Chapter 27
Twenty-Seven
“Ireally did not think it would get so messy,” James said as they walked towards the front door. “I suppose that is what comes of not thinking things through.”
Rowen nodded, only half listening to what her brother was saying. She was too busy thinking about all the things that had not been said.
“I know this must have been very difficult for you and the children, but well… being so close to death has made me realize just how precious life is.” James put a hand on her shoulder.
“I intend to live it, and to make sure you do as well. I suspect that my brush with death will probably make Father more amenable to giving me the funds to support you. And if not, I will figure something out. I will not let you struggle. Do not worry, Sister.”
He glanced around the house and winced. “Though it may not be quite as lavish a life as Rothwell has given you. His coffers run far deeper than even our father’s.”
“I want to spoil you.”
Tobias’s words sent a chill through her veins.
“I do not need lavish things. Just enough to be comfortable; that is all.”
“That I can certainly do.” James hugged her again. “Let me know when you are ready to leave, and I will send a carriage for you. Rothwell is a generous soul, Sister, but I would not push him too far. You do not want him to think you are taking advantage of his kindness.”
“No, of course not.” Rowen hesitated and then blurted, “But we may still stay—if he asks us to, I mean.”
She had meant to keep the hope from her voice, but some of it must have bled through because James paused and shook his head.
“I would not hold your breath. Rothwell likes his own space, and since his brother died, that is even more the case than before.” He gave her a sad smile, his soft voice breaking her heart even further.
“He has not been the same ever since. Which makes the debt I owe him even greater. He was in the depths of grief, and still he provided for you.”
“I only did what was necessary. Nothing more, nothing less.”
Tobias’s words came back to her, making the lump in her throat swell.
“He is a loyal friend.”
“He is,” James agreed. “I think there are few men like him, and I will always be grateful for what he has done.” He gave her a playful nudge. “I am also glad that you let him look after you. I know that cannot have been easy for you.”
“It was easier than I expected,” Rowen admitted. “I had not expected to feel so well looked after, but… Well…”
“I am glad he made you feel that way.” James squeezed her hand. “You deserve nothing less.”
Rowen nodded, not trusting herself to speak. The lump in her throat was so large that she could barely breathe. She felt tears threatening to spill over and hastily wiped them away, hoping her brother would not notice as he turned away from her.
James stepped into the snowy London street while she tried to think of something to say. His brush with death may have robbed him of his strength, but it only seemed to strengthen his will.
She watched as he breathed in deeply, turned to face her, and flashed her one of the widest smiles she had ever seen.
“It will all work out in the end, Rowen. Life is too short for it not to.”
“I hope so.” She smiled back at him.
“I will see you later. And give my darling niece and nephew a big hug from me.” James tucked his hands into his pockets and began to walk down the street, whistling as he did.
She closed the door behind her and leaned against it. Her head spun.
She walked away from the front door in a daze. Everything had happened so fast.
“There is no reason for you to stay married.”
Her brother’s words echoed in her head over and over. She had wanted Tobias to say something, to say anything. But he had not. He had not even looked at her.
She clenched her fists. “I was just an obligation.”
She did not want to believe it, not after what she had done—or rather, tried to do—the night before. She had thrown herself at him, and he had let her.
He had kissed her like it had meant something to him. “But as soon as he was offered a way to be rid of us… he took it.”
She needed to understand. To hear him say it to her. Perhaps he was just as shocked as she was.
She walked into the study to find him leaning against the mantelpiece, swirling a glass of scotch in his hand.
He looked up as she entered, his face blank. She swallowed, trying to think of something to say.
“Why did you not tell me that the repairs at Irving Manor were so close to being finished?” That was not the question she had meant to ask, but it tumbled past her lips anyway. “How long have you known?”
Tobias shrugged. “I was going to visit at the end of the week to confirm everything, but that seems a little pointless now. I did not wish to tell you before I knew for certain. There is a chance I could have the contractors hurry things along; the repairs might be finished even sooner than we expected.”
His words felt like a slap to the face.
“I had not realized you were so eager to be rid of me.”
“It is your home. And you yourself said that Ewelme House is small. This way, you will be able to shorten your stay.” His face was like carved marble.
“Then you do not care that I am leaving?” Rowen stepped towards him.
Damn you, ask me to stay.
“You have no issues with my brother’s proposal? I thought you did not take orders from people.”
Something flickered across Tobias’s face, but it vanished too quickly for her to place. “I do not.”
“Really? Because that is what it seems like to me.”
“Your brother is alive. He wishes to resume his duties and look after you. We can go back to our separate lives.”
“And put this all behind us? Forget that any of this ever happened?”
“If that is what you want.” Tobias glanced towards the clock.
“And what about tonight? What happened before my brother arrived?” Her face flushed at the memory.
“It was a mistake.” His words struck her heart like a dagger. “A moment of passion; that’s all.”
“You got carried away.” She had meant it to sound like a question, but she could not quite manage it. “That is all that was?”
“What else could it be?” He turned to stare into the fire, sipping his whiskey once more.
“I do not know.” Rowen bit her lip.
It was more than passion for me.
But she would not embarrass herself by saying that, not when he so clearly did not feel the same way. She had been a fool. She had told him she wanted a husband, that she wanted him, and he was standing, staring into the fire, telling her that all it had been was passion.
“Men lose interest. They always lose interest.”
Her mother was right. Why had she let herself think it could ever be any different?
“If that is how you feel…” She dug her nails into her palms. “Well, that certainly makes things clearer.” She rolled her shoulders back and hardened her heart.
“When the children wake, I will tell them that we will be moving in with their uncle and that he is alive. I expect James will be happy to send a carriage for us, and we will not need to bring many things with us to Ewelme.”
Tobias turned towards her. “I can have a carriage readied for you.”
“I think it’s best if I use one of James’s carriages.”
I do not want anything more from you.
She did not want anything from him.
“I would not wish to take advantage of your generosity any further.”
“You are my wife.” He took a step towards her, his eyes darkening.
Make me your wife.
Those words echoed in her head, and her cheeks flushed scarlet.
“For now.” She turned away from him, her heart shattering into a million pieces. “I should start packing. I would not want to overstay my welcome.”
“Rowen.” Tobias’s voice stopped her as she reached the door.
She turned to face him, hope sparking to life even as she tried to force it away.
“Yes?” she prompted.
Please, ask me to stay. I want to stay.
Tobias opened and closed his mouth, then shook his head. “Let me know what furniture you want, and I will see that it is sent to you.” He turned away from her. “I will not need all of it once you are gone.”
“I will send you a list.”
She left the room with tears streaming down her face.