Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lord Noah Peterson
“Will my new cousins be at the party?” Ethan clutched my hand as we walked up the stairs to the ballroom of Hayesford Hall.
We were late for the party because Nurse couldn’t find Ethan’s buckled shoe.
Although it was a family gathering, the local gentry had been invited.
The older children were allowed to attend.
Ethan and Hortense’s son were of a similar age, and the two had become fast friends.
“William isn’t truly your cousin, but yes, I assume he will be. ”
“Can I have a cherry tart?” he asked, looking at me with great expectation. In a few short weeks, he’d turn five, and in three years, he’d be attending Eton like I had done.
Even the thought of my son leaving tore a little bit of my soul away. But that was in the future, and I couldn’t live on speculation of what might happen. Sally’s death had shown how volatile life was. “I would think you’d be sick of cherry tarts by now,” I teased, not wishing to dwell on it.
He shook his head and grinned. “No, Papa.”
I nodded. “I see.”
“Will there be cakes?” He giggled and jumped to the next step. I was certain his shoes, indeed his entire handsome outfit, would be a mess by night’s end. Ethan was a boy through and through.
“I am not sure what refreshments the duchess will provide for us.” This would be the first party Amelia would host as the duchess, and I had no doubt she was a nervous wreck.
I had faith she’d rise to the occasion. My admiration for her knew no bounds, which was a slippery slope on my part.
The intimacies we’d shared had been unforgettable.
“Aunt Amelia likes chocolate. Will she have chocolate there?” he asked, jumping another step in his excitement.
Music spilled out of the open doors to the ballroom.
Amelia and Oliver stood at the head of the receiving line speaking with a couple.
My pulse picked up, the blood in my cock stirring in an inappropriate way.
Amelia looked stunning in an off-the-shoulder wine-red ball gown, the tight bodice enhancing her full bosom.
Oliver stood tall beside her, every inch the duke in his black tuxedo and black bowtie.
They made a very handsome couple, and I tamped down the touch of envy I experienced every time I saw them together.
Amelia lifted her gaze, her eyes widening. A sensual smile formed on her full mouth, and she lifted one gloved hand. A pearl necklace encircled her long neck, and curls framed her face. A servant announced us to the room at large.
“Aunt Amelia! Oliver, we’re here,” Ethan called out. He tugged on my hand and tried to drag me forward. “Come on, Papa.”
I pulled him back to me with a gentle hand. “Ethan, what is the rule?” I asked, wishing to rush to her side, but I couldn’t forget proprieties.
“Walk, don’t run, wait my turn, listen to Nurse, and don’t steal any more tarts,” he said with a decided twinkle in his eye.
“Very good. We have to wait our turn. There are others in line to speak to the duke and duchess.” Like my son, I was impatient.
Our earlier conversation in the breakfast room had heated my blood, and all day I yearned for the time when we’d all be alone once more.
The ball precluded any privacy, and like Oliver and Amelia, I had to play my role.
“Ethan, Noah.” Lady Ellen approached, the somber dress making her skin sallow. She was still wearing black, the beading on the lace gown shining in the gaslight. Like Queen Victoria, I had an inkling she’d be in mourning for the rest of her life. As would I.
“Have you seen William, Grandmama?” Ethan asked.
She frowned and looked to me for an explanation. “Who is William?”
“He’s Hortense’s eldest,” I explained, my gaze drifting back to Amelia and Oliver.
I caught her staring at me again, hunger in her eyes.
She nudged Oliver, and he turned his head, grinning.
During events such as this, I missed Sally even more.
While I’d chosen the path to be alone, I missed being part of a couple.
Oliver and Amelia were starting out on their journey, and I hoped it ended better than my own.
“Yes, the room is so full, it is hardly navigable.” Lady Ellen bent down and tweaked Ethan’s nose with her finger. The gentle smile transformed her face as she revealed her softer side. “How handsome you look.”
“Thank you, Grandmama,” he said, taking in his surroundings. He lifted his hand, pointing to the far wall. The room was rectangular with an orchestra at one end, the parquet floors polished. Gaslights enhanced the rich feel of the refined decor. “There he is. There’s William.”
