Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lady Amelia, Duchess of Hayesford
“Oh bother,” Lady Gwendolyn said as the couple across from us won the last trick.
“They won.” I was glad for the end of the game. I was anxious to get back to Oliver and Noah. There was other play to be had that night, and it didn’t involve cards.
Lady Gwendolyn placed a hand to her mouth, her fingers a bit shaky. My stomach churned as I studied her for signs of illness. She released a soft belch and tapped her cane on the floor. “I believe I shall retire now.”
I stood and helped her out of the chair, still concerned. “It has been an eventful day.”
“Indeed it has. A wonderful day. Thank you, my dear, I shall cherish it always,” she slurred her words and wobbled on her feet, her eyes a glassy blue.
I gripped her arm as she righted herself, my heart in my throat.
Seeing her weakened state, I waved over her maidservant, who was speaking to a footman.
Regret mingled with alarm. Oliver had feared the events might be too much for her, and he was right.
She’d been insistent, and I had difficulty saying no to Lady Gwendolyn.
She was a formidable woman. The servants rushed to our side, their faces drawn.
“Help Lady Gwendolyn to her room at once, then call the doctor,” I said, my breath airy from fright.
“Yes, your grace,” the maid said.
Several people started to whisper as Lady Gwendolyn left the room with the help of her efficient staff. Hortense rushed in my direction, her face ashen. “Amelia, what is wrong with Grandmama?”
“She was fine until a few minutes ago, and then she started to feel ill. Have you seen Oliver?” I asked, trying to gain some control over my nerves.
“Yes, He’s with Noah. I was on the balcony earlier and saw them outside smoking. Will you fetch him while I see to Grandmama?”
“Of course, of course.” My stomach in a knot, I went in search of Oliver.
I prayed I would find him and fast. After inquiring with the butler, I was escorted to the outer door.
As a child, I had spent some wonderful years at the estate and was somewhat familiar with the gardens.
Chilly night air floated over my bare shoulders.
If Hortense saw them from the balcony, they had to be close.
I skirted the hedges and saw them talking. Relieved, I approached.
“No matter how many times you wish to deny it, I love you.”
“Like I explained, it’s an infatuation. You aren’t in love with me, Oliver,” Noah said, his arms crossed over his chest. “Give it time, and you will see the truth.”
I clenched my fingers into fists at his words. In the back of my mind, I knew Oliver had feelings for Noah. I had feelings for Noah. He, however, had made it plain he didn’t wish for more than an affair. If Oliver was in love with Noah, where did that leave me?
“I don’t need time to see the truth. I am in love with you, and nothing you can say will change that fact.” Oliver made to kiss Noah, but he stepped aside.
“Don’t. We can be easily seen,” Noah warned.
Instinct said to step back and pretend I hadn’t heard anything, but there was the matter of Lady Gwendolyn. Both men turned to look at me when I cleared my throat.
“Oliver, I am sorry to disturb your conversation, but your grandmother is ill. I have instructed the butler to fetch a doctor as soon as possible. Hortense is with her now, but she bid me fetch you,” I said, my words breathy from fear and shock.
Oliver stared at me, not moving a muscle. I could see the cogs turning in his brain and the fear that held him still.
Noah shook his arm, galvanizing Oliver into action. “Go, Oliver.”
“Yes, I must go.” Oliver shot across the lawn, tossing the cigar to the gravel path. The red tip glowed red and continued to smoke.
“How bad is it?” Noah asked me, taking my chilled hand in his.
“We were playing cards, and she seemed to be having a lovely time, then she began to slur her words. I... I...” My words caught on a sob. I was unable to fathom what might have happened. “I was so frightened.”
“I understand. Come, let’s go inside. It's rather chilly out here.” Noah looped his arm with mine and began to walk back to the house.
Once again, he was the anchor in my stormy sea.
My legs were weak, tears clogging my throat.
I was glad for his support when shadows of Sally’s passing wrenched my heart.
He’d been there for me over the past hellish year.
I’d like to say I had returned the favor, except I’d be lying.
Rarely, if ever, had he asked for my assistance in any matter save the children.
“She seemed so normal, and then, well, it happened so fast,” I said.
“We have to hope for the best and not grieve for that which hasn’t happened.
” Noah seemed to always have the right thing to say, yet as I studied his profile, something clarified in my mind.
