Chapter 28
“Lady Keethroad is here to see you, Your Grace.”
Norman looked up from the book he had been reading and set it down on the small table beside his chair. “Aunt Tabitha?” What was she doing here again, so soon after her last visit? He rose to his feet and followed the butler out into the foyer.
Sure enough, Aunt Tabitha was there. She was alone this time—Michael hadn’t come with her. She smiled as he entered the room. “Norman. How good to see you. Michael told me you were at the Montgomery ball with your wife. I wish I could have attended.”
“It was a pleasant time,” Norman lied.
Susan had been right, of course, about her conversation with Lord Islington. Norman should have known that she would be. If he had been honest with himself, he would have known it—there was no reason to worry about a scandal.
He had never really been worried about a scandal. He understood that now.
It was just that seeing her talking to that man, smiling at him so easily, had ignited something hot and horrible in the pit of his stomach. He had been jealous.
He didn’t want to feel like that.
What do I have to be jealous about? She’s married to me. I have everything I wanted from her. And as far as her paying attention to someone else, well, why should that matter? I’ve never yearned for her attention. She’s right—I told her when we married that I wouldn’t trouble her, and I meant that.
He led Aunt Tabitha into the sitting room, grateful for the company—at least he would have something to divert his thoughts from the trouble he’d had with Susan.
He didn’t want to think about their argument.
Even less did he want to think about the kiss that had come afterward—the moment his resolve had broken.
He couldn’t ever allow that to happen again.
He wanted it to happen again.
She had been dodging his company ever since, and that was a good thing, because he had no idea what he was going to say to her when next they spoke to one another.
He signaled one of the maids to bring tea into the sitting room and made his way to his favorite chair. Aunt Tabitha sat opposite him, in the seat she always took when she came calling. She eyed him carefully.
“So you say you enjoyed the ball?” she asked.
“Aunt Tabitha, I sincerely hope you aren’t here to levy accusations at my wife again,” he said.
He would head this off here and now. “If that’s what you’ve come to do, I’m going to have to stop you, because I truly do not wish to hear it.
I know who she is, and I know her reasons for marrying me.
That ought to be more than enough for you. ”
Aunt Tabitha leaned forward. “Norman, I regret the way I spoke to your wife,” she said gently. “You were right to stop me. I was too accusatory, and much too forward.”
“Oh.” Norman was taken aback—he hadn’t expected to receive an apology so quickly. He’d thought he would have to fight for it. “Well… thank you for saying so.”
“But that doesn’t mean that I was entirely wrong,” she continued. “The way I expressed my concern—yes, that was wrong. But the things I was concerned about may not have been. I still want to discuss that with you, if you will allow me.”
“We can talk about it,” he said slowly. “But you may not bring this up in front of Susan ever again. She shouldn’t have to worry that she is being questioned when she hasn’t done anything wrong.”
Aunt Tabitha nodded. “Where is she today?”
“She’s out on a promenade with her sister. They’ve gone to the park. I don’t expect them back for a few hours.”
“Then now is a fine time for the two of us to discuss this?”
“I want to give you the opportunity to get it off your chest,” Norman said. “So yes, let us talk about it now. But please know that this is the very last time I will want to have this conversation. So I hope you say everything you want to say.”
She nodded. “I think that’s more than fair.”
The maid returned with the tea, and for a few moments the two of them were quiet as they were served. Aunt Tabitha smiled at the maid as she accepted her cup, then waited until they were alone before continuing to speak.
“Norman,” she said. “You are not in love with your wife.”
It wasn’t what he had expected to hear. “I never claimed to be.”
“Of course you did. Everything you’ve done since you met her has been about claiming to be in love with her. Not just the wedding, although that is part of it, but the way you two treat one another in public. You want everyone to believe you are in love with her.”
He shrugged. “Perhaps I do. But you never fell for the charade. What difference does it make? I’m hardly the first man to marry for convenience.”
“No,” she agreed. “You aren’t. But I wanted better for you. And what’s more… you wanted better for yourself.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” He sipped his tea.
“You do know what I mean,” she countered. “When you learned that you had inherited Heathmare, what was your first thought? I know it wasn’t about how you could advance your business interests or blend into London society. What did you think of the situation?”
He pressed his lips together, seeing where she was going and not liking it. “I thought that I would be losing my freedom.”
“That was what mattered to you,” she agreed. “And it’s what has always mattered to you—having the freedom to make your own choices. You want to be able to choose who you marry.”
“I did choose,” he said lamely.
