Chapter 25
Twenty-Five
The castle looked different when they returned.
Sitting behind Alaric on his horse, arms wrapped tight around his waist, Clara could not help but smile to herself when she saw the castle that was now her home.
The sun shone brightly overhead. The once ominous feel that the castle brought had turned toward inviting.
And there was a pull coming from the castle as if it was bidding her to enter.
“Are you sure this is the same place that I left?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
She laughed. “Nothing. Nothing at all…”
Alaric held her by the hand as he led her inside, and where it was indeed dark and empty in the foyer, and throughout the rest of the home, it did not feel that way.
The staff remained hidden as they so often did.
The curtains were drawn. The silence was deafening.
Even still… I feel comfortable here for the first time, as if I belong.
“You must be tired,” Alaric said to her.
“I am,” she agreed.
He nodded. “Perhaps a nap? I will instruct the kitchens to prepare supper.”
She considered the proposal but then shook her head. “I would much rather a tour, if it pleases you.”
“A tour? You have lived here for weeks.”
“Have I?” she raised an eyebrow at him, and Alaric smiled.
“I see your point.” He stepped into her again, kissing her full on the lips in a way that she was quickly growing used to. “A tour then.”
They spent the next few hours walking the halls of the castle.
Only this time, with every closed room that they passed, the duke stopped to unlock the doors and open them.
Most were empty bedrooms, but she sensed some had a deeper meaning.
She did not press him on it, simply glad that he was finally ready to set the past where it belonged so that they could look forward to the future.
What Clara appreciated most was when the duke led her into the western wing. Previously forbidden, now open to her.
“You have probably been wondering why I kept you from this side of the castle.”
“I simply assumed that you liked your privacy.”
He laughed, bringing her hand to his lips to give it a kiss. “This was where Helena and I spent most of our time. And I was worried that if you came here you would see…” He trailed off as they reached the main hall, on the walls of which she immediately spied a series of portraits.
Some where of Alaric’s family from the past. She noted a family portrait of him as a child with his father and his mother. Another of just him and his father alone. And then one that was of Alaric and Helena, painted on the day that must have been their wedding.
“I will have it taken down,” Alaric said when he saw her looking at it.
“No,” she said to him as she studied the portrait, noting the smile he wore on his face. “Leave it.”
“Are you certain?”
“I am.” She turned to him, taking his hands and looking at him properly.
“What happened between you and Helena is nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, that short time in your life should be remembered for what it was. Happy,” she confirmed when she saw his frown.
“My only hope is that you will be just as happy with me.”
He smiled. “Happier, Clara. Know that. Helena was too innocent, and I too scarred for us to love each other as she—as we deserved. But you…” He pulled her in close, his lips grazing her nose. “I love you more than I can bear.”
“So serious,” she chuckled.
“Would you have it any other way?”
“I have but one condition…” She pulled back and looked down the row of portraits.
“Name it.”
“I cannot help but wonder where our portrait is. Are we married, no? It seems to me that we must have one made at once.”
He laughed. “I could not agree more.”
Despite this castle now feeling like a home, as they walked its halls and opened its doors and windows, Clara still felt that something was off. Not that it took her long to realize what this was, a point she was sure to tell Alaric once the tour was finished.
“We shall be making some changes here, I think.”
“Oh?”
She smiled. “This castle… it is far too empty for how big it is. How many staff would you say live here?”
“Ah… a dozen, perhaps.”
She shook her head. “We need to double it, at least. Plus, we will hire some gardeners. Some boys for the stable. And if you think we are not going to redecorate, I have some bad news for – what? What are you smiling at?”
“Am I smiling?”
“Either that or you are having a stroke.”
He laughed. “I was just thinking to myself how much I missed this.”
“Missed what?”
“This…” He gestured to her and the castle both.
“It has been so long since I have cared about anything to do with how I lived. That I have had a reason to care. But you are right, Clara. This will not do, and first thing tomorrow we will make plans to turn this dusty old pile of stone and brick into a home.”
She could not stop herself from smiling… a smile which grew when another thought came to mind. “If it is a home, it seems to me that it will need to be filled by more than the likes of us and some members of staff.”
