11. Chapter 11
Chapter 11
R osina was unsure how to tell James that she was almost certain she loved him, too, but that she couldn’t bear the thought of admitting it and then living a life in fear that she would lose him. She believed suffering from that pain would be far worse than the pain of walking away from him.
Before she could answer him, a young boy appeared in the room, followed by another, who looked almost identical to the first.
“What are you boys doing up?” James asked.
The boys stepped further into the room and closed the door behind them. “We couldn’t sleep.”
Once she got a better look at them, she saw how both boys also looked very similar to James. It would be undeniable to anyone that the trio were brothers.
“Come here, boys,” James said, waving them over. He placed an arm around each of their shoulders. “Boys, I’d like you to meet Lady Preston.” He shifted his attention to Rosina, and an amused expression played on his lips. “These scamps are my brothers, William and Walter.”
They each gave her a quick bow.
“I’m pleased to meet the both of you,” she replied. “You must have had quite the journey to seek out your brother.”
“Are you married, Lady Preston?” Walter asked. “It’s not proper for you to be in our brother’s chamber when you are married.”
She wouldn’t point out that it wasn’t proper for her to be in their brother’s chamber at all. Rosina drew a deep breath. “I was married before. But he died three years ago.”
Walter frowned. “I’m sorry, my lady. You must be very sad and miss him. We still miss our mama and papa very much.”
“I’m also very sorry about your mother and father. It’s a fortunate thing that you have your brother.” She already adored the earnest, charming boys. She could see so much of James in them and the influence he had in ensuring they were loved and cared for.
“We are returning home together tomorrow,” William said. “James said we can live with him and not return to school.”
She eyed them curiously. “Why wouldn’t you wish to return to school? Did something happen?”
“We would rather be with James,” Walter said, answering for his brother.
Rosina wasn’t certain that was the right choice for the boys, nor if James would wish to have her opinion on the matter. “Did you not enjoy school?”
“Oh, we did, very much,” Walter said. “We made so many friends, and our teachers have said we are excelling in all our studies. The food there isn’t as good as Cook’s, but it’s still quite good. We still get to ride when we want and play various sports with the other boys.”
They seemed to enjoy school, so their desire to leave made little sense to her. She caught James’ gaze, and he only wore a frown.
“Then why ever would you wish to return home?” Rosina asked. “It sounds as if you are doing quite well, indeed.”
William opened his mouth to speak but hesitated. Rosina moved to the settee and encouraged the boys to come and sit with her. She had always enjoyed children and had longed to have her own. It surprised her when the boys followed her so quickly, each taking a seat on either side of her.
James took a seat in the chair across from them, appearing just as surprised as she was based on how wide his eyes were, watching the scene unfold.
They sat in silence for a few moments before William finally spoke. “I’m afraid something will happen to James if we aren’t here.”
“Because of what happened to your parents?” she asked softly.
He nodded and gave a small sniffle.
She shifted her attention to Walter. “And are you also afraid?”
Walter contemplated her question. “A little bit. Not as much as William is, but I don’t want anything to happen to James. He’s all we have left.”
Rosina glanced at James and saw that his eyes had become watery, and he gripped the armrests of the chair to fight his emotion. She was almost certain she was overstepping her place, but it was clear that the trio needed a bit of help to move past the matter and help the boys see they needed to be in school.
“I can tell you adore your brother dearly, as I am sure he does you. But you can’t live your life in fear of the things you can’t control. That wouldn’t be a life worth living.” She contemplated her own words, and her heart swelled. “Your parents would want you to live a full life, and that includes going to school and making friends. And one day you’ll take wives, and you’ll settle into your own homes.” For the first time, she almost understood why Ry had told her what he did, pleaded with her even, and why he wished for her to find happiness again.
The boys appeared to truly ponder what she said as their brows furrowed and unfurrowed.
She continued, “You will still see your brother for holidays and summers, and if you need him to visit you, I am sure he will do so. Perhaps you might even write him a letter now and then.” She hunched down and pretended that she was whispering, even though she intended for James to hear her. “He was quite a mess waiting for a letter to arrive from you two.”
William jerked his head towards James. “Is that true, Brother?”
James just nodded, still fighting to keep himself together in front of them all. “Mm-hm.”
Walter leaned forward to get William’s attention. “I think we should go back to school.”
“I do, too,” William replied, then looked at James again. “Is that all right, Brother? Can we still go back to school after all, if we promise we will write to you each week?”
James grinned, and it warmed Rosina’s full heart. “Of course. I’ll expect those letters, though.”
Unexpectedly, the boys each wrapped their arms around her. She patted them as best as she could with her arms pinned.
“Are you going to marry James?” William asked. “We heard him ask you.”
“I…uh…I’m uncertain.” She also wasn’t certain what to say or how she felt about the matter. The advice she had given to the boys could directly apply to herself, but could she throw caution to the wind and give her heart to James?
“Don’t you love him?” Walter asked.
“Boys,” James called out in warning.
Walter ignored his brother’s warning. “If you married James, you wouldn’t have to be sad about your first husband any longer.” If only it were that simple.
“And James wouldn’t be so lonely waiting for our letters,” William added. “And you could keep an eye on him and make sure he’s safe.”
She put her arms around each of them, finding that the two boys were quite easy to become attached to. “Are you trying to say that you wish for me to marry your brother?”
