Chapter 26
“Ido not want to hear excuses,” Marcus said. “What I want is to know what has happened to my wife. And how you mean to fix it.”
“It is as I have said, Your Grace, there is little that I can do for her,” the doctor explained with extreme care. “She is stable now, and it is likely that the worst has passed her. All that can be done is that she be made comfortable.”
“So, there is nothing you can do.”
“There is nothing anybody can do,” the doctor confirmed. “A foreign substance was introduced to her body, but it is impossible to say what it was exactly.”
“For you.”
“No…” The doctor clicked his tongue with annoyance but appeared careful not to rise to anger. “It was ingested, is my guess, and without seeing the substance myself, all I can do is guess.”
“Then guess.”
“My best guess is that she was given a sleep agent of some kind. But the amount was of a dangerous quantity, which caused her body to shut down. Whether this was the intention or not…”
“Are you saying that she did this to herself!”
“What I am saying is that I cannot say if someone meant to put her to sleep, or to…” He hesitated and Marcus glared a warning at him. “That the amount given to your wife, based on her response, might very well have proved deadly. Truly, it is a miracle that she survived at all.”
Marcus had known pain in his life. He had known fear. He had felt helpless. He had felt useless. He had suffered trauma the likes of which most would not wish upon their worst enemy, and that which had resoundingly affected him beyond repair.
However, nothing that had happened in his life so far came close to how he felt right now. Nothing.
He was sat by the head of his wife’s bed. He held her hand with both of his. He looked at her with such intensity that one might think he was trying to will her back to consciousness. And not once, not for even a second, did he consider moving.
As for Lucy? She lay sound asleep. To look at her, it would appear that she was simply dozing, a peaceful sleep brought after a long day and nothing more.
But it was worse than that. As the doctor just confirmed, she had almost died, and for a few desperate hours there, Marcus thought that she had done.
And they were, without a doubt, the worst hours of my life.
On the other side of the bed, the doctor whom Marcus had called for finished his work. It looked like nothing that might help her, simply the taking of her temperature, the moistening of her brow, and a few other tests that looked like busy work, rather than anything of substance.
Oh, how Marcus wanted to unleash his fury upon the doctor. Not because he thought the man was at fault, but because he had to yell at somebody!
I would yell at myself, was it possible. This might not be my fault but it feels as if it is. If we had not fought… if we had been spending the day together… I doubt this would have happened.
“She will survive,” Marcus said, more to himself than to the doctor. “She must.”
“I think she will,” the doctor agreed as he took a step back from the bed. “As I said, the worst is behind her. Now, all one can do is wait.”
“Wait for what?”
“Until she wakes up,” he said with a deep sigh. “As for when that might be, I cannot say. Tomorrow? Next week?”
“That long…” Marcus’ stomach turned with guilt and fear.
“Keep her comfortable,” the doctor confirmed. “If she rises to a fever, send for me. Other than that, do what you can to keep her hydrated, feed her soups and milk. And pray, Your Grace. Pray.”
It was just three hours ago when Marcus had heard the scream.
He was in his office, doing his best to avoid having to leave in case he ran into his wife, only to find himself sprinting from its confines the moment that awful sound ripped through the office space.
Lady Amelia was with Lucy at the time… and the image of seeing his wife on the floor still sent a shudder through his body. He had thought that she was dead, that her life… his world… again, it was the worst moment of my life.
Marcus held his wife’s hand. He looked at her without blinking. And he did as the doctor said, he prayed for her recovery.
I was wrong about everything. My feelings. This marriage. Not trusting Lucy, as I knew I should have done. If she ever wakes up, even if she never forgives me, I need for her to know how sorry I am.
That was the not-so-startling revelation that came from this tragic event.
For so long, Marcus had believed that he was happier alone.
He had forced himself to believe that he did not want this marriage or the life that it offered him.
Even when he finally accepted it, fear pushed him back, and it was the type of fear that he thought he would never get over.
Now that he was faced with the possibility that he might just get what he had asked for, he knew how wrong he had been.
