Chapter 24
Twenty-Four
Thalia stood over Olivia’s bed, watching her daughter sleep so soundly and peacefully that one might think that she was dead.
The little angel wore a smile on her lips as she slept, and this brought a smile to Thalia’s own lips because nothing brought her greater joy than knowing her daughter was happy.
At least one of us is…
She owed it to Ronan, even if that felt strange to admit.
Since she had confronted him in his office, the duke had tried his best to make Olivia realize that he still cared for her.
He said good morning when they broke their fast, he often stopped in to greet them as they supped, and twice now he had even said goodnight before she was lain down to sleep.
The only mark against these kind actions were that he did so always without acknowledging Thalia. Perhaps a smile was the most he would give her; a brief moment when their eyes would meet. But he was still guarded against her, and she wondered how much longer it could go on for.
Likely, it would go on forever. And the only way to change it was if Thalia did something about it. If she was to force him to talk to her, finally demanding the answers she had so long wanted.
Why was he this way? What was he so scared of? And why could he not see that his feelings for her what not something to fear? Rather, they should be embraced.
But I do not want to scare him off again either. What if I confront him, and he withdraws even further and punishes Olivia for it?
For now, she had to content herself with how things were while hoping that, in time, Ronan would soften and see her as not a stranger but a wife… one he might come to love, should he give himself the chance.
She held her smile on her daughter for a moment longer, knowing she was doing the right thing. Then she pulled her gaze free and looked up, gasping and jumping on the spot to find Ronan lurking in the doorway.
“Oh!” she clutched her chest, catching her words because she did not wish to wake Olivia. “You scared me.”
He stood in shadow so that only his eyes were visible in the dark. And they watched her as if he was trying to see through her, no sense that he cared or felt compassion. Perhaps even that he was trying to scare her.
“I did not mean to,” he said, his voice low and dark.
“She has just drifted off,” Thalia explained, smiling again at her daughter. “But she will like knowing that you came to see her.”
“I did not come to see Olivia.”
“Oh?”
“I came to speak with you.”
Thalia hesitated… caught between excitement and worry. She wished to believe that he was doing as had wanted, but the glower he had her in, the darkness in his presence and the way it wafted from his shadow-covered body, was enough to squash this hope.
Something was wrong… and she knew before he spoke that whatever this was, she would come to regret it.
“I…” She looked at her daughter one more time. “Shall we go somewhere? I do not wish to wake Olivia.” She started toward him, thinking to step around his hulking frame and lure him down the hallway.
“Were you ever going to tell me?” he asked when she was just halfway across the room.
She came to a stop. “Excuse me?”
“Were you ever going to tell me?” he repeated, growling at her. “Or was it that you hoped I would never find out? I suppose there was no reason that I would, so why ruin a good thing as you saw it? ”
“I don’t…” She swallowed back the fear that was slowly creeping inside of her. “I do not understand what you are—”
“I find it ironic in so many ways,” he spoke over her. “How you have behaved. Making it seem that I am the one who is unwilling to be true to himself and what he wants. As if I am the imposter.”
Her heart started to thump, a cold sweat building beneath her skin. “What are you saying?” She laughed awkwardly. “Did Olivia say something to you?”
“You’ve been lying to me,” he said darkly.
“All this time. About everything. And here I was, thinking that I was the one who should feel ashamed for how he has been behaving. Is that why you did it? You saw an easy target, someone to manipulate and take advantage of? Someone you knew wouldn’t ask questions because he would rather hide away than confront the truth? ”
It didn’t take long for Thalia to understand what he was saying.
In fact, she had been expecting this for some time. Hoping that she was the one who would reveal it, because at least then she might have been able to explain and not look as if she was hiding something.
But explain what? She had lied. She had done the wrong thing. Worse than that, she had tried to hide it because she knew that no explanation would suffice. And she had taken advantage of the duke, for how coldly he had treated her. Not her intention… but that hardly seemed to matter.
Thalia looked away with shame, hating herself beyond measure. “How did you find out?”
“So, it is true.”
“It is not that simple.”
“It is,” he said sharply. “Unless I am missing something? Am I?” he demanded, a snarl to his voice, anger seeping from his pores. “Am I missing something? Please, enlighten me, Thalia. Tell me how foolish I am—how wrong I am to doubt you.”
She winced. “I did not mean to trick you. I did not… it was not something I planned.”
“But you did it anyway,” he growled. “I was little more than a mark and when you saw your chance—”
“No!” She snapped her head up and looked pleadingly at him. “That is not how it was. I… I… it is not that simple.”
“Please explain to me then, how is it? You have had plenty of time to do so, and that you haven’t tells me that it’s exactly what it looks like.”
She found her chin trembling. Her body shaking. She wanted to go to him, to take his arm, to plead with him so he would understand. But she could not do it. Partly out of fear, and partly because she knew there was no explanation that would suffice.
“I was out of options,” she explained pathetically. “Olivia… she needed someone to protect her. I needed someone who could protect her. I went to the ball that night to find a husband, never meaning to… to…”
“To trap me.”
“To do as I did,” she said desperately. “It just happened. In the moment, not thinking through the consequences. I saw my chance and I…” She looked away again. “I did what I thought I had to, to save my daughter. And I have hated myself every day for it.”
That was the truth as she knew it.
Thalia could not justify what she had done. And she did not mean to make excuses. But that she had done it for Olivia was something for which she would not apologize, even if it made it no more justifiable.
“You did not have to trap me.” His voice softened, and she heard a crack in it. “And you could have just asked. But you did not ask. You never even thought to.”
“Could I have?” she said, still looking away. “And what would you have said? Had I asked you then and there to be my husband to look after my daughter—who is not even my daughter through birth. What would you have said?”
He looked at her silently. Just his eyes, his body still shrouded in darkness. Thalia’s heart still thumped loudly. She tried to meet his silent gaze, wanting it to appear as if she believed her own words.
“Well?” she demanded as the silence stretched on.
“What would I have done?” He let that question sit between them for a moment longer. “I guess we’ll never know now, will we?” With those words spoken, he turned and walked away.
Thalia lurched forward when he left, sucking in a rattling breath because she had not taken one since he appeared in the doorway. She clutched at her chest, stumbling as the room around her turned. The moment she feared had finally come and it was even worse than she had imagined.
She wanted to go to him and explain further. Explain what? There was nothing else to be said, and that was what made it so hard. He was right to be angry with her, and she knew without having to ask that he would never forgive her.
Thalia looked at her sleeping daughter, trying to will herself to believe that despite it all, she would not change a thing.
Another lie. Her daughter was safe, and for that she was grateful.
But her relationship with the duke was finished, and try as she might, she could not imagine how that would ever change.