Chapter 21 #2
“I am sorry, Sophia, for what I said and how I have behaved. You might not want to forgive me, but please know that I mean every word.”
Sophia studied her husband.
She looked at him. Really looked. From his sunken shoulders to his miserable pout to the pain behind his eyes.
As hard as her week had been, she saw now that his had been the same.
Yes, words were said, and yes, she had been right to be angry about them.
But that he was apologizing… it was more than she thought he was capable of.
That he had saved her life certainly didn’t hurt either.
Besides, Sophia had to admit that her husband was not entirely to blame. As confused as he was, she was just as much, and that had borne out in the way she’d acted.
“I suppose I must apologize also,” she said.
He frowned. “You have nothing to –”
“This marriage has been confusing for both of us,” she powered over him.
Then, she wrapped her spare hand over his.
“Neither of us knew what to expect, nor did we know how to act. It has muddied the water, leaving us both to kick and push just to keep our heads from sinking…” She smiled, and he smiled back.
“I am far from perfect, and my actions have reflected that.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“But I did nothing right either,” she countered. “If that makes sense,” she laughed. “Maybe it does not, but that hardly seems to matter. I am new to all of this, Gabriel, as are you, so it makes sense that there are growing pains.”
“Growing pains?”
“As we learn what this marriage is and what it might be… I mean, just two weeks ago, I was still living with my parents, the perfect daughter who would never dream of arguing or stepping out of line. I would certainly have never gone for a ride through the storm on my own.” She rolled her eyes at herself.
“And now… if I am being honest, I am still confused, still unsure. But I am getting better. More used to the possibilities this marriage presents.”
He chuckled. “Your playing has improved, at least.”
She rolled her eyes at him this time. “Your honesty still needs some work, but it is getting better.”
“I want to get better, Sophia,” he said earnestly. “And more than that…” He hesitated as he bit into his lip. She saw the argument pass behind his eyes as he came to a decision. “I want this marriage to work.”
Her heart started to batter against her chest. “What do you mean, work?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “But hiding from one another, being afraid to say what we mean…” A shake of the head. “That is doomed to failure. I am thinking, let us make a new pact. A pact of honesty.”
“And what does this pact look like?”
“No more lies,” he said. “We speak what is on our mind. If we do that, eventually, we are sure to figure out what we both want. What is best for both of us.”
Sophia’s pulse was racing. And her hand burned where he held it. She took a few deep breaths as Gabriel looked into her eyes, and with the crackle of the fire, the silence that surrounded them both, a moment passed between them that was rife with tension.
“What we…” She swallowed. “… want…”
For this entire week, Sophia had known what she wanted – that being, nothing to do with Gabriel, because he wanted nothing to do with her. Perhaps not the most elegant solution to her problems, but the one she needed to save herself from getting hurt.
Now, and once again, things had changed.
She doubted that he knew exactly how he felt, and she doubted that he was anywhere near ready to admit it. But that he was willing to try, and that she could see how honest he was being, was more than enough. For now, anyway.
This marriage was far from over… and that thought made her smile in ways that she thought were lost to her.
“Deal,” she said softly. “Honesty, from here on out.”
He smiled and she could see the weight of the moment fall from his shoulders. He still held her hand, squeezing it tight. And as he looked down at her, the flames reflecting in his eyes, she felt something else pass between them. Something… deeper, more personal, and real for the first time.
They stared at one another in silence.
The tension grew rapidly.
Sophia’s pulse raced, her breathing quickened, and her eyes flicked from Gabriel to his lips and back to his eyes. He licked his own lips, she felt herself leaning forward. It was not how she expected this night to go, but now that she was here…
“I should be getting to bed.” Gabriel snatched his hand way.
“Oh…” she started and gasped.
“I…” Gabriel winced. “Thank you, for listening to me. Indulging me, more like,” he laughed.
“And thank you for your honesty,” she said back. “And for saving me.”
“Thank Marcus,” he said with humor.
“I will be sure to seek him out,” she responded dryly.
He smiled and another tense moment passed. This time, Gabriel broke it quickly by dropping his head and walking around her. Sophia was glad to see him go, feeling that it was for the best, while a part of her was upset, because for a moment there, it felt like…
No, that is too much to hope for. I am not even sure I want it… not yet, at least.
Once Gabriel was gone, Sophia was quick to return to her room and then her bed and, as expected, she fell asleep almost immediately.
For the first time all week, she looked forward to tomorrow and what it might bring, but more than that, she looked forward to seeing her husband.
Deep within her consciousness, that which guided her to a peaceful night of sleep, she knew that he looked forward to seeing her too.