Chapter 20
It had been almost a week since Edith had left the townhouse.
Laurence had been left to stew over James’s words. He was still struggling with work, so he had ample time to think about them. The weather had, mercifully, cleared up.
On that day, he was sitting in his study, looking at the ledgers again. It wasn’t with any kind of speed or urgency. Truly, he had been staring at the same page for almost half the day.
He wanted to throw himself into his work, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Tilly and Edith. He didn’t know how they were faring or what they were doing. He had considered writing to them, but did not believe he had any right to contact them after what he had said and done.
“You chased her away because you couldn’t handle your pride.”
James’s words once again came back to haunt him.
He gripped his chair’s armrests, unable to ignore the sinking feeling that his friend was probably right.
But if that were the case, had he done it all for nothing? Had he hurt them, then pushed them away to satisfy his own selfish pride?
No. He had to believe that he was right. He had to believe that he was protecting them.
He sighed and looked at his pile of letters, which was growing by the day. He knew he needed to reply to them all, but it felt like an insurmountable task.
A footman knocked on the door and stepped into the study. “Your Grace, a letter has arrived,” he announced.
“I see, thank you,” Laurence said, taking it from the man’s hand.
He took his letter opener and sliced open the envelope. The paper inside was of a superior quality, and the handwriting was neat.
Dear Duke of Alderbourne,
I am writing to you to inform you that Miss Tilly has come down with a high fever. Her Grace refuses to leave her side. We have our physician caring for her.
The Duke of Richmond.
Laurence stood up rapidly, his chair clattering behind him. He read the letter twice before running out of his study.
“Bring me my horse!” he called out, not caring who heard him.
The footman who had just left his study looked bewildered. “Your Grace? Why are you in such a hurry?”
“I said, bring me my horse,” Laurence ordered, storming down the stairs.
The visibly concerned housekeeper was already in the foyer and opened the door for him just as a stable hand walked up with his horse. Laurence swiftly mounted it, flicking the reins aggressively to make the beast move.
He pushed the horse hard, riding as fast as he could out of town and across the countryside. Wind whipped at his face as he pushed his horse harder and faster.
By the time he reached Richmond Estate, his horse was panting.
He ran up to the front door and banged on it twice with his fist. There was a moment of silence, then a maid opened the door.
“I’m here to see the Duchess of Alderbourne,” he said hurriedly.
The maid nodded and allowed him entry.
Ava was in the hallway, her expression hard.
“Good afternoon, Duke,” she greeted frostily.
“Duchess,” he returned with a nod. “I received your husband’s letter about Edith and Tilly.”
“I’ll have someone stable your horse,” she said flatly, walking past him.
He clenched his jaw, but he knew he deserved her coldness.
Christian walked down the stairs and smiled. “They’re upstairs, follow me,” he said kindly.
Laurence nodded and quickly followed him.
Christian pushed open the door to Tilly’s chambers. Edith was sitting on a chair at one side, a damp cloth in her shaking hands. Tilly was asleep, breathing shallowly.
Edith looked up as the door opened and froze when she saw her husband. Laurence’s throat tightened at the sight of her. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless, to apologize and never let go. But then his eyes drifted to Tilly.
The little girl stirred, coughing.
“Shh, shh,” Edith said, her attention returning to Tilly.
“Your… Grace…” Tilly mumbled. “Pa…”
Laurence’s heart shattered.
“I’m here,” he said softly. He knelt next to Edith, taking the cloth from her and pressing it to Tilly’s forehead.
“I… I’m… so…” Tilly whimpered.
“You do not need to say anything,” Laurence crooned. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Go back to sleep.”
Tilly nodded, her eyes closing.
Edith watched, her breathing ragged.
Laurence put one hand to the child’s cheek and winced. The hand holding the compress to her forehead was already warming. He took a shaky breath and glanced around for the water to cool it again.
Edith moved and held up the basin for him.
“Thank you,” he said softly.
She didn’t reply. The deep circles under her eyes showed that she hadn’t slept for several days.
Laurence stayed by her side throughout the night. His heart ached at the state of her. She wasn’t the fierce woman he had seen a week ago, just an exhausted mother.
Silently, a synchronicity formed between them. Edith would refresh the cold compress, and Laurence would press it to Tilly’s forehead.
“How have you been faring?” Laurence asked, wincing at how weak his voice was.
Edith did not respond.
“Have the Duke and Duchess been treating you well?” he asked later.
