Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Edmund had thought long and hard about whether to see Rose again.
Their parting had the air of sorrow about it, and he was not sure that anything more could be said between them, but the way she acted on that final morning stung him.
She was composed and cold, and that was not how he had come to think of her at all.
“Has everything been settled, George?” he asked.
“To your exact specifications, Your Grace. Please be cautious when you are walking. I would hate to see this maze go up in flames.”
“It would certainly get people to solve it more quickly,” Edmund said.
George’s smile was wan. He looked behind him at the maze, illuminated by oil lanterns placed periodically along the winding, twisting paths.
Edmund thought it was fitting for him and Rose to meet each other here for one final time, knowing that her presence was akin to walking through a maze.
For the entire week, he was tormented by thoughts of Rose, and he could not let the matter lie.
One more promenade, a chance for a perfect, final goodbye.
It seemed only fitting that they should adhere to the terms of the agreement, and tonight, he was not going to allow anything to get the better of him.
The carriage approached through the gates, the wheels coming to a squeaking stop. George hurried across to open the door. He would soon disappear into the shadows. Edmund clasped his hands behind his back. There was a sharp intake of breath as Rose appeared.
She wore a cream-colored dress that matched the ivory shade of her gloves.
A shawl had been placed upon her shoulders, but the pendant he had given her was visible.
It rested against the hollow of her throat and looked absolutely perfect.
The light was low, but she shone like a star, and he realized now that he had been starved of her this past week.
A hazy feeling swept through his mind, and he felt quite untethered, although he still summoned his customary smirk.
“Rose, it is a pleasure to see you,” he said, then looked past her and nodded at Jenny, who kept her distance. Rose’s gaze was cool, and she gave nothing away. “I see that you are wearing my gifts. I am glad you like them.”
“Thank you. They are indeed beautiful, although I must admit that I was surprised to receive your invitation. I believed we had concluded our promenades.”
“I am a man of my word, Rose, and I agreed to take you out for five promenades. The house party only accounted for one, and I wanted this to be special. I hope that you like your surroundings. I called in a favor,” he said, gesturing toward the maze with a wave of his hand.
Her hand rose to finger her pendant.
“The pattern,” she whispered.
“Yes, I thought I would include a little hint. Did you pick up on it?”
“No, I… I did not realize,” she said.
“Well, I know that it might be difficult to find our way, but my faithful butler, George, has placed lanterns at frequent intervals, so even if we get a little turned around, we shan’t be lost in the dark. I hope,” he said with a mischievous grin. They fell into step with each other.
He then called out to Jenny.
“Make sure you do not keep too much distance. I would not want you to get lost,” he said.
“Edmund, wait. What is this truly about?” she asked.
“I told you. I paid for five promenades, and I intend to see this through. It would not be becoming of me to refuse the final meeting.”
“And here I thought you were a man who grew frustrated with obligations and expectations.”
Edmund shrugged. “Then I must be a man of contradictions,” he said.
Rose shook her head.
“You are an impossible man,” she replied.
“I will accept that. There are worse things to be.”
“Are there?”
“Yes,” she said bluntly, glaring at him.
As they walked through the maze, they passed through shadow and light.
He always turned toward her when she entered the lantern’s glow, struck by how feminine and beautiful she looked when the light caught her.
He was glad he had taken this opportunity to see her one final time, though it did not fail to bring him pain.
“Is it so difficult for you to be honest with me?” she asked.
“I have never been anything but honest.”
“Then tell me why we are here. Why did we not leave things as they were?” She stopped suddenly, standing on the edge between light and shadow. Edmund turned to face her. There was an intensity to her gaze, and he felt frozen because of it.
“Did you really want to leave things like that?”
“It is the only way we can leave things. We both said what we had to say. We know the truth of things. This seems like an exercise in futility.”
Edmund laughed, although not with as much humor as he usually enjoyed. “How flattering.”
“I do not seek to flatter you, Edmund. Such a time for that has passed. There is only one way to endure you now.”
“Endure me?”