“So it would seem.” I was next in line and didn’t wish to miss a conversation with my lovers. “Lady Ellen, can you escort Ethan to visit his friend? I wish to pay my respects to the newlyweds.”
“Yes, of course. Come along, Ethan.” She held out her hand, and he took it. Eagerness caused him to forget what I told him as he dragged her away. Secretly I was grateful. I could only take so much of her.
The couple Amelia and Oliver had been speaking with moved away. I stepped forward, wishing I could do more than bow in greeting. “Your Graces.”
“Noah and E...” Amelia’s smile faltered, lines forming between her eyebrows. Lady Gwendolyn had given her new granddaughter-in-law a gold and ruby ring. Amelia wore it in celebration of their marriage and worried the ring. “What happened to Ethan?”
“Your mother took him to see William,” I explained, glancing from Amelia to Oliver. Heated eyes held mine before he waved the butler over.
“We will end the receiving line,” he said, his eyes never leaving my face.
I would have to speak with him about schooling his features so nobody could guess his secret.
He was a duke; thus, not even the vile Marquess of Queensbury would dare try to out him as queer.
However, he’d be the object of speculation for the rest of his life.
“Yes, your grace,” the butler said, moving to do his master’s bidding.
“My nephew rivals Ethan in mischievousness, I pray Lady Ellen can keep them in check,” Oliver said, rocking back on his heels. The strain that aged him beyond his years before his marriage had lessened. Marriage to Amelia and the subsequent bedding of his wife seemed to give him confidence.
“Mother is a general in a skirt,” Amelia said with biting sarcasm.
I laughed at her quip, my wayward thoughts drifting to her lying naked in bed, her body stretched out while I pleasured her with my hands and mouth. “And equally as formidable.”
“Indeed,” Oliver said, frowning as a familiar figure shot past us.
Ethan threw himself at Amelia, his face flushed. “Aunt Amelia.”
“Ethan,” I said, displeased by his rowdy behavior. At times he seemed much too mature for his years; thus it was a shock when he acted his age. “That is no way for a gentleman to behave in public. I thought you were with your grandmother?”
He slipped his hand into Amelia’s, glancing from me to her in indecision. Rarely was I on the outs with him, and every time I was forced to discipline him, I felt like the worst sort of villain.
“I am sorry, Papa, but Lady Gwendolyn asked me to fetch Aunt Amelia,” Ethan said in a small voice.
“Did she indeed? Did she tell you why?” Oliver asked, his smile faltering. His grandmother had insisted on joining in on all the festivities. The last time I’d seen her, she looked rather pale but in good spirits.
Ethan nodded with an eager smile, his confidence level increasing. “She said she wanted Aunt Amelia to play wizard.”
“Wizard? Is that some new game I am unaware of?” Oliver asked.
“I believe he means whist.” Amelia squeezed Ethan’s hand, grinning at his mistake. She loved my son as much as I did. If Sally had only been around to see him grow. “I did promise to partner with the dowager duchess. I guess I will be in the card room,” she said.
“Good luck,” Oliver said, slipping his hand through the crook of Amelia’s arm.
He had the luxury to touch her at will, and I envied that ability.
At the same instance, I envied her the right to be with Oliver without fear of discovery.
If I were caught being intimate with her, it would earn me a wink and a nod from my peers.
If caught with him, I could be sentenced to hard time in prison.
I shuddered to think of the outcome if that ever came about.
Jealousy continued to war with common sense, however. I watched Amelia and my son disappear past the other guests before I turned back to Oliver. “I have obtained some cigars from Cuba. Would you like to venture to the smoking room?”
“I would rather get some air if you don’t mind.”
“Lead on,” I said.
“Let’s go out the servants’ stairs and, oh bother, here comes the vicar.
Hurry.” Oliver clasped my elbow and, nodding to a gentleman trying to wave him down, exited out a door flush against the wall.
The sounds of the ballroom were muffled, and a maid halted a few steps from us, her eyes wide.
She flattened her back against the wall, clearly stunned by the sight of us.
