Chapter 18
“Thank you for allowing us to come to Marina’s wedding,” Susan said softly. The ceremony had just ended, and the two of them stood at the back of the church, watching as Marina and Gilbert clung to one another in newlywed bliss.
Norman looked at his wife. “Did you think I would refuse?”
“I don’t know,” she confessed. “It’s supposed to be our honeymoon, after all. I thought you might not want us to be seen out in public like this."
Norman pressed his lips together. Yes, it was their honeymoon. Yes, people would probably have opinions about the fact that the two of them were out of the house during a time when they were supposed to be doing nothing but indulging in one another.
But people were going to have opinions no matter what they did. That was the way London society worked. There was no way to avoid gossip entirely. You simply had to make the best of it.
“It’s not as if we were having a honeymoon,” he pointed out. “We’ve barely seen one another since you came to live at Heathmare.”
She raised her eyebrows. “That’s hardly my fault.”
“No, it isn’t.” He hadn’t meant to start an argument.
He had simply been calling attention to a fact.
But this always seemed to happen with Susan.
It was simply impossible to control whether or not they slipped into anger with one another.
He cleared his throat and tried to steer things back on course.
“All I’m saying is that I’m more than happy for us to be at your sister’s wedding. I know how important this is to you.”
Susan looked like she might try to argue again—her jaw clenched, and she opened her mouth to speak. But she must have realized quickly that he hadn’t actually said anything she disagreed with. Her expression shifted to one of confusion.
“That’s right,” she said, looking down.
“I’m not your enemy,” he told her. “We got into this for the same reasons, remember. We wanted to take care of our reputations. And for you, your sister was a vital part of that. I know that about you, Susan, and believe it or not, I do care. Besides, she’s my sister now too.”
“You hardly know her,” Susan objected.
“But if there’s anyone who’s used to their life changing rapidly, it’s me,” he pointed out, thinking of the way he had been forced into his new life as Duke of Heathmare.
Gaining a new sister was nothing at all after that.
And besides, he liked Marina. She was so eager and enthusiastic.
He didn’t especially care for weddings, but if there had ever been someone made for them, it would be Marina.
Just the sight of the smile on her face as she looked up at her new husband was enough to tell him that.
Unlike Susan, she was eager for this day.
She wanted to be married to the man standing up there with her.
Norman was happy for her.
The church emptied out slowly. Susan and Norman were two of the last to leave. He expected that they were waiting for Marina, that Susan would want to greet her sister and share her happiness about the wedding.
But just as Marina and Gilbert began to walk toward the rear of the church, Susan turned away from them and toward Norman.
“We should go,” she said.
“We should?” He raised his eyebrows.
“We have to get to the wedding breakfast,” she said. “You know Father will call attention to it if we’re late, and I’d like to get through this day without any unnecessary attention on the two of us, if that’s possible.”
Norman could agree with that. “All right,” he said. “We’ll see your sister back at your father’s house, then.”
Susan nodded, and they retreated from the building and made their way out to the waiting carriage.
Once inside, Norman leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees.
He found himself surprisingly eager to spend this time with Susan.
But maybe that wasn’t such a shock. She had always been entertaining and engaging, always good to talk to.
If marriage had been simply a game of choosing the best conversation partner, he would have been fairly pleased with his choice.
“Your sister looked very happy today,” he said.
“She did,” Susan said slowly, but she looked doubtful.
“Is something wrong?” Norman asked her.
Susan shook her head and gazed out the window, saying nothing more.
“I mean,” Norman pressed, “it seems to me that she really likes that young man. I’m not the world’s biggest advocate of marriage, as you well know, but I do think she’s happy to be with him. If there is such a thing as a good marriage, I would believe that was one of them.”
“I don’t know,” Susan murmured, still gazing out the window. “I hope you’re right.”
She doesn’t know? She hopes I’m right?
That was surprising. Susan had put so much time and energy into making sure that her sister would be able to marry this man. She had really seemed to want it. It was the driving force behind her own decision to get married, as far as Norman was aware. And now she was unsure about it?
He didn’t try to press her on the subject. He looked out the opposite window instead, allowing himself to be lulled by the sight of the countryside rolling by.
Susan had always been so strange about the subject of marriage.
Insisting one day that she would never marry, despite the obvious cost to her reputation, and then summoning him to a park right on the heels of that to propose marriage.
Now, the way she had gone through all of this to try to provide for her sister’s marriage, and was now acting as if that marriage wasn’t a good thing…
well, he should have expected that. He should have anticipated that her inconsistency about the idea of marriage would continue. Of course it would.
