Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
SAVVY
“My childhood best friend is paralyzed from the waist down…and it’s all my fault.” Electric shocks straight to the heart would be less painful than what I experience the moment I admit it.
Run.
It might be the first time I’ve ever uttered those words, and now I’m terrified to make eye contact with anyone.
Hide.
I barely survived the hurtful comments and vicious glares from people in Vegas when I was a teenager, and I never cared much about most of them. Receiving the same treatment from people I love will be my undoing.
Protect yourself.
I have to get out of here.
Outwardly, I’m steady and calm as I attempt to stand, but Grey knocks all the air from my lungs when he tugs me back to the sofa next to him.
His large fingers remain wrapped around my wrist as if he knows I’m seeking an escape.
The soft fabric of his designer pants slides across my fingertips, making the threads of my shirt feel like sandpaper in comparison.
Don’t react. Don’t show weakness. Run.
“You’re not running away. These people love you, Monroe. You will give them the opportunity to be to you who you have always been to them.” His words are harsh, but his soothing tone makes my stomach flip and flop.
“Savvy.” Madi says my name hesitantly, and when I glance up, I’m forced to witness the pain my secrets have already caused. “What do you mean, it’s all your fault?”
Am I seriously considering telling them everything? I can’t do that, right? The control Riley’s family has reaches too far. It makes them dangerous—I know that now. If they’re behind this, then everyone I love could be in harm’s way.
We will ruin you someday, little girl. You don’t get to do this to our children and get away with it. We’ll take everything and everyone you love until every last drop of hope is eradicated from your life.
A chill works through my body at the memory of the vicious glares Riley and Paige’s moms had leveled at me as they hurled never-ending threats. They’d cornered me in a bathroom stall at the courthouse before Riley’s trial had begun.
Don’t react. Don’t show weakness. Run.
Shaking my head, I bite the skin around my thumbnail until the taste of copper fills my mouth.
Grey curses, then grabs a box of tissues from the table to his right and wraps one around my bleeding appendage.
But he doesn’t let it go. He holds pressure to it while gently caressing the inside of my wrist with his thumb and simultaneously managing to look pissed off.
What the hell is happening right now?
“Sav, you know you can trust me,” Madi whispers.
The log in my throat rolls over, lodging itself painfully and making it impossible to swallow.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you.” It’s that no one has ever believed me…not when it mattered, and now, I fear for your safety if I say anything at all.
Grey stops his ministrations, his hold on my wrist becoming tighter, as though my words triggered him to react. “You’re scared of someone.”
I can’t control the way I flinch.
Don’t react. Don’t show weakness. Run.
I’m well beyond slipping into old self-destructive habits, but all the coping mechanisms I’ve learned over the years are unraveling with the weight of my past.
“Savvy,” Braxton says in a strangled tone, “we have the means to keep everyone safe, but we can’t protect anyone if we don’t know what we’re up against. Madi and Clover will be safer if we can plan appropriately.”
Shit. Is he right? Of course he’s right, but it doesn’t make it any easier. They’re richer than sin. They’ll be fine.
It’s just me that’ll get buried. Right? Helena DeVane and Corrine Ashford have money, a grudge, and a mean streak that strikes harder than a bolt of lightning, but Braxton and Grey have the means to shield themselves and the people they care about.
“What are you so scared of?” Greyson whispers. He’s tense, prepared for a fight. “If it’s all coming to light anyway—and trust me, if there’s a public record anywhere, the media will find it—allow us to help you before we find out on some website.”
I think I’m going to be sick. My stomach clenches, and it takes everything in me not to wretch. With all the strength I have left, I yank my hand out of Grey’s grasp.
The last thing I deserve is comfort.
Especially from someone who says he hates me half the time.
“Savvy.” Sage is only eighteen, but he might be wiser than all of us combined, and it shows in his calm, even tone. “I know Grey can be…well, Grey, but there isn’t a more protective man on the planet. If he says he can handle your trauma, you should let him.”
“It’s not trauma if you created it yourself,” I mutter.
“Did I create my trauma by not getting my sister out of her prison cell of a bedroom before it was too late?” The power behind Grey’s question chills the room to arctic temperatures.
