Chapter 20
20
I found Nix in the infirmary, and she wasn’t alone. Amador was with her. They were seated around a desk, their heads bowed low together as they read over a book about curses and jinxes. I almost reconsidered interrupting them; they looked to be having a peaceful moment skimming the pages together. They were still searching for ways to help me, even though I knew that the cure could only be true love. That’s what the stories were about. Every fairy tale my mom told me growing up ended with true love’s kiss, with the curse being broken and the couple living happily ever after. If I was going to get my happily ever after, though, I needed to ask Nix for her permission.
“Hey,” I said. It was like my voice had broken a spell. Amador and Nix jumped to their feet and lurched away from each other, acting like they’d been caught in the act of something shameful. Amador’s eyes flitted in Nix’s direction before she dragged them to the opposite wall, staring intently at the glass jars. Nix’s face had turned pink, but she looked at me solidly.
Her reaction almost distracted me from why I’d come here in the first place. “Are you okay?”
“I should be asking the same of you. What brings you here?” Nix asked.
I swallowed nervously. I wasn’t sure how she would react to my idea. “Would you like to sit down?” I gestured to the chair, and Nix sat, but Amador didn’t.
“Is this about your curse?” Amador asked.
“Yes,” I said, meeting Nix’s eyes.
Nix’s face brightened. “What is it? Did you find a new clue?”
“Kind of. Yara was cursed after she got her heart broken. That’s something we have in common. She said that the mambabarang had told her she needed to find her true love—marry someone to break the curse. So maybe that’s what I have to do, too.”
Nix looked at Amador briefly, then back at me, confusion knitting her brows together. “Okay, so does that mean you and Lucas will find a way to be together?”
“No, it can’t be Lucas,” I said. “It has to be someone else.”
“Someone else?”
My smile twitched. Maybe in another life we could have been together, but Lucas was bound to Amador. It was too late for us. “I’ve come to realize that even though I’m a queen, I can’t always get what I want. I have to think of my kingdom now and how I can best serve my people.”
Nix’s confusion turned into concern. “What do you mean?”
I took a breath. “The only way I can ensure peace between Biringan and Jade Mountain is…with marriage.”
I saw Nix doing the calculations in her head, her eyes boring into mine. “You mean, you’re going to marry Qian? You’re going to marry my brother ?”
I flinched. “That’s why I wanted to ask you first—”
“MJ! You can’t marry him! You don’t even know him!”
“It’s what Yara couldn’t do; it’s the only way. If I marry Qian, take a vow of true love, I can break the curse. And at the same time, you’ll get to stay in Biringan, and war won’t break out. Our families will be united. Our kingdoms will be allied.”
Nix stood up and paced the room, dragging her hands through her hair and pulling it out of her bun in the process.
“You don’t think we could be happy?” I asked. “He’s noble, and protective, and heroic. You know him; you know it’s not the worst idea.”
“No, but you don’t love him. You love Lucas.”
Amador looked guilty, but she kept unusually quiet, even when Nix looked her way as if asking for backup. Nix was right. I did love Lucas. He was the only person I could truly imagine spending my life with, but he wasn’t an option anymore. It didn’t matter if he and Amador didn’t have a romantic relationship. I had to let him go.
“Not trying to say one way or another what you should do,” said Amador after a moment. “But shouldn’t you consider how Qian might feel? Doesn’t he deserve to be with someone he loves and who loves him?”
That was the first time I’d heard Amador care about anyone else’s feelings. But she was right.
Nix said, “Qian is a protector. He knows just as well as any of us that marriage for royals is more than that. Marrying MJ would mean he gains a valuable ally with Biringan. He values family more than anything, and if he can protect them, he’ll see it done.” She looked at me and asked, “Have you told him?”
“No, Qian doesn’t know yet. I came to you first—”
“Not Qian. Lucas.”
Heat rose to my cheeks. “No.”
“So, then, what if it doesn’t work?” Nix flung her arms wide. “What if you marry Qian and you’re still a manananggal?”
“I know it’s a risk, but it’s one I have to take. I’m running out of time anyway, and it’s my best shot.”
“That’s the worst excuse I’ve ever heard.”
“We will be sisters,” I said. “Real sisters.”
Nix gaped at me like I’d told her I was moving to Mars. “You’re giving up on Lucas to save me?”
When she put it that way, it formed a lump in my throat. “There are a lot of reasons why marrying Qian is what’s best. It could be a good match. I’m sure Elias and my mom would approve. And trade agreements would be favorable. And Jade Mountain could use the alliance—”
“Stop talking like a queen and start talking like my friend.”
