Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
The Earl of Huntington was due to return to Huntington House that day. And as soon as he did, Mr. Keble would send word to Matteo that her father would be waiting for him.
Helena watched the clock on her mantlepiece tick as she lay on her bed. She would give herself a few more minutes, and then she must force herself to rise. But when the time came, her body felt like it was made of lead, weighing her down more and more.
A knock on the door told her that Sally, coming at her usual time, was ready to start dressing her for the day.
“Good morning, m’lady.”
Helena spoke before she could think.
“Sally, I feel a headache coming upon me.”
“Oh, that is most unfortunate, m’lady,” Sally said, looking worried, for Helena had never complained of any illnesses before. “Shall I ask Mrs. Feilding to—”
“I think it best if I take a rest for now. I shall ring for you when I am better or if I am in need of something. Will you please relay the message to my sisters?”
“Aye, m’lady.”
“Thank you, Sally.”
When Sally left, Helena had almost succumbed to the misery she felt. Tears sprang into her eyes, and she scolded herself for crying.
“What is the matter with you?” Helena whispered, looking up at the canopy of her bed. “Did you not tell Matteo that you must end the engagement? Did you not push for it to happen almost at once?”
He merely did what he was supposed to do.
And more.
He saved Chastity and saved her family’s name from disgrace.
I do it for you.
He had said no words, but Helena knew, as sure as she knew her own heart, that Matteo had done it for her.
Therein lay the conundrum of it all.
Helena rolled over and muffled a scream in her pillow. She felt as if she were going mad. The emotions that raged within her were their own contradictions.
Finally giving in, she closed her eyes and fell asleep.
The sun was high in the sky when Helena woke up. She considered rising again, but it was as if every muscle in her body protested at the idea. It was easier to fall back to sleep this time, for even as Helena was drifting back to sleep, she knew that in slumber, her feelings did not exist.
For the third time that day, Helan was roused from sleep. This time, she was instantly alert. The clock said that it was almost four in the afternoon. She rubbed her eyes; this was the longest that Helena had ever spent asleep.
Gingerly, she sat up, rose, and then rang for Sally.
“How do you feel, m’lady?” Sally asked when she entered Helena’s chambers.
“Better, I thank you, Sally.” She lied.
Another knock sounded on her door.
“Begging your pardon, m’lady, but that will be your food.” Sally smiled kindly. “I have requested Mrs. Brown to send you a meal.”
“That was very thoughtful of you, Sally, thank you.” Helena continued, “I find that I am quite famished.”
Dressed and full, Helena considered her most pressing tasks; she had delayed them as long as she could. Looking at the time again, Helena noted half past five. She was confident that Matteo had already come and gone.
And so, with those considerations in mind, she went straight to her father’s study and braced herself as best as she could.
The Earl of Huntington had accepted Matteo’s offer of marriage to Chastity, as she knew he would.
“It was very astute of you, Helena, to convince His Grace to marry Chastity instead.”
Helena could not think of a word that would be suitable enough to describe her actions in saving Chastity’s reputation, but astute was not the word she would have chosen.
“It is enough for me to overlook your lapse that resulted in the need for a hasty wedding in the first place,” the earl added. “You must be sure that nothing like this happens to your other sisters.”
“Yes, Papa.”
What had she expected? Marriage was a business arrangement after all, and daughters were investments. If you failed in one investment, then there was another where you could succeed.
No, Helena was not surprised. But that did not give her heart the armor that it so needed.
Helena saw her sisters for the first time that day at supper. Looking at Chastity, she knew that their father and mother had spoken to her about their acceptance of Matteo’s offer.
Helena wondered if her parents considered this a success for Chastity? Again, she would not be surprised if they did.
The meal progressed almost silently with one or two interjections from Faith and Grace.
“How is your headache, Helena?” Faith asked.
“Gone now, thank goodness,” Helena smiled at Faith. “I had not realized that I slept most of the day away.”
“It is good then that you got the headache,” Grace said after a drink.
“Grace!” Faith scolded her younger sister. “What a horrid thing to say.”
“Well, if Helena had not gotten the headache, then she would not have been able to rest for as long as she did,” Grace challenged Faith. “And we all know that she never rests.”
“Well,” Faith said begrudgingly. “You have a point.”
“I do.”
