Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“You are a hard woman to get a hold of.” Albina stepped from around a hedge, appearing before Penelope as if by magic.
Penelope, her attention firmly focused ahead of her, jumped in fright. “Oh!” She spun about to find her cousin laughing gaily. “Albina! Was that on purpose?”
“Scaring the dress off you, you mean?” Albina grinned. “Maybe…”
Penelope rolled her eyes. “What are you doing, Albina? I thought you’d be… I don’t know. Socializing.” She waved her hand dismissively toward the garden party.
“I would have thought you’d be doing the same thing.”
“I am,” Penelope defended. “But as the host, I am not afforded the luxury of lingering and distraction. I need to work the guests, keep an eye on everything, make sure that nothing goes awry as these things tend to do.”
“Oh, is that what you are doing? Tucked away here in the corner…” She scoffed derisively. “To the laymen, it looked as if you were hiding.”
“I was most certainly not hiding.”
“As you need to tell yourself.”
Penelope glared at her cousin, while not willing to push the argument because she knew that she did not have a leg to stand on. I am indeed hiding… even if I am loathe to admit such a thing.
The garden party had been going now for several hours, and with the sun slowly starting to set so the sky was colored in dark shades of purple and red, soon it would be called to an end so the guests would have time to bathe and change for the evening ball.
Another hour or two and the first leg of this weekend would finally be over…
not that it was anywhere near being finished.
Penelope hated that she had been resigned to hiding in the back corners, doing everything she could to avoid being seen. And even if she was able to speak with the other guests and avoid Dorian, she did not take the risk because she worried that he would see her and then try and engage.
But that didn’t make nearly as much sense as she might have liked.
She could not avoid Dorian forever. And in truth, she did not want to. Despite her current feelings toward her husband, there was still that part of her which wanted to speak to him because Penelope could not fully reconcile herself with what had happened last night. She did not want to.
Deep inside of her, that gaping hole of emptiness still existed. That need to find a purpose, something to fill it with. It had been with her for months, the only time she felt it lessen was when she and Dorian had kissed…
Surely, that meant something. And she couldn’t just throw that away and pretend otherwise.
“At least Barbara is enjoying herself,” Penelope said to her cousin, smiling when she found Barbara across the garden.
“Thanks to your sisters,” Albina laughed. “They have certainly taken to her, haven’t they.”
“I asked that they keep an eye on her,” Penelope explained. “I just had no idea they would take the request so seriously.”
As of the moment, Barbara was surrounded by Alexandra, Margaret, and Evelina. The three women clung to Barbara’s side as if they were her guards, and even when the odd lord approached to introduce himself, they refused to leave her.
It brought Penelope much relief, because she saw too that Dorian was watching his sister closely, and she did not relish the idea of being with Barbara so that he could keep an eye on her. If he even cares to.
“Oh no…” Penelope groaned when she saw Alexandra forcing a glass of wine onto Barbara.
“What?”
She grimaced. “I promised Dorian that Barbara would not drink today. I probably should have told my sisters.”
In Barbara’s defense, she turned down the glass of wine at first. But Alexandra was insistent, and then Margaret snatched the glass and pretended to drink it unless Barbara took it back. The sisters laughed, Barbara laughed along, and then she took the glass of wine and had a sip.
And across the garden, Dorian stared, his brow tight with worry.
“Who is that young girl hanging off your husband’s side like a bad cold?” Albina asked, an edge to her voice. “And why does he allow it?”
Penelope knew who she was speaking of, which is why she forced herself not to find Dorian and the young woman. Whoever she was, she was far too young, far too pretty, and far too obsessed with her husband.
Not that I should care – I don’t care! He can speak to who he likes.
Try as she might to stop herself, Penelope found her gaze wandering and soon she was watching her husband closely.
A pang in her stomach when she noticed the young redhead, a hand rested on his arm, laughing at something that he said.
In Dorian’s defense, he didn’t look as if he was encouraging it, but he didn’t look as if he was dismissing it either.
“Who cares,” Penelope said, turning up her nose and looking away. “Dorian can speak to who he wants.”
Albina frowned. “Penelope… I thought that… after yesterday, it looked as if the two of you were –”
“Whatever you think you saw, you were wrong,” Penelope said harshly.
“But Joseph said –”
“Nothing I care to hear,” she cut over her.
Her cousin winced and Penelope’s expression softened.
“I am sorry, Albina. I did not mean to…” She grimaced.
“Dorian and I are… we are doing our best to present a united front for this weekend. But the reality is…” Her stomach twisted as she considered the truth of what she was about to say.
“We were estranged for three years and there was a good reason for that.” She looked at her husband once more, the sickness inside of her growing.
“And that isn’t going to change anytime soon. ”
The words made perfect sense but that stung to hear, and Penelope did not want to believe them. Not like she should have done.
What she wanted was for Dorian to approach her finally, to apologize, to explain himself and give her some sense of hope in an otherwise hopeless world. But as she was avoiding him today, he was doing the same for her. And that, paired with his actions last night, told her enough.
It was not something she wanted to admit, but the evidence was stacking up against her and as the hours wore on and as her husband continued to avoid her and as he did nothing to avoid that persistent young redhead…
Dorian felt nothing for her. Likely, he never would. And wishing differently would not change that. Thus, all Penelope could do was get through this weekend without incident and once she did that, go home and never look back.
As to what she would do about having the child? She still wanted it, of that she was certain. But for a time there she had wondered what it might be like to have the child and raise it with a husband by her side. Now that she knew that would never happen, she felt more hollow than she had before.
Would a child solve her woes? She wanted to believe as much, but it was getting harder to keep that feeling. And that was perhaps the saddest thing of all.
