Chapter 17 #2
“I am simply impressed that you do not seem to feel the cold.” She gestured to her own thick dressing gown. “The view, I can take or leave.”
She tore her gaze from his chest with some difficulty.
“I would bear almost anything for you.” Tobias moved towards her, drawing his dressing gown around himself as he helped himself to a biscuit. “Cold is the least of them.”
Rowen rolled her eyes. “Oh yes, I am sure this little show is all for me.”
“There is no one else around.” Tobias gestured around them. “Unless you have hidden a secret lover in the pantry?”
She thought she heard an edge in his voice, but she was sure she was mistaken.
I am so tired; that is all.
Her mind flashed back to the twins, and her heart sank.
“And share these biscuits with another soul?” Rowen gestured to the tin in her hand, a smile creeping onto her face.
“Should I assume that you have no intention of sharing them with me?” Tobias grinned and took a step closer.
“No.” Rowen smiled back.
“Ah, well, that will not do. We are man and wife, and what’s yours is mine.” Tobias darted forward and grabbed a biscuit, popping it in his mouth as Rowen let out an indignant squawk.
“That is hardly fair, my hands are full—I cannot even fend you off,” Rowen huffed. “I thought you were a gentleman.”
“After sunrise, yes. Before?” He gave her a wolfish grin and grabbed another biscuit. “No.”
“Stop that. You will eat them all, and I will get none. And I was the one who fetched them in the first place,” Rowen protested.
“True enough. How about this? I will trade you a measure of scotch if you share the biscuits with me.” Tobias leaned towards her.
“And just where do you plan on getting scotch?” she challenged.
“I have my ways.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
“You ask me to share scotch and a snack with you in the same moment you profess not to be a gentleman. Do you take me for a fool?” Rowen’s eyes glittered in the candlelight, even as she fought back a small smile.
Two can play this game.
Tobias ran a hand through his hair. “Not a fool, but rather a shrewd negotiator. And you did say you enjoyed a good scotch.”
Rowen saw him reach for another biscuit and danced out of his way.
Tobias sighed. “It seems neither of us can sleep, and as I have no intention of letting you eat all of the biscuits, this seems like the most amicable solution.”
Rowen hesitated. A part of her knew she should simply give him the biscuits and leave, but she found she could not bring herself to.
She chewed on her bottom lip. “Fine, but if it is not good scotch, the biscuits are mine.”
Tobias swept into a low bow. “Only the best for my Duchess.”
Rowen rolled her eyes and watched as he disappeared into the pantry. She listened to the sounds of him rummaging around, and a moment later, he re-emerged with two glasses and a bottle of scotch.
He poured them each a healthy measure and slid a glass towards her.
As soon as Rowen had seen the bottle, she had known it was good scotch, and when the amber liquid touched her lips, she could not help but let out a happy sigh.
“Does it live up to your expectations?” Tobias asked as he settled on the stool beside her.
“It is divine.” Rowen closed her eyes, breathing in the heavenly smell, and licked her lips.
The hairs on her body stood up as though she were being watched, but when she opened her eyes, Tobias was staring into his own glass, his fingers gently drumming on the table.
He sipped his drink and asked, “Did you enjoy the play this evening?”
Rowen forced herself not to stiffen at his question. “It was good.”
Tobias tilted his head towards her, his eyes boring into her face as though he were searching for something. “I am glad. And the children enjoyed themselves?”
“Yes.” Rowen turned away from him, her mind going back to the sleeping twins.
Their sleep looked restful at least.
She swirled the contents of her glass and took another sip. The burn of the liquid was a welcome distraction. She could not talk to him about the play; she did not even know what she would say.
“A husband is not just for warming one’s bed at night.”
Adele’s words echoed in her mind, and she frowned.
Tobias helped himself to another biscuit. “Well, you should make use of the box more often, in that case. I believe they are doing a showing of Twelfth Night in a few weeks—that is my favorite of the Bard’s works.”
“Really?” She turned back to him.
“Of course. His histories are interesting but scarcely of interest to me, and why watch a tragedy when the world is tragic enough?” Tobias shrugged, and Rowen heard the lightness fade from his words.
“Twelfth Night always makes me think of the twins.” She chewed on her own biscuit, thinking of Alistair and Georgie.
“They have not done it for a while, but they used to take one another’s places.
More often, Georgie would pretend to be Alistair and attend his lessons.
I used to worry that perhaps one day she would decide she did not want to go back to being Georgie. ”
She did not look at Tobias as she said it. She waited for him to recoil from her. She expected him to say that she was being ridiculous. Her heart sped up, and her fingers tightened around her glass.
“She would not be the first person to do so. Nor the last, I imagine. And such things are less complicated when you are not the firstborn.” His words drew her gaze back to him, and she found his expression was thoughtful.
Her eyes widened, and she leaned towards him. “What do you mean?”
“Every now and then, you hear of such a story. A family goes to the Continent with a son and returns with a niece. Or they go with a daughter and return with a nephew.” Tobias popped another biscuit in his mouth.