“No, of course not. But it’s not the same. That wasn’t your choice, you tried. I…I didn’t try at all, not really.”
Madi stands, then practically falls onto the sofa beside me. I’m sandwiched between her and Grey, their comforting heat surrounding me in a protective shield I almost believe in.
“I think Grey’s right, Savvy.” Madi continues to snap the elastic band around her wrist as she speaks.
“It’s only a matter of time before it all gets released to the press.
While Grey has always had media attention, he’s never had a scandal, and with him tied to you, they won’t stop digging until they find out every sordid detail.
If I’ve learned anything over the last ten years, it’s that it’s better to control your narrative.
Don’t allow someone else to rewrite your story. Please, let us help.”
Jesus. I know she’s right, but I’m not ready to lose these people either. Then again, I might have to walk away to protect them, so maybe telling them what I’ve done will help diminish their pain when I do.
After all, how could they love me once they know my truth—what I’ve done?
It’s why I never told them, right? They could never love me the way I love them if they knew.
I was only ever meant to be a supporting character in their story, never the main attraction because if they got too close, they’d find my foundation built on a pile of lies.
And now, here we are.
Corrine and Helena sold every story they could after the accident happened, but I was a no-name kid who came from nothing. It wasn’t sensational enough to keep the traction going once Riley was found guilty.
But now that I’ve been linked to Grey? Oh my God. This is what they’ve been waiting for. This is what they meant when they said they’d wait however long it took to take away everything I’ve ever loved.
This time, I have everything to lose.
Grey was right. He’s the accelerant they were waiting for.
My insides swirl as though they’re inside a blender, so I stare down at my lap. After years of friendship, I can’t look my best friend in the eye. If a goodbye is in our future, I need her to hear my side of the story first.
“When I was sixteen—”
“Fuck,” Grey curses beside me, but I attempt to shrug him off.
“I met this guy. He was…older than me, but he made me feel special, and my parents never gave a shit as long as it didn’t interfere with their free love and if it feels good, do it lifestyle.”
Grey stiffens beside me, and I focus on how he fists then flexes both hands.
“My parents are…different. I didn’t grow up with rules. They idolized the ’60s and raised me and my brother as free spirits, but to the extreme. I was a little girl who craved attention, and begged for love, and when I didn’t get it…”
Shame wells in my chest. I can’t look at anyone, so I close my eyes for a count of three.
When I open them, I feel more robotic, less connected to the scene before me.
“I rebelled,” I whisper. “I was going to parties at twelve. Shoplifting by fourteen. Staying out all night by fifteen. They didn’t know where I was half the time, and truthfully, it never crossed their mind that they should. ”
Madi presses her hand to mine and squeezes gently, but now that I’ve started this, I have to get it out, so attempting a smile that feels more like a grimace, I tuck my hands under my legs and continue.
“I was labeled the ‘bad kid’ the ‘troublemaker’ even though Paige—she was my best friend—dragged us into half the shit we got into. Her last name got her a rideshare home, while all mine did was get me thrown into the back of police cars. But we fed off each other. She loved that I had freedom, I loved that she had parents who cared.”
Internally, I fight the sensation of fire ants crawling along my exposed skin, but when it becomes unbearable, I release my hands from under my legs and begin to pick at the skin around my thumb.
“My parents never came to get me when I’d get in trouble for shoplifting food or tampons. It was always my brother. When police would raid parties, it was Austin who would promise to keep a closer eye on me, but he was busy building a better life for himself, and he left home the moment he could.”
I chance a peek around the room to gauge everyone’s reactions. I wish I hadn’t. Madi’s skin has gone pale, Braxton’s eyes are pinched at the corners, and Grey’s jaw ticks like the second hand of a clock. Inhaling, I stare at my hands while I collect my thoughts.
“Austin was always a rule follower, the extreme opposite of my parents, and I was acting out, doing anything I could to get the attention of anyone who would care. My brother is probably the only reason I’m still alive, but even he could only take so much shit from me.”
Madi shifts next to me. She’s wearing her sadness like a heavy cloak that’s weighing her down.