Chapter 13
Thirteen
Thalia couldn’t say what she expected from Ronan after their conversation in the halls. What she didn’t expect was for him to transform suddenly into a different person, one who wished to get to know them better and spend his free time with them as a husband might. That simply wasn’t him.
She supposed then that what came to pass was exactly what she should have predicted would happen. That being, slow but important steps in what looked to be the right direction.
“I thought you said he would be here?” Olivia asked that evening as the two sat down for supper. She scrunched her face and looked about the breakfast room. “Where is he?”
“I said he might be,” Thalia corrected her.
She cursed herself silently for getting ahead of herself and telling Olivia that the duke might join them—done for the right reasons, however. She felt that she needed to prepare her daughter for such circumstances, not wanting Olivia to do or say something that might make Ronan feel uncomfortable.
But she should have known he was unlikely to join them so soon. If ever. Likely, the most she could hope for was the odd conversation in the halls, perhaps even a smile or two when they passed by. Not a lot, but considering where they had come from, it was huge.
“Does he not like us?” Olivia pouted. “You said—”
“I said that he likes his own company and how he behaves has nothing to do with us,” she hurried to explain. “In fact, I would go so far as to say that His Grace likes us more than most other people.” And if that isn’t damning with faint praise, then I don’t know what is.
“Then where is he?”
Thalia had no real response to that. At least not one that a three-year-old would understand. She tried to change the topic, asking Olivia what they would do tomorrow, or what she wished to do.
And it worked for a time. Olivia, her mind running a hundred miles an hour, was able to move on from the duke’s rejection of them as she ate supper and told of how she wanted to explore outside more.
Since arriving, she had not gone further than the immediate estate and she wanted to know what existed beyond the walls which surrounded them.
“What’s across the ocean?” she asked eagerly.
Thalia frowned. “Lots of things. There is a whole other—”
“What is across the farms?” she cut her off. “From my window, I can’t see far enough. I want to go there.”
“Oh, it’s just more of the same,” Thalia explained. “Mostly empty land and—”
“I saw a forest,” she continued with excitement. “Trees! Can we explore the trees!”
“Maybe…” Thalia considered the question. She knew there was a forest about three miles east, but she knew little more than that. Certainly not enough that she wanted to explore it alone. “I will ask His Grace what—”
“His Grace!” Olivia exclaimed suddenly. “You came!”
Thalia assumed Olivia was getting ahead of herself. She smiled and shook her head, forever impressed by the extent of the young girl’s imagination. Only then…
“How is everything?” Ronan’s deep voice washed across the dining room.
Thalia’s eyes widened and she turned to see the duke standing by the doorway. As always, he stayed just beyond the light so most of his body stood in shadow. And despite being inside the dining room, he was right on its edge, as if he were ready to flee at any moment.
“Your Grace…” Thalia gasped. “I mean, Ronan.” A shake of the head and she smiled warmly. “You made it.”
“You must be hungry!” Olivia said as she grabbed at her plate as if she meant to feed him with the food that she had already half-eaten. “Do you want—”
“I am quite alright,” Ronan spoke over her, still not moving. “I simply wanted to make sure that you both have everything you need.”
Thalia frowned, taking a moment to realize what was happening, but then understanding perfectly. He was testing the waters, she thought. Not quite ready or willing to join them, all he wished for now was to make it clear that he hadn’t forgotten what they had spoken about.
“Everything is perfect,” she was sure to tell him. “And thank you for asking.”
“You’re not eating?” Olivia looked confused.
“Not now,” Ronan said. It was subtle, but she could have sworn she saw a smile tugging at his lips as he watched Olivia. “Perhaps another time.”
“I do hope so,” Thalia said, realizing that she meant it.
Ronan considered her. Hesitated by the door. It looked to her as if he was coming to a decision, as if he wanted to sit down and join them but was fighting the urge.
Typically, and unsurprisingly, the emotional distant side of himself won the battle, and he offered little more than a short nod before turning and stalking from the room as if he had never been.
“He left,” Olivia said with disappointment. “I thought he was going to eat?”
