Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
The manor felt emptier than it ever had.
It had nothing to do with the scores of guests finally going home either, even if that would have been an easy excuse to swallow. No… the reason it felt so empty, so hallow and lonely, was because Penelope was no longer there.
I made a terrible mistake. From start to finish, every instinct I’ve had was wrong and this here is my reward. And now that I realize it, I can’t help but wonder if I am too late…
Dorian found himself standing alone in Penelope’s bedroom.
He stood staring at her bed, her inside squirming with guilt and longing and all bad things.
He could still smell her. He could still feel her presence around him.
She was gone from this home, from his life, but in his conscience she remained.
“Dorian…” Barbara’s voice spoke softly from behind him.
He turned to find his sister lingering in the doorway. She looked as sad as he had ever seen her, and he knew the reason why. “Oh, I didn’t hear you come in…” He tried for a smile but it died on his lips.
Barbara approached him carefully, the sadness growing. “I thought I’d find you here.”
He chuckled bitterly. “Am I that obvious?”
“You miss her, don’t you.” She took his hand and gave it a kiss. “You can tell me, even if you can’t admit it to yourself.”
“It has only been two days,” Dorian said as if that mattered. “Besides, I hardly knew her. How can I miss that which I did not even know.”
“You know that is not true.”
“It is.”
He was hurting more than he wanted to admit.
More than he knew he was capable of doing.
How was such a thing possible? As he said, he hardly knew Penelope.
Not really. Not as well as he should have.
Married for three years, but it was only a few weeks that they had even known one another.
The effect of her going home should not have hit him so hard.
Dorian forced a smile, not wanting his sister to worry. “I’m glad that you are feeling better,” he said to her.
“I am,” she said, looking as if she meant it. “In fact, that is what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh?”
Her smile grew. “It concerns what we spoke about the other day, by Mother’s gravestone.
I have been doing some thinking and, considering everything – for so long, I hid myself away.
Terrified of the world and why? Because one man thought to ruin it for me?
” She scoffed. “Lord Kenbrook is not worth the amount of pain he brought me.”
Dorian snarled. “No, he is not.”
“And you were right,” she continued. “It is time that I re-enter society. I am sick of being afraid. But more than that, I am sick of being alone.”
“Alone? Dorian winced at the words as if they were personal. “Barbara, you were never – I will always be here for you. You know this.”
“As you know that’s not what I meant. I know you love me, but you can’t look after me forever. Nor should you. I need to go out on my own, Brother. What is more, I want to.”
“You do?”
“Surprised?” she laughed.
He forced a smile. “Glad, is perhaps a better word to use.”
That was a lie.
Dorian knew he should have felt relief to hear his sister’s word.
This was what he always wanted. This was his purpose.
But that was also the point. With this purpose fulfilled, what would he do with himself now?
Who was he if not his sister’s protector?
It was a fear that had plagued him this past week, ignored and fought against, now wreaking havoc with his conscience in a way that was all too predictable.
And once Barbara leaves me, I will truly be alone. Not something I ever feared before, but that which now terrifies me.
Although he knew too that it wasn’t so much being alone that scared him, as it was having no reason to live.
“I am happy for you,” he said, needing to emphasize the point. “Truly, Barbara. Nobody deserves it more than you.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” she said with a coy smile. “I can think of one person…” As she trailed off, she raised a knowing eyebrow.
He scoffed. “I am perfectly happy.”
“Liar.”
“I am!” he cried lamely. “What reason do I have to not be happy?”
“I can think of one.” She kept that eyebrow raised. “And before you lie to me again, remind me what you are doing in here? This room of all those in the house? Staring at an empty bed as if the world is crashing down around you?”
“I…” He grimaced. “Was just making sure that nothing was left behind.”
She scoffed. “You miss her.”
“I told you that I do not.”
“And I told you I do not believe you.”
Despite himself, Dorian rose to anger. “And so what if you don’t? What does it matter – what difference does it make! Even if you were correct, it is too late now, Barabra. She is gone, and for good reason. Lamenting the fact won’t change that.”
“Good reason?” Barbara scoffed again, this time folding her arms across her chest. “And what good reason is that? Please, tell me, so I can drop the topic and never raise it again.”
Dorian opened his mouth to tell her why – to stop her pestering because he wanted this topic done with. But he realized as soon as he did that Barbara was the one person who he couldn’t tell, as she was the reason all this had happened. Not that I blame her. That is saved for someone else…
He still meant to make Lord Kenbrook pay for what he had done. And he might have done so already, had he not been so preoccupied with his sorrow.
Really, all of this, everything that had happened, could be lain at Lord Kenbrook’s feet.
He was the reason that Barbara had spent so much of her life in hiding.
He was the reason that Dorian had given up his own life to look after his sister.
And he was the reason that Dorian had decided not to pursue a further relationship with Penelope, for fear of what Lord Kenbrook would do.
Only now… Dorian considered for the first time if he need worry about such a thing.
Lord Kenbrook was the villain here, and if the world was to hear about what he had done then it would not matter what rumors he thought to spread.
In fact, if Dorian made it known to Lord Kenbrook that he was aware of the repugnant lord’s actions, that might even be enough to force him into silence…
And if that was to happen, then what worry would I have about Penelope’s reputation?
It was subtle, but for the first time, there was a fluttering deep inside his soul that felt suspiciously like hope.
“Would you like that?” Dorian asked softly, not daring to look at his sister because he did not want her to see the smile forming behind his eyes. “If I was to... if Penelope and I…”
“What sort of question is that?” Barbara cried.
“Of course I would like that! Dorian….” She took both his hands and forced him to look at her.
“I know why you have looked after me all this time – and not because you felt that I needed it, even if that was part of the reason. But because you needed it too. You were there for me as I was there for you, but you must know that you don’t have to be there for me any longer.
” Her smile grew and it reached her eyes. “I don’t need you like I once did.”
“But what if you can’t find someone?” he asked, almost wanting her to confirm that she might not. “What if you try and fail and…”
She laughed. “And what? End up alone and miserable like you? Maybe I will, maybe I will not. But it is not your concern. Not anymore. Please understand that where all you have ever wanted is for me to be happy, that is all I have ever wanted for you. I only wish I told you sooner.”
A smile crept in at the side of Dorian’s lips. It started from his heart, swelling through his body, and soon his face was taken with it.
Funny that he had never thought of it like that before. That all these years, he had focused only on Barbara’s happiness with no concern for his own. That he had never considered that his own sense of well-being might be linked to his sister’s. That she would want that for him.
“Now, tell me,” she said. “If you were with Penelope right now – if she came back. Would that make you happy?”
“It would,” he admitted, knowing it to be the truth.
“Then what is stopping you?”
The answer to that was a simple thing, as there was but one impediment standing between himself and Penelope. One man, a twisted and evil creature who was long over-due being given his comeuppance. And in this instance, Dorian could not wait to do it.
He would go see Lord Kenbrook. He would make it known that he was not to be blackmailed or threatened – that for what he did, he would pay. And once that message was given, once Penelope’s reputation was safe, he would tell her once and for all how he felt.
As to how he felt? For the first time, Dorian knew the answer and was willing to admit it. He loved her, and what was more, he was certain that she loved him too.