That made me clamp my mouth shut. She was right.
“I like Qian,” I said. “He’s proven that he cares about you as much as I do, and we can have common ground on that front. You’ll be free.”
Nix’s eyes swam. I knew I’d touched a nerve, but she had to know that I was doing my best to help her, just like she was doing her best to help me.
“So I’m asking your permission,” I said. “I’m going to ask Qian to marry me.”
Nix looked at Amador again, but Amador couldn’t offer anything else. As daughters of rulers, we all had our destinies sealed the moment we were born. It wasn’t fair, but at least I had the power to protect the ones I loved. I could prevent Nix from sacrificing her freedom in exchange for mine.
Nix rushed to me and wrapped me in a hug.
When I went to the overlook, Qian was already waiting. His back was to me while he looked across the expanse of the green mountains. I took a steadying breath before he noticed me. Amador had helped do my hair into an elegant knot, and Nix had weaved in a tiara of jasmine flowers, making me up to be presentable for my proposal, but I had no idea how he would react. I wrung my hands, my stomach full of butterflies, and I approached Qian.
My fingernails felt sharper; so did my teeth. I had checked them over and over in the mirror while Amador and Nix were getting me ready, but my mind was playing a cruel trick on me. I couldn’t actually see any difference, but I felt it. I didn’t have much time left, but I needed to do this if I had a chance at saving everyone. But turning into the manananggal in the pool had felt more complete than before, as if I was becoming the thing I was supposed to be all along.
When I got close, Qian turned around, and he smiled when he saw me, at least for what I was on the outside—a beautiful queen.
“Good afternoon, MJ,” he said. “You look lovely.”
“Thank you,” I said, but I didn’t feel lovely. I felt wicked, but it was the sickness of the manananggal inside me that was waiting to come out. I had only three nights left before it would be permanent.
“What did you want to meet me for?” Qian asked. “The steward just said something about you wanting to see me, but he didn’t specify what about.”
“I have a proposition,” I said.
Qian’s eyebrows shot up, intrigued.
“I know you are not engaged, and you have yet to start courting anyone, but I think it would be a fine match if we were to marry. Soon.”
Qian stared at me for a brief moment; then an amused smile slid across his face. “Well, now, I wasn’t expecting that, I have to be honest.”
My stomach hung high with nerves, and Qian must have seen the tension on my face, because he laughed. “Is this how engagements are always done in Biringan?” he asked. I noticed the playfulness in his eyes. “Royals here certainly know what they want, and they go for it.”
“I would hope that you can see why we would be good together,” I said.
“Oh, I do indeed.”
“Is that a yes?” I hated how eager I sounded. Desperate.
“I would have at least liked to have dinner with you before we leapt to such a conclusion,” Qian said.
“I can arrange that,” I said. “I am hoping to bring cooperation to our engagement.”
Qian stepped toward me. I kept my shoulders back and my head high. In that moment, I could picture myself standing with him, hand in hand, greeting our kingdoms together in a united front.
“Will you marry me?” I asked.
Qian’s eyes flashed with excitement, and then his gaze drifted over my shoulder. I turned around, and my stomach dropped. Lucas.
He’d stopped in his tracks, unknowingly walking in at the worst possible time. My entire body went cold as he stared at us, his eyebrows raised, his mouth slightly open. Based on the hurt on his face, he’d heard everything. It was like I’d shattered his heart into a million pieces, and all he could do was watch in disbelief at what was unfolding. He had to understand. I had to be strong.
An eternity passed before anyone moved, and Lucas gathered himself, drawing his face into a neutral expression that I knew required great effort because I was doing the same.
“Pardon,” Lucas said stiffly, then backed away. I watched him go, noticed the tightness in his shoulders, the drop of his head, but Qian’s hand slipped into mine, and his touch made me turn back to him.
He smiled at me and kissed my knuckles like he had earlier, brushing his lips so gently across them that it sent a shiver down my spine. His eyes ensnared me, head still lowered, and he smiled.
Seeing Lucas had shaken me, but I wanted to focus on what was happening now, and Qian’s hand in mine was warm and strong. I could make this work.
“Tradition in my kingdom requires me to put in a little effort to court a beautiful queen. I would like to accept over a toast.”
Qian called for servants to bring out a table, chairs, food, and drink, and together we sat overlooking the jungle. The waterfall rushed nearby, sending up a mist around us, which made the strawberries and mangos that had been brought out sparkle as if they were covered in dewdrops. A bottle of champagne sat open in front of us, which Qian poured into crystalline glasses.
