Chapter 14
Contrary to how she felt the previous evening when she went to sleep, Sophia woke up in a flurry of excitement… well, perhaps not a flurry, but she was certainly more eager for the day than she had expected. And it had everything to do with her new life.
Once, her life had been structured down to the minute.
Her parents had kept a strict control of everything that she did, forcing their idea of a perfect routine onto her because they wished to raise the perfect lady.
She no long had to worry about such things, able to do as she pleased and when she pleased it.
“Good morning, Your Ladyship,” Mary greeted as she entered the bedroom. She hummed softly as she drifted across the room, making for the thick curtains that blotted out the morning sun. “How did you sleep?”
“Wonderfully,” Sophia lied.
“I am glad to hear it,” Mary answered. “I have already arranged for a bath to be made for you, after which breakfast will be served, if it suits you.”
Sophia very nearly agreed. After all, that was how her day always went. She would spend it bathing, then she would dress in a prechosen outfit, and only once she was presentable would she appear to break her fast. But this morning…
“Actually, Mary.” A thrill shot through Sophia as she considered what she wanted to do. “I think I will break my fast first and then have a bath.”
“Oh?” Mary threw the curtains open, allowing the soft light to stream through. “Are you sure, Your Ladyship?”
“Quite sure,” Sophia responded as her heart raced.
It was such a small thing, but she felt like it was a step forward of unmeasurable proportions.
What’s more, as this was her home, and she did not have to worry about what others thought of her, she decided to wear her shift to the breakfast room.
With a robe, of course, because she was not quite so daring to appear downstairs dressed so poorly.
But her hair was a mess. Her eyes were puffy. Likely, she smelled a little and her skin was certainly oily.
What would my mother say if she saw me now? What would my father say, for that matter?
The thrill took hold and she could not stop grinning as she made her way downstairs and toward the breakfast room. Unfortunately, it was once she stepped inside that her good mood plummeted.
“Good morning.” The Duke was sitting at the head of the table. He saw her walk in, his eyes roamed her, a smirk took his lips, and he went back to his plate of food. “I see you’ve made yourself right at home.”
She gawked stupidly, half-moving her hands to cover herself. Sophia’s first thought was to turn and run back upstairs, but she resisted the urge, not wanting to give in so quickly. Also, she wanted to prove that she had what it took to change.
“I thought I would bathe after I ate,” she said as she walked into the room, heading for a seat at the end of the table. “I hope that is fine with you.”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” he said absently, his attention on the morning paper open before him.
“No reason,” she said with more casualness than she was feeling. Her heart was racing, and she felt embarrassed to be seen like this. “I just wished to let you know why I am not properly dressed.”
“I did not notice.”
She frowned at the Duke, certain he was making fun. “It is proper to bathe and clean oneself before eating. I was always told –”
“By your parents,” he cut her off as he looked up. His eyes smiled at her, and she knew that he was mocking her. “Not by me. As I told you, now that we are married, you can do as you wish. Why, you could have turned up nude and I would not have blinked an eye.”
Her eyes widened and she looked away. “I would never… that is absurd.”
“Joking,” he chuckled. “Just joking.” She was still not looking at him, doing her best to find composure, but she could feel his eyes searching her across the table.
Just as she could sense the smirk on his lips.
“I am happy for you, Sophia. This little rebellion you are demonstrating, it is a good start.”
“It is not a rebellion,” she muttered.
“I was, however, hoping for something a little more…” He clicked his tongue. “Outgoing. When I told you that you would be free to act as you felt like, I pictured more than your refusal to bathe before meals.”
For some reason, this comment angered Sophia. She felt it like a fire catching inside of her, and she snapped her head up and glared at him. “It is still early, Your Grace –”
“Gabriel,” he corrected her.
“Excuse me?”
“Call me Gabriel, please. We are man and wife, no. And it is proper. Although…” His smile grew. “I suppose calling me Gabriel would defeat the purpose of being different, wouldn’t it? By calling me Your Grace, you are acting out in ways that are truly shocking.” He laughed and shook his head.
Her eyes narrowed. “Just you wait and see.”
