Chapter 10
Ten
“Oh! I thought this was the library,” a small voice called as Tobias peered at the ledger in front of him. “Sorry, Mama told me I should not disturb you.”
He was sitting in his study at Kidlington House, triple-checking the accounts and struggling to stay awake while doing it. It was the most loathsome task, but it had to be done and done well.
He blinked up and found himself looking at Georgia.
Her cheeks flushed as her grey eyes met his. She shifted her weight from foot to foot, holding the corner of her light yellow skirt as though she was not sure if she should curtsey or not. Her eyes were wide, her lips pursed.
“You are not disturbing me, so you do not need to apologize.” Tobias rose from the desk and gestured around them, getting down on his knee so that they were at eye level. “Is there something I can help you with?”
Georgia bit her lip, her eyes darting from him to the bookshelves, lingering on the wall of swords across from them before returning to him. “I wanted to find something to read.”
“Well, you are welcome to take anything you see on these shelves. Though I will warn you, you may find them rather tedious.” He straightened and indicated the bookshelves, leaning against his desk so that he would not dwarf her with his height.
Her eyes narrowed, and her chin tilted up in such a perfect impression of her mother’s disapproving look that it was all he could do not to laugh.
“Would you say that if Alistair asked to read them?” she demanded.
“I would say that if anyone asked to read them. I myself find them so dull that I read them when I cannot sleep.” He gave her an ingratiating smile and then grimaced. “It takes a rather odd person to find books on farming and accounting interesting.”
She relaxed and then frowned. “Are they all about that?”
“Not all of them. There are philosophy books, some religious texts, and a few books in Latin and Greek, and even German.” He leaned towards her and added in a stage whisper, “If I were you, I would avoid those. They are the most boring of the lot.”
The girl appeared to ponder this as she took another step into the study. The tension in her had not eased entirely, but her steps were more sure.
She nodded seriously. “My German is not good enough to read yet. And I haven’t learned any Latin or Greek. Well, I’ve learned some, but it’s so boring!”
She knows German?
Tobias kept the surprise from his face, trying to work out just what gaps remained in her education and her brother’s.
“Latin and Greek can be rather dull. When I was your age, I was far more interested in reading about far-off lands and daring adventures. Though I did not get to read about such things often.” He clenched his hand into a fist, forcing his eyes not to drift to the bare stretch of wall where his father’s portrait had once hung.
Georgia stopped looking through the books and canted her head towards him. “Why not?”
“My father did not approve of such things.”
“That rubbish is for inbreds and layabouts, and you are neither. Do not pollute your mind with such drivel.”
He felt his shoulders tense and forced them to relax.
“That seems silly. Books are just lessons waiting to happen. Mama always says it is better to be interesting than boring, and I know she means people, but I think it applies to other things as well.” Georgia shrugged and ran a hand through her hair.
“I agree. Though unfortunately, there are times when one must do rather boring things.” Tobias gestured to the ledgers he had been poring over and made a face.
“I know. I hate my sewing lessons, but I know they’re important because if I can’t sew, I can’t fix things, and I can’t rely on Mama to always fix things for me.
Although Alistair is better at sewing than I am.
But don’t tell him I told you that; he gets quite shy about it.
” Georgia fixed him with a look, as though daring him to tease her brother about such a feminine skill.
Tobias felt a tug in his chest at her protectiveness of him and met her defiant gaze with his gentle one.
“He need not. It is a useful skill for anyone to have. In truth, I wish I had known such a thing at your age. I had to learn while I was in the army. I was fed up with having holes in my socks, and the men had more important things to tend to than such things.”
The tension in the girl’s body vanished, and she relaxed. She took a step towards him, biting her bottom lip as she glanced from the swords on the wall to him. “Were you really in the war?”
“I was.” He stiffened.
She took another step towards him. “Did you ever get scared?”
“Sometimes.” He shrugged.
Memories threatened to surface, but he pushed them away.
Georgia furrowed her brow and shot him an accusatory look. “But Mama said you were a colonel. How can you be in the war if you’re scared?”
“Fearlessness and courage are not the same thing.” He shook his head, a wry smile on his face.
“What do you mean?” Georgia folded her arms across her chest as she looked up at him.