I just don’t understand why she’s like this. I never especially wanted to marry, but at least I’m capable of explaining why I’m changing my mind about that. I’ve been clear and consistent. What I want is to show the people of London society that I am one of them.
And I thought that what she wanted was to see her sister married to this man. But now I’m no longer sure. I can’t be certain she’s happy with the way this has all turned out.
It was difficult to say why that uncertainty ate at him, but it did.
Lord Crownway hosted the wedding breakfast. Marina would depart for her new home with her new husband later that afternoon.
It was impossible not to notice how different everything was from the day of Norman and Susan’s wedding.
Norman recalled how beautiful he had found Susan and how his admiration of her had carried him through the ceremony, but there certainly hadn't been any reveling.
This, though, was the opposite set of circumstances.
Marina could hardly stay in her seat. She was full of boundless energy, so excited by the sheer fact of her marriage to her husband that she kept bouncing up on the premise of having something she needed to do.
Every time a guest arrived, she sprang up to greet them. Everywhere she went, she danced.
Gilbert, meanwhile, watched her as if she was the most captivating thing he had ever seen.
People spoke to him, and he gave simple answers, not truly engaging them in conversation.
He seemed unable to focus on anything other than his wife.
It was as if the wedding breakfast was nothing but a distraction.
Norman was quietly amazed. He had understood that these two genuinely cared for one another and that they really did want to be married, but seeing it play out was something different.
I’m happy for them, he realized. I can see why Susan was so eager to help her sister get to this place.
I just don’t know why she’s acting as if she regrets it today.
She really was acting like that. He had wondered whether Susan would at least put on a face of being happy for her sister once they reached the breakfast, but she hadn’t.
Instead, she sat at the table, her eyes on her sister, a somber expression on her face, and Norman didn’t know what to make of it.
After the plates had been cleared, she got up quickly, even though everyone was still sitting and talking. She looked at Marina for a moment, then walked out of the dining room.
Marina must have understood that as a summons, for she got to her feet as well. “Will you excuse me for a moment?” she murmured to her husband and followed her sister from the room.
Norman looked at Lord Crownway. He didn’t even appear to have noticed what was happening. He was caught up in conversation with the gentleman sitting next to him, the two of them laughing heartily about something.
It must be a very good day for this gentleman, who has been so occupied with the idea of marrying off his daughters, he thought, feeling a strange bitterness toward the man. He has gotten everything he wanted, and now he doesn’t have to think about them or their happiness anymore.
It was a strange sort of anger. Why shouldn’t Lord Crownway feel happy to have his youngest daughter wed? She was clearly happy about it.
He rose from the table without knowing exactly what he meant to do and left the dining room in the same direction Susan and Marina had gone.
He didn’t have to walk very far before he heard the sound of voices coming from a room off the foyer.
“Sue, I wish you would try to be happy.” That was Marina. “I’m happy, and so is Gilbert. And so is Father!”
“Father being happy is no kind of evidence that I should be happy,” Susan’s voice said. “He and I have almost never agreed on anything in our lives.”
“You agree that you want me to be happy,” Marina said.
Susan sighed. “He wants you to secure a respectable match, Marina. I wouldn’t give him too much credit for that. I don’t think happiness has anything to do with what Father wants for you. I’m sure he wouldn’t object to the knowledge that you’re happy, of course, but that’s not his priority at all.”
“Oh, Sue.”
“But it is mine. And you know that.”
“I do know.”
“I just worry about you, Marina. That’s what this is. I’m worried.”
“Well, you can’t keep worrying about me all the time,” Marina said firmly.
“You need to let go of those worries, Sue. For your own sake—and for mine. I can’t be preoccupied with this.
I can’t reassure you all the time. I need you to accept that I’m happy.
Let me be happy. Stop worrying about me all the time. Please.”
“Marina…”
Marina’s voice became stern. “It isn’t fair to keep looking at me as if I might fall apart,” she said firmly.
“It isn’t fair to act as though you’re waiting for my marriage to go sour.
I know you have your doubts, but I want you to try to believe in the possibility that this could be good, because I believe it, and I deserve to have faith in it. ”
There was silence.
Norman felt strongly that Marina was right. A part of him wanted to burst into the room where the sisters were talking and back her up, tell Susan that she ought to have faith that marriage could be a good thing.
And yet… how could he claim to have that opinion, when Susan knew perfectly well that he himself had not wanted to marry?
How could he be bothered by her opinion when it should have been the same as his own?