Chapter Twenty
Lord Noah Peterson
I walked beside Amelia and Oliver, my body still humming from what I’d just witnessed.
Seeing the two of them kissing sparked my blood, and provocative musings continued to plague me.
They were an engaged couple; therefore, they were at liberty to exchange affections. I, however, didn’t have such an honor.
After what Oliver had shared with me, I was a bit surprised to see him kissing her with such eagerness. The notion he had lost some of his apprehension pleased me, but there was no denying I was jealous of the two of them.
“You said Ethan ate four tarts? Well, I happen to know he had at least one this afternoon,” Amelia said, her arm still linked in mine.
Oliver moved his hand to the small of her back as the three of us neared the earl’s house.
It felt natural to be with them in such a manner, although most of society would disagree.
“It is no wonder he is ill. I once pilfered a box of chocolates my father purchased for my mother. He was furious when he found out. Of course, I denied it, but the chocolate around my mouth gave me away.”
I laughed at his quip. “Ethan did much the same thing, only he claimed Brimley’s dog stole the tarts, and he was trying to get them back.”
“By eating them?” Amelia tilted her chin and began to laugh.
Her hat was askew, and a stray strand of hair had come loose from her upswept style.
She'd worn it in a braid the night she’d visited my room.
I averted my gaze from her lively one, wishing I didn’t remember her in her nightgown so vividly.
We reached the back door, and a footman opened it for us. I stepped inside, but Oliver didn’t enter.
“This is where I will leave you,” Oliver said, taking Amelia’s hand and placing a kiss on the back of it. “The next time we meet will be the night before our wedding.”
“Oliver is taking his grandmother to the estate in the morning so she can rest before the wedding,” Amelia explained.
“The doctor insists,” Oliver said, true regret in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I must cancel our plans for a chess rematch.”
“You need to be with her, of course.” The news was very disappointing, yet I couldn’t fault his reasons for canceling. He loved his grandmother and was a dedicated grandson. “I am sure she’ll need some time to recover from her journey. I wish you safe travels, my friend.”
Oliver held out his hand. “To you as well, Noah. Good night.”
I fitted my palm to his and returned the handshake when I wanted pull him close and kiss him goodbye. After a brief second, I dropped his hand. We’d had one special night and while I didn’t wish for things to end between us, fate had dealt us a different hand. “Good night, Oliver.”
Amelia preceded me inside, the under footman standing at attention. The soft swish of her skirts sounded in the narrow hallway that opened into the foyer. The staircase swept up to the second floor, and I climbed the stairs beside her.
“I would like to kiss the boys good night,” Amelia said.
And I would like to kiss you goodnight. The stair creaked under my foot as I studied her lovely profile. Giving into the impulse to taste her sweet lips would be the height of foolishness. Although I couldn’t help recall the last time I’d had the privilege to kiss her. “I should check on Ethan.”
I had left him not fifteen minutes past, but I found myself reluctant to part company with her.
I moved past her and opened the nursery door.
The soft glow of a gas lamp lit the playroom, the rocking chairs cast in shadows.
Ethan was going through the phase of being afraid of the dark, hence the lamp.
Three beds were situated along the long, narrow room. Only one was occupied. “Sam and John have done it again,” Amelia said in a barely audible whisper that possessed a definite trace of amusement.
All three children were wedged together in one bed.
“Better they climb into Ethan’s bed than mine.” Since Sally had died, Ethan often snuck down to my room in the middle of the night and climbed into bed with me. “I had quite the fight on my hands tonight trying to get him to stay in his own bed.”
“I could well imagine.” She slipped her arms under Sam’s sleeping form and lifted the boy. He curled into her chest, mumbling in his sleep. “I will put him back where he belongs. Can you get John?”
John was lying on his side, his thumb in his mouth.
I gently lifted him, noting how much the sweep of his lashes and the shape of his nose resembled his mother’s.
Like Sally, he was shy and introspective, whereas Sam was more gregarious.
I cradled John close to my heart, reluctant to put him down.
“Now that the twins are older, I have a suspicion they’ll soon be following in their older brother’s footsteps and sneaking out of the nursery. ”
“And giving Nurse the fright of her life,” Amelia said. She started to lay Sam down, but he bowed his back, shaking his head. “Shhhh,” she murmured to the fussy boy, rocking him back and forth to try to get him back to sleep.
The first time Ethan had left the nursery in the middle of the night, the entire household had been in an uproar. It wasn’t until my mother-in-law was pounding on my door, waking me up, that I realized Ethan was curled up next to me. “Yes, she was beside herself.”
I placed John in his bed and stood after tucking him in.
Sam began to issue tiny whimpers and pressed his fists into his eyes.
Amelia whispered to him, and turning on her heels, she cuddled the fussy boy.
“I think I should rock him,” she said. Without waiting for agreement, she rushed into the playroom.
I followed and shut the door to cut out the noise for the other children.
Not that it would make a difference if Sam decided to start crying in earnest.
She slipped into the chair, and Sam clung to her neck, his little head resting on her shoulder. When I was in port, Sally rarely, if ever, spent time with the children. “What a contrast you are to your sister,” I said, regretting the words the second I said them.
“So many people have commented. In what context are you referring?” she asked.
“Sally had a more traditional approach to the boys. Like most society ladies, she tasked Nurse with the day-to-day chore of rearing the children.”