“There was a boy at Oxford with such a nature, and I even served with a soldier on the front—Patrick—who wished to fight for king and country.”
Rowen’s heart sped up. She searched his face, looking for any sign of revulsion or mirth, but there was nothing.
He is serious.
Then, she remembered the stories she had read, and her blood turned to ice.
“When such things are discovered, it often leads to ruin.”
She thought of all the things the ton had said about the people who had done those things. She imagined Georgie on the receiving end of such vileness, and her hand shook.
“Such people are reviled by the ton. People scarcely talk about Charles Hamilton without curling their lips—I already see the way they judge Georgie.”
For a moment, she thought Tobias was going to take her hand in his, and she tensed at the thought. Instead, he ran a hand through his hair.
Rowen felt a twinge in her chest, but whether it was relief or disappointment, she could not be sure.
“People judge what they do not understand, yet they respect power. Eccentricities are permitted if one understands how to bend the rules and has power behind them.”
Tobias sounded as though he was choosing each of his words carefully, and when Rowen turned to face him fully, his lips had pressed into a thin line, his eyes hard and serious.
“I swore I would protect you and the children. I will never let anything happen to them, and whatever any of you need to be happy, I will make sure it is yours.”
“That is easy enough to say.” Rowen’s heart ached.
How can I trust that you will honor your vows when the full fury of the ton is directed at my daughter? She is not even your own flesh and blood.
The late Earl had not even protected his own daughter. What hope was there that Tobias would?
“I know. Words are cheap, but actions are not. I do not expect you to take me at my word, Rowen.” Tobias’s eyes drifted over her face. “But I hope that in time, you will see the truth of them.”
There was a beat of silence that stretched out until Rowen could not help but shift in her chair. A part of her wanted to believe him, but she had put her trust in the wrong person before.
He gave her a small, sad smile and stood up. He put a few biscuits on a plate and gestured to the door. “I should leave you to enjoy this in peace. I am glad you had a good evening.”
Something inside her snapped, and she found herself standing, moving towards him.
“I lied,” she blurted. “About the play.”
Tobias’s eyes widened, and he moved back into the room. “Did something happen? Are you all right? I will make sure that—”
“No, nothing happened. It… It is the children.” Rowen waved her hands frantically and then began to pace around the kitchen.
“In the past, they have been a handful. They are usually full of energy and are so excited by everything around them that I spend my time telling them to stop climbing things. Yet tonight… I have never seen them like this before.”
“What do you mean?” Tobias asked.
“They seemed so lifeless, and they slept through nearly the entire play. I have scarcely seen them recently, and when I have, they seem withdrawn.” Rowen made a frustrated noise. “I am worried about them.”
“I have not heard anything like this from their tutors.” There was an emotion in Tobias’s voice that she could not quite place. “They all have only positive things to say about the twins, though I have yet to speak to their fencing instructor.”
“I just do not understand it.” Rowen’s hands curled into fists.
“For the first time in our lives, we do not have to worry about money. They are clearly dedicated to their studies, and they want for nothing. They have new clothes, toys, books. Yet…” She felt a lump form in her throat. “I just want them to be happy.”
“As do I.” Tobias’s voice sounded hollow.
She turned to look at him, but his face was half hidden in shadow as he had stepped back from her. She could see the tension in his shoulders.
“I think it would be best if I moved to the country once my business in London is concluded.” Tobias clenched his fists.
His words hit her like a brick. She stepped back, a hand on her chest.
Is he running away?
She had opened up to him. She had thought she could rely on him, and now…
“Why?” She tried to keep the anger and confusion from her voice.
“You said it yourself; the children have everything they want and need. They lack for nothing, and when it was just you without me, they seemed happier.” Tobias was shaking his head.
“I must conclude that it is my presence that is causing their distress. I told myself that it was duty that kept me here, but perhaps it was simply loneliness. And in my selfishness, I have broken my vows.”
“I tried to push it all away.”
His words echoed in her mind. She knew that he had been lonely; she had felt that same loneliness.
“But…” Rowen trailed off, unsure of what to say.
“It could be nothing else. I am the one who has arranged their lessons and perhaps crammed their schedules. I am the one who has not noticed a change in their behavior.” He pressed a knuckle to his temple.
“I think it will be best if I leave. I shall make the arrangements and have the servants ready the country estate.”
Rowen felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room.
He is leaving.
She swallowed. Her thoughts were a jumble of words she could scarcely make out.
“You are leaving tonight?” She took a step towards him.
“No. It will take some time to arrange things. Perhaps… Yes, I might be able to stay with Scarfield for a few days.” Tobias gave her a smile that did not reach his eyes.
“Just think, Duchess. You will finally have what you want. All the money and status and none of the bother of a husband in your house.”
Rowen could not think of anything to say as she watched him leave.
He was offering her everything she had wanted. She would have the house to herself and full control of everything.
Yet the thought of him leaving made her blood run cold, and she was not sure what scared her more: the thought of him leaving or the fact that a part of her wanted him to stay.