Chapter Fourteen #4
Was she speaking a different language? I didn’t comprehend any of it.
“Are you saying… she’s pregnant?” Charlie asked hoarsely.
The doctor nodded grimly. “Yes. By the looks of things, the princess is in active labor.”
Something struck me. Active. Labor. Those two words made me understand exactly what was happening.
“What the FUCK!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. The doctors cringed, and Charlie blanched.
“How— this can’t—” Charlie stuttered. “This can’t be happening, right?”
“Yep, this is what we do! The worst possible thing at the worst possible fucking time!” I’d never been madder in my entire life. If I could punch Charlie’s lights out right now, I would.
Armor clinked in the halls as Eddie ran away. I could hear him screaming bloody terror as he yelled, “Mister and Mrs. Mitoh!!!”
Thank the ancestors somebody was looking for my parents. Good luck finding them in the mess outside.
Charlie tore at his hair. “I don’t know how this could’ve happened!”
“I do, seeing as how we used to screw multiple times a day, every day!” I hissed.
“It shouldn’t have been possible! I was on birth control!” Charlie shot back.
“Awesome, because that worked!” Now here I was, giving birth to this idiot’s demon spawn, because he’d knocked me up.
“Now’s not the time for arguing. We need to keep the mother calm,” the doctor said gently.
“I can’t keep calm! I’M HAVING A SPONTANEOUS BABY!” I was sure they could hear me yelling halfway across the palace.
The doctor continued to soothe. “We’re fully prepared to handle a high-risk labor, and we have equipment prepped and waiting for an unexpected delivery.
Elvish women give birth in this hospital all the time.
As the princess, you’ll be given the best of care.
We have a midwife skilled in the labor and delivery of women with spinal injuries, so this process will be as easy for you as possible. ”
I barely listened to her, because this situation was just about perfect. We had nothing ready— no nursery, no crib. The walls in the baby room would probably be the wrong color, and none of the outfits would match—
What was I thinking? The Warden was pounding down our door, and here I was stressing that the onesies wouldn’t be coordinated for the baby I didn’t want. This was it! This baby announcement had broken my brain in half. I was officially nuts.
An Elementai woman with long white hair entered, wearing scrubs. Her luna moth Familiar sat on her shoulder, softly batting her wings.
I was instantly put at ease when I recognized her gentle smile and brown eyes. She moved her hands quickly, signing, “I’m very happy to see you again, Ava.”
Charlie sensed someone else had entered and asked, “Who’s this?”
“This is Chieftess Luana. She’s the leader of the Anichi tribe in the city of Hok’evale, and the greatest healer there is.
She was my mother’s midwife when she gave birth to me,” I said.
“She’s deaf, and communicates through sign language.
She can read lips, though, so feel free to talk as you usually do, though try to speak a bit slower. ”
I’d known Luana all my life. She was a family friend who’d watched me grow up, and she’d taught me sign language when I was little. I knew I could trust her to get me through this, and that I was safe in her capable hands— which dulled my terror a little, but not a lot.
I didn’t know Luana had been in Ilamanthe. She must’ve noticed my confusion, because she signed quickly, “I had Hok’evale evacuated shortly after Emperor Cassiel perished. Most of the residents came here to Ilamanthe to take cover from The Mission.”
That was working out spectacularly. Luana came forward and gently touched Charlie’s arm.
He froze, then extended his hand to hers.
She grasped it and squeezed it firmly, to reassure him that she had this under control.
With him being blind and her being deaf, this was one of the few ways of communication they had in the very precarious situation we were in.
I watched Charlie’s tense shoulders slacken.
Luana stepped back and began to explain further.
I knew sign language, so I understood what she was saying, but Charlie obviously couldn’t see what Luana was signing.
I didn’t want to play translator at the moment, but we didn’t have a lot of options.
“Luana says it’s not unusual I didn’t notice, as it can be common for women with spinal injuries to have a cryptic pregnancy. ”
“A cryptic what?” Charlie’s eyes widened.
“In cryptic pregnancies, sometimes the uterus tilts so the baby is laying toward the spine rather than toward the bladder. A woman wouldn’t necessarily notice her stomach getting larger, because the baby’s growing upward, not out,” I said, translating Luana’s words quickly.