Qian and I sat on rattan chairs across from each other. My stomach was in knots while I watched Qian pour our drinks. I could hardly believe that I was sitting across from my fiancé. It was difficult to wrap my head around it; everything had happened so quickly.
“I had no idea, based on our first meeting, that we would end up engaged,” Qian said.
“It’s not every day that your future fiancée punches you in the nose.”
Qian’s smile was warm. “When most people want to marry me, it’s not the first thing they do.”
“You’ve had suitors before?”
“Twice. Both times were not good matches. It seemed they loved the title of empress more than they loved me.”
“Doesn’t that come with the territory of marrying a prince?”
“I don’t have any aspirations of being emperor,” he said. “I find it’s too limiting. As an emperor, I can’t fight for my people the way I want to. There are rules and parameters I must abide by. It’s not the life I want to live. I won’t take my father’s throne. The title will pass on to my younger sister Mazu. I can do more good as a prince, I think.”
I understood where he was coming from. He didn’t have the hunger for power that some might. He wasn’t ambitious or marrying me for a title.
“Though if you accept my proposal,” I said, “you’ll become king of Biringan.”
Qian’s eyes crinkled when he smiled. “Simply a formality. I do believe we would make a great pair, though.”
“You would be free to spend time in Jade Mountain with your family. I would not force you to choose to live with me if you didn’t want to.”
“I appreciate that. And I would not ask you to move to Jade Mountain.”
“Don’t you think you’re being a little hypocritical now? What about Nix?”
Qian turned to gaze across the valley, and I saw his face in profile. He was regal, and still, and gentle, and I could tell he had a lot on his mind. He tapped his finger thoughtfully on the back of his hand as he held his hands together. “I believe you’re right,” he finally said. “Nix is free to stay in an ally’s domain. I’m sure she would like that.”
Relief washed over me. Peace was all I’d ever wanted. “Good,” I said. “I’m glad.”
“Me too. And since we’re moving awfully quickly through our betrothal, I didn’t have proper time to find you a gift, but I want to make sure we follow protocol, to the best of my ability.”
He took off his archer’s ring and slipped it onto my finger. It was a little too big, but it was made of pure jade. With a little magic, it would fit perfectly.
“This ring protects the skin of my thumb when I draw my bow, just how I protect the ones I love. The symbolism is not lost on me as I give it to you now.” He smiled. “On Jade Mountain, our wedding customs are a little more involved. This is the least I could do on such short notice.”
“Oh!” I said, and reality sank in. We were getting married. Married!
“Would you prefer more flowers?” asked Qian with a tip of his head.
It took me a moment to realize he thought I was disappointed. “N-no!” I stammered. “I just…it’s beautiful. I can’t believe it; that’s all.”
“I hope this is an adequate display of my affection for you,” he said.
I stared at the ring. The stone was warm and smooth, just like his hand. “Qian, I…” When I looked up at him, his eyes captured me. He watched me with bated breath, and my own lungs hitched. This was a part of being queen. I could make a life with him, strengthen our kingdoms’ bonds, provide a future for everyone. And maybe someday I could even love him. “Yes.”
Qian smiled and leaned in. I could smell the champagne on him, and my eyelids fluttered. His lips looked soft, and his eyes were heavy, their blueness deep. The temptation to close the gap was overwhelming.
“I very much like you,” Qian murmured. “I hope you feel the same way. You have a knack for driving me crazy.”
“I do?”
Qian nodded, his eyes drawing to my lips.
“I didn’t know I had such an effect on you,” I said.
“It’s hard to look away when you walk into a room. Everyone stares.” His eyes met mine again, and my pulse quickened.
“Being a queen helps.”
“Not just that. I see the way Lucas looks at you.”
Heat rose to my face as I thought about our meeting in the cave. “He’s engaged. We’re just friends.”
“You don’t think he loves you?” Qian asked, with a curious tilt of his head.
I thought about what to say for a long moment. “He can’t.”
“And you don’t love him?”
“I’m his queen.”
“You didn’t answer the question.”
I chewed on my lip and lowered my head. Qian reached out his hand and placed his palm on my cheek, tipping my face up to his. His hand was large and strong, and my spine tingled with anticipation. I found myself leaning into his touch.
“I don’t want to be a consolation prize,” he said, his words barely above a whisper. “I’m yours, or I’m nothing.”
He was right. It wasn’t fair if he thought that I was marrying him because I couldn’t have Lucas. It was the truth, but it would be an awful way to start our future together. “You’re mine, and I’m yours.”