He did not just want a marriage. He did not just want a family. What he wanted was Lucy. Those things meant nothing to him if she was not in his life, and as soon as she woke up, he would spend the rest of his days proving it.
If she woke up…
That it took something like this happening for Marcus to realize his feelings were wrong, he knew, as it should not have had to come to this. But it had come to this, and despite the tragedy that nearly befell him, he would do whatever it took to see it never happen again.
His happily ever after was there for the taking… all he needed was his wife to wake up so that she could be a part of it.
* * *
“Your Grace…” The voice spoke softly from over Marcus’ shoulder. “Your Grace…”
Marcus had fallen asleep without realizing.
Sitting by Lucy’s bed, still holding her hand, he had drifted off to a not-so-peaceful sleep.
Not done on purpose, as he was determined to stay awake until she came back into this world, but it had been nearly a day now since she was poisoned, and he was only so strong.
“Wh – what?” he slowly started, jerking awake.
For a moment, he dared to believe that Lucy was who had spoken, but no… she was still sound asleep. There was a smile on her lips, her skin was pasty white, but she was alive.
“I am so sorry to wake you, Your Grace.” Helga stood in the room, and she held James in her arms. “Ordinarily, I would not dare.”
“It is fine,” Marcus sighed. “If you have come to check on Lucy, I regret to say that nothing about her condition has changed.”
“I am sad to hear that, Your Grace,” Helga said. “But she is a fighter, and if anyone can come through such an ordeal, it is her.”
“She is stubborn too.” He smiled at the thought. “I suspect that she would look death in the eye and not blink, just to prove a point.”
Helga chuckled. “That she would, Your Grace.”
“Did you need something?” He turned to face her, hardly noticing James in her arms.
“I would not normally ask, Your Grace. And certainly, with all that has happened…” Her chin wobbled and she sniffed back tears. “But it is James, Your Grace.” She indicated to the baby in her arms.
“Oh.” Marcus’ stomach tightened. “What… what is wrong with him?”
“Nothing is wrong, Your Grace,” Helga said quickly.
“On most days, Her Grace watches him at this hour. I have done so this past day, of course, and I do so love to do so. Only, today, I have other tasks to attend, and I was hoping you might be able to find someone to watch over him for a few hours.”
“I am sure another member of staff…”
“Are busy, Your Grace,” she said as she looked right at him. There was something about that look, a knowing glimmer behind her eyes, the sense that she was only telling half the truth. “Plus, I think he misses his mother. I thought perhaps you could watch him?”
“I…” Marcus leaned back. “I am a bit busy right now, Helga.”
“He is no trouble,” she said. “Truly, if you leave him on the floor, he will happily crawl about. He just needs someone nearby to ensure that nothing untoward happens.”
“That is… then you should be able to –”
“I will be moving about the home, Your Grace,” she cut him off. “From room to room. He cannot possibly follow me.”
Marcus had no desire to watch over James.
Not only was he far too concerned about Lucy’s wellbeing, but he also had no idea of how to do such a thing.
He was not father material, he had never pretended otherwise.
Damnation, the entire point of this marriage was to avoid this type of circumstance entirely!
“I… I would not know…” He stammered with fear, not even caring how pathetic he looked.
“There is nothing to it.” Without waiting for approval, Helga approached him and held out James for him to take.
“He has been fed. He has just woken from a nap. All he needs is someone to keep an eye on him.” Her smile was genuine.
“Again, I think he would love to be with Lucy right now too. He does miss her.”
He hesitated further, his body trembling with fear.
“As she misses him too, I am sure,” Helga added. “Perhaps having him here will help.”
The words were purposefully manipulative. They were designed to make Marcus feel guilty. They were also exactly what he wanted to hear.
Did I not say that I would do better? Did I not state that if she came through this, that I would change my ways? What if this is a test? How can I expect her to want to come back to me if I do not show her that I want it too…
Marcus knew he needed to change, just as he knew this right here was a step he needed to take. And, if by some miracle, it did help Lucy recover, then he would do it. He had to try.