“What do you mean…” He leaned back as if unsure.
“A family, Alaric…” She stepped into him, taking his hands, looking into his eyes. “Perhaps it is sudden. In my mind, it is not sudden enough. But if we are to do this, as we so clearly are, then it is time that you and I discuss the possibility of starting a family.”
“Do you mean…” She saw the panic in his eyes. “Having a child?”
“What else?”
The thought clearly terrified him. Not that I am surprised, for all this is new to him. Dammit, it is new to me! But that's why I know it is right, and for the first time ever, I have never been so certain of what I want.
Having learned of Alaric’s past, Clara found that she loved him even more than she had.
Worried that the stories of him bore some truth, that his wife’s death was caused not through hate but because of how much he cared, brought her relief like she could not have expected.
Strange that he was so convinced all this time that he was a monster, a killer, not a hero, because heroes saved people.
Only for her to see the truth of it immediately.
He is a hero. He is a protector. And I am the same for him. We need one another like that, and if we bring a child into this world, that will be one more life to protect as it protects us.
Still, he was hesitant. “Clara… there is something I need to show you.” Silently, he took her by the hand and led her deeper through the western wing.
She could feel how tense he was. How nervous, too. Wherever he was taking her, she sensed that it held for him a most serious memory that he was now deciding to show her.
They came to a closed door which he unlocked and then bade her inside.
It was dark, sheets covered everything, but the one she took most note of was at the center of the room.
The sheet wasn’t covering a couch, nor was it covering any piece of furniture that she recognized.
“What is…” she hesitated, not certain she could bring herself to reveal it.
Alaric walked ahead and tore back the sheet, which made Clara gasp.
“Is that…” she began, unable to finish the question.
“It is,” he said softly, his tone filled with regret. The piece of furniture was a baby’s crib, covered in dust but looking unused. “When Helena died, she was pregnant with our child…” His voice cracked.
“Oh, Alaric…” She did not know what to say. But she spread her gaze over the room, noting now the bright colors of the walls and the paintings of mythological creatures on the ceilings, clearly designed to capture the attention of a child.
“When she died, I made a promise,” Alaric continued, his voice turning distant. “To never love again. To never marry. And most of all…” His voice wavered. “To never have a child.”
“Alaric, I had no idea.” She wanted to go to him, but she felt that wasn’t the right thing to do.
She could see Alaric fighting with himself as he stared at that crib.
“And I understand if you do not wish to…” She grimaced as if in pain.
“Truly, we do not have to have a child. I am simply happy being with you.”
“To not love… to not marry…” He spoke the words carefully. “Two promises that I have already broken.” Then he turned to look at her and, most surprisingly, he was smiling. There was love in his eyes, and they glimmered with tears. “I want to have a child with you, Clara. More than anything.”
“You… you do?” she stammered, unsure.
“Yes… but on one condition.”
“Name it.”
He stepped into her, took her hands, and pulled her in close so that his lips traced her forehead. “That you never leave me.”
She answered him with a kiss. With her arms wrapped around his neck. With their bodies held close so that he could feel how much she loved him. Just as she could feel how much he loved her.
And as they kissed, Clara could not help but think about how she had gotten here.
That she had taken a chance on a man who had terrified her. That she had forced this marriage for no other reason than the alternative was worse. That she had consigned herself to living in a loveless marriage, a prisoner of a different type, yet still with more freedom than she’d had.
For her entire life, she had been a prisoner.
To her father. To this marriage, for a time.
To Lord Wolfe, even if it was only for a few days.
Desperate for freedom. Determined to live her life how she wanted it.
She had that now, a life she had chosen, not been forced into.
A life with a man whom she loved, who loved her in return.
A life that would bring her a different type of freedom, surprises, excitement, and love in all its forms.
As Clara kissed her husband and laughed with him, she could not believe all she had been through to get here, just as she knew that if she was asked to do it again, she would not change a thing.
That is how I know I have made the right choice. And that is how I know that every choice I make from here on out will be the same. For I am in love, and with love such as this… well, how can any choice made be the wrong one? It couldn’t be. And that was a truth from which she would not be shaken.