Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
“Can you believe it?” Anthea beamed as Cassandra’s gown was adjusted.
“No, I cannot. I never could.”
Her friends were crowded around her, having made the journey to surprise her. They would not be present at the ceremony, but they had made peace with that.
At least, Cassandra had thought that they had.
“I wish we could have been present,” Sybil sighed. “Anthea’s wedding was so lovely.”
“It is for the best,” Cassandra assured her. “If you came, you would compare my wedding with hers, and that would positively mortify me. It is my preference that you do not bear witness to it.”
“That is not true! We are happy to see you happy, and the rest of it does not matter at all. They are but details.”
“Speaking of details,” Anthea smiled, “your gown is most intricate.”
“It is. I shall look ridiculous.”
It was pale blue, adorned with lace and embroidery. The Duke had paid for it, and it was the finest thing that she had ever worn in her life. In comparison to the simplicity of the ceremony, she would stand out, and that was not what she wanted.
“You will look beautiful,” Sibyl corrected her. “And you are not to compare us any further. Today is to be about you, and that is that.”
“I suppose, but I–”
“Do not suppose anything. There shall be no sadness today, for it is to be about you and you alone. And your husband, of course.”
Cassandra could not help but laugh at that. They hardly knew the man, but they were pleased for her regardless. Even so, she was who they thought of.
“I still cannot quite believe that I will be a wife. I did not think that it would happen, especially not with a gentleman that I was so determined to avoid.”
“A man you would have ruined yourself in order to escape.”
“Precisely. I feel so foolish for it now, for if I am honest he is precisely the sort of man that I have always envisioned. He is loyal, and protective, and I cannot believe that I have been so fortunate.”
“And what of your cousins?” Anthea asked. “I assume they have heard of this match by now.”
“They must have, but my aunt has already said that I am never to speak to them again. If I know my aunt, she will not change her mind.”
“Of course she will. You are to be a duchess. That changes everything!”
“It changes nothing,” Cassandra sighed. “I shall speak with my mother, but there is only so much that we can do. If she has decided that I am going to ruin her daughters, then I will not see them again.”
“A shame,” Sybil joked, “for you could have been most incredible musicians together.”
Cassandra could not help but be entertained by the comment. She had always been so protective of her cousins, and had never wanted a word to be said against them, but she knew that her friend did not mean it.
“You should speak with your aunt,” Anthea pressed. “Once you are the Duchess, she will have to at least accept your invitation. She would be a fool not to.”
“I will,” she nodded.
And she meant it. She had nothing to lose in trying, for the worst that could happen was that her aunt would simply repeat that she could not see them.
She would speak with her husband about it, and by the time her friends left she found that she was more excited than ever.
Within a matter of hours, she would be a duchess, and at last she would feel as though she had real freedom.
She giggled as she looked at herself, noting that for the first time in her life, she saw marriage as freedom.
Suddenly, her maid entered the room with a look of confusion on her face.
“His Grace is here to see you, Miss,” she explained.
“Oh! I– can he see me now?”
“I do not see the harm in it. Would you like to change your gown?”
She was tempted, for she did not wish to ruin the surprise, but she also did not wish to keep the Duke waiting.
If he had come to see her, she reasoned, it had to be so that he could explain something important, and so she did not want it to wait too long.
She put a shawl around her to hide at least part of it, and raced down to him.
He looked askance, unable to remain still, and when she cleared her throat to signify her arrival, he looked at her intensely. He could not seem to look away, and it made her heart race.
“Good morning,” she greeted.
“Good morning,” he replied with a bow.
“Do you think this will do?” she asked. “I did not want to do too much, but I shall only have the one wedding and so I would like it to be perfect.”
“As would I, which is precisely why I am here.”
Once again, he could not seem to look at her.
He seemed to be hiding something, and Cassandra faltered at the sight of him.
It did not make sense, for when she had seen him the day before it was as though there was nothing he wanted more than to marry her, even if she did not doubt that it was a mere arrangement for him.
“I see,” she replied.
“No, you do not. Lady Cassandra, I… I think that we should postpone the ceremony.”
With one simple sentence, she felt her heart stop. She thought that he was making a joke, a cruel one, but he was not smiling. She was quiet for a moment, not at all knowing what to say.
“I do not understand.”
“And I do not expect you to. I know that you will be angry with me, but it is for the best.”
“But I have not done anything wrong, have I?”
“Not at all. This is my fault, and I should have warned you sooner.”
“Then if it is not anything that I have done, then what is it? You told me that we did not have any issues anymore. What has changed?”
“Nothing has changed. I thought that a matter was resolved, and it has not been, and so I must take care of it first. I do not want to marry you with the issue over our heads.”
“I see.”
She was quiet, waiting for him to tell her just what that issue was, but he did not say anything more. Cassandra knew, however, what he meant. There was only one thing, in her mind, that could have happened.
“If your mother will never change her mind,” she said softly, “then I do not see any reason why we should marry at all.”
He stiffened at that. Cassandra sensed that she had misspoken, but she did not know what else it could have been. There was nothing else that remained in their way, and she was so certain that they had mended everything else.
“Are you hiding something from me?” she asked, willing him to say no. “If you still do not believe that I will behave, I promise you that I will. I am ready for this, and I will not jeopardize it again.”
“It is not– Lady Cassandra, I want to assure you that you have done nothing wrong, and it is something that I can fix. I need time, that is all.”
“I do not have time,” she snapped. “Your Grace, do you understand what you have done? My friends, the entire ton, everyone is expecting us to marry today, and yet I shall have to return to them as alone as I was when I left. This will ruin me, and as you say I have done nothing to deserve it.”
