Chapter 10
Ten
“He is by no means cruel,” Thalia explained, needing it to be heard and believed because it was the truth, even if such truths were hard to convince. “Certainly not the monster everyone seems to think.”
Her aunt looked around the back garden, her nose curling as her eyes swept over the dead trees and overgrown hedges and general lack of care given to the grounds.
It matched the castle perfectly, a sight that in no way invited warmth or suggested such a thing was possible.
Indeed, Thalia had visited graveyards with more life.
“Are you sure about that?” her aunt asked, still searching the lifeless grounds. “The way he keeps his home suggests otherwise.”
“I did not marry the man for his skills as a horticulturalist,” Thalia scoffed. “Nor am I one to judge a person based on how they live. If I was, I might not have very nice things to say about myself either.”
Her aunt winced. “I did not mean it like that.”
“I know you didn’t,” Thalia eased her. “But I am quite sick of everyone assuming they know everything about my husband for no reason other than what they are told. Rumors that don’t have so much as a grain of truth to them.”
“Oh? Tell me then, what is he like? Set the record straight, if you will.”
Thalia opened her mouth to do just that, feeling a need to defend the man she now called her husband. After all, had he not rescued her and Olivia from poverty? Did he not invite them into his home, giving them free rein, ensuring them both that he would protect them? Surely, that meant something?
However, as Thalia tried to will positive affirmations onto her tongue so she might unleash them upon her aunt, she found that not one came to her.
I suppose it is one thing to claim that he is not evil and wicked. But it might be nice to have more to say than the obvious… even if it is not obvious to most.
“He is… he likes his privacy,” Thalia offered instead. “Which is not surprising, considering how long he has been on his own for. Yes.” A firm nod as if this justified everything she said. “As things currently stand, I have seen nothing to suggest that he is the man everyone claims he is.”
“But you have seen nothing to suggest otherwise, either…” Her aunt raised a knowing eyebrow.
“Well… that is not…” Thalia felt the fight withering inside of her.
“This is what I wanted. I was not searching for a love match, and the duke never suggested it would become one. He married me because he had to—no, even that is not right. He married me because it was the right thing to do, and I really cannot ask for or expect anything more than that.”
“A marriage of convenience then,” her aunt added. “In its most literal form.”
“It is the best I could have hoped for.” Thalia attempted to look resolved in this statement, needing not just her aunt to believe it, but herself also. “And Olivia. She will never want for anything while we are here, and that is all that matters.”
Her aunt studied her; concern filtering behind her eyes, and the way her lips were pressed together showing it just as much. “If that is what you want…”
Thalia had been thrilled this morning to find her aunt appearing on her doorstep without warning.
It was three days ago now that she first arrived at Westvale Estate and despite having Olivia to keep her company, she found that she missed the chance to speak with actual adults about problems that one as young as Olivia would never understand.
Indeed, Thalia had not realized how lonely she’d been until she saw her aunt and the two started speaking.
She had been able to convince herself these past three days that all was well and there was nothing to worry about, that she was happy and content with her circumstances. But she now knew that to be a lie.
A hard truth to accept, especially as I’ve worked so hard these past three days to convince myself otherwise, needing to believe the lie because it has kept me sane.
This castle was now her home, but Thalia was still unable to shake the feeling that she was a stranger inside its walls. With the exception of Albert checking on her daily, she had not seen so much as a hair of another adult about… and that included her husband.
He was patently avoiding her. Or perhaps he had just forgotten about her entirely? A circumstance she might have once relished, now realized to be not what she assumed. Did he hate her that much? Or was it just that he did not care…
“I knew what I was getting into with this marriage,” Thalia found herself saying, wanting to speak the words as if they might be true. “This was never meant to be a love match, or even companionship. Truly, I have nothing to complain about.”
“It is not such a bad thing to complain, dear,” her aunt said gently. “You are perfectly within your rights.”
“Complain about what?” she said. “I have everything I need, as does Olivia. And I am sure that within the coming days…” She looked about the garden, a coldness seeping through her bones as she did. “This estate will start to feel like the home we’ve always dreamed of.”
Even I don’t believe that. How can I? Stray dogs would take one look at this garden and flee in the other direction. It is a wonder that Olivia can stand it.
She and her aunt were sitting in the back garden, perched under a dying oak tree whose branches bore not a single leaf. The sky was gray and cloud covered as always, a cold wind whipped from across the ocean, and that damn castle leered over her as if in warning.
“You always were a terrible liar,” her aunt said.
Then she cocked an eyebrow, waving Thalia off her argument.
“I believe you, that the duke is not as bad as they say—I do,” she made sure to emphasize.
“But if that is the case, why not…” She clicked her tongue with worry. “Why not do something about it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Let me ask you a question.” Her aunt shuffled forward on her seat, reaching across the table to take Thalia’s hands. “What do you want from this marriage—really want? Beyond the obvious. You have protection. You have a future for Olivia. And now that you do, what comes next?”
“I…” Thalia considered the question. “I…” Her stomach knotted. “I…” Her mouth turned dry. “I do not know.”
And that is the truth as I know it, even if my aunt does not believe it.
Thalia had never wanted to marry. Or rather, she had never considered that she would need to do so. Since the day Olivia was born, all Thalia cared about was how she might protect her, look after her, make sure that she lived the life that she deserved.
This had always felt impossible, made more so because of what people thought of her situation. But in that, Thalia had developed a shell around herself, refusing to succumb to fear and determined to prove everyone wrong.
Most of all, she wanted to do it alone.
She did not need others to protect her. She would not rely on those who spurned her to save her from her woes. That she was forced to marry another to do just this had grated on her terribly, forcing her to double down in her belief that she was strong and capable and independent.
Now that she had everything she wanted, no longer needing to fight for even the smallest of victories, she could not help but wonder what would come next… what she truly wanted for herself… and what she deserved.
“I do not know what I want,” she said again, keeping a hold of her aunt’s hands while looking away. “But I do know that… whatever it is, it won’t involve my husband.”
“Meaning?”
She shrugged. “I am not here to change him. I don’t even know if such a thing is possible—or if I want to do so. But I know that he does not, and whatever I might want, he has done enough. More than enough. The least I can do for him is leave him be…”
“Oh, Thalia…” Isadora heard the pain in Thalia’s voice, even if Thalia had not meant for it to be there. “How do you know if you do not even ask? Maybe he—”
“He doesn’t,” she cut her aunt off. Then she laughed bitterly.
“If he’d wanted anything to do with me or Olivia, he has had more than enough time to prove it.
No…” A shake of the head. “We are on our own, I think. As to what comes next…” She forced a smile that barely touched her lips. “I suppose I will find out.”
It did not feel good to say, and Thalia’s heart sank a little to hear the words and know them to be the truth.
She knew so little about her husband, and that was purposeful. All she knew was what she felt when she saw him, those few moments when he dared to be around her and show the side that he seemed so desperate to hide.
Deep down, Thalia sensed there was more to the duke.
The rare smile that touched his lips when Thalia pushed him.
The kind gestures he had shown, like Olivia’s room.
And more than once when they met one another’s eyes, the pull she felt, the curiosity he seemed to have for her, always fighting against it because he was so determined to give her nothing.
“You know there will always be a place at my home for you,” her aunt was sure to tell her, still squeezing her hands. “If you ever feel unsafe or… or lonely. If you ever want to leave here, do not hesitate or think yourself a burden. Know that, Thalia.”
“I do,” she told her aunt. “And thank you.”
She said the words but knew they would never come to pass. This was her life now, for better or worse. It might be lonely. It might have no future beyond what was already found. But she was safe, Olivia was safe, and that needed to be enough.