Chapter 20 #2
Slowly, he raised his head and looked at her. His eyes narrowed, his expression determined, even passionate. He fixed his eyes on her, unblinking so that even if she had wanted to, she would not be able to look away.
“But you should know, Olivia has nothing to do with how I have behaved. She is…” A sigh. “She has been caught in the middle, and for that I am sorry. I will try and do better.”
“You say you will…” Thalia took a careful step toward him. “But we have been here before, Ronan. This is not the first time you have told me you will do better. And I am just about done trusting you.”
“You just don’t get it, do you?”
She leaned back. “Get it? What am I—”
“The reason I act as I do.” He was still looking at her intensely.
His stare narrowed in on her. A fight raging behind his eyes that was as terrifying as it was hard to look away from.
“The reason I am so cold to you—both here and in public. It is not because I think of you as a stranger, Thalia…” He laughed bitterly. “If only it was that simple.”
“Why? Why do you…” She knew the answer, and the way her heart started to race was proof of that. But she dared not get her hopes up. Not yet…
“I think you know.” With what looked like great effort, he took a step toward her. And then another. “Just as I think you came here for a reason. Not to berate me. Not to accuse me. You came here…” He smiled slightly. “To force my hand.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do.” Another step toward her. And as big as he was, it was like a wall moving for her so there was nowhere to go.
“I tried to fight it. I tried to ignore it. Lying to myself, living in denial. Nothing has worked and every day when I wake up…” His eyes flashed with menace. “It gets harder and harder to do.”
She stayed where she was. Her body trembled under the stare in which he held her, her skin prickling. It was not a cold night by any stretch, but she began to shudder as if it was. And, all the while, her heart raced faster like it might explode.
“All my life, I have lived a certain way. Happy to be alone. Thrilled to be thought of as dangerous so that nobody would waste their time trying to get to know me. Easy to do when you care for nothing. But you, Thalia…” Be clenched his jaw and growled. “You are unlike anyone I have ever met.”
“I…” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I am?”
“People think of me as a monster.” Another step closer, now less than three feet away. “And when I am near you, I feel as if I am that. The struggle to control myself. The hunger… how much I want to sate it. I crave it, Thalia. More than I thought possible. And more than I know is right.”
“Hunger?” she stammered, catching her breath. Her eyes flicked over him, so close that she could reach out and touch him if she dared.
“You know to what I speak,” he said, his voice low but dark. “Because you feel it too. I know you do, and that only makes it harder.”
“I don’t know what you—”
“I am dangerous to be around,” he continued. “You would do well to stay away from me. But you refuse to, and for that reason…” He shut his eyes and groaned. “I am only so strong.” His hand opened and closed into a fist.
Thalia could sense the change that was coming.
She could feel the urge building inside of him like a storm on the horizon.
All she had wanted when she came here was an admittance, but the duke was giving her more than that.
It was as if a caged animal inside of him was being unleashed, and now that it was, he had no control.
Maybe it would have been better to have left the animal alone…
“All I wanted was for you to admit how you felt,” she said, her voice cracking. Partly from fear. Partly from… from a deep desire that made her body burn. “That’s all.”
“Perhaps,” he agreed. “But we are well past that. Like I said, I am only so strong.”
“What do you—” She gasped when he snatched out and grabbed her hand. Her eyes widened to see his massive paw wrap around it, squeezing as if he would never let go. “Your Grace…” Her voice trembled. “What are you…”
“I think you know.”
“Let me go,” she said, not meaning it.
“You are infuriating,” he growled.
“You are scaring me,” she shot back.
“Good,” he said. “Better that you know exactly what you have unleashed.” And then, without another word said, the duke pulled her into him and moved his lips to kiss her.
Thalia’s eyes widened and she very nearly pushed him away.
She meant to! Again, this was not what she had come here for.
She was not even certain that she wanted this.
She had… not so long ago. But given the way the duke had treated her, who was to say this wasn’t a flash in the pan that would simmer and die as soon as he came into himself.
Only his hand held her tight. His other wrapped around her waist. And when she saw his lips coming for her, Thalia forgot reason and good sense and her body melted into him because in truth… this is exactly what I was after.
Their lips met in a fiery clash. Their body too, pressed together as if becoming one. The duke’s hands moved to her face, holding her there so she could not pull away, his lips parting her mouth and his tongue diving inside.
Thalia felt that kiss not just on her lips but through her body.
It swept her. Engulfed her. Changed her, because the longer that they kissed the more she knew that things would never be the same.
It was so raw and unbridled. So real and so natural.
It spoke to exactly how she had felt about the duke all this time, and how she had known he felt about her.
They stood there for moments, kissing insatiably, devouring one another as two hungry animals might. And only once the shock had gone and reality set in, did Ronan slowly move back.
Thalia smiled as he pulled away. She was not ashamed of the kiss, nor did she fear the consequences. This could only be a good thing, and she was certain her husband felt the same.
That was until she saw the look on his face.
She couldn’t say why she was surprised. In hindsight, it was perhaps the most predictable of things.
The animal which had been released from its cage was back in containment, and with it, so was the duke’s lust. He looked away, a grimace on his lips, and shame behind his eyes.
Even before he spoke, she knew what he was going to say.
“I… I should not have done that.”
“No,” she said. “Do not… do not apologize.” She reached for him but he yanked his hand away.
“I need to… I need to go.” His head was still down, and he stepped around her, powering from the room.
Thalia turned to watch him go. Her heart was still racing from the thrill. Her excitement was still soaring, and she wanted to believe that this was a good thing. Finally, he admitted his feelings, and finally he acted upon them.
But as this was the duke who she was dealing with, Thalia could not say what would happen next.
Would he realize there was no need to worry and give in to his feelings once and for all?
Or would he withdraw inside of himself and hide from her as he had been doing for so long?
Anything was possible, and she supposed that tomorrow those questions would be answered.
For now, however, it was enough to smile and even laugh. Her lips still tingled from that kiss, and her heart still threatened to explode. This was a good thing, a step in the right direction. And all she could do was pray that from here on out, things were going to change.
For me… and for Olivia.