Thalia laughed, watching where the duke had just been standing, unable to hide her smile because she knew better than anyone how big of a moment this was. “He will do, one day soon.”
“You think so?”
“I know so,” she said, a truth that was inarguable.
Ronan was right there, peering over the edge, ready to jump but not quite able to bring himself to do so. But he would do, come time and patience. For a man who had spent so long resisting the world and all the people in it, such habits would not break so easily.
What surprised Thalia more than anything was how she felt about it all.
She told her aunt that she did not know what she wanted, that all she could think about for now was Olivia and what the future had in store for her.
But as she turned back to her supper, the smile still on her lips, she began to understand that this was no longer the truth.
She found that she wanted to get to know Ronan better. To see if maybe… that a world might exist where they could find companionship in this marriage. Not love. Not romance. But something more than two strangers who were hardly able to look at one another.
Such a small thing, she knew. But it felt huge, all things considered.
The following days passed by slowly, as those before had. But in those days, there were brief moments that suggested things were changing.
The day after Ronan appeared at supper, for example, Thalia decided she would do as Olivia wished and take her for a walk beyond the estate.
Nowhere too far, as she did not know the area well and had no desire to be lost. But a mile or two out, perhaps a picnic under the sun. A fun day between mother and daughter.
It was as they readied to leave that Ronan found them.
“You’re going somewhere?” He was standing at the top of the staircase, looking down at the two as they made final preparations in the foyer.
“Oh, good morning,” Thalia beamed.
“Hello!” Olivia cried out and waved.
“We’re just going for a walk,” Thalia explained. “Doing a little bit of exploring. What are you doing today?”
Ronan leered over them, his brow tight, worry etched across his features. “Exploring where?”
“Nowhere in particular,” she said. “I thought we might head east for a little, see what’s beyond the horizon. Would you like to join us?”
“Oh, do!” Olivia said.
Ronan licked his lips, and Thalia was certain that he was going to agree to come… “You should not wander too far alone. I will have one of the staff join you.”
Her stomach dropped. “Oh… do you not wish to—”
“Simon is young, and he knows the area well.” He strode down the staircase and turned sharply down one of the halls. “Wait here.”
A few minutes later one of the younger butlers appeared in the hallway, bright eyed and eager to help. “His Grace insisted that I join you, didn’t want no trouble coming your way,” he explained merrily.
And indeed, Thalia’s mother and daughter day turned into a mother and daughter and butler day.
It was still a pleasurable experience, as Simon stayed back and was careful not to interfere.
But it wasn’t what it could have been, and Thalia was all but certain that had Ronan joined them it would have been nearly perfect.
Two days later, Thalia was in the back garden reading as she watched Olivia running about, chasing after what she claimed to be frogs near the pond.
The weather was as nice as it had ever been, and even the sun was shining for a change.
She smiled as she watched Olivia, barely paying her book any attention.
That was when she saw him. Ronan, appearing on the back deck, making sure to stick to the shade. He stood in silence, almost as if he thought nobody could see him, and simply watched Olivia play.
Thalia eyed him curiously, wondering what he was doing. Olivia was making a lot of noise for one so small, and she worried he had come out to tell her to keep it down. Only, he did no such thing. He just stood there, watching her, a touch of what might have been a smile tugging at his lips.
Eventually he seemed to realize what he was doing. His eyes widened slightly, and he looked across to find Thalia watching him. She smiled and waved, and he hesitated for a moment… before waving back awkwardly. After that, he was quick to disappear.
It was three days later when by far the biggest and most significant step forward was taken.
The evening was getting late. As was often the case, Thalia and Olivia found themselves in the main drawing room on the bottom level of the castle. She was sitting in a chair by the fire, a book in hand, as Olivia played with building blocks.
She was making a castle… or she was trying to do so. But she was too young to understand how such things should work and every few moments Thalia would hear the blocks crash to the ground, followed by Olivia crying out with frustration.
“It won’t stay up!” she complained.
Thalia smiled as she continued to read her book.
