Chapter 13
Catriona waited until she was out of sight before she let out the breath she was holding. Once inside, she sagged against the wall in the hallway, hand to her racing heart, eyes wide.
Had he… nearly kissed her?
No, that was utter madness. She had come to terms with the fact that she was his wife in title alone which meant she was nothing to him. There was nothing to be confused about, she told herself. She should only focus on the facts.
“You were only caught up in the moment, Cat,” she murmured to herself, continuing her trek to Dorothea’s nursery. “You were feeling bored and restless and… hot. Yes, the heat has a way of muddling one’s mind, after all. I was not thinking straight.”
But all she could imagine was that slight dip of his head.
The days apart had only driven her to the point of delusion; that was all.
Catriona had known better than to seek him out, knowing that her husband would not appreciate the interruption.
She hadn’t dared to give in to that longing to seek his company and had simply convinced herself that the only reason she cared to in the first place was because she was lonely.
She missed her sisters, and the two other residents of this house seemed only to keep their own company.
She clearly hadn’t been thinking straight.
Catriona stopped in front of Dorothea’s nursery, hesitating with her hand hovering over the doorknob. It was time to forget about the Duke, she told herself. Surely, he must have forgotten about her by now.
But his laughter still echoed in her mind. His smiling face was still all she could see. Her heart had fluttered at the sight and did the same now thinking back on it. He was gorgeous. But he wasn’t truly hers, and he never would be. She had to remember that. Joseph only belonged to himself.
With that, she shoved her shoulders back and entered the nursery.
Dorothea was sitting at the small table under the window on the other side of the room. The little girl looked up at her entrance, her hand going still over the sheet of paper she drew on. No expression crossed her face. She only looked at Catriona and then looked away, resuming her task.
Catriona ventured over. She’d tried seeking Dorothea out before but every time she did, the girl was far too busy with her lessons.
Catriona didn’t know how a girl this young could possibly keep up with learning so many things at such a young age, but she didn’t seem to have time to do anything else.
And since Dorothea didn’t come seeking her out again, Catriona had only assumed that she’d used her free time alone.
Or perhaps with her father. She hoped it was the latter.
“Good day, Dorothea,” Catriona greeted as she sat on the little chair across from her stepdaughter. “How are you?”
Dorothea didn’t answer. She focused on the rose she drew, her fingers deftly curled around her pencil. Catriona peered closer.
“My, that is quite impressive. You are very talented, Dorothea. It almost looks as if I could pick it up off the page.”
Still, there was no response. Dorothea didn’t look at her and didn’t stop her drawing.
Catriona could take a hint. It seemed she was destined to be lonely in this manor. With a sigh, she began to rise.
“Have you seen Daddy today?”
The question stopped her. Slowly, Catriona reclaimed the seat, frowning at the little girl. Dorothea continued along as if she hadn’t spoken at all.
“I… ...have,” Catriona responded tentatively. “Have you?”
Dorothea’s hand still. Her eyes shifted up to meet Catriona then back to her paper, but she didn’t resume her drawing. Slowly, she shook her head.
Catriona felt her heart splinter at the sight. She was tempted to reach out and take her hand, but she didn’t know how Dorothea would respond. “Would you like to go see him?”
Dorothea shook her head again. “I think he’s busy. Daddy is always busy.”
“I’m sure he is not too busy to spend time with his daughter,” Catriona tried to assure her, but she didn’t know how convincing she was seeing that she hardly believed herself. “Why don’t we go and seek him out?”
“I don’t want to bother him.” Dorothea continued drawing. But then she paused again, eyeing Catriona curiously. “Daddy is a very important man, so I don’t want to bother him. But you don’t look like you’re very busy, even though you married Daddy.”
Catriona sighed. “Quite the dilemma, Dorothea. I find myself lacking in things to do which is why I thought to pay you a visit. I’d hoped you’d keep me company.”
“But you have Nina.”
“If you haven’t noticed, Nina likes to sleep,” Catriona whispered loudly, and it earned her a tiny smile. “She isn’t the most active of partners.”
Dorothea looked over at Nina, who had chosen the spot by the door to take her nap. The sight brought a brighter smile to Dorothea’s face, and when she looked back at Catriona, her eyes shone.