Qian’s eyes bored into mine, and I could have fallen into them. Desire filled me up like an overflowing cup. I could stare at his face for hours, admiring the slope of his nose, the curve of his lips, the fullness of his eyelashes. His hand moved from my jaw to my hair, brushing a piece out of my face and behind my ear. It sent a shiver down my spine, and heat rushed through me.
I put my hand on his, finding that my own were trembling. We were so close, and Qian was all I could see. Then I leaned in and kissed him.
Qian’s lips met mine, gently at first, and then more fervently. His fingers curled against the back of my head. I could feel his pulse under my hands as I traced them up his neck.
It was the type of kiss that felt explosive, like fireworks. His touch sent my mind spiraling with sensation and pleasure. It was incredible. We broke apart for a moment before Qian moved in again, more forcefully this time, crashing his mouth into mine. I melted into him, into how good it felt. His breath was hot, and his tongue slipped between my lips. A gasp escaped me, and I could feel his smile against my mouth. I held on to him, pulling his body toward mine, and kissed him back.
He was my future. I could break my curse, unite our kingdoms, and maybe, finally, be happy. It was all I could ever hope for, and Qian could give it to me. He wanted to give it to me. The way he kissed me was enough to show it.
When he pulled back, his hand still knotted in my hair, his gaze cast up and down my face, drinking me in. He must have seen the flush on my cheeks and the puffiness of my lips, because he grinned.
“I look forward to an eternity kissing you,” he said.
It made me feel so light, I swore I could fly away. My eyes dropped to his lips again, our eternity with each other starting now.
When we came back into the great house, hand in hand, Qian’s guards erupted in cheers. Even Heng clapped and smiled. Lucas, Amador, and Nix stood with them. Nix looked relieved but guilty, and she cheered, along with Amador. Lucas, however, looked like he’d seen a ghost. All the color drained from his face. When our eyes met, he looked like I’d stabbed him, all betrayal and hurt.
That was our fate. To love each other but forever be apart. Our duty to others would always come first. I didn’t realize it until my eyes started stinging, tears threatening to come, but I blinked them away.
Qian spun me around and dipped me low, kissing me in front of everyone. He grabbed my hand and held out my new ring. Everyone went wild—everyone except for Lucas. He closed his mouth, took a breath, and his gaze fell to the floor. Lucas had made his choice, and so had I.
Qian righted me back on my feet, making my world spin, and he held me steady as I wobbled.
“It’s official!” Qian said, holding my hand aloft. “This calls for a celebration, don’t you think?”
“What did you have in mind, Your Highness?” Heng asked.
“First, drinks!” Qian called for a steward and ordered more champagne. When he glanced at me, grinning from ear to ear, I couldn’t help it. I smiled, too. Qian radiated pride and excitement, and it was infectious.
In a matter of seconds, servants appeared with glasses of golden liquid and platters of food.
Nix went to Qian first and hugged him, and then she came to me. She took my hand, the one not still holding Qian’s, and she looked at me with such tenderness, my heart ached. “I am so happy for you,” she said, eyes swimming. “You’re my best friend.”
I hugged her close, and over her shoulder, I spotted Lucas and Amador. She was talking to him, but his eyes were fixated on me. Heartbreak was written all over his face, but I needed to be strong. I didn’t know what Amador was saying to him, but I realized that maybe I didn’t want to.
“How should we celebrate properly? How are royal weddings celebrated in Biringan?” Qian asked.
I wasn’t sure. I’d never asked about it before, honestly. I didn’t think I would be getting married so soon. I floundered for an answer, but Qian thought of an idea before I did.
“Perhaps a tournament,” he said, “in the queen’s honor.”
His men cheered at that.
“A tournament?” I asked. I couldn’t help but be intrigued. “Like a joust?”
Qian laughed at that. “Sure. Why not? A joust, melee, archery, you name it. We’ll have all the best knights from both kingdoms compete, the winner named your champion. Heng here will no doubt put his name in the ring.”
Heng looked pleased with that and smirked as he put the glass of champagne to his lips. “As you wish, Your Highness.”
Qian grinned and said to me, “What do you think?”
The entirety of Biringan could celebrate, and everyone loved tournaments, didn’t they? It would definitely be a way to show off our commitment to the entire world.
“That sounds like a spectacular idea,” I said.
“I’m sure Sir Lucas would love to enter his name, too, wouldn’t you?” Qian said, tipping his head toward Lucas.
Solemnly, Lucas nodded. “It would be my honor.”