Chapter 12
“Ican’t sleep, Nina.”
Nina let out a tiny little harrumph in response. Catriona rolled onto her side, blinking until her eyes had adjusted enough to the dark to see her dog lying on the rug next to her bed. Nina’s eyes shone back at her, alert, as if she knew what Catriona was going to suggest.
“Would you like to go for a walk?” Catriona asked, and Nina bounded to her feet, tail wagging, tongue lolling out the side of her mouth.
Catriona didn’t need any more motivation.
She’d been tossing and turning in bed for nearly an hour, and her frustration was through the roof.
Usually, she had no issues with falling asleep, but she was in a new place with so many things weighing on her mind that it was no wonder she couldn’t relax enough to finally fall unconscious.
She quickly lit a match, fetched her robe, and left her bedchamber.
For a moment, she stood in the hallway and listened for any sounds or movements.
She’d be lying to herself if she didn’t admit that she had been listening for the sound of a door opening and closing, likely indicating that Joseph had retired to bed, but it was as if she was all alone in this house.
She’d seen neither hide nor hair of Joseph since the ceremony, and Dorothea had all but disappeared as well.
Catriona had spent all evening by herself and had even eaten dinner alone in the dining room, much to her frustration.
He did not even try to have dinner with his daughter? It was the very least he could do seeing that he couldn’t seem to find time for her during the day.
The thought infuriated Catriona, but she shook it off as she took off down the hallway. She wanted to clear her head, not beleaguer her mind with thoughts of Joseph’s parenting.
“Where do you think we should go?” she whispered to Nina. “The library?”
Nina said nothing, but Catriona took that as a yes.
“Very well, the library it is. Let’s hope that I can find something particularly uninteresting to lull me to sleep.
” She paused, thinking about the tour she’d been given of the house by the housekeeper earlier and how little she had been paying attention.
“And let’s hope that I know how to find my way back to my bedchamber when it’s time. ”
She set course for where she thought the library was, and when she came upon it, she saw that the door was ajar. Frowning, Catriona pushed it slightly, realizing that there was a soft light coming from the other end of the room.
The light originated from a dying candle, flickering as it clung to life. And next to it was Joseph, asleep.
She should have walked out right then and there. It would have been easy to close the door and pretend she hadn’t seen him, to pretend her heart had flipped over itself at the sight of him. But the foolish part of her closed the door and inched closer instead.
He was well and truly asleep, the only movement being the steady rise and fall of his chest. Catriona came close enough to see the long shadows of his eyelashes resting against his cheeks, to see how soft his lips looked when they were not constantly in a thin line of displeasure.
He’d always been handsome, but in this state, he was almost ethereal.
She was married to him. This stunning, handsome, infuriating, powerful duke was her husband.
It hit her so suddenly that she nearly staggered on her feet. Catriona turned, needing to get away.
A hand caught her wrist. “It is very rude of you to stare.”
She swallowed. The silence was so heavy that she would not be surprised if he could hear the hammering of her heart. “Not as much as it is dangerous of you to grab me so suddenly when I am holding a lit candle. I could have dropped it.”
“You would not have,” he murmured. She peeked over her shoulder at him to find that his eyes were only partially opened, watching her. “You are far too quick for that.”
“You place too much unwarranted faith in me, Joseph.”
“That I do, and yet you have never let me down.”
“You have never given me an opportunity to.”
“Did you drop the candle?’ he asked as he slowly closed his eyes.
Catriona didn’t miss that throughout this inane conversation, he was still holding on to her wrist. She could easily pull away now.
It seemed he was still exhausted enough to loosen his grasp.
If she stepped away right now, she doubted he would do anything to stop her a second time.
But for some reason, she stayed there as she murmured, “No, I did not.”
“My point exactly.”
Catriona stared at him for a long moment before she asked, “Why are you here?”
His eyelashes fluttered. “Odd. I thought I lived here.”
Catriona raised her eyes to the ceiling in silent exasperation.
“You’re rolling your eyes at me, aren’t you?”
Her heart skipped a beat. Catriona watched as he opened his eyes, taking in the stunned look on her face, and the most marvelous, most unimaginable thing happened.
He smiled.
