Chapter 26
Ineed to focus. No more wasting time. I set a goal for myself to marry, and that is what I intend to do.
The near-kiss with Dorothy had been weighing on Nathaniel’s mind for days. It was a mess that he didn’t know how to clean up.
The truth was, in that moment, he had wanted to kiss her. He’d wanted it badly. He had tried to play it off as nothing more than a careless slip, a moment in which he had forgotten himself, but it was more than that. He had yearned for her.
He had frightened her. Those wide eyes, the way she had gasped…she had not wanted him. Not in the same way. And he would never forget that again. Once was more than enough to make that mistake.
He needed to turn his attention to what he was supposed to be doing, and that was finding a lady to marry.
Newly resolved, he had sent a messenger to the Earl of Castell, and now he presented himself at the door to meet Lady Amanda.
It was the earl himself who appeared at the door in response to Nathaniel’s knock.
He was a rotund man with red cheeks and a bright smile.
“Your Grace,” he said, drawing back to let Nathaniel inside.
“This is a great honor, both for me and for my daughter. She’s very excited to meet you, I can assure you. ”
Nathaniel nodded. “I’m looking forward to meeting her as well, Lord Castell,” he said. “I thought perhaps we could go for a promenade in the park and take some time to get to know one another a bit better. Is that acceptable to you?”
“Oh, yes, of course.” Lord Castell was as eager as could be. “I imagined you might ask something like that. Her lady’s maid is ready to accompany you—I assume that will be all right?”
“Certainly,” Nathaniel agreed.
“Let me go and fetch them for you.” He turned and bustled off.
Nathaniel was only on his own in the foyer for a moment before Lady Amanda appeared.
She was very young, no more than twenty, with clear skin, auburn hair, and deep brown eyes.
At once, he thought of Dorothy’s blue, and of how rare that specific color must be.
He felt a pang of sadness that his future wife, whoever she was, almost certainly wouldn’t have it.
What kind of gown would he buy for Lady Amanda if she became his? Not a brown one…
“Your Grace,” she said, cutting into his thoughts. “How good of you to come. I’m so pleased to make your acquaintance.”
“The pleasure is all mine,” he assured her. “Would you accompany me on a promenade, Lady Amanda?”
“Of course.”
He was supposed to be trying to charm her. He thought back to Dorothy’s lessons in flirtation. Get to know her. That’s what Dorothy would have instructed him to do now. Ask her questions. See how she responds.
He tried. As they made their way out onto the road that would lead them to the park, her lady’s maid following at a respectful distance, he did his best to think of some questions.
“Do you enjoy the park, Lady Amanda?” Terrible.
What kind of question was that? She would just say yes or no and then the silence would return.
But she brightened at his interest. “Oh, yes,” she told him. “Especially in fine weather like this. A promenade is one of my favorite ways to pass a day, Your Grace. I’m so thankful that you came and asked me to join you today. This is going to be a marvelous time.”
She was definitely interested. She was showing every sign Dorothy had counseled him to look for.
She was alert, engaged, eager to answer his questions.
Nathaniel couldn’t help feeling a little ashamed of himself.
She deserved better company than he was able to provide.
He had never been good at this. Perhaps he never would be. That was a sobering thought.
Lady Amanda continued to chatter animatedly, for which Nathaniel was grateful. He wasn’t required to do more than nod along a little bit, and occasionally ask a question to keep her talking. She was very easy to be with.
Did Dorothy know that it would be like this? That she was such easy company? I wonder. Maybe Dorothy chose Lady Amanda for me because she knew I didn’t have it in me to keep up with this sort of thing, and she knew that with this particular lady, I wouldn’t have to.
They reached the park while Nathaniel was still turning that thought over in his mind. Lady Amanda paused as they stepped onto the path. “Which way would you like to go, Your Grace?”
“Do you have a preference?” The idea of taking command of the day felt wrong, even though it was normally what he would have done. Following her lead was serving him fairly well in this instance, and he was inclined to keep doing that.
She picked a direction, seemingly at random, and started along the path. Nathaniel followed. “It’s so lovely here,” she said. “Which kind of tree is your favorite?”
