it was time for some desert.”
Dorian breathed a sigh of relief, able to once again slip back into his stream of conscience without fear of being called out.
There was no point lying to himself anymore. Dorian was attracted to his wife, and the thought of helping her to conceive a child was no longer the trial it once felt like. That just made things infinitely more complex than he wanted them.
He was still convinced he did not want to grow closer to his wife, and he feared that if he gave in to his urges that Penelope might misread them and want more. But he also had no choice! He had made a deal, and he could not back down on it.
It is a tough spot to be in… while not being nearly so bad as I am trying to make myself believe. His eyes flicked over her once more. No… not nearly so bad at all.
There was one thing that Dorian knew, however, and that was how much he liked seeing his sister come out of her shell with Penelope. It was something he could get used to, and something he wanted to see more of.
For that reason, an idea came to mind suddenly. A means by which he might be able to play both sides of his attraction and the urge to deny it, testing the waters so that perhaps an answer would become clear to him.
He smiled as the idea formed. Knowing the danger, but excited for it all the same.
Dessert was served soon after, eaten quickly, at which point Barbara yawned ostentatiously, claiming that the wine had made her sleepy. She excused herself a moment later, the faintest of smirks visible on her face.
“I shall leave you alone, shall I?” Her eyebrows lifted.
“Good night, Barbara,” Dorian said to her. “Try not to trip up the stairs on the way to bed.”
Penelope laughed at the joke and again Dorian could not help but concede how much he liked the sound. Just as he liked the way it made him feel.
“I presume you are off to bed also?” he asked her, once they were alone.
“It seems I should be…” She affected a yawn and stretched her arms.
Dorian hesitated, thinking through his plan and what he meant to do. It might be taken the wrong way, and considering he still thought it was best not to get too close to Penelope, he knew it was not the smartest of ideas. But it was for his sister… and he hung onto that notion.
“Might I walk you to your room?” he asked simply.
Penelope was halfway out of her chair when she froze. Her eyes widened and he clearly saw the flush that reached her cheeks. “My… my room?”
“Yes,” he said simply, feigning apathy. “I shall walk you. I would hate for you to get lost on the way.”
She considered the question. He could see her unpacking the implications. And then, ever so subtly, a small smile touched her lips and a daring expression took her face. She thinks I am joking. “I would like that very much. I would so hate to get lost.”
“Wonderful.” Dorian rose from behind his seat, walked to where she stood, and offered his arm. “Shall we?”
Her eyes widened further as she eyed his arm. She swallowed nervously. A quick glance about them as if searching for a means of escape. “Y – yes. We shall.” She swallowed again and linked her arm through his.