“Oh, Your Grace, that is too funny.” Henrietta laughed a little too loudly and clung to Dorian’s arm as if her life depended on it. “I had no idea you were so witty.”
Dorian frowned at the young woman. “I do not mean to be.”
“It just comes naturally then,” she continued, laughing all the while.
“Yes, I…” He looked about them, searching for Lord Kenbrook. “Do you know where your father has gotten himself to?”
“No idea.”
“Perhaps we should find him.”
“There is no need,” she said, fluttering her eyelashes as she did. “I am quite capable of looking after myself. I am not a little girl, Your Grace.”
“I did not say that you were.”
“Good.” She squeezed his arm tightly. “Just so long as you know.”
What is this woman playing at! Well, I know the answer to that. But that does not solve the problem. In fact, it only makes it worse.
The day was coming to an end, and Dorian could not have looked more forward to the fact.
Where he had done his duty as host and moved through the garden for the past few hours, sure to speak to every guest in attendance, he was finding it next to impossible to remove Miss Henrietta Wood from his side.
He could do so, of course, if needed. A rude word spoken and he was certain she would get the message. But he hoped it would not come to that, as he did not wish to upset her, for that would likely anger her father who Dorian did not want to find himself on the wrong side of. For obvious reasons.
Rather, he resigned himself to the very real fact that Henrietta was going nowhere. At best, he would do well to avoid her once the ball started tonight… and then for the rest of the weekend, if possible.
“Tell me of your brother,” Dorian asked the young lady, figuring that he might as well put the woman to good use if she was going to be hanging off him like this.
“Oh. What would you like to know?”
“Is he kind?” Dorian asked. As he spoke, he looked around them, making sure that they were not being watched too closely.
The party was busy, most people in the area looked like they were engaged, and thankfully he and Henrietta had found themselves mostly covered by a row of hedges.
“Is he… a decent sort? I confess, I know little about him.”
“He is lovely,” she assured him. “Truly, I count myself lucky to have him as an older brother. And any young woman should be glad to find him at the center of his attention.”
“Is that so…”
“It is,” she said with a flirtatious smile. “I noticed that he and your sister were getting along rather well. Would you like me to put in a good word? I do not mind.”
Dorian frowned at the response. Although it was exactly what he wanted to hear, it sounded a little too… rehearsed. As if she was saying what she knew she must. No doubt her father was as eager for the match as Dorian. But were his intentions pure? Knowing Lord Kenbrook, highly unlikely.
“Perhaps we should find him?” Dorian suggested, trying to peel his arm free. “Do you know where –”
“Later, Your Grace,” she purred, keeping him in her clutches. “We have all weekend. And besides, I was rather enjoying your company.” Again, she fluttered her eyelashes.
Dorian suppressed a groan.
Desperate not to encourage Henrietta, he made sure not to pay her any attention, widening his gaze across the garden party as he searched for his sister.
He found her quickly, hovering by the stage where the orchestra were playing.
A smile touched his lips to see her laughing with Penelope’s sisters, crying out as they tried to drag her forward so she might dance with them.
She had changed so much these past few weeks. Still shy. Still nervous around crowds. It was amazing how she opened up when she was with people whom she felt comfortable around.
It gave Dorian hope for this weekend. He had been with her when she’d met with Nicholas Wood, not the most promising start as both were so darn awkward. But she had not shied away, and with his help the two had managed a brief conversation.
Will it lead anywhere? I suppose that time will tell.
There were other suitors who had approached Barbara today also, and Dorian had met with each of them. Thankfully, he was not required to be by her side when each spoke to her, because Penelope’s sisters had made sure to offer her support.
He would need to thank them when he got the chance. He would also need to thank Penelope…
Despite his best efforts, Dorian searched next for his wife, unable to find her in the crowd. She was avoiding him, he was sure. Or perhaps he was the one avoiding her?
They would need to talk soon.
He still did not know what he would say when they did. His first thought was to apologize, but he dismissed that quickly because he wasn’t so certain that he should.
What was he apologizing for? For kissing her, or for ending it so abruptly?
The kiss had caught him by surprise, not intended, but he’d acted on pure instinct and desire that had shocked him as much as it must have her.
Taken by her beauty, reminded of the past few days and how close they had grown together, he hadn’t been able to control himself.
Dammit, he wanted to kiss her – he wanted more than that!
Alas, it was as their lips touched that he came back into himself and realized the mistake he made… the inevitable doom that was sure to follow from the simple kiss.
This weekend was about his sister. His entire life! Everything he did was for her and until he knew that she was taken care of, he could not become distracted with anything else.
Even that felt like an excuse that was starting to wear thin.
The same excuse he had been using for years now.
When he first married Penelope, he had left not because he disliked her or wanted nothing to do with her, but because he did not think he could be married and look after his sister at the same time.
He chose Barbara over himself, and not until last night had that singular excuse been called into question.
It has always been Barbara. My own happiness, my own future put on hold. But when Penelope’s lips touched my own, I felt… I felt as if I have missed out on something.
To admit that one has been wrong this whole time is no easy thing to do. And that was why Dorian struggled the way he was. Better to ignore that truth and carry on as he had been doing. Easier too.
The garden party was almost finished, and Dorian knew that he would not find the time today to speak with Penelope – another excuse he clung to.
Tonight at the ball… how long could he avoid her for?
Surely, they would need to talk sooner, rather than later?
For the sake of the weekend, if nothing more.
Dorian did not fully understand himself or what he wanted. And for that reason, he had no idea what he might say to Penelope when he finally got the chance. A moment of divine inspiration was what he required or, barring that, a moment of bravery.
To finally stop lying to himself for a damn change. Deep down, he knew what he wanted. But to admit such a thing… No, I am not ready for that. Not by far.