Which kind of tree? Was that the sort of thing people talked about? Was he really so out of step socially that he was unprepared for the natural turn a conversation would take?
“I suppose I don’t have a favorite,” he said. It occurred to him just in time what he was supposed to say next. “What’s yours?”
Lady Amanda, it transpired, didn’t have a favorite either.
She seemed to love all trees equally, but for different reasons, and the next ten minutes or so were taken up with a description of the features of each different tree.
Nathaniel hummed in agreement as she talked about how maple trees had her favorite leaves, but pine trees smelled the best. They made their way along the path, drawing gazes from various people as they passed, and all Nathaniel could think about was the fact that this would be talked about.
People were seeing him out with Lady Amanda, and there would be talk.
He recalled, all at once, that there were those who believed he was engaged in courtship with Dorothy.
That wasn’t something that had been widely believed or talked about. But her sisters had been all but certain of it. What would they think when the news broke that he had been promenading with someone else? What would the consequences be for Dorothy?
She wanted me to do this, he reminded himself. This was her idea.
The moment when they had almost kissed flashed through his mind. She had been the one to pull away. She hadn’t wanted that. This was what she wanted. So, if it impacted her in some way, that would be no more than she’d been willing to accept.
The thought didn’t make him feel any better.
And then, to make matters worse, they rounded a corner and there she was.
He stopped in his tracks, his heart pounding. Was this intentional? Had she guessed he would be here? No, she couldn’t have. A coincidence, then, but what was he supposed to do? Greet her? Ignore her?
“Do you know Lady Dorothy?” Lady Amanda asked, following his gaze.
Hearing her name out loud was jarring. “I…yes, I do know her,” he said.
“Then we must go and say good morning,” Lady Amanda said, and before Nathaniel could question that, she was leading the way across the grass to where Dorothy stood. He had no choice but to follow.
“Lady Dorothy!” Lady Amanda called out.
Dorothy turned.
Nathaniel’s heart rose to his throat. Her eyes sparkled in the sunlight.
Her lips curved in a smile as she saw them coming, and he couldn’t restrain himself from smiling back.
How good it was to see her! “Lady Amanda,” she said, but her eyes stayed on Nathaniel.
“Your Grace. How lovely to see you both.”
She was smiling, but there was something else in her voice, a tension he couldn’t quite place. “Good day, Lady Dorothy,” he said. “Would you like to walk with us?”
“Oh, no, I won’t interrupt the two of you,” she said warmly. “In fact, I was about to return home. I came out to look at the ducks.” She gestured to the pond behind her, where there were indeed several ducks paddling about. “But I hope you two have a marvelous day, truly.”
Her eyes held Nathaniel’s for a moment, and he was sure there was something she wasn’t saying. But apparently she had decided that she wasn’t going to say whatever it was. She turned and walked away.
He allowed himself the luxury of watching her go, wondering what to make of the ache of loss in the pit of his stomach. Why did it feel like he was seeing her for the last time? That certainly wasn’t true.
“Your Grace?”
He turned. Lady Amanda was watching him keenly.
“What was that?” she wanted to know.
“What was what?” He shook himself, trying to put aside the feelings that encounter had stirred up in him.
But it was clear that Lady Amanda had noticed something. “You seemed very pleased to see her,” she pointed out. “I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you smile today. Is there something between the two of you?”
She was asking him outright. She deserved an answer.
“She’s a friend of mine,” he said. “A good friend.”
“I see.” Lady Amanda nodded slowly, processing those words. “Your Grace, I would like to see you again,” she said. “You were very kind to call on me today, and I’m enjoying this outing. But I only want to see you if you want to see me. Is that fair?”
“It is,” he assured her. “And I do, Lady Amanda. I’m eager to get to know you better. May I call on you again?”
“You may,” she said, smiling slightly.
It hadn’t been a lie. He did want to continue to see her. This could lead the way to the marriage he had been hoping to find. She could be Colin’s mother. After only one day together, he could see that Dorothy had been right. She would be a fine choice.
But he couldn’t escape the turmoil in his heart as they continued their promenade. He couldn’t stop wondering what Dorothy must be thinking right now…and what that strange tension in her face might have meant.