“Yes!” the boys said in unison.
“Boys,” James said, rising from his seat. “I won’t have you pressuring the lady to marry me. If she does so, it will be because of her own choice. Now let’s get you two back to bed so I might discuss the matter with her privately.”
He waved them to him. They each gave Rosina a quick hug before they followed their brother to the door. James glanced back over his shoulder at her. “Wait here. Please.”
It was her chance. She could escape to her chamber and lock her door and never have to face him again if she wished. But she didn’t want to. And that revelation was enough to aid in her choice to stay. To see if she might overcome her own fear.
James returned a few moments later and locked the door behind him after he entered.
“I’m really sorry about that,” he said, crossing the room to take a seat beside her on the settee.
“Don’t be. They are wonderful boys.”
He took her hand in his. “They adore you. I can’t say I blame them.”
The silence hung between them for a few moments until he finally spoke again. “Why did you say no to my offer?”
“I’m afraid.” It was the simplest, truest answer.
He pulled her closer and moved his arm around her. She noted how she wasn’t even tempted to move away and instead sank into him, absorbing all the love that radiated from his touch.
“What are you afraid of, sweetheart?”
“Everything,” she whispered. “I’m afraid that the more of my heart I give to you that it will completely erase the memory of Ry. And I’m afraid that you will be upset that I could love you and still have days where I miss him. He wasn’t just my husband, James, he was my best friend. As much as I know I can’t control such things, I’m also afraid I will allow myself to love you completely and then you will be taken away from me, too.”
James cupped both of her cheeks with his hands. Tears streamed down them and were caught by his thumbs. “I would never ask you to forget about him or the part of your life that you shared. I’m not so insecure in my affection for you that I don’t understand the complexity of the matter. Loving him made you the woman that I love. I just hope you will allow us a chance at happiness, and perhaps make some room in your heart to love me, too.”
She began to cry, and he pulled her against him, holding her so lovingly that it only made her weep harder. “I do love you, James,” she sobbed into his coat.
He rubbed her back and let her cry. “I’m sorry I broke our rules, but I’m not sorry that I fell in love with you,” he said softly. When she sat up to look at him through her lashes, he wiped her eyes for her. “Does that mean you will marry me?”
She drew a deep breath and told herself to be the bold woman she had always been and go after what she wanted. And what she wanted was to be married to the man before her. To bear his children and to care for his sweet little brothers who needed their love and guidance.
“Yes.”
He picked her up and set her in his lap before kissing her with such intensity she believed he feared he might never have the chance to do so again. She returned his kiss with the same need, hoping to convey everything she felt for him at that moment.
When he broke the kiss, he held her tight and pressed his forehead to hers. “Will you depart with me tomorrow?”
“Tongues will wag if I do so.”
“Let them say a word about it. They will live to regret it when I cut each and every one of them and have everyone we know do the same.”
She laughed. “Glad to know you haven’t gone completely soft from love, Duke. There are times when I certainly prefer you to be the commanding duke, Your Grace.”
Dark desire flashed across his handsome visage, and she knew he understood her meaning. He quickly unbuttoned his falls to release himself and then shifted her so that she straddled him, his cock protruding proudly between them. Raising her skirts, he began working his hands between her thighs.
“Take all of my cock, my future duchess.”
If his fingers hadn’t already made her more than ready for him, his words certainly would have. He lifted her and helped her slide down on top of him. He released a low groan when she was fully seated, and she reveled in the effect she had on him.
She rocked her hips hard against him. Placing her hands behind her on his knees, she leaned back so she pleasured them both from a different angle. It was met with approval from the way he bucked and growled beneath her, gripping her hips to aid in moving her faster.
He shifted one of his hands to her breasts, lowering the neckline of her dress so they each hung out of the front, bobbing with each of her movements to ride his shaft. He massaged her right breast and gave her nipple a gentle squeeze.
She was so close to her release, each time she seated herself on him, she brought herself closer to the brink of ecstasy.
“Love, I am so close…” he ground out, his words low and gravelly.
“Do you wish for me to stop?” she asked, slowing her movements.
“Not anymore,” he replied quickly.
She leaned forward and kissed him, sweeping her tongue into his mouth. Then she pulled back so they were nose to nose. “I don’t either.”
“If I release inside of you, there is no backing out. You are marrying me,” he said, gripping her hips again. She loved how her skin heated everywhere he touched her.
“Nothing could stop me,” she said, increasing the speed of her hips.
“I love you so much,” he said between breaths.
She rocked against him in a steady rhythm. “I love you, too, James.”
He groaned, his breathing ragged, and he thrust upwards into her.
The first wave of her orgasm hit her, and she clenched and slowed to drag out every second as it expanded to send pulses through her entire body. James gripped her hips and held her down against him as he pumped into her, moaning her name as he filled her with his seed.
She slumped against him, tired and sated from the exertion, placing soft kisses on his jaw before burying her face in his neck.
James lovingly wrapped his arms around her. “Is there anything you wish to command me to do, my future wife?”
She thought for a moment and then nuzzled her nose against his chin. “You will allow me to sleep in your bed tonight and to depart with you tomorrow.”
Pulling herself up so she could face him, she found that he was smirking at her.
“That’s my good little minx.”