Once again, his words were met with silence.
After that, he gave up trying to speak with her. It was clear she wasn’t receptive to his overtures.
Part of him had hoped that there would be a tearful reunion, that she would run to him and hold him. Clearly, that had been nothing more than wishful thinking. He could not blame her. These were the consequences of his actions.
As the night went on, Edith struggled to keep her eyes open. She blinked heavily and started to sway. Several times, she caught herself before she fell off her seat. The final time, however, she didn’t. She ended up leaning against his shoulder, fast asleep.
Laurence hesitated, then wrapped his arm around her, keeping her close. Tears sprang to his eyes as he realized just how much he had missed the feel of her body against his.
Eventually, the sun began to rise, filling the room with pale golden light. Laurence’s eyes were focused on Tilly, still watching her little chest rise and fall, as if looking away might stop it.
Tilly stirred awake and gradually opened her eyes. Edith leaned over and put her hand to Tilly’s forehead.
“Thank God. Her fever has broken,” she whispered, her eyes swimming with tears of relief.
Laurence let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “Thank heavens,” he sighed.
Tilly reached over and patted Laurence’s hand. He smiled, gently holding her tiny hand in his large one, his thumb rubbing the back of it.
“There you go, little one,” he murmured.
Edith smiled weakly, reaching over to gently stroke Tilly’s hair.
Laurence’s heart melted. He looked between them both. He saw Edith’s quiet exhaustion, the love in her eyes. Tilly’s brown eyes also looked exhausted, but she was looking at them with utter trust and adoration.
This was what he had always wanted. This was what it meant to be a family.
He wanted to cling to this feeling forever. He couldn’t let them go again.
A little knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. He glanced over and saw Luke and Anthony stepping inside.
“Is Tilly all right?” Luke whispered.
“Her fever broke,” Edith replied with a gentle smile.
A look of pure relief washed over Luke, and little Anthony clapped his hands delightedly.
Both boys tiptoed into the room. Luke took a seat on the other side of Tilly’s bed, and Anthony crawled up onto the bed covers next to her.
The room was filled with a comfortable silence and the soft sound of Tilly’s breathing.
“Edith, may I have a word with you?” Laurence asked quietly. “Alone?”
Edith tensed up. “I… I don’t want to leave her right now,” she said.
Laurence felt his heart clench in his chest.
“We could look after her,” Luke offered.
“Yes, we will take good care of her,” Anthony said with an eager nod.
Laurence watched Edith, silently praying she would agree.
“Thank you, boys,” she sighed, standing up.
Laurence followed suit and gave the boys a grateful look.
Edith led him into the hallway and then into a small guest chamber. Laurence looked around. It was smaller than her rooms at the castle and the townhouse, although just as luxurious. Her small trunk was open at the foot of the bed.
She turned to face him, her arms folded protectively across her chest.
“You should have sent for me,” he said gently.
“I did not think you wanted to be bothered,” she scoffed.
“I…” he sighed. “I deserve that.”
He shifted awkwardly, suddenly nervous. Anxiety wasn’t an emotion to which he was accustomed.
“Pushing you away…” he started. “It was selfish. Truly, truly selfish. I believed I was protecting you and Tilly from my darker side, but that was not what I was doing. I was only protecting my own pride.”
Edith nodded slowly, her arms tightening around herself. “You hurt Tilly,” she said. “Frightened her tremendously. She left with me believing you hated her.”
Laurence felt as if someone had just punched him in the chest.
“Tilly never deserved that. We both know how loving and sensitive she is. If she were to never forgive me…” he trailed off, feeling nauseous at the thought. He took a long, deep breath. “I would deserve that. It was my fault.”
Edith did not respond.
“The instant I learned that she was unwell, I couldn’t find it in myself to stay away any longer. The thought of you both being away from our home, away from my resources, and with Tilly being so unwell…” Laurence choked up. “I was so scared. For both of you.”
He hated how his voice cracked. He was so used to being domineering and in control. Being vulnerable felt foreign, daunting.
“You were scared?” she asked.
He winced at her cold tone.
“Dreadfully so,” he admitted.
“I didn’t think you would be.”
“Why?”
Then, he froze as he recalled his heartless words. He had said they were just an arrangement. Of course, she wouldn’t expect him to be worried.
“I was,” he said. “I may have been selfish and cruel, but I am still your husband and Tilly’s father.”