Chapter 8
Eight
“Stay where you are. I will see to this,” Tobias called out, moving before he was really aware of what he was doing.
As soon as he had seen Rowen step into the aisle, he had known something was wrong. The grace and control he was so used to seeing, the strength that she seemed determined to flaunt before him, had vanished.
Her movements were fragile, each step more uncertain than the last. Her expression had lost its usual sharpness, instead softening and seeming younger, more innocent. And then she had turned on her heel and fled.
He followed her, deliberately moving at a brisk walk rather than a run. His instincts screamed at him to move faster, but he forced himself not to.
It would not help things.
“She looked like a deer before a hunter,” he murmured to himself.
Some woodland nymph, fleeing from a monster.
He shook himself, pushing the thought out of his mind as he caught sight of his bride-to-be leaning against a nearby headstone. Her arms were wrapped tightly around herself, and her bottom lip was trembling.
She glanced over at his approach, and he expected to see anger or her usual combativeness. Instead, he saw resignation and, beneath it, an almost animalistic panic. It made his blood run cold.
“I know what you are going to say. We had a deal; I am well aware of that. I expect you are here to say you will drag me into the church if you have to, that I will keep my promise to you no matter what.” She hugged herself tighter.
“You are going to tell me to get a hold of myself and get in there and endure the damned ceremony.”
“Is that truly what you think? That I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you back into the church against your will?” Tobias’s jaw tightened, and his heart clenched.
What kind of monster does she think I am?
“Perhaps nothing that dramatic,” Rowen admitted. “But I doubt you are going to let me get away with this. I embarrassed you—I embarrassed myself. You will give me a dressing down, remind me of my place and who I am marrying.”
She bit her lip, a tear rolling down her cheek.
Tobias realized that he had been reaching for her as though to wipe the tear away. Catching himself, he instead reached into his pocket and fished out a handkerchief.
“I suppose such assumptions about my character are warranted.” He gently placed the handkerchief in her hand, bending her fingers around the cloth and trying to ignore their warmth.
Her eyes flicked to his face, narrowing in suspicion even as her lips parted. He met her grey gaze steadily.
“I am not going to force you back into the church, and I am not going to call you names or belittle you. That is not the kind of man that I am.” He shook his head. “I will never do something like that to you.”
“But you will not let me walk away.” The note of defeat in her voice broke something inside of him.
“Is that what you want?” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“I do not know. I just… I had been here before, Tobias. As soon as I stepped into the church, it was like I could see everything laid out before me, like I was simply reliving my past. All I could smell was sandalwood, all I could think about was him.” She shook her head and dabbed her face with the handkerchief.
“I assume you are speaking of your late husband.” He cocked his head.
“Yes.”
“Some men would be jealous if their wife were thinking of another man on their wedding day.”
The thought of the late Earl belittling or hurting Rowen stirred the urge to break something, and his fingers flexed unconsciously as though closing around someone’s neck.
“From what your brother said, I imagine he was not a particularly good husband.”
“Would you think less of me if I told you that you were right?” Rowen let out a shaky breath.
Tobias furrowed his brow. “Why would I think less of you?”
“Because I was foolish enough to marry him.” Rowen threw her arms up in the air and shook her head, biting her bottom lip hard.
“I was silly enough to be fooled by his charms. I believed him when he said that he would love me, that I was the only woman for him. He promised me everything, and I thought he meant it. But he was a liar.”
“Then he is the one at fault, not you.” Tobias took a step towards her, his tone fierce. “Any man who would belittle or degrade a woman is little more than filth. If he ever laid a hand on you—” His fist was clenched.
Rowen’s eyes widened, and she waved her hands emphatically. “It was nothing like that. He was not unkind to me. Well, not in the way you are thinking.”
Tobias swallowed, fighting to get his temper under control. “Then what was it like?”
His voice was soft, and to his relief, the edge of anger did not bleed into his words. He looked into her expressive grey eyes and saw the sadness in them as she gave him a half smile.
She ran a hand along her upper arm. “He just broke my heart. I was young and in love, and he made me feel… Well, he made me feel all sorts of things. Like I was some priceless treasure that he would love until his dying day. Like he would give me the moon if I asked. He was always saying things like that.”
Tobias saw the tension in her body as she stared off into the distance. She was hugging herself again, and he realized that he had taken another step towards her.
“He loved to lavish me with gifts, especially in the early days. He swore all sorts of things to me, and he doted on me. And then, just after I told him I was pregnant, I discovered that he had been having an affair.” She began to pace.
“And it was not the first one. Nor was it the last. After the third one, I gave up. I suspect the twins have more than a few half-siblings around the country.”
Tobias gritted his teeth. “I have never understood why some men bother getting married if they are just going to spend their lives lying and cheating on their wives.”
“His wedding vows were about as hollow as an empty well. As were all of his promises. Not that that is the worst of it.” She grimaced.
“He betrayed me in so many ways, but the worst was how he hid his ineptitude from me. His recklessness and selfishness. I do not know, really. Whatever it was, when he died, I discovered the extent of his weakness. He left us destitute. It was so bad that I feared I would end up in debtor’s prison. ”
Tobias remembered how James had spoken with such anger about his sister’s late husband.
I doubt James knew just how badly he had treated her, or else the man would have met an earlier end.
Tobias’s fingers twitched again, and he fought the rising anger in his chest.
“So when I walked into the church and saw everyone and heard their whispers, and then I smelled sandalwood, it was too much to bear.” Rowen was still pacing. “I was starting yet another marriage on vows that would be hollow and utterly meaningless.”