Throughout the days after Sally’s death, he’d been stoic, always there to support the rest of the family when it was he who should have been supported.
“Yes, you are right, but it’s okay to be afraid of losing someone you love.” Guilt weighed my shoulders down. I hadn’t really paid attention to the mask Noah put on for our benefit. “I miss her too,” I murmured.
The muscles under my palm jumped. “Let’s not talk about Sally right now.”
His clipped tone and stiffened demeanor spoke volumes.
The pain was still raw, no matter how much he pretended otherwise.
Sally’s last diary entry continued to haunt me.
What would his reaction be if he knew the truth about her death?
She’d ended her life, leaving him a widower with three small children.
“As you wish.” I knew he loved Sally, yet he rarely spoke about her. I could only assume it was too painful. It was painful for me too, especially after the new revelation. The diary was hidden in my secretary, and I was still debating whether I wanted to destroy it or not.
“Is Ethan still with your mother?” Noah asked. Another tell with him was the way he often changed the subject to the children when he wanted to distract me from getting too close to him.
“Ethan and William are back in the nursery playing with their soldiers. It would seem balls are rather boring affairs for children.” Given the situation, I didn’t have the luxury of quizzing him on why he was trying to steer the conversation in a different direction.
“I can see that.” He opened the door for me, and we went inside. Some guests were leaving, a few casting us curious looks.
I smiled at them, although it was strained.
As the duchess, people would look to me to set the mood.
Lady Gwendolyn had taken to her bed, but as far as I was aware, she had simply tired herself out.
“I must speak to Oliver.” Yet another conversation I needed to have.
He was in love with Noah. My stomach churned with uncertainty.
I had no idea how to respond to such a dramatic turn of events, nor did I have the time to contemplate my options.
Lady Gwendolyn was in a bad way and needed Oliver’s undivided attention.
“Good night then,” Noah said with an encouraging smile, “and give Lady Gwendolyn my best.”
I ran up the stairs and down the hall, my heart hammering in my throat. She’d been alive when I’d left her, but what if she had taken a turn for the worse? I was thinking about myself again, a personal flaw I needed to be more conscious of.
Lady Gwendolyn’s rooms were situated at the end of a long hallway.
I’d visited with her many times in the quaint drawing room she favored.
As I approached, I heard muted voices. A servant stood at the door and opened it for me.
I didn’t want to go inside, nervous about what I might find.
Noah’s advice stuck with me. Lady Gwendolyn was still with us, and I shouldn’t mourn what wasn’t and appreciate what was.
Oliver was standing at the mantel, staring into the empty grate. The bedroom door was open, and I could see Hortense and her other sisters in quiet conversation. Stark blue eyes met mine when he glanced up.
I stretched out my hand, tears ready to fall. I refused to let them. After I learned of Sally’s death, he lent me his strength. I owed him the same courtesy. He reached for me, pulling me tight into his body. I rested my head on his shoulder. “How is she?”
“The doctor isn’t here yet.” He pressed his cheek to mine, his heart beating fast. “I pray the man will hurry. I told her we needed to keep him on staff, but she said Dr. Thomas had other patients more important than her.”
“More important than a duchess?” I placed my palm on his chest and pressed a kiss to his cheek. No matter her exalted station, Lady Gwendolyn had a humble streak.
“It would seem so. What will I do without her?” The subdued tone of his question plucked at my heartstrings.
“Do not anticipate trouble until it is upon you.” I rubbed his back in a soothing gesture, the silk jacket soft under my palm.
“When did you get to be so wise?” he teased, his voice still strained no matter how much he tried to cover it up.
“I’m simply quoting Noah, well, not exactly quoting, more like paraphrasing.” The man you love. I tried to keep my voice light, but it was hard to reconcile my husband being in love with another man. And me being in love with him as well.
“He—”
The door opened, and a man entered, cutting off Oliver’s comment. The newcomer was fairly young, with dark hair and a serious demeanor. He carried a leather satchel that looked rather heavy. “Your grace.”
Oliver released me and pointed to his grandmother’s room. “Please come this way, Dr. Thomas.”
I remained where he left me, my arms crossed over my chest. What had Oliver been about to say? Would he share his feelings about Noah with me or continue to hide them?
The same could be said for me. I was his wife, but I was equally guilty.