“You chose based on obligation, not on love. You felt you needed money and social standing. Isn’t that right?”
“You say it as if this was some opinion of mine,” he said. “I did need those things. I continue to need them.”
“But you have them now. Thanks to your marriage to Susan, you have her dowry, and you’ve entered into business with her father. And Susan—you say she didn’t marry you out of a desire to become a duchess.”
“That’s right.”
“And I know that wasn’t for love. She hardly knew you.”
“She married because she felt she had to,” Norman explained.
He wasn’t sure if giving out this information was the right thing to do or not, but it was an overture of good faith on Aunt Tabitha’s part that she had started with an apology.
He wanted to trust her. “She knew that her father wouldn’t allow her sister’s marriage until Susan was married first. Susan wanted to protect her sister’s prospects.
Lady Marina was very much in love. Susan didn’t want to marry anybody at all, but she decided I was a good enough option. ”
Aunt Tabitha’s voice pitched upward in excitement. “So she doesn’t want to be married to you any more than you do to her.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t want to be married to her, Aunt Tabitha. I said I did want it. You don’t agree with my reasons, and I’m hearing you out, but it’s incorrect to say I didn’t want to marry her at all.”
Aunt Tabitha waved a hand dismissively. “The truth is that you wanted to marry for love,” she said. “That’s what you would have done if you had never inherited.”
“But I did inherit,” he said.
“Yes, but you shouldn’t have to give up the life you would have chosen for yourself. Being a duke should open doors for you, not close them, and I’m afraid that’s what you’ve never realized.” She took a sip of her tea. “I think we ought to see about an annulment.”
Norman felt as if he had swallowed a block of ice. “What?”
“You’ve sacrificed so much to advance our family,” she said.
“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your chance at happiness with a wife.
Let me help you resolve this. We can secure an annulment for you easily.
You already have the money and the business contacts you wanted to gain from this marriage, so that will be all right.
And as for Susan, she’s gotten what you say she wanted as well.
Her sister is married. Her father must be satisfied.
She would probably thank you for annulling the marriage if what you’ve described to me is accurate.
Would she really thank me?
He thought of the way Susan had run from him after the kiss they had shared, and the way she had been avoiding him ever since. Maybe Aunt Tabitha was right. Maybe she would be relieved if she were to come home from her promenade to find out that he was ready to end things.
But even if it was true, he didn’t think he could do it.
The thought of letting go of her now was more than he could take, more than he wanted to consider. He shouldn’t let himself have feelings for her. He knew that. But those feelings had begun to grow just the same. How was he ever going to set them aside?
I can’t let her go. I do want to be married to her. In spite of everything, I want it.
Aunt Tabitha was watching him, waiting for his answer.
What am I going to tell her? That I want to be married for the sake of love after all?
After she knows I’ve been lying about that very thing?
She would never believe that I have genuine feelings for Susan.
And I can’t say that out loud anyway, because I don’t want to have those feelings.
I want to be rid of this. Just look at what happened at Montgomery—it’s already causing me to act like a fool.
“I don’t want to get an annulment,” he told his aunt.
“But why?” she pressed him. “I don’t want you to feel trapped in something that isn’t right for you, Norman.”
“I don’t feel trapped.”
“I think you do. This can’t be what you wanted.”
He shook his head. “The truth is, it doesn’t matter what I feel,” he told her. “I have responsibilities here. I have a duty. I made a promise—both to the people of Heathmare and to my wife. And I honor the promises I make.”
“So you’re conceding that you don’t have feelings for her, though?”
“Please hear me, Aunt Tabitha. I’m saying it doesn’t matter,” he told her. “That I don’t love her is irrelevant to what I must do.”
And the fact that I’m beginning to think I do love her is something I can never name aloud.
Aunt Tabitha sighed. “Very well,” she said. “I suppose you’ve heard me out, and that’s all I can ask. I’ll do as I promised you I would now. I’ll drop it and never bring it up again.”
He sighed. “Thank you,” he said. “Truly. This is not a pleasant conversation for me.”
“I just hope you understand that all I want is to help you live the best life you can,” she told him. “I want you to be happy, Norman.”
“I know that,” he assured her. “I am happy, Aunt Tabitha. Really.”
The most surprising thing of all was that he thought it just might be true. He was tormented to be sure, uncertain of what he wanted. Plagued by the memory of her kiss, desperate to know if he would ever receive another.
But she had blazed through his life like a shooting star, brightening everything around her in her wake. She excited him every moment they were together.
He could never wish away her presence in his life.
If that wasn’t happiness, Norman didn’t know what was.