Chapter Thirty
Lord Noah Peterson
The chair creaked under my weight as I reached for my cup in the breakfast room at Hayesford Hall.
I sipped at the hot coffee. After the drama the night before, I had difficulty sleeping.
I had planned to stay for another day, but given the circumstances with Lady Gwendolyn and Oliver, it might have been wiser to depart.
The way Oliver and I had ended our conversation troubled me. He was adamant about his feelings for me, and while a part of me wished otherwise, I couldn’t open myself up to love. I wasn’t strong enough yet and doubted I would ever be.
Footsteps and a flash of skirt alerted me to a newcomer, and I rose from my chair. Amelia entered wearing a green morning dress. Her hair was upswept in a simple style, but circles rimmed her eyes. “Good morning, Noah. Are we the first two down?”
“It would seem so. How is Lady Gwendolyn?” I regained my seat and waited for Amelia to answer. Her marriage hadn’t started out in the best of circumstances, and she deserved to be carefree for a few more days. Soon enough, her obligations as duchess would consume most of her time.
And keep her from me. I tapped my finger on the rim of my cup, trying to regulate my thoughts. She wasn’t mine to have. Oliver was her husband, and she’d vowed to love him until death do they part. I loved Sally, and she had said she loved me. We’d been happy, or so I thought.
The corners of her mouth quirked, and Amelia licked her lips, taking the seat beside me. The maid on duty had placed the tea service on the table earlier and a plate of freshly baked croissants. “I would imagine she’ll be suffering from a sick headache this morning, as well as exhaustion.”
“Beg pardon?” I asked, bringing my mind to the present. I peeled off a piece of the flaky bread.
“It would seem Lady Gwendolyn drank too much sherry.” Alluring laughter floated on the air as Amelia poured a cup of tea. She shook her head at the absurdity of it, adding a dollop of milk. “Hence the reason she was slurring.”
“She was tossed?” I asked, unable to stop my own relieved laughter. I liked the cheeky bird, and it pained me to think about her passing so soon.
“Sadly, the sherry and her stomach were not in agreement, and she spent a very unpleasant night over the chamber pot.” Her smile faltered a bit. “Dr. Thomas has ordered bed rest and to keep her away from the sherry decanter.”
“I don’t envy her the adverse effects of imbibing too much sherry.
It is a very unpleasant feeling.” I settled the piece of croissant on my tongue and allowed the buttery flavors to fill my mouth.
After giving up my commission and arriving home to find my wife had died, I’d found myself living in a bottle.
I was pissed when I met my author friend at the tavern and had a hellish headache for two days afterward. In a way, it sobered me.
“Indeed.” Amelia stirred the liquid in her cup, the silver spoon clanging softly against the porcelain. She tilted her head and glanced around the room. Lines appeared on her smooth brow. She settled her gaze on the maid and cleared her throat. “You may leave us.”
My pulse picked up at the thought of being alone with Amelia.
The maid bobbed a curtsey and left the room.
A warm hand settled on my wrist, and she traced a thumb over the back of my hand. She stared longingly at me, indecision mingling with unrestrained passion. “I am sorry we weren’t able to, um, meet last night as we decided. Oliver insisted on staying by her side, even after the diagnosis.”
Oliver, who had declared his love for me.
A rush of panic hit, and the croissant, which had tasted so good, sat dry in my mouth.
Or perhaps it was my guilt over what I was about to say.
“Perhaps it was for the best. I have had some time to think, and I believe it might behoove us to leave things as they are.”
Her fingers flexed before she released my hand, a tension forming in her jaw that hadn’t been there seconds before. She lifted the cup and palmed it, her head angled in a telling manner. “It is a rather sudden change of heart. You were very eager for an affair, and now you’re begging off?”
She was astute, and I had no doubt she could read between the lines. I had no real argument, just a gut instinct to call a halt to the affair before it went any further. Oliver’s declaration changed everything. “You and Oliver are newly married. It would do you good to be alone for a while.”
“Does this have anything to do with what you were discussing in the garden with Oliver?” Amelia asked, still watching me with interest. She didn’t appear too upset, which gave me hope that I might survive this unscathed.
“You heard us.” I dropped the croissant on my plate and lifted my coffee cup again. Oliver was impressionable, and I had assumed he’d be the lesser complication. How wrong I was. “He doesn’t mean it. He loves you.”
“You can love more than one person.” Amelia studied the contents of her cup for a long moment.
“But can you be in love with more than one person? I believe so. The question becomes, would you let yourself? You said you don’t wish to marry again.
Marriage and love don’t always go hand in hand, as you very well know. ”
Her hair showed a burnished red in the morning sunlight that brightened the room.
Those silky locks had been spread out on the pillow while she moaned my name.