“You’re doing it wrong,” a deep voice spoke from the doorway.
Thalia’s eyes widened and she looked up to find Ronan standing in the doorway.
Dressed all in black, it might have been her imagination but for the first time he wasn’t confined to the shadows.
The orange glow of the fire stretched across the room and over him, his green eyes glimmering in a fashion that was rare.
Olivia scrunched her face. “It keeps falling down!”
Thalia said nothing, as if the duke was a skittish cat she did not wish to scare away. She simply watched the moment pass, her heart beating heavily, her stomach squirming with nerves and curiosity… and excitement.
Ronan hesitated for a moment longer. His eyes flicked to Thalia, and she nodded her head slightly as if to give him permission. And then, coming to a decision, he strode to where Olivia was playing.
“Here…” he grumbled as he crouched down beside her. “You need to…” He reached for the blocks.
“What are you doing?” Olivia asked.
“Hopefully showing you how to properly build a castle.”
“Like this one?” she asked hopefully.
“Better than this one,” he said as he started to position the blocks. “This castle is old… like me. You should build something more like yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“Young,” he said. “Colorful. Better.”
Thalia found that she was holding her breath, not willing to make so much as a noise.
But she could hear her heart thumping as the duke helped her daughter build what looked like a castle…
almost. Really, it was just a series of blocks lined up in a row, more stacked on top, a large triangle with walls around it.
And she noticed too that the duke’s hands were shaking, determined as he was not to look at Olivia who was watching on in rapture.
“There…” he said once he was finished. “You see how I used the bigger ones for the base? So that they can hold the weight of these…” He gestured to the smaller blocks on top.
Olivia scrunched her face. “I… I think so.”
“Do you want to try?” He dared to look at her finally, almost as if he was afraid of what she might say.
“But what if… what if… what if it’s windy?” A wicked smile flashed behind Olivia’s eyes and Thalia’s body turned rigid because she knew what was about to happen.
“Windy?” Ronan frowned. “Inside, I think—”
“Argh!” Olivia cried out and swung her hands into the castle, knocking the blocks down. “A storm! A storm broke it!”
Thalia gasped as the blocks tumbled. Olivia giggled wildly, positively delighted by herself. Ronan said nothing, at first; his expression hardened, clearly not understanding what had happened or what he should do.
And then, the strangest of things occurred. He laughed.
It was not loud and gay. It wasn’t wild, unbridled laughter. It was a deep rumble breaking from his chest, a sound that was awkward, and looked to be as strange for him to do as it was for Thalia to hear.
I would not be surprised to learn that he has not laughed in some time. I wonder if he even knew how to do so before this very moment.
Olivia laughed loudly. “Again! Build it again!”
“So that you can knock it down?” he scoffed. “I don’t think so.” He sighed and stood back to his feet. “But now that you know how, I think you can do it yourself.”
“I will!” Olivia said, snatching at the blocks. “Thank you.”
“You are welcome.” Ronan turned to leave when Olivia called out to him again.
“You’re not staying? I want you to see!”
“Next time,” he told her. “Once you build one strong enough to stay up during storms.” He was smiling. It was soft and unsure, but it suited him. Even the scar on his face didn’t seem so scary or out of place.
“You better!” Olivia was already building again.
Ronan turned and walked to the doorway, and when he reached it he looked back, watching Olivia build for a moment longer. Thalia found that she was smiling and when the duke caught her doing so, she did not try and hide it. She wanted him to see.
His smile vanished suddenly, as if he was ashamed of it. But there was one in his eyes, and he held it on Thalia for long enough so it would not be missed. Her smile grew further, and he shook his head and then left.
Thalia felt something inside herself then; as she watched Olivia continue to build and as she thought about what had just happened. It was a warmth spreading up her body, wrapping her like a cloak in winter. A sense of comfort taking her like she had not felt in longer than she could remember.
For the first time ever, this castle was starting to feel like a home. And most strangely, it was all thanks to her husband. Slowly and steadily they went, but the course was the right one. And she was excited to see where it might lead next.