“Would you… like to draw with me?” she asked. Her sudden shyness tugged at Catriona’s heartstrings. She would have said yes to anything right then and there.
“Of course,” Catriona chirped with more enthusiasm than she felt.
She would love to draw with Dorothea, could think of no better way to pass the time than with the neglected little girl who seemed to have grown accustomed to her loneliness, but she couldn’t ignore the smoldering anger within.
How dare Joseph berate her for commenting on his parenting when it was so clear he didn’t know what he was doing?
Dorothea got to her feet and padded over to the small bookshelf nearby. Nina lifted her head to watch as Dorothea fetched a clean sheet of paper and a pencil before returning to the desk.
“What should I draw?” Catriona asked her.
“Anything you wish to,” she responded. “I’m going to finish my rose so that I can give it to Daddy before dinner.”
Catriona smiled even as her heart twisted in her chest. “I think he’s going to love it. Does your father enjoy roses?”
“I think so,” Dorothea answered with a small nod. “He always liked to have roses around when I was younger. They were everywhere.”
“Is that so?” Catriona couldn’t recall seeing a single rose in the manor. She didn’t even think there was a rose bush in the gardens.
“But I think Daddy forgot that he likes roses,” Dorothea went on. “Because he’s so busy, he doesn’t have the time to think about roses, so I’m going to draw this one for him and put it in his office.”
“I think he would like that.” She hoped.
“What kind of flowers do you like?”
“I like them all,” Catriona told her. “I couldn’t possibly pick a favorite.”
Dorothea perked up at that, another smile playing around her lips. “Me too! But Daddy says that I should try to choose one. So today, my favorite flower is the tulip. I think I will draw myself one after I am finished with this. Have you seen a tulip before?”
“I certainly have. They are quite lovely.”
“They truly are! Though I have only ever seen them in books. Daddy doesn’t have a lot of flowers here.”
Catriona ran her pencil over the paper, not really planning on drawing anything in particular. She’d never been particularly good at it. Certainly not the natural talent that Dorothea clearly was.
“We should have him plant a few then. Or would you like to do the honors?”
Dorothea blinked at her. “I should plant the tulips?”
“And the roses and the carnations. And whichever flower you chose as your favorite for the day.”
“But what will Daddy say?”
“It will be our little secret,” Catriona said in a low voice. “He doesn’t have to know.”
Intrigue filled Dorothea’s eyes. Catriona could almost hear the internal conflict happening in the young girl’s mind, but the moment resolve flooded her cherubic features, Catriona knew she’d won her over just a little bit more.
“Can we go now?” Dorothea asked quietly, as if she feared being overhead by anyone else. “I am done with my lessons for the day.”
Catriona couldn’t stop her smile. “What of your picture? Don’t you want to finish it?”
“I can finish it later.” Dorothea was already getting to her feet. “We should go now before the sun sets.”
“I’m right behind you,” Catriona said with a laugh.
She watched as Dorothea basically skipped over to the door in her excitement.
Nina bounded to her feet and trekked after her, throwing one look over her shoulder to ensure that Catriona was following.
Catriona made a mental note to speak with Dorothea’s governess so that she did not worry when she returned to the nursery to find her gone, but for now, she focused on Dorothea.
She paid attention to her change in demeanor, that childlike glow that had been sorely missing before.
She wanted Dorothea to be like that all time.
No child should spend most of their childhood tiptoeing around their parent, afraid to upset them, afraid to speak or act out of turn lest they were not viewed as the perfect child.
Catriona understood how heavy the pressure could be, but in her youth, she had been the one to put it on herself.
As the eldest sister, she had put herself in the role of a mother even though there was no expectation for her to do so.
She’d missed out on her childhood, had left the chasing and playing and relaxing to her sisters while she’d taken up the mantle of overseer.
But she’d never been lonely. And that was one the one thing she vowed to change in this household.
He didn’t need Catriona to stand in the place of Dorothea’s mother. But she realized now, watching Dorothea as she scratched behind Nina’s ears, that trying not to interfere would be quite difficult. For now, however, she would focus on Dorothea and worry about what she would say to Joseph later.
Later came quicker than she expected it to. Catriona walked into the drawing room that evening, intending to pass the time with a book before it was time for dinner, to find Joseph already there with a book in one hand.