Chapter 14
Fourteen
“They will be respecting a reply shortly, Your Grace,” Albert informed Ronan, much to his chagrin. “Any day now.”
“I am well aware,” Ronan snapped.
“I will remind you that you requested this, Your Grace,” Albert pressed. “You asked that I extend your interest so that—”
“I know what I said! I was the one who said it.” Ronan glared at the butler; the anger directed not so much at the elderly servant but himself. “I just need another day to decide, is all. It is not so big a deal as you are making it.”
“As you say, Your Grace.” Albert affected a short bow. “I will pen the response now, just in case. Be sure to let me know when you wish it sent.”
Ronan sighed. “My thanks. I will be sure to do just that.”
Albert was quick to scurry from the office, leaving Ronan alone. Although Ronan often preferred such things, he found for the first time in as long as he could remember that he did not enjoy the feeling of isolation.
What he needed was advice… no, what I need is to man up and do as I know I must. As loath as I am to admit it.
The situation which vexed him was one that Ronan was expecting, had been considering for some time, but was still not sure how he should approach it. Nothing too exciting, in truth, merely an invitation to a charity garden party next week which he’d promised to attend.
It was a promise he’d made at the beginning of the Season, when he realized that he would need to spend the coming months showing his face about the ton so he would not be forgotten. So far, he had attended just the singular event, and the result of that lone venture spoke for itself.
He knew that delaying his decision would make no difference, and that he had no choice but to attend. But that was only half the problem.
When Ronan married Thalia, a part of him had wondered if that would be enough to soften the rumors which swirled about him, allowing him to vanish back into the shadows which he very much preferred.
Frustratingly, this was not the case, and he wondered too if the marriage had made things worse.
Now, when people spoke of him, it concerned the circumstances of his marriage, the belief that he tricked his wife somehow, that she was being held against her will, that it was a most unpleasant union from which she needed saving.
Funny how often rumors can touch so close to the truth…
Thus, Ronan would be attending the garden party. Worse still, he had to do so with Thalia. And worse than that! He would need to ask her to join him, something he was sure she would agree to, even if such a thought terrified him beyond belief.
This marriage was changing, and most strangely, it wasn’t nearly so bad as Ronan wanted to believe.
He had noticed especially this last week, his desire to speak with Thalia and her daughter, to be seen by them, to even join them when every instinct inside himself warned against it.
He found that he liked the way he felt when he did. That a simple smile from his wife, the way Olivia looked upon him as if he was the center of the world, reminded him how it felt to be accepted by others.
But watching the two from afar was vastly different to inviting Thalia to a garden party. How would she interpret the invitation? What would she expect from it? It was all too much, beyond Ronan’s world, and so he stalled as he always did…
“Knock, knock.” From across the office a soft voice spoke, pulling Ronan from his internal worries.
He looked up to find Olivia standing in the doorway, somehow both nervous and eager at the same time. “Oh… Olivia,” he said.
“What are you doing?” she asked. As she did, she set one foot into the office, then quickly pulled it back.
He smiled at the hesitation. And his curiosity got the better of him when he saw clutched in her right hand a piece of paper that looked to have been drawn on and colored.
“I might ask you the same thing,” he said. “Exploring, are we?”
Her eyes flashed mischief. “No…”
“I think you are lying to me.”
“I am not!” she cried out, then caught her tongue and her eyes went wide. “Don’t tell Mommy. She… she… I am not meant to be…”
He laughed to ease her nerves. “What have you got there?” He indicated the piece of paper. “Is that for me?”
“Maybe…” Her smile was wicked.
“Can I see?”
“You… you want to see it?”
“Only if you want me to.”
Ronan could not explain why, but he felt a kinship with the little girl. It wasn’t that they spoke often or interacted that much at all. It was more the way she looked at him, that she was not scared or wary. And that she seemed to want him to notice her.
It was just so different to how everyone else in his life behaved when they met him. And he’d had no idea until now how much he needed it.
