Chapter 17
“You don’t have to go through with it, you know,” Aunt Tabitha said.
Norman looked over at her. She was dressed for the occasion, in one of her finest gowns, and she was watching him shrewdly. He looked over at the church, where he knew Susan awaited him.
“What do you mean?” he asked, looking back at her. “Today is my wedding day. Do you suggest I leave the poor lady at the altar?”
“Of course not,” Aunt Tabitha said. “She is a sweet young lady, and I want nothing but the best for her.”
“Then how can you suggest I not go through with it?”
“Because I want the best for you too,” his aunt said gently.
“I care for you, Norman. You know that. You should listen to your own heart. What does it tell you? Do you want this wedding to take place? Because if you don’t, it isn’t too late.
We can find Lord Crownway and tell him. We can come up with something to say that will protect Lady Susan’s reputation.
If we must, we’ll tell everyone that she left you, instead of the other way around. ”
“Well, that isn’t going to make her look very good either,” Norman pointed out.
He gritted his teeth—how could he explain to his aunt that the whole reason he had gotten into this—the whole reason Susan had gotten into this—had been for the sake of their reputations?
After the time he’d spent trying to convince everyone that he was in love with her, would he even be believed?
“Aunt Tabitha,” he said, “you know perfectly well that I need a reputable marriage to cement my place in society.”
“I know you believe that,” she said. “But we can find another way, Norman.”
“What other way?”
“There’s always another way. I just don’t want to see you enter into a marriage that isn’t what you truly want for yourself,” she said.
He shook his head. “I think what I’m beginning to understand is that doing things you don’t want to do is a part of the life of a nobleman,” he said.
“I might have been less well off before I inherited this Dukedom, but I was certainly much more free. No, it’s too late to change anything now.
I have to go ahead with this the way we planned it. ”
Aunt Tabitha sighed, but she didn’t protest further, and Norman supposed that even she knew it was a lost cause. He had to face the facts—this marriage was going to happen, little though he might have wanted it to.
He went into the church.
The moment he stepped inside, things became a blur. He took his place at the altar, but he wasn’t able to focus on any of the details around him. Everything seemed very far away, very unimportant. He wanted to get through this and get home, for all of it to be over.
It wouldn’t be, of course. He knew that.
Even though the ceremony would come to an end, his life would be forever changed.
Susan would be going home with him after this, and from now on, she would be his wife.
His responsibility. Even though it wasn’t something he had wanted for himself, he did take that responsibility seriously.
The music began to play, and the doors at the back of the church swung open—and there she was.
She was beautiful.
He had noticed her beauty before, but today it took the breath from his lungs.
And he couldn’t have said what it was about her that provoked that dramatic response.
It wasn’t the gown she wore—pale ivory and done with ornate embroidery.
He hardly registered that, and he had been much more taken by the simple gown she had worn the day they had met in the park.
It was something about the expression on her face that did him in.
She held her chin high as she walked down the aisle.
She hadn’t wanted this, and he knew it, but she needed no coaxing or persuading.
This wasn’t the same lady he had faced across the chessboard.
That day, she had hung her head, and her spirits had obviously been low.
But today she was the fiery, determined lady he had met when her family had come to stay for the engagement party.
She was the lady who had so captivated him with her determination and grit.
Wasn’t I determined not to marry her because of those things?
And yet, now, he found he had missed them. He was glad to see her recover those aspects of herself. He could admit that he would much prefer to be saying his vows to this spirited version of Susan than to the dejected, defeated version of her.
Thank goodness she came back to herself in time for the wedding. I have to admit, this is off to a better start than I’d expected.
“The staff will show you around,” Norman said as they walked into the foyer.
A wedding breakfast would have been customary, but neither he nor Susan had really wanted one. Perhaps Lord Crownway had decided to take what he could get, for he hadn’t pressed the issue.
And now, at least, they were able to spend the rest of the day as they liked.
Norman intended to retire to his study and pour himself a glass of scotch, with which he would do his best to forget the day’s ordeals.
He would have to cope with the truth that he was married at some stage, but for today, it would do to set that aside and pay attention to his own thoughts.
“I don’t need to be shown around,” Susan reminded him. “I’ve been here before. I stayed here for the engagement party, for several days. I know where everything is.”
“Perhaps, but you won’t be staying in the same room now as you did then,” Norman said.
“I’ve decided to give you your own wing of the house—I think you’ll be more comfortable there.