He shrugged again and rubbed the back of his neck. “Courage is not the lack of fear, but your ability to face your fear and still do what is needed. Only idiots and fools are unafraid.”
“So I can be afraid and still be brave?” Georgia’s eyes lit up, though the crease in her brow only deepened.
“Of course.” Tobias nodded, wondering what she was thinking.
“Oh.” Georgia looked down at the floor, nudging an invisible speck of dust with her foot. “I thought if I was scared, then maybe it meant I was weak.”
“Fear is healthy. It is only a problem when we let it rule us.”
“Craven, yellow-bellied coward.”
His father’s voice echoed in his head, but he pushed it away, focusing on the girl standing in front of him.
“Sometimes fear keeps us safe. It warns us of danger, and sometimes it should be heeded and other times overcome.”
“But how do you know which is which?” she asked.
The question caught him off guard, and he paused, rubbing his jaw as he tried to think of a good answer. In the end, he let out a chuckle. “That is a very good question, and the answer, I am afraid, is one that I am still learning.”
“I thought adults knew everything.” Her eyes were wide with disbelief.
His chuckle turned into a deep laugh that echoed through the room. “If that were true, philosophers would not exist.”
Georgia nodded sagely, clearly nonplussed by his laughter. “Mama says philosophy is just a bunch of people with too much time on their hands and no real skills. They ponti—poncificate?”
“Pontificate,” Tobias corrected.
Georgia agreed, moving closer. “That one. She says it’s easy to theorize about why the world is, but that won’t put dinner on the table.”
“Your mother is a very practical person,” Tobias replied, thinking of his wife and the way she had kept her family afloat all these years.
After that scum of a man betrayed her. And yet she has hidden it from her children, sheltering them from her pain.
Belatedly, he realized that Georgia was still talking and forced his attention back to her.
“Yes, she can be.” She gave him an appraising look. “You must be too. Otherwise, she would not have married you. Is that why you have swords instead of paintings? I suppose a sword is nice to look at and can keep people safe, but I do miss paintings.”
He smiled at her, his eyes drifting across the wall of swords. “Those swords are not really for use, except perhaps in an emergency. They are heirlooms. Passed down from generation to generation.”
“Oh. So you do not know how to use them?” The corners of her lips turned downward.
“I did not say that.” Tobias picked up one of the rapiers and moved away from her, swinging out the blade and making several parries and ripostes against an invisible opponent.
“Can I try?” Georgia’s eyes lit up as she looked at him.
He shook his head and put the sword back in place. “I think it’s too heavy for you, and I do not want you to hurt yourself. More to the point, I suspect your mother would skin me alive if I let you play with something so dangerous without knowing what you were doing.”
“But I do know what I am doing. I used to fence with Alistair.” She was practically vibrating with excitement now.
He eyed her carefully, fighting to keep a smile off his face as her excitement washed over him. “Did you, indeed?”
“I did. I can show you!” Her eyes darted to the sword again, but he moved in front of her.
“Very well, but not with that one. I do not have any practice foils in the study, so you shall have to show me what you know with this.” He picked up two canes and handed one to her, using the other as his weapon.
“Very well.” Georgia clumsily saluted him with her cane and then fell into the opening fencing stance. “En garde!”
Tobias mirrored the gesture. “Prêt. Allez!”
Georgia lashed out with her cane, making a daring move towards him. He met it easily with his own cane, and the two of them traded blows.
Tobias studied her expression, her form. It was clear she had had some training, and even had some skill. She parried and riposted well, but her footwork was sloppy.
“If you move your left foot, you will find it easier to get behind my guard.” He demonstrated with his own foot.
“Like this?” She mimicked him
“Yes.” He nodded as they continued to duel. “See? Your balance is much better.”
She nodded, her brow furrowed in concentration as she struck out again with her cane. The movement was a little wild, and she tripped on her skirt, losing her grip on the cane and letting it tumble to the floor.
Tobias darted forward, ready to catch her in case she fell. Georgia’s arms windmilled, and she caught herself before giving him a smile that was half embarrassed and half frustrated.
“It would be easier in trousers, but I thought it would be better to wear a dress.”
An unfathomable emotion flickered across her face. Shame or anger? Maybe both?
“Sometimes people get quite upset when I wear trousers.”