“Yes, endure you and whatever game you think we are playing. Are you hurt because I was so frank with you? Because I have not fallen for your charms? Are you irritated that I was the one who walked away from you?”
“You seem to think poorly of me, Rose. After all we have been through, do you really think I would be so petty?”
“Yes,” she said bluntly, and the word was said with such force that it seemed intended to wound.
“Then I have clearly failed to give a proper account of myself. But I would never stoop so low as to act out of a sense of vengeance. Besides, does this look like revenge to you?” he asked, stretching out his arms and gesturing to the maze around.
“I have no idea what revenge would look like, Edmund. I do not think in those terms. I just try to live my life as best I can.”
“As best as you want, you mean.”
“Is there anything wrong with that? It seems to be how you have lived your life, or at least how you want to live it,” Rose said.
“And perhaps that is why we are ill-suited. We are too similar. I wonder what the chances are of finding the one person in London who thinks the same way as me.”
“I wonder if I should be insulted,” Rose said.
Her tone was sharp and her features sharper.
She was not giving him an inch and had been hostile from the first moment she arrived.
Perhaps he should not have been surprised at this, considering their last true conversation, but even so, he was disappointed that she seemed to be angry with him.
“Rose, I did not bring you here to argue.”
“Then why did you bring me here? Why do this? Why put us both through more of this when we both know it is not going to lead to anything?”
“Because I missed you,” he said. It was rare for him to sacrifice his sense of bravado, but it felt like it was time for the truth, or at least as much of it as he was willing to give.
“You missed me?” she asked, her voice softer now. There was a shocked expression on her face. Her eyes were so wide he felt as though he could dive into them and swim to the very edge of the world.
“Yes. I missed you, Rose. I have enjoyed spending time with you far more than I thought I would at the beginning. And I know our last conversation was not what either of us expected, but it does not mean I was ready for things to end. If we are to say goodbye, then I want to do so on happier terms, as friends, at least. The way you looked at me when you left Stonewood Manor… It was not what I wanted at all.”
Rose considered his words and dipped her head. She angled it to the side, and a shadow spilled across her face, covering her cheek. Edmund wanted to reach up and peel it back as though it were a mask, but he resisted the urge.
“I was just trying to cope with the situation. It was hard, everyone believing one thing, while we knew the opposite.”
“It is no easy place to exist. I have been dealing with the same thing myself. I must admit a fault: I believed that others would be able to cope with it as well as I have, but Alfred and Mary do not seem content. I suppose I have been lying for so long that it has become a habit, and I forget that it is not supposed to be natural for people.”
“Nobody ever forced you to lie, Edmund. You could show people the authentic version of yourself.”
Edmund smirked. “Nobody would be interested in that. The real Edmund is not half as entertaining as the one people know.”
“You have managed to keep me entertained,” Rose said.
They continued walking.
“A compliment, how rare.”
“Don’t,” she said softly. “Don’t be like that.” It was a gentle admonition, but it did serve to disarm him. He didn’t have to play a role with her. Edmund fell silent and clasped his hands behind his back.
“Have you given any more thought to Amelia?” she asked.
Edmund cocked his head, taking a moment to recall the girl.
“Amelia? No… no not really.”
“I really do think she would be better suited for you.”
“I have had people tell me what they think all my life, but I have only ever done what I think is right. And Amelia… I am sure she will make someone very happy, but she is too concerned with meeting people’s expectations.
She wants to be the personification of a duchess.
I fear she is trying too hard, and she has not quite worked out what she wants.
She only wants to marry me because I am a duke.
It is the title that matters to her, not the man beneath. ”
Rose nodded, then changed the subject. Edmund glanced over his shoulder to make sure that Jenny was still visible.
“You must be looking forward to your adventure,” she said.
“I am, although of course I must arrange a marriage for Lydia first.”
“You may find that to be more of a challenge than you anticipate.”
“Why?”
“Lydia has spent a long time thinking about romance and reading all kinds of books. She will not admit it, but she has an idea of what kind of man and what kind of courtship she wants. I fear that the reality will not be what she expects, but she will always strive to capture what is in her imagination.”