Chapter 23
“What shall we do tomorrow?” Sophia asked Gabriel.
“You’re asking?” He raised an eyebrow at her. “Now, isn’t that a surprise.”
“And what does that mean?” Sophia knew that he was just making fun, but that did not stop her from scowling at him as if she was upset.
“Just that in my experience, you don’t tend to ask. You simply…” He reached for his glass of wine and took a long sip, letting the silence build. Once he swallowed, he smacked his lips and set the glass down. “… do as you please, consequences be damned.”
She blew through her lips. “Just living my life as it pleases me.”
“A little too freely, if you ask me.”
“Is that right?” She looked at him with derision. “I thought you would have been pleased.”
“Who says that I am not?”
“You did, just now.”
“No,” he said calmly. “All I did was point out how rambunctious you have become. Doing as you want, acting how you wish, caring not for others as you do it.” A casual shrug. “Someone is getting carried away with themselves.”
“I am not!”
He laughed and had another mouthful of wine. “I did not say it is a bad thing. Just pointing it out…” Gabriel winked at her.
Sophia pretended to glare at her husband, as if his words upset her. She knew he was only joking, just as she knew how much he enjoyed seeing her act this way.
It had been so for a full week now, since that rather ill-judged afternoon where she went for that ride through the storm.
At the time, it was done to prove a point, needing to remind herself that she was capable of living her own life and that nobody could tell her what to do.
Of course, she probably should have listened to the stableboy when he warned her, just as she should have listened to her own common sense screaming at her to turn around before she hurt herself.
Not all actions were without consequence, and that was a lesson learned the hard way.
That does not mean all consequences are bad, however. Yes, I very nearly hurt myself, and yes I might have even died. But the result has made the danger worth it, and should the same situation arise again, I would not hesitate to do exactly as I did.
She and Gabriel were finally in a good place.
Dammit, Sophia was in a good place. Before this, all talks of freedom had felt forced, said because she felt she had to, not because she had believed it.
When she and Gabriel were fighting, she had felt like a prisoner still, trapped in a marriage she did not want with a man who wanted nothing to do with her.
Now… well, things were decidedly different. They were better.
“I was thinking I might go for another ride,” she said simply, after which she picked up her own glass of wine and had a purposeful sip. “To the edges of the estate at the very least.”
“The weather should be fair tomorrow,” Gabriel said.
“I would not care either way.”
He rolled his eyes. “And you expect me to save you again. Is that right?”
“Who says I will need saving.”
“I have seen you ride,” he noted with a wry smile. “Even if the weather is fine, I doubt you will make it more than five hundred yards before you fall and hurt – I am joking,” he hurried when he saw the outraged look on her face. “Just a joke.”
“Keep joking,” she warned him. “I was going to invite you on this ride, but now I am not so sure I want you there.”
“Oh no.”
“That’s right. How does it feel?”
“Like a knife shoved right through my heart.”
They were seated at the dining room table as they waited for their supper to be served. They ate together every night now, such a commonality by this stage that there was no need to ask each evening if they would be. It was simply assumed.
Importantly, this was not a routine that Sophia felt she had to stick to. If she wanted, she could eat whenever she wished, with whomever she felt like. And Gabriel knew this to be true. He encouraged it.
Rather, Sophia ate supper with her husband because she wanted to spend time with him. What was more, he wanted to spend time with her too.
Gabriel sat at the head of the table, and Sophia sat to his immediate right.
The light was soft, there was no music to accompany their meal, and it was just the two of them.
Once, such a situation might have been awkward.
Not so long ago, a part of Sophia had hated Gabriel and everything he stood for.
How things have changed… and for the better, no less.
Sophia was not the same girl she was when she had married Gabriel.
And while she had married him because she dreamed of transforming into who she was now, she had not seriously thought it was possible.
There was always that small part of her that yearned for the strictness, that coveted it because she thought she must do.
But Gabriel had changed that about her, and she had changed him too.
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” Gabriel began. “But tomorrow, I am busy.”
“You… you are?”
He flashed a smile at her. “As are you. Or have you forgotten?”
She frowned, no idea what he meant. “I do not… what are you talking about?”