“Then we should change that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I have no wish for us to start on the same footing as you and the late Earl.”
“Then what are you proposing?”
“That we make our own vows, here and now, on sacred ground. Vows that are true and that we will keep, so that we might at least start this marriage on the same page.”
“The ceremony—” she began.
“Can wait.” Tobias ran a hand through his hair, his eyes searching her face.
“This is important, Rowen. Our marriage is not like your first. We are not marrying for love, but we both know that. We need not build a foundation solely on lies. What we say to each other out here will be the real union. That will be the truth. What happens in the church is just a performance.”
“How sacrilegious,” she teased, and an emotion flitted across her face too quickly for him to decipher.
“We would hardly be the first to do such a thing. Besides, you and I both know that you have no intention of honoring your vows either.” He arched an eyebrow at her, the corner of his mouth quirking up. “Unless you were planning to obey and serve me once we were wed?”
Rowen let out a small chuckle. “I think you know the answer to that already.”
“So what do you say?” He cocked his head.
He waited for several moments while Rowen gave his offer some thought. Eventually, she nodded. “Fine, you have convinced me.”
“I, Tobias Rothwell, the Duke of Erindale and Colonel of the Great British Army, make these vows to you, Lady Rowen Berrymore, Dowager Countess of Irving,” he began as he clasped her hands between his.
Her eyes widened at his touch, and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.
She arched an eyebrow at him. “So formal?”
“Of course. I would not want you to think I was not taking this seriously.” He grinned. “Now, My Lady, I believe I have some vows to make.”
He let his smile fade and looked into her eyes. His heart was thudding hard against his ribs. The air around them was heavy, expectant, as though it was listening to their words.
“First, I swear that I will always protect you and your children. Those who harm you or seek to do you harm will face the full force of my wrath.”
Tobias thought of everything she had said, the way her late husband had let her down.
You deserved better.
“Though our marriage is one of obligation, I vow that my support is unconditional. No matter what happens between you and me, you will be safe. You will always have enough money, a roof over your head, and anything else you and your children will ever need.”
He felt her fingers tremble between his, and he squeezed them gently.
“As your husband, your problems are mine. If it is in my power to solve them, then I will do so. On this hallowed ground, and on my honor as man, colonel, and duke, I swear these things to you. I make them without obligation, without agenda. They are my gift to you, should you accept me as your husband.”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed, and his eyes flicked from the movement back to her face. She closed her eyes, a crease forming on her brow. A gentle breeze drifted between them as she opened her eyes.
They were red-rimmed, but were full of a light that had not been there moments ago. It was determination and something else that Tobias could not name.
“I do.” Rowen let out a long breath. “I, Lady Rowen Berrymore, the Dowager Countess of Irving, make these vows to you, Colonel Tobias Rothwell, Duke of Erindale. I shall not be a burden on you. I will be of use to you, as I have no wish to take without giving what skills I have in return.”
Tobias wanted to interject, to tell her that she was not a burden and that he did not need her to be useful, but he stopped himself. He could tell that this was important to her. Yet his thoughts must have shown on his face, for she smiled and squeezed his hands.
“You may not need me to be useful, nor demand it, yet this promise is mine to make. I have a few things in this world to gift, and what skills I have are at your disposal. I vow that I will be helpful, that I will be an asset, and that I will add more than I take. I also swear to be less combative.” She gave him an impish smile and added, “Or at the very least, I will try to be. These vows are our truths, and as such, I have no wish to promise something I cannot deliver. Consider this a fresh start. Let us aim for a more cordial relationship and proceed as allies, rather than adversaries.”
“I like the sound of that.” Tobias smiled.
“So do I.” Rowen smiled back, and he felt a warmth spread across his chest. “I make these vows as your wife, as a woman, a mother, a dowager countess, and a future duchess. On this hallowed ground, I swear to honor them until the day I die. These vows are made without obligation or agenda. They are my gift to you, should you accept me as your wife.”
“I do.” He held her hands for a moment, letting his words echo in the space around them. “To our fresh start, as man and wife.”
“A fresh start,” Rowen echoed.
Her hands slipped from his, and he stepped away, gesturing to the church as he held out an arm to her. “Now, Duchess, I believe you and I have a wedding to get to.”
“I believe we do.” She slipped an arm through his and let him lead her back towards the church.
“If you need a moment, we can wait,” Tobias offered.
“I am fine, thank you.” She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
“I mean it. If you need more time, even during the ceremony, just say so.” Tobias squeezed her arm gently.
“I know.” She rested a hand on his arm. “But you have already given me what I need.”
Tobias paused, trying to think of something to say. His mind felt sluggish under the weight of her sincerity. His heart leaped and fluttered, and he frowned.
Rowen shook her head, an unreadable expression on her face. Tobias felt an odd emptiness spread through his chest, but before he could say anything, she tugged on his arm.
She nodded towards the building. “Now, it is high time we get back to the church, or there will be all sorts of rumors about what we have been up to for the past few minutes.”
“Oh, I would not worry about that, Duchess.” He grinned and leaned towards her, letting his eyes drift across her face. “You have far too few grass stains for that.”
Her eyes widened, and a blush spread across her face right up to her ears. She shook her head and gently swatted at him, making a noise that was halfway between exasperation and frustration before continuing towards the church.
“So much for a fresh start,” Tobias murmured as he followed after her, trying to ignore the unease in his chest.