Your father has sent your lady’s maid over, and she’s unpacking your things right now.
But Mrs. Hastings will show you to your wing. ”
“If I’m to have my own wing,” Susan said. “That means… I suppose I assumed you would have my bedroom near to yours. But it sounds as if that isn’t the case?”
“No, you’ll be on the opposite side of the estate,” he confirmed. “I want you to have as much space as possible to yourself. After all, that’s what we agreed upon when we played chess together—that your life would be your own, and that I wouldn’t disturb it.”
Her cheeks colored, and he wondered whether she was remembering her defeat at the chessboard. “Forgive me, Your Grace,” she began.
“You can still call me Norman.”
She bit her lip. “I—of course. I’m sorry. Things do feel different now. But you’re right. It makes more sense than ever to use one another’s proper names.”
“What is it that’s troubling you?” he asked her.
“It’s not troubling me, exactly, but… I know that things aren’t going to be exactly as you described them the day you and I played chess together.”
He frowned. “I don’t understand. I meant everything I said to you that day.”
“Yes, I’m sure you did. But we married for the sake of your reputation,” she said.
“And in order for a marriage to benefit a gentleman’s reputation…
well, there have to be children. And you’ll want an heir, of course, considering that you’ve only just inherited this title and will want to make sure it’s secure in your family’s line. ”
He blinked. This was what she was thinking about? He never would have guessed she would be the first to broach the subject.
But perhaps he should have. After all, she had never been what he had expected from a young lady. She had never been quiet or contrite—she always made her will known. She had even summoned him to a park to propose marriage!
But in this, she was mistaken. “I’m not going to need an heir,” he told her.
She frowned. “Norman… I wonder if you’ve really thought about that.
I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but you are new to this title.
You weren’t raised knowing the expectations that come along with it, so you may not realize just how seriously people take these things.
It isn’t just your business ventures that are going to be affected.
You have to protect your social standing as well, and you have to protect your ownership of Heathmare.
If you don’t, you’ll find it slipping through your fingers. ”
“That’s not a matter for you to concern yourself with,” he told her firmly. “That’s for me to sort out.”
She pressed her lips together. “I’m just trying to tell you that… that I would be willing. That I understand the responsibility I have as your Duchess, and that I’m prepared to live up to it.”
“I understand what you’re offering.” For a moment, he found himself considering her offer. She was beautiful, and wouldn’t it be nice to take comfort in her arms—in her bed? There was no real reason to refuse. She was his wife, and it was a privilege he was entitled to.
But she doesn’t really want that. She’s offering because she thinks she has to. I don’t even have to guess at the truth of her motivations—she’s saying it outright. She wants me to consider this because she thinks it’s something we have to do to protect our reputations.
To marry for the sake of their reputations was one thing, but…
no. He couldn’t go that far. And besides, even if he could bring himself to accept her offer and enjoy the comfort of her body, he didn’t want a child.
The ton could make a lot of demands of him if he was going to belong, and he knew it.
But he wouldn’t give in to a demand of that nature.
It was only when he looked back at her and saw that her eyes were wide and her cheeks pale that he realized he’d snapped at her.
I understand what you’re offering. It had sounded like a reprimand.
And in a way, it had been one, though certainly not directed at Susan.
She wasn’t the one he harbored resentment toward.
He was angry at society for forcing him—forcing both of them—into this position.
He wasn’t angry at Susan. She was just trying to make the best of things.
With a sigh, he turned away from her. He didn’t trust his own ability to be kind and gracious right now. It would be best to take some time apart.
“Mrs. Hastings,” he said. “Show the Duchess to her rooms, please. Ensure that she and her maid have everything they require.”
Mrs. Hastings stepped forward. “Yes, Your Grace,” she said. She turned to Susan. “Your Grace, if you’ll follow me, your things have already been taken up.”
Susan lingered for a moment, looking at Norman. Then she turned and allowed herself to be led away.
Norman sighed. A part of him truly wished that he could have been the one to help her settle in. But his thoughts were all over the place. He didn’t think he could manage to be polite and courteous at the moment.
A part of him was filled with resentment that he had been pushed into this situation. That he couldn’t be trusted on his own merits, as a man, without consideration for who he was married to. And the idea that society might expect an heir from him just made the whole thing worse.
But even as he thought that, another thought rose to the surface of his mind.
If I have to go through all this—she’s not a bad person to have at my side.