It was a soft curve of his lips that told of how relaxed he was. His hand slipped away from her wrist, but she was still held captive, this time by the sheer difference his smile made.
“I knew it,” he murmured. “I am beginning to understand you bit by bit.”
Catriona swallowed, willing her heart to stop its rampaging. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“What was your question? Oh, why I am here?” Joseph shifted, sitting up fully.
He seemed to be completely awake now, and that smile he had graced her with was gone.
“I came here to read something before bed, but instead of getting a book, I just sat down here instead. I suppose today was so tiring that my body could do nothing else. I don’t know when I fell asleep. ”
“Hm, well I suppose getting married and then leaving one’s wife alone for the rest of the day could make anyone tired.”
“Forgive me.” Joseph dragged his hand down his face before fixing her with a solemn look. “I had business to take care of and—”
“Yes, yes, whatever it is must have certainly been far more pressing than ensuring I was settled in.”
He tilted his head to the side, studying her. “You’re upset.”
“What gave you that idea?”
“I don’t just mean right now. From before. There is something bothering you, and I am beginning to think that I may be the reason.”
“You aren’t,” she protested, but she doubted she was very convincing. So, she walked away instead, needing the distance. She chose the armchair just a few feet away.
“Then what’s bothering you?”
“Nothing is—”
“You shouldn’t lie to me, Catriona. I don’t like lies.”
“I cannot imagine that anyone does,” she told him. “But I am telling you the truth. I am not upset with you.”
“But you are upset.”
She sighed. “Can’t we end this conversation? It will only result in us going back and forth contradicting each other.”
“That would be splendid. As long as you tell me what ails your mind, we can be done with it.”
“Oh goodness, you are rather stubborn, aren’t you?”
“I thought you liked my stubbornness,” he said, catching her off guard.
Catriona was suddenly glad she’d chosen to distance herself or else he would have most certainly see the way her cheeks brightened under the candlelight.
“Or was it just my handsomeness? My charming nature? The fact that I know how to challenge you.”
“I don’t like being challenged.”
“And yet here you are eagerly going back and forth with me about nonsense.” Joseph tilted his head to the side.
“This could work, Catriona. We could work. You are a level-headed, pragmatic lady, and you have shown me that you are quite capable of handling our arrangement. We will get what we both wish for out of this marriage without bothersome notions of love. But I cannot help but feel that you are against us truly getting along.”
“On the contrary, I have no issue with getting along with you. In fact, I think it will make my transition here much smoother. Yet you are the one who has upped and abandoned me all day, so perhaps it is you who does not wish to get along with me.”
He rubbed his jaw again. If she didn’t know any better, she would almost think that he looked… contrite. “I do truly feel sorry about that. I was just a bit… irritated.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” he said after a long moment.
Catriona didn’t believe that for a second.
He knew. He just knew better than to say to her face that she was the reason.
“I suppose it is one thing to know you have to marry but another thing entirely to go through the whole ordeal. Had I known you were so disgusted by the thought, I would not have subjected myself to this.”
“No, that’s—--” Joseph broke off, shaking his head. “That is not what I meant.”
“Well, that is what I heard. But there is no need to worry, Joseph. I shan’t be too much of a bother to you. You won’t even know that I am here.”
“Catriona, don’t do this.”
She stood, not knowing what he meant by that and not willing to risk asking.
She’d hurt her own feelings enough times today to last her for the weeks to come.
And to think, for a moment, she might have thought he felt differently.
That the kiss they’d shared had meant the same to him as it did to her.
Feeling ashamed and stupid all of a sudden, Catriona picked up her candle. The one Joseph had been sitting by was already out by now.
“You should get some rest, Joseph,” she told him. “Goodnight.”
He didn’t reach out to grab her this time. Catriona didn’t realize she had been waiting for it until she was walking away from him. She kept going, half expecting him to call her back at the very least.
But he said nothing. He just watched her go until the room was plunged into darkness.
“What do ye think? Ye think it is a good idea?”
Joseph nodded absently, eyes trained on the brown-haired beauty pacing back and forth in the garden. He matched her pace, his arms crossed, moving from one end of the window of his study to the next.
“What do you think she’s doing down there?”