Chapter 21
She was far too kind to him.
What had he been thinking, kissing her like that? He had risked ruining her. For what? Some jealousy?
Evan paced around the sunroom, long after Joanna left, as he scolded himself for his lack of control. It was a miracle she was able to be civil— even kind—after what he just did to her.
She desired the kiss, too. There was no denying that.
She melted so beautifully in his arms, and she made the sweetest little moan when their lips touched.
No doubt, he would be thinking of that moment for the rest of his life and enjoying every second of it.
That kiss, and all the delight and lust that went with it, would forever haunt his dreams as a form of sweet torture.
But it didn’t matter that she enjoyed the kiss as much as he did. Not really. He risked exposing her to humiliation and scandal. She would have been forced to marry him or face ruin. He would do it, too. Despite his determination to never marry, he would not let her be ruined like that.
But then he would have sentenced her to a marriage against her will, all for a moment of lapsed judgment.
What woman would possibly want to be married to the Duke of Ice?
Despite her warmth and friendliness, she had still been convinced that he would end their agreement mercilessly.
Not even she would truly want to marry him.
He looked out at the gardens and sighed. The thought should be reassuring. He had no intention of marrying, so why would he want to be considered an advantageous prospect by Joanna? But instead of being reassured, he felt depressed.
A glance at the clock made him realize he had been alone in the sunroom for over ten minutes, and he knew it was time to rejoin the ball and face Joanna again.
When he returned to the festivities, he saw Penelope and Joanna talking with each other in the corner.
He felt a pang of longing at the sight of her, but he decided not to join her.
Clearly, he could not get control of his emotions, and therefore, he needed to keep his distance from her for the rest of the night.
It was a little after midnight when he and Joanna made their farewells and left the estate. Mary joined them as they walked outside. She gave them both a smile.
“Did you have a nice night, Mary?” Joanna asked.
“It was very pleasant, miss. I caught a glimpse of the festivities, and it all looked splendid. Did you enjoy it?”
“It was a wonderful evening,” Joanna murmured softly. But she did not seem particularly happy after the evening’s activities. That was his fault.
He waited until they got into the carriage before he broached the subject. “About earlier–”
“We don’t need to talk about it, Your Grace,” she said with a tight smile.
He sighed. “I merely wanted to apologize for my lapse in judgement earlier. It was a mistake that I won’t be repeating.”
“You’re forgiven.” Her tone made it seem like he was certainly not forgiven, but he knew better than to push the subject. They spent the rest of the carriage ride in silence.
The carriage stopped at Clifford Manor, and Joanna and Mary got out. “Have a good night, Your Grace,” she said, meeting his eye for the first time since they left the sunroom. She gave him a sunny smile, but it did little to mitigate the loathing he felt.
“Goodnight, Miss Thorne,” he said quietly.
As the carriage made its way to Blackwell Manor, Evan promised himself to be more careful. He would not ruin Joanna’s life. He would savor the rest of the Season with her and then ensure her future was taken care of before parting on amicable terms with her, forever.