Even the memory sent blood pulsating into my groin.
We were alone. I need only lean over and kiss her.
Except it wasn’t my place. “Love and marriage both require commitment. I have enough commitments in my life without the added burden of falling in love again.”
“Love shouldn’t be a burden.” She returned her hand to clasp mine, the heat of her skin infiltrating my palm. A gentle smile tilted the corners of her generous mouth. “It should be a celebration.”
“Yes, it should be.” I tried to remove my hand, unable to continue touching her without acting on my impulse to do more.
Amelia held fast, her grip surprisingly strong. She continued to study me until I could no longer hold her regard. “So it’s the love part you find fault with? If Oliver hadn’t said anything about his feelings, would we be having this conversation?”
I wished I could say no. Once again, my cock had gotten me into trouble.
Had I simply stayed away, their wedding night would have never involved me.
It was too late for that. “It changes things, yes. I agreed to help you two, and if I’m truthful, I had selfish motives.
The night in my room sparked my lust more than it quenched the desire I have for you. And the same goes for Oliver.”
“I’m an innocent, as you keep reminding me, but even I could see we have something special. Since we are speaking candidly, I never thought to ask why you were kissing Oliver. I mean, I understand you desire him, but isn’t it unusual for a man to desire another? Or am I being na?ve?”
“It is not usual, but more common than you’d think, if that makes any sense.
At least in my experience. I hadn’t started out with the burning desire to lay with another man.
It wasn’t until I met my author friend in Paris that I ventured into unknown territory.
You must understand, I...” The time was very painful.
Grief-stricken, I’d left the day after Sally’s funeral on a quest to forget. “Well, you do understand.”
“Is that where you disappeared to after the funeral?”
“Yes, I met him at a tavern, and we struck up a conversation. He was married, and his wife, a famous gothic novelist, is a bohemian who believes in following your passions where they take you.”
“And they took you into his bed as well as hers?” She licked her bottom lip, her expressive eyes turning a smoky hue. The rise and fall of her chest became more pronounced. My story aroused her curiosity and her passions. “So last night wasn’t the first time you were with another couple?”
“No, it wasn’t.” I flipped my wrist around and linked my fingers with her warm ones. Silky skin met my palm, and I brought our combined hands to my mouth. I skimmed my lips over her knuckles, telling myself to stop but powerless to listen to the voice of reason.
“Do you know what I think?” she asked, leaning in close enough I could see each individual eyelash.
Our mouths hovered mere inches apart, making it hard to keep on topic. I had started the conversation with every intention of ending our intimacies, and yet I wanted to drag her into my lap and sink my cock into her pussy until we were both spent. “No, but I’m certain you’re about to tell me.”
“I think you should stop running away.” She angled her mouth until it fit with mine, her breath my breath. “Because wherever you go, there you are.”
“I’m not running away.” I pulled back from the kiss, giving truth to the lie. Her presence had a way of distracting me, and she’d played on my weakness. “I’m simply stopping a bad situation from getting worse.”
“Whether you join us or cut our association short, he will still feel the same way about you. The way I feel about you,” she said with an adamant nod.
Dread sent a knot to my gut at her declaration, cutting through the all-encompassing desire. “Amelia, I—”
“Never fear, I won’t declare my love for you nor ask for yours in return.
Like you, I’m selfish, and I want what we had.
Together. All three of us. But know this.
You can’t stop someone from loving you. You can embrace it, say thank you, and take what they have to offer.
If you don’t, you will end up bitter and alone. Is that what you want for yourself?”
Voices sounded from just outside the door, cutting our privacy short. Lady Hortense and her younger sister entered the room, followed by Lady Ellen. Amelia played the gracious hostess and greeted them.
I stood as was proper until they sat down at the large rectangular table. As I listened to them talk about Lady Gwendolyn’s health, I pondered Amelia’s words. Is that what I wanted for myself? My mind screamed no, but my heart cried yes. It was too soon to think past my day-to-day life.
I wanted to bed Amelia again. With Oliver. If I agreed to continue the affair, I wasn’t certain if it was fair to him. He was thinking with his cock. At nineteen, men tended to do that. I had been no different.
Lady Hortense tapped my sleeve. “Lord Noah, I hope you will let him.”
“Beg pardon?” I asked, embarrassed to be caught woolgathering.
“William wished for me to ask if Ethan could visit him in London,” she stated.
“Of course, I’m sure Ethan would enjoy that.
” My son was a safe topic, and I focused my mind on small talk.
My decision could wait until I could give it more thought.
Time was on my side in this. I had a trip planned to tour one of the earl’s northern estates.
While away, I would have time to clear my head.
No matter how far I went, I knew one thing for sure, I could never forget my night with the duke and duchess.