“Mr. Blackwater’s party,” he reminded her with a deep sigh. “Remember? He is hosting a musical soiree and asked that we attend. In fact, he was rather adamant that you play for him and his guests.”
“Oh…” Her stomach sank. “That’s right, I forgot.”
“You don’t sound particularly enthused by it.”
She shrugged. “No, I am. I mean… I am not against going. I did give my word, after all. I should go.”
He eyed her curiously. “If you have changed your mind, that is fine. Do not do something you have no desire for.” He snorted.
“The Lord knows, I would rather do anything else with my time than spend it with Mr. Blackwater and his wife.” He shuddered.
“You have not met them, and for that I envy you.”
She laughed. “Really? You don’t mind if I change my mind?”
“Sophia…” He sighed as he looked at her. “What have I been telling you all this time? Do what you want, not what you think you must. That is the key to being free.”
“But I gave them my word!”
“Break it,” he said. “See what happens. Hint… nothing will happen. That’s the little secret that nobody talks about.
Everyone fears judgement and what will be said if they don’t do what they are told, but on the odd occasion that they do, nobody gives a damn.
I assure you, if we do not turn up tomorrow, nothing bad will happen. No one will care.”
A thrill pulsed through Sophia at the mere thought of going back on her promise. There was just something so exciting about doing the wrong thing.
It was so unlike her. So against everything that she knew of herself. And she could not believe that her husband encouraged it!
“No,” she said with a deep sigh. “I think I will still do as I said.”
“Really?”
She grinned. “By now, it is likely the opposite. Everyone expects me to cancel, so to not cancel will be doing the wrong thing. In a roundabout way.”
He laughed. “Or you can just admit that you are looking forward to it. There is nothing wrong with that.”
“Well, maybe I am, just a little.”
“A chance to play in front of your peers.”
“A chance to play the way that I want to play,” she corrected him.
“That’s more like it.” A twinkle found his eyes as he smiled at her, and Sophia felt it in her chest.
As wonderful as this week had gone, there was still something missing from it.
An unspoken desire that she could feel hovering between them both, always there, always just out of reach.
Sophia had tried to ignore it, and she was sure that Gabriel was doing the same, but as each day passed it grew stronger so that ignoring it was starting to become impossible.
Indeed, as Gabriel smiled at her, Sophia felt that familiar sensation build. The flames of the chandelier burned brighter, the heavy silence became deafening, and the longer Gabriel looked into her eyes, the harder it became to withstand.
Sophia’s limbs tingled with it. Her legs vibrated. She looked at her husband, eyes flicking to his lips, and then to his hand which rested right near her own.
What would he say if I took his hand in mine? Would he stop me? Would he admonish me? Or does he expect it? A natural consequence of the way he expects me to behave?
Her feelings for Gabriel had returned with a vengeance.
It wasn’t just that he had saved her, although that certainly helped.
Rather, it was that he saw her like no one else did.
When all others had ignored her, treating her as invisible and unimportant, he had seen her standing there, knowing what she could be, wanting her to be just that.
This marriage was never about romance. It was not supposed to foster love. But as the days stretched on, as she and Gabriel grew closer, Sophia could feel it building. All it needed was a push…
She looked at his hand again, a pulse rippled up her body, and slowly she started to move her hand to take his…
“Ah, here we are.” Gabriel snatched his hand back and looked to the doorway where the food was just now being carried in by two valets. “About time, I am famished.”
Sophia’s heart sank and she pulled her hand back. “Me too,” she said quietly, feeling like a fool. “Me too.”
The rest of the meal unwound in typical fashion.
They chatted merrily, they joked and they laughed, they basked in one another’s company in a way that was familiar and real. It should have been enough to satisfy her; the idea that they were moving in the right direction and that soon they would take that next step.
It was strange how impatient Sophia was becoming. Not so long ago, she never would have dreamed that she would be so needy and desperate. That she would be the one who was pushing for more, testing the boundaries, and even turning upset that things were not moving quicker.
That just spoke to how much she had changed. But if she had changed this much, if she was a new person, the same who Gabriel wanted her to be, why was he not making a move? Why did he not want her as she wanted him?