“Beg pardon,” I said to the outwardly shocked woman. Chances were that although she worked in Oliver’s household, she rarely, if ever, was this close to him. Oliver simply nodded and led the way down the stairs. The hallway ended, and he exited another door until we were outside in the fresh air.
The sky was clear and the air cool but not unpleasantly so. I slipped the cigar from my pocket and prepared it for Oliver.
“Remember the last time we smoked cigars together?” he asked.
I cut off the tip and handed it to him before trimming my own. “Vividly.”
“Me as well.” He wetted the cigar tip with his tongue. “I was confused then.”
The sight provoked my passion. I flicked the match and watched the flame flare to life. He held my hand between his and lit the end of his cigar. “But you aren’t now.”
“Oh, yes, I am still very confused,” he said with a touch of irony. He inhaled and released a plume of smoke into the air.
I lit my own cigar before I blew out the match. The smell of sulfur hung in the air, along with the sweet smell of prime tobacco. I had sensed something was bothering him, and now that we were alone, I had the freedom to ask. “You seemed rather certain this morning. What has changed?”
He stared at the red-tipped end of the cigar and rolled it between his fingers. Brow furrowed, he began to walk down the gravel path that skirted the house. “Nothing has changed, and that’s the crux of it.”
We continued to walk, light spilling out on the garden. People were standing on the balcony upstairs, so even though we were away from the ballroom, we weren’t truly alone. “Pardon me, but I’m not following.”
“I am still the same man as I was the first night we kissed. I still have the same needs. I enjoyed my coupling with Amelia, truly I did...” he trailed off, puffing on the cigar. “I am a horrible person for what I am about to admit. If anyone can understand, I think it is you.”
“Speak whenever you are ready,” I said, reaching out and laying my hand on his sleeve. Haunted eyes met mine. He was in turmoil, and I wanted to be a good friend to him. However, I found myself bracing for his next words. The last thing I wanted was to give him false hope about us.
“My success with bedding Amelia was based in part on my love for her. I didn’t wish to let her down, nor would I ever wish to hurt her.
However, I am still unclear if I was aroused by her or more by the sight of you naked in my bed.
” Oliver dug his fingers into his hair, pulling at the strands.
He tilted his head back, visibly swallowing.
“Even now, I am getting hard just thinking about the way your cock felt in my hand.”
“I can see where you are confused. Does it have to be one or the other, or can it be both?” I asked.
Throughout my career, I had to be levelheaded and think clearly.
His infatuation with me was understandable.
I prayed it wasn’t more than mere lust. The reason I had affairs with men was for physical pleasure, not for love.
He tilted his head and exhaled. “No, I don’t suppose it does. The desires I’m experiencing, well, they feel different. With Amelia, it is more like coming home to a place where I know I belong. With you, it’s like gorging myself on my favorite food. I can’t get enough.”
My stomach sank, and I rolled my reply around in my mind.
He was infatuated with me; that much was clear.
I didn’t wish to upset him nor give him false hope.
The alternative would be to cut the affair short, but every fiber of my being cried no.
“Your feelings are understandable. Up until the night in the study, you’d never been intimate with anyone.
I was the first to introduce you to physical stimulus, thus it is not unusual for you to mistake passion for more.
Rest assured, that will pass soon enough.
Things will become easier once you settle in with Amelia, and you’ll soon forget about me. ”
Oliver snapped his head around and stepped close enough I could see the pinched corners of his mouth.
He rarely lost his temper, but by the stiffness of his frame, he was angry.
Although it was dark, I could feel his heated glare.
“Forget about you? Do you honestly think I can ever forget about you? I lo—”
“Don’t say it, Oliver.” My earlier fear was realized, and I shifted on my feet, the muted sounds of the ballroom reminding me that we weren’t alone.
I lowered my voice and tried to maintain my outer calm.
“I gave you my opinion on the subject, and it hasn’t changed.
No matter how fond I am of you, I am not willing to involve myself in more than an affair. ”
“Just because you don’t wish to hear it doesn’t make it any less true.” Oliver flattened his palm on my chest, covering my heart. “I won’t press the issue, nor will I apologize for being in love with you.”