“You need not leave.”
She could not take her eyes from him, but he could not look at her.
She was furious at his cowardice, but more than that she wished that he thought highly enough of her to simply tell her the truth.
She wanted to believe that there was more to it, but she could not bring herself to.
She had always been seen as an outcast, someone unworthy of love, and she had always told herself that she was happy that way, but it had been a lie.
She wanted to be loved, and if he loved her then he would have at least had the decency to be honest with her.
Of course, she could not blame him for not loving her; it had never been the purpose of their match, but she wanted him to.
Otherwise, she would be married to a man that never felt the same for her as she did him.
If they ever married, that was.
She laughed emptily, turning to leave. He took her wrist, but she pulled away sharply.
“I do need to leave,” she corrected him. “In spite of what you might think of me, I know when I am not wanted, and you have made it so painfully clear that there is something that you want more than me. I am never going to beg to be needed, Your Grace.”
“But I do not want you to leave.”
“Then it would seem that neither of us shall have what we want. Leave me be.”
“Lady Cassandra–”
“Leave me be.”
She left him standing there, and she was pleased that he did not follow her for if he did, he would have seen that she was in tears. She was so tired of crying, for it was not something that she had ever done, yet all that she had seemed able to do of late was cry.
She packed her own belongings then and there, before asking a servant to take them down to a carriage. She did not feel a need to say her goodbyes to anyone in the household, for she had made herself perfectly clear to His Grace and she did not want to speak to them anymore.
Cassandra told herself that it was for the sake of her wanting to leave sooner, but part of her knew the truth. She did not know what to say to Philippa, nor to the Dowager. There was nothing for her to say, other than that she wished that it all could have been different.
“Cassandra, what happened?” her mother exclaimed when she saw her.
“Please do not start, Mother,” she sighed. “I cannot speak to you about it right now.”
“But you were supposed to be at the church right now.”
“I know. Believe me, I know.”
She did not wait to explain herself, instead going directly to her room.
She sat there and waited for everything to quieten, but it did not.
Everything hurt, and that was without her having truly realized what had happened.
Everything had been so quick that she had not had a moment to consider just what it meant.
“Cassandra,” her mother said from the other side of her door. “Please let me enter.”
“I do not need to you to tell me of my failings,” she groaned.
“I do not plan to,” she replied as she entered regardless. “Cassandra, I could tell by the look on your face that you have not done anything to warrant what has happened. A mother always knows these things. Now, what has happened?”
“I do not know. I was ready to leave, but then the Duke told me that we need to postpone it all.”
“I see. Well, that is not as terrible as it could have been. You will still marry, but at another time.”
“No, Mother, you do not understand. I do not want to marry him anymore. After everything that we have been through together, after all of the changes I thought I had seen in him, he does not care. He would not even tell me what changed, so how will I possibly know that it has been resolved? I do not want that life for myself. I will not have it.”
Her mother sat on the edge of her bed, and patted the space next to her. Cassandra did not want to sit, content to pace her floor instead, but she knew better than to argue. With a sigh, she took a seat and instinctively rested her head on her mother’s shoulder.
“You may marry me off to whoever you choose,” she said flatly. “It is clear to me now that I am incapable of making my own decisions. It is for the best that it is made for me.”
“You do not mean that.”
“I most certainly do! I do not want to embarrass you all more than I already have. When word spreads that I was rejected, I shall be ruined, so you ought to find a man for me quickly.”
And she did not mean it, but she had to say it. There was no changing what she had said to The Duke, and if he had any sense then he would never speak to her again. For her own sake, she did not want to see him. She did not know that she could handle it.
“If you wish for a husband,” her mother said softly, “then I can make an arrangement. However, I can see that you do not want me to do that. I do not want to force you to do something that you do not want to do when what you want is far better than what I could give you. You want the Duke, dearest.”
“And I cannot have him. I cannot afford for him to tell me he wants me one moment and that he does not the next. I deserve more, Mother, and I will not settle simply because I do not think there is anything else for me.”
“If you insist,” she sighed. “But I will give you until tomorrow. You are speaking in anger now, and I will not have that affect your life. If you sleep, and in the morning you still want to be rid of him for good, then I will do what is necessary to find another suitor for you. Lord Lashton, perhaps?”
She shuddered at the thought, paralyzed by the prospect, but she knew he would not turn her away. He had always wanted her, regardless of her reputation, and though she truly reviled him, he would at least be someone that would take her as his wife.
It was the last thing that she wanted, but in telling the Duke that she did not want him she had not given herself much choice.
She did not sleep at all that night, and when morning came she wished it had not.
There was nothing for her to look forward to, and nothing to make her pleased about where she was.
Even so, she knew that she would have to face her family eventually, and that would only be worse the longer she waited.
She traipsed down to the dining room, only to be startled by a familiar voice in her drawing room.
She crept toward it, and saw none other than Lady Sylvia standing there. Cassandra gasped, which alerted them all to her presence.
“Lady Cassandra,” Lady Sylvia greeted, “I was hoping that we might talk.”
“I do not have anything to say to you.”
“That is fair, but I have much to say to you. All that I ask is you listen, and if after that you want me to leave, I will.”
Cassandra did not want to see Lady Sylvia, and she certainly did not want to speak with her, but she had nothing to lose. She would at least have closure, and that was something to help her.
“Very well. You have ten minutes.”
“That is all that I need. Thank you, Lady Cassandra.”
And so, though she did not trust the girl, she led her to the parlor room. She did not know what the girl wished to say, but she hoped it would not take long. She had to rest eventually, even if she did not think it would be possible.
“What is it?” she asked once they were alone.
“I have a proposition for you.”