“Very well,” he sighed as if it annoyed him. “Hand the child to me.”
Helga did just that.
Marcus could count on his one hand how many times he had held James in his arms. And each time that he had done, it had always felt strange. There was a sense that the baby knew he was a fraud, just as it knew how hopelessly unprepared Marcus was for such a thing as this.
Yet, as he took James in his arms this time, it felt different.
James was lighter than he expected. He was not so awkward. And the moment he found the baby in his arms, James reached out, wanting to wrap his little arms around Marcus’ neck.
Marcus brought him to his chest, James clung on and nuzzled into him, and it brought with it a feeling of comfort and familiarity that Marcus could not explain. Why, it almost felt right.
“There you go,” Helga said with a soft smile. “I think he likes you.”
“I doubt it,” Marcus dismissed, eyeing the top of Jame’s head with extreme reservation.
“He does,” Helga said rightly. “You are his father, Your Grace, and he knows it.”
“His father…” He said the words as if he did not understand them.
The first thirty minutes spent with James were undeniably awkward. Marcus held the baby as if he was an antic vase that might break at even the slightest of movements.
Eventually, he started to feel more comfortable. James relaxed into him, he giggled and pulled on Marcus’ shirt, he stared at Lucy with a sense of knowing and sadness, and he even reached out to hold her.
“You want to be near her?” Marcus asked as if he was expecting a response.
Not knowing if it was right to do, he placed James on the bed. Immediately, James crawled to Lucy’s head and curled up beside her. He did not poke her face. He did not pull her hair. He was surprisingly gentle. What was more, Marcus could have sworn he saw his wife smile.
After that, Marcus put James on the floor, determined to focus on his wife.
However, every few moments, he found his gaze straying back to James.
The child did nothing exciting or interesting.
He simply crawled about and pawed at bits of furniture and tugged on the carpet.
Yet, Marcus was fascinated, unable to look away, and within minutes he sat down on the floor too.
There he stayed, watching James… his son.
The minutes passed quickly. The hour turned. And before long, Helga appeared back in the room.
“How was everything?” she asked.
“Oh, Helga,” Marcus started when she spoke. “I did not hear you come in.”
“Distracted, I see.”
“Just doing as I promised,” he said as if to dismiss her claim.
“And…?”
He smiled reluctantly “It is not nearly so hard as I thought.”
“Would you like for me to take him?”
An hour ago, Marcus would not have hesitated to say yes. Now, however, he felt a strange pull, a desire to keep his son close to him. He wanted to spend more time with him, he realized. Just as he wanted James to get to know him better.
“No, it is fine,” he said. “I can watch him a little while long.”
Helga smiled knowingly. “I will come back with Margaret when it is time for him to feed. How does that sound?”
“That sounds… good,” he said, allowing a smile. “Thank you.”
James spent the rest of the day with Marcus. Sometimes, he crawled about the floor. Other times, he rested on Marcus’ knee as they sat beside Lucy’s bed. And often, he would crawl on the bed and sit with Lucy. And not once did Marcus regret having him here.
He observed the scene in a way he might not have before. This, he started to understand, was what it meant to have a family. The companionship. The responsibility. The having of someone there for you, through the good times, and the bad.
When it came time for James to eat and go to bed, Marcus was struck by a sudden sense of loss. He handed James to Helga, but it was done with great reservation.
“Would you like to put him to bed?” she asked.
“No, I should stay here…”
“Tomorrow morning, then. How about I fetch you when I wake him?”
Marcus smiled. “That would be nice.”
Alone again, Marcus felt the empty presence of his missing son. He sat with Lucy, he took her hand, and he started to speak. He told her of what James had done today, how adventurous he was, and how he could see Lucy in the child’s actions and mannerisms.
Again, it might have been his imagination, but he could have sworn that she heard and understood him.
“And when you finally wake up, we will take that picnic,” he assured her. “It is long overdue, I think.”
When she wakes up… soon. It must be soon. She is a fighter, this is not the end of her, and it is not the end of us. It cannot be that. I will not let it be…