Faith and Grace’s exchange—not to mention Grace’s smug smile—lessened the somber mood that their supper started with.
When they retired to the sitting room, Chastity excused herself, claiming fatigue, and bid her sisters a good night.
Helena wanted to reach out to her and ask her how her meeting with their parents went, but decided to leave it until the next day.
“We know that both you and Chastity had a meeting with Papa and Mama earlier today,” Faith said, surprising Helena with her directness.
“What is happening?” Grace said, frustrated. “There is no way for me to listen and snoop in Papa’s study! We have been waiting for hours for someone to tell us.”
“Chastity made no mention of it?” Helena asked them both.
“None whatsoever,” Faith replied. “Though Chastity no longer hides in her room, she still keeps mostly to herself.”
“I miss the old Chastity,” Grace said, her eyes downcast.
“Well, go on then, Helena, tell us what you’ve been meeting Papa and Mama about,” Faith insisted.
“I shall tell you,” Helena said after a long breath. “But you must promise not to be very angry with me.”
Both Faith and Grace frowned at her but nodded all the same.
“I suppose I should start from the beginning.”
She pointed at Faith. “You already know this.” And before Grace could protest, Helena held up her hand and began.
She told them about Matteo’s plan—their mutual benefits plan, as he called it.
She told them about how smoothly everything was going, how they both fulfilled their roles very successfully, how everything went suddenly wrong, and finally, how Matteo came up with a solution to save Chastity’s reputation.
“Matteo is now to marry Chastity?” Grace said incredulously.
Helena nodded.
“I cannot quite believe it.” Faith leaned back against the settee; she shook her head. “It cannot be quite as simple as that.”
“Apparently, it can,” Helena chuckled humorlessly.
“But you love him, and he loves you,” Faith said simply, her eyes watching her older sister’s reaction.
“Oh, hush, Faith!” Helena’s cheeks reddened. “Where did you get that idea? What a notion!”
Faith said nothing more, but the look she gave Helena told her that she was not fooled, nor did she approve.
“Chastity agreed to this?” Grace asked.
“Chastity had no will to either say yes or no, so she has agreed to everything.”
“Poor Chastity,” Grace said sympathetically.
But Faith’s look said Poor Helena.
Three days had passed since Matteo spoke to her father. Three days since Matteo and Chastity had been engaged. Three days since Helena had buried herself in her duties.
“Sally, please go ahead and tell Mr. Keble to call for the carriage,” Helena told her lady’s maid. “I shall be down shortly and wish to leave at once,”
“Yes, m’lady.” Sally curtsied and did as her mistress bid.
Helena collected the last of her correspondence and put her desk in order.
She gave herself the whole morning to accomplish the task of completing the last of Chastity’s wedding attire.
In the afternoon, she would start with the wedding trousseau.
She had a few more days to complete that, but Helena thought that the sooner the task was completed, the better it would be for her in particular.
Helena could not quite decide whether this whole business was funny or cruel, perhaps both, for many times had she wanted to both laugh and cry at the same time.
“This is absurd!” she had whispered fiercely to herself multiple times. Had she not always planned for this? For Chastity to be married to a respectable gentleman of the ton?
She held back a sob.
Matteo.
Would the pain never go away? Would it never dull down?
Helena was heartily tired of holding back tears.
She was heartily tired of pretending that she was alright.
She was tired of forcing herself every morning to rise and perform her duties to her family, when all she really wanted to do was to curl up again in her bed and forget that the world existed outside the four walls of her chambers, like she had three days ago.
She was already halfway down the stairs when she heard the knock on the front door.
She saw as Mr. Keble opened it and at once revealed Matteo.
For a moment, Helena considered running back up the stairs.
But no sooner had the thought crossed her mind than Matteo entered the house, his eyes somehow seeing her at once.
Their eyes locked. It was the first time she saw him again, and it felt to Helena as if it had been years instead of days. She missed him, she missed his company, the way he made her laugh, the way he listened. She missed holding his hand. She missed him.
Matteo bowed his head and moved past the stairs, following the butler to the earl’s study. Helena felt herself breathe again. Would she ever recover from this—this illness? This aching of the heart? She was mightily tired of it.
“Oh, for pity’s sake, Helena!” she whispered to herself. “Do your duty.”