Amelia frowned as she patted Sam’s back. He’d quieted down the second she’d started to rock. “Like her mother before her. It wasn’t until Sally had the boys that Mother changed her mind on that score.”
“Our priorities often change as we grow older.” As a youth, I had been obsessed with sailing across the seas.
During my time on the ship, I had the opportunity to fulfill some of those dreams. My wife’s death changed all of that.
I had an obligation in England to my children and my estate.
“I see you and Oliver seem to be getting along well.”
She snapped her head up, a blush flushing her cheeks. “You saw us.”
“I did. He didn’t seem, um, reluctant as you feared.” The conversation was moving into deep waters, but talking about such matters didn’t seem taboo after the intimacies we shared.
“No, he instigated the kiss, which was very unusual for Oliver.” She stopped rocking and shifted Sam’s weight to her other arm. “I was pleased, of course.”
“Perhaps your engaged status freed his inhibitions.” The night I spent with Oliver had proven to be full of surprises, most especially his willingness to explore the pleasures of the flesh. I had hoped to experience one more tryst with him, but time had run out for us.
“He indicated as much. But...” She exhaled a long breath, the corners of her mouth turned down.
“But?” I prompted, curious for her answer.
“I desired him before the engagement, and my desire for him has never dimmed. If he truly desired me, would an engagement matter?” Uncertainty added frown lines between her brows.
The roundabout question triggered my unease. There was no way I could reveal Oliver’s confidences to me. Yet Amelia waited for my answer. Rolling the words around in my mind, I said, “When it comes to matters of the heart, there is no clear answer.”
“That is a very ambiguous answer.” She started rocking Sam once more, and the boy’s mouth parted in slumber. “You and I, um, well, did you desire me before we, um, well, I was in your room?” She spoke barely above a whisper. “Or was it spontaneous?”
How to answer? Her words seemed to echo inside the room.
If I lied to her, it would be unfair to both of us.
“The last time I went to sea, you were a girl. I came back, and you were a woman. A very desirable woman who was on the cusp of being engaged to a duke. Had my circumstances not changed, you would already be a duchess.”
“Our circumstances.” She pressed her lips together and lowered her lashes.
“Our circumstances.” I continued to rock, the familiar motion soothing my nerves at the reminder. We’d be forever tied together by the bonds of family. “You will be a duchess on Sunday.”
Amelia inhaled a noticeable breath and rested her cheek on Sam’s head.
She kissed the boy’s temple, her love for him palpable.
Once she was married, she’d have children of her own, and I had no doubt she’d be a wonderful mother.
If fate had played a different hand and I decided to take her up on her offer of marriage, she would bear my children.
“Will my married status change your opinion of me?” she asked.
“Nothing will change my opinion of you.” I chose not to marry again; therefore, I would never have any more children. My three boys were enough to sustain any man, and I loved them all.
“Then you would still desire me after I wed?” Amelia opened her eyes as she spoke, her pupils large and dark. She skimmed my face, her silent invitation tugging at my already frayed nerves.
If I were of a mind, I could lean over the arm of my chair and press a kiss to her sweet lips. My mind screamed no. Even now, watching her hold my child with such love made me desire her more. “I’m not sure if I should answer that question or not. I don’t usually go around cuckolding my friends.”
The hypocrisy of my comment wasn’t lost on me. I’d let Oliver bugger me while he was engaged to her. Things were different for men than women, but Amelia wouldn’t see it that way, which added to my guilt.
Ironic laughter met my comment. “Technically, I wasn’t engaged when you kissed me.”
“I did more than kiss you.” I bit back a groan at the foolish reminder.
Memories of that night with her flooded my mind.
I had no right to think about her in such a way, and yet I did.
It was difficult to suppress the effect she had on my body.
Between her and Oliver, I was hard-pressed to keep my sanity.
“Yes, I remember,” she said, her voice heavy with need.
My blood hummed in response to her admission. “It would be best if you forget what happened.”
Silence stretched between us. From the way she adjusted her jaw, she was trying to formulate a suitable reply. “Is that what you want?”
“What I want is irrelevant. You’re engaged to Oliver.
Soon you will be his bride, and you’ll forget about our little tryst.” I wished I could say the same thing.
The last two years had been a shock to the system, and I was still treading my way through troubled waters.
The pain was ongoing, and it hit me at the oddest times.
I managed to avoid falling apart by keeping myself busy.
It was when I stopped that things became troublesome.
“No, I don’t think so.” She shook her head, a small smile playing over her mouth. “Sam is asleep. Will you put him to bed?”
I stood and bent down to take Sam from her. Our eyes connected before mine drifted down. I was close enough to kiss her, and damned if I didn’t wish to. But I couldn’t. I straightened, bringing Sam close to my chest. I offered Amelia my free hand. “You should find your own bed.”
“I should, but before I go.” She rose to her feet and, cupping my cheek, brushed her mouth over mine in a short, searing kiss. The second we broke apart, she nodded. “A little something for you to remember me by. Good night, Noah.”
“Good night, Amelia,” I said. I stared at the door long after she departed.
Desire hummed inside my veins. I hadn’t expected her to act in such a bold manner, and I had a suspicion I would experience a restless night.
Amelia had wormed her way into my mind, and I was powerless to ignore what was growing between us.
Except I had no choice but to do so.