Chapter 24 #2
“More like it was orchestrated,” he said a little too quickly.
Her frowned retuned and he hurried to dismiss the comment.
“Obviously, it was not. How could it be…” He looked right at her, searching for her expression; any sign that she might be lying to him.
“Just a series of events that neither of us had any control over.”
“Right…” She narrowed her eyes, just now seeing how he looked at her. “You will remember that you were the one who suggested it.”
“Only after I knew I had no choice. As for James… it was not exactly a secret that I had adopted him. Not well known, but easy to find out.” His smile was forced. “A lucky coincidence, that is all.”
“Marcus, what is going on?”
“I think you know,” he said, firming himself, needing to believe that he was not reaching for excuses.
“That letter.” She saw the letter in his hand, and she pointed. “Who is it from?”
“It does not matter.”
“Who is it from.” She folded her arms and looked at him. “And do not lie to me, Marcus. Do not dare.” Her eyebrows rose up her head and her gaze burned him.
Why am I so hesitant? If I truly believe what this letter says, then Lucy should be the one on the defense, not me.
“It arrived just now.” He held the letter out and looked her in the eyes as he spoke. “And what it has to say, I think you will find of great interest.”
She took the letter and read it, her expression turning dark.
“Who sent this?” she asked slowly, her eyes scanning the letter, anger very quickly painting her visage.
“I do not know,” he said. “There was no signature attached and –”
“And you still chose to believe it.” She snapped her head up and glared at him. “An anonymous letter, without a shred of proof or… or much of anything!” She waved the letter in his face. “And you take its word over mine?”
“I am not taking its word,” he said harshly. “I am merely asking questions. Questions that, in the light of what this letter claims, are perfectly justified.”
“They are not!”
Marcus knew he had done the wrong thing.
From the look on Lucy’s face to the way his stomach knotted with guilt and shame, there could be no doubt that he had made a terrible mistake.
However, as he had been taught to do, when faced with confrontation, the only way forward was to double down and push through. Such was his stubborn nature.
He needed to believe that he was right in this.
“Then why can you not answer them?” he said. “Likely, there is nothing to any of it. But then where did this letter come from? Why was it sent in the first place?”
“I do not believe this…” The anger slowly disappeared but that did not wipe the look of disgust and annoyance from her face. “Although why I am surprised, I suppose that is on me. The fool that I am.”
“So, what the letter says is right?”
“I might tell you that there is no validity to anything this says. I might tell you not to believe it. But it matters not. In fact, I think that deep down, you know these claims to be lies.” She looked right at him. “Just as I think that you are glad that they were made.”
“What does that mean?”
“Marcus…” Her expression softened. “How many times must we go through this? It is the same argument, again and again. Every time that I think… that I believe you have changed, you find a way to revert to your old self. You find a way to reject the little progress that you have made… or claimed to have made.”
“No,” he said in defense. “That’s not what this is.”
“It is,” she said with a deep sigh of resignation. “Even had this letter not come, I have no doubt you would have found an excuse not to spend time with me and James today. You would have invented plans or lied about previous ones.”
Her words were true, and they stung to hear spoken so plainly.
Nonetheless, Marcus refused to yield. He wanted to believe that she was wrong, and that he had changed – that he was willing to, wanting to, that he needed to change. All this was, the only thing, was an effort to make sure those changes were not in vain. He had to believe that.
“I meant what I said yesterday, Lucy,” he said. “That was not a lie. Nor was our kiss.”
“I believe you, Marcus.” She sighed again, her shoulders slumped, and the fight left her. “I believe you believe that. That somewhere, deep down, there is a part of you that wants this life. A shame that this part is too scared to fight for it.”
“So, the claims in that letter are lies? Is that what you are saying?”
“What I am saying, Marcus, is that whether they are lies or not, that you were not able to come to me – that you did not trust me to begin with, is what matters. And until you do, I do not know if I can believe anything that you say.”
“Lucy…” He felt a sudden urge to go to her, to take her, and to pull her into another kiss as he had done yesterday.
No… she is lying to you… I must believe it. For if she is not, then I am a fool, and I have ruined everything.
“Do you trust me, Marcus?” she asked him, holding his eyes. “Do you trust me?”
He did not answer her. Not because he did not trust her, but because he did not trust himself. He looked away as shame washed over him like a tidal wave so that he felt as if he was drowning.
“That’s what I thought.” She shook her head with disappointment, she offered him a final look of pity, and then she turned and left the room.
That was his final chance. In that moment, if Marcus went after her, took her by the arm, and told her that he was sorry and that he did trust her, then it might have changed everything. He could have made her believed him.
But stubbornness held him back. Whether he was right or wrong was irrelevant. Marcus had made his bed, he needed to believe that he was right do so, and now he was left to lie in it.
Marcus watched his wife walk away from him, the letter falling from her hand, so that he was left alone in that room.