He sighed, closed the paper, and stood. “I wait to be surprised. Truly, as good of a beginning as this is, I hope it is just that, because the end is what I cannot wait for.” He looked her over, delight shining in his eyes, and then he walked down the table and from the room.
Sophia exhaled the moment he was gone, and she found that she was shaking. She told herself that it was anger which did it, brought about by her husband’s dismal of her. Not that she should care what he thought! Even if she knew that she did.
What was more, the anger that she felt wasn’t really for Gabriel -- as she now forced herself to think of him -- it was herself who she was angry with.
I am so stupid, thinking that something as simple as delaying my bath was in the least bit rebellious. I wanted freedom. I have freedom. Now, it is time that I do something about it.
Easy to say, harder to do. And for the rest of her breakfast, Sophia ate in silence, contemplating what her day would look like and how she might break free of the chains that she was so used to wearing.
Ordinarily, once Sophia was finished breaking her fast, her parents would allow her an hour of ‘free time’ where she could do as she wished… within reason, of course. Sophia always read during this time, a book of her choice, outside under the shade of a tree. Today would be different.
Or rather, it was meant to be different.
Sadly, once Sophia ate, and then bathed herself as she promised that she would do, she found that she could not think of an activity to occupy herself with.
She walked the halls of the manor alone, giving herself a small tour, finding within the hour that she had been everywhere and seen everything of note.
Her hand shook with the desperation to find a good book to read. The manor had its own library, and oh how she wished to browse those shelves, find a new novel, and then perch herself under a tree. It was calling to her.
Is it such a bad thing to want to read? Why should I be ashamed of what I enjoy? I can do as I wish, so why not do it?
It took much convincing, but eventually, Sophia found herself in the library, she then selected a book of interest, and soon after she was outside, sitting under a tree – it would not do to burn her skin – and reading as she always did.
And honestly, it felt good to do. It felt right. Did she really have to act out to prove that she had changed? Was it not more about doing what she wanted, rather than what she was told?
She read for an hour… possibly two. The fact that there was no time limit made it feel like its own sort of rebellion. And she might have read for longer than that, was it not for Gabriel.
As she read, she felt that distinct sense that someone was watching her. She looked up and found Gabriel standing by the back door looking at her. She furrowed her brow when she saw him, and he simply shook his head, chuckled to himself, and walked inside.
Sophia should have continued to read after that, just to prove that he had no effect on her. Only, he did. For reasons that she refused to consider, she wanted to prove to Gabriel that she was capable of rebellion.
And I am! I can rebel anytime I like. But I am not going to do so just for the sake of it. That would be foolish and even dangerous.
She closed her book with a sigh… only for her eyes to drift across the garden to the stables.
It was a lovely day, and she could go for a ride if she liked.
Alone, too, which her parents would never allow.
She licked her lips as she eyed the stable, she felt her legs shake and her pulse quicken.
The urge was there… but she could not bring herself to follow through on the desire.
It was dangerous to ride alone, especially in a place she had never been before. Better to wait until she had company. Not because she had to, but because she wanted to. Yes.
Later that same day, Sophia found herself wandering the halls again, and she was relieved when her maid, Mary appeared from around the corner, if for no other reason than it was someone to speak with.
“Your Grace,” Mary greeted with a smile that was warm. “Wonderful, I was just searching for you.”
“You were?”
“Yes, Your Grace.” She came to a stop. “His Grace sent me to find you, is why.”
“Oh…” Her shoulders slumped. “Did he now?”
“He wished for me to remind you that there is a pianoforte in the music room, and he thought you might wish to play. He knows how much you enjoy it.”
For a moment, Sophia’s heart fluttered. On first inspection, she thought that Gabriel’s offer was a kindness shown, as if he was worried about her and wished to make certain that she was settling in. But she was quickly dissuaded of such folly, realizing that this was a test.
He didn’t think that she was capable of change. He did not think that she was capable of freedom. He thought that the moment she saw a chance to fall into old rhythms, she would take it. That she really was as boring as he seemed to suspect.
“I thank you for letting me know,” she said rightly. “But I am not in the mood right now…” She was. Oh, how she yearned to play. “Perhaps another time.”