“Here!” A decision was made and she rushed into the office. Ronan saw her coming and pushed back his chair, at which point she hurried around the table and then jumped onto his lap.
“Urgh!” he groaned as she clambered on.
“It’s a drawing!” she explained as she spun about and sunk into his lap. She was so small and light, so fragile. “I… I drew it myself!”
“Did you now?” he asked.
“Yes, I did,” she said proudly as she held it out to show him. “See! It’s… it’s… do you know what it is?”
He really didn’t. Ronan looked at the colorful drawing, which to his eyes was a mass of squiggles and random lines that he supposed was meant to be a picture of something, but he couldn’t in his life tell what.
“Why don’t you tell me what it is,” he said.
“It’s us!” she exclaimed, very nearly falling from his lap as she tried to point to the drawing. “See! This here is Mommy! This is me! And this—this! This is you!”
Ronan could see it now… almost. It was no work of art. If she hadn’t explained, he certainly would not have guessed. But through the messy lines, he could just make out the drawing of Thalia, Olivia, and himself. They stood in a line holding hands, smiling he guessed… one big, happy family.
Ronan felt the stirring sensation creep through his stomach. His chest tightened, and his throat ached at the same time. He bit it back, allowing the smile to grow on his lips. “Ah, I see that now,” he said. “Yes, that’s what it is. Well drawn.”
“Do you like it!”
“I love it,” he said, finding that he meant it.
“Olivia!” Thalia was in the doorway. Her eyes were narrowed at her daughter, and her hands were on her hips. “What are you—what did I tell you?”
“He asked to see it!” Olivia explained. “He did!”
“I told you…” She moved into the room but didn’t hurry around the table. “You are not to disturb His Grace.”
“I didn’t!”
“It is fine,” Ronan assured her. His hands had moved around Olivia without him even noticing, keeping her on his lap. “Truly, I do not mind.”
“You… you don’t?” she asked as if she did not believe him.
“Did you see what she drew?” he asked. “It is only right that she wanted to show it off to her muse.”
Thalia’s expression was hard to read as she looked from him to her daughter. Her face was tight, biting into her lip, and her eyes had turned watery. “I saw it,” she said, her voice dropping. “What did you think?”
“He liked it!” Olivia cried. “Tell her!”
He laughed. “I did, very much. Thank you for showing me.”
Thalia met his eyes, and she mouthed the word ‘thank you.’ He returned it with a smile and a nod of his head, wanting her to know that he truly did not mind.
“Come on now…” Thalia held her hand out for her daughter. “We’d best leave His Grace to his work.”
Olivia scrambled down from his lap and hurried to her mother. Once she took her hand, Olivia started to lead her from the room.
Ronan watched them for a moment… his chest still tight… the smile still on his lips. And before he was able to stop himself, or think if it was the right thing to do, he spoke.
“Before you go,” he called after her.
She turned quickly, almost as if she was expecting it. “Yes?”
“I…” He hesitated, nerves getting to him. But he looked down at Olivia who was still beaming, and that gave him strength. “Next week, I have been invited to a garden party—one I intend to attend.”
“Oh…”
“And I was wondering if you would like to join me.” He found his breathing was heavy, his body trembling. “As husband and wife, we ought to be seen about the ton together, and I thought this might be… fun.”
“Fun?” She tilted her head in mock amusement. “I did not know you knew the meaning of the word.” His face dropped and she laughed. “I would love to attend. And thank you for asking me.”
“You are welcome.”
She smiled at him, and he smiled back. They held that smile across the room, and for reasons that Ronan could not explain, it was not awkward at all.
In fact, it felt perfectly natural, right in a way he would have never expected.
He could see how happy she was at having been asked, and that made him happy in return.
Thalia left quickly after that, dragging Olivia from the room. Ronan was left alone once more, only this time it did not feel as if he was. Alone in the room perhaps, but not in this world. Not anymore.