“And cryptic pregnancies aren’t unusual in women with spinal injuries, because it’s harder for people like me to recognize we’re pregnant. ”
Luana nodded. She gestured to the other doctors to give her some space, and they left. Luana asked for permission to perform her medical duties, and I gave her the go-ahead to do whatever she needed to. She lifted the blanket to check me, then frowned, shaking her head as she signed again.
“She says I’m six centimeters dilated. I’ve probably been in labor since the play started last night. If I had waited any longer, she says I would’ve dropped this baby on the palace floor and not noticed.” My lips quivered slightly at the joke. Luana got my type of humor.
Charlie didn’t seem to think it was very funny. “I don’t know a lot about having babies, so what does that mean? I’m learning on the fly, here.”
“You aren’t the one doing the work, asshole,” I shot back.
He didn’t respond to my banter— the worry in his eyes was too pressing.
Luana hurried to inform us further. “We have a bit of time,” I noted, watching Luana’s hands. “But she says we have to get me hooked up to an IV, and to an electric fetal monitor, and we need to get an epidural started right away. I don’t understand why.”
I wasn’t sure why an epidural was important, since I couldn’t feel anything below my hips.
Obviously, seeing as how I was literally having contractions and I felt close to nothing. My back had been cramping since yesterday, but that was the extent of it.
Luana was moving so quickly I didn’t want to pester her with questions right away.
I trusted her to make the right medical calls for me, as she’d helped to deliver hundreds of babies in her time and I didn’t know I was pregnant at all until five minutes ago.
I’d never been interested in having a baby, so frankly, I didn’t know much about giving birth, so I expected her to handle everything right now.
Processing anything beyond the bare minimum was too much.
Honestly, my body felt fine, but emotionally, I felt awful. I didn’t comprehend how I wasn’t in any sort of pain— or didn’t notice any pregnancy symptoms whatsoever, for months. Was I a total moron?
Luana and a few nurses hooked me up to an IV, and wrapped two bands around my stomach to monitor the baby’s heartbeat, which felt like a big joke.
My stomach was still flat, none of my limbs were swollen, and I hadn’t felt a baby move.
I didn’t look pregnant at all. How could there be a baby in there?
It was impossible. This was a huge prank, and for some reason, nobody was calling it off yet.
“We need to roll you on your side, princess, to place the epidural,” a nurse said.
I didn’t want anyone touching me, which sucked, because I knew a bunch of people had to right now. But before any of the nurses could move, Charlie jumped into action.
“I’ll help.” He aided the nurses in rolling me onto my side, then knelt at the side of the bed so we were face-to-face. I didn’t ask him to, but he grasped my hands in his and held them tight.
I heard the anesthesiologist moving behind me. He might as well have been doing a dance back there, because I wasn’t aware of what was going on.
“The epidural is placed, your highness,” he noted. “You’ll want to reposition yourself every thirty minutes to help the labor along, though you shouldn’t get out of bed now that it’s been placed.”
“Great chance of that. Let me walk around the room,” I bit back.
He blushed. “I apologize, princess—”
“It’s fine. I’m just giving you a hard time. Humor’s the only way to get through this, right?”
He bobbed his head quickly. “Yes, of course, princess. Whatever you say.”
Damn, the Elves were terrified of me even when I was this helpless.
Good. I was prepared to go on the warpath the minute this kid was out of my body. I’d been ready to give up, but I was a badass who’d been assembling the Firebirds and holding a dagger to Cameron’s throat while I was going into labor. If I could handle that, I could do anything.
Let the Warden come. I was so pissed off right now I’d fight him even without my magic, and when I died in the process, I’d be in the back of his mind for all eternity. He’d never get rid of me.
“Did you feel anything?” Charlie asked.
“Nope.” If the doctors were doing anything at all, I wouldn’t be aware of it unless someone told me.
Oberi gave a small woof, and Charlie scowled. “What?” I asked.
Charlie’s frown got deeper. “Oberi’s trying to make jokes to lighten the mood.”
“Well, was it a funny one?”
Charlie mumbled something under his breath, and I asked, “What was that?”
Charlie dropped his voice to an embarrassed whisper. “He said the only thing you can feel down there is my dick, because it’s so big.”
I snorted. “Good one, Oberi.”
Oberi panted. He knew exactly how to make me smile, even if this whole endeavor was just crazy.
Charlie helped me move onto my back, and several nurses lunged out of the way as my mother charged into the room. Her face was knitted with worry, though her anxiety eased when she saw Luana was there. Mama took one look at me and said, “Don’t worry, honey. I’m here.”