Chapter 25 Lilly
TWENTY-FIVE
LILLY
I wake up wrapped up in Ian—my dreamy cocoon. It’s a pattern we can’t break—destined to give in. This is how we’ll always end up—molded together.
The need goes beyond temptation. Desire doesn’t come close to explaining it. It’s visceral. It’s love.
The talk we had last night plays on repeat in my head. I’d love having it all with him.
I never gave much thought to marriage or children before. It was something I had plenty of time for. I never envisioned a future in either of my previous relationships, but Ian is all my heart yearns for. And we aren’t even officially in a relationship.
Something else stayed with me from our conversation—the implications of us being together.
Would I upend my life every time he signs with another team?
I’d have to make a home out of different cities.
It would mean leaving behind all I know: my father, my friends, my store.
But new opportunities would arise. Isn’t one of my biggest goals to open several shops across the country?
It doesn’t sound like a sacrifice. With him, it’s more of a possibility. As if my biggest goal aligns with his career. It sounds perfect, so good that it’s scary—scary good.
The forbidden aspect would vanish once my father is no longer his coach. Two more years.
He might be patient, but that’s a fight I will lose. I am even thinking of a secret relationship just to have him. But that would not do justice to the beauty of our feelings. I pry myself carefully from his warm body.
We must return to normal—our kind of normal, which is draining.
As Ian and I gather our stuff to head out for the day, I say, “Hope today is better than yesterday.”
He scratches his neck, avoiding looking at me. “I hope so too. Don’t know if my shoulder can handle another day like yesterday.”
Tears brim in my eyes. It hurts knowing I am the reason he is being punished.
I am really mad at my dad. I can’t let this slide.
He kisses my forehead. “I have to go. See you later.”
I nod. Throat clamped, I am incapable of forming words.
Alone, I pick up my phone with trembling hands.
Dad answers on the second ring.
“Hi, baby girl.”
Inhaling and exhaling in a soothing rhythm, I say, “Dad, stop punishing Ian. It was my fault he was late yesterday. My bathroom got flooded.”
“So, you thought you’d rather have a stranger help you than call your father,” he mumbles.
I pinch the bridge of my nose, calling for patience. “I’m old enough. And he’s not a stranger.”
The tension stretches on the line causing me to suck in a breath.
“He should have known better.”
I sigh, emotions thick in my voice. “Why are you acting like this?”
“I won’t discuss my coaching decision with you. Is everything fixed?”
“It’ll be another day or so till it’s ready,” I say wearily. It feels like I give in to his silent demand.
His inflexibility frustrates me to no end, and I could scream.
“Where are you staying? You can stay at my place,” he offers.
I can’t change him, but I am done following his rules. It’s my life, and I will live in alignment with my heart’s wishes and goals.
Something stirs in me. Something akin to resolve. Squaring my shoulders, I say, “I’m at Ian’s.”
The silence on the other end sounds like a hammer striking a church bell—deafening.
I feel like I am seventeen again and begging him to let me stay out longer than my curfew. Parents have the uncanny ability to make you revert to being a child, even by saying nothing, but you feel their disapproval just by their breathing.
“You must be some hell of good friends to have sleepovers.”
“Dad, please.” I don’t even know why I insist at this point, but I also don’t want to fight with my father.
“I see you’re stubborn enough to continue this entanglement, even if I don’t support it.”
I scoff at the entanglement part. He’s so obstinate.
“I understand your concerns, but I won’t give up on Ian because—”
He cuts me off, his patience with me wavering.
“Because he’s my player. Because he helps my daughter out instead of being on time for practice.
I have to shout at my quarterback because he has feelings for you that go beyond friendship.
You can’t be that na?ve. I forbid you to be with him as long as he is on my team.
I won’t stand by and watch you becoming a player’s something. ”
He hangs up, and I stare at my phone for long minutes in total disbelief. My dad and I have had disagreements over the years, but nothing as significant as this.
I guess he made his point clear and so have I. What Ian and I have is nothing dirty or illicit. Our love deserves to shine, not be pointed at with an accusatory finger. We did nothing wrong. We just fell in love, damn it!
There’s a poisonous concoction of guilt and anger swirling in my blood. With every heartbeat, it pumps stronger through my veins, making it harder to remind myself that his intentions come from a good place.
My parents’ separation did a number on him. My father didn’t remarry. I never met any of the women he has been seeing. But he can’t dictate my life even though he kind of does.
I change quickly and go to the store, dragging a shadow of despondency with me.
My best friend picks up on my somber mood and when we’re in our shared office, she asks, “What’s wrong?”
Words pour out of me. I don’t even breathe between sentences.
Kat goes from listening to gasping to shaking her head. “Okay, your dad is totally overreacting.”
I throw my hands in the air. “I’m afraid he’ll jeopardize Ian’s career to prove a point. He’s not thinking rationally and…”
She wraps her arms around me in a tight embrace, making me feel a bit better.
“I’m terrified. I don’t want Ian to regret us.” The thought clenches around my chest in an unyielding fist that has my heart caving in.
“Hey, it’s his decision as well. Ian proved he’d do anything just to have you in his life.”
I know, and that’s the issue. But what if he wakes up one day and blames me for it?
Ian’s only fault is wanting someone he shouldn’t. Our love shouldn’t be forbidden, damn it. Our love is simple in its needs, so why is everything else so freaking complicated?
Later that afternoon, I call my mom, bursting into tears when she answers.
“Oh, honey, what’s the matter?”
“Dad is punishing Ian because…” My voice breaks, and I can’t even continue, needing a moment to collect my frayed thoughts.
She exhales a deep breath. “Like mother, like daughter, huh? I told him you’d end up with a player. He never listened.”
“Mom, please…” I say through a hiccup.
“Your dad needs his time. Forcing his hand won’t help,” she says softly. “He wants what’s best for you. He couldn’t give it all to his family.”
“But, Mom, you’re not Ian and me,” I insist, as if that’s all it takes for this ordeal to end.
“It doesn’t matter. Parents want better things for their kids. You’ll understand when you have some of your own.”
“Will you talk to him?” I plead.
She sighs. “Oh, honey, we would only end up talking about the past. And neither of us fancies that.”
I understand her reluctance, so I change the subject—dejected.
She talks about her dog, Puffy, and Elliot, her husband, who injured his wrist playing golf, and I tell her about the plans for my shop.
I feel a bit lighter after the talk with Mom.
A knock raps on my door, and I open it with bated breath. I expect every day now, Ian, to tell me it’s not worth it. That I am not worth this stress. The thought alone squeezes my heart into a deadly grip, leaving me void.
His brows furrow, and he shuts the door behind him, palming my face.
“I’m so sorry,” my voice shakes and tears blur my vision.
I love him so much it’s killing me.
“Shh, it’s not your fault, baby.”
“I don’t want you to end up hating me,” I say through sobs.
He pulls me to his chest, holding me tightly. “Nothing could change my feelings for you. You get that?”
I stare into his eyes etched in seriousness.
“Say you believe me, Lilly.”
I lick my parched lips. “I believe you.”
He places a tender kiss on my forehead. “And you know what? We’re going on offense. Every Tuesday, I’ll be there. Your father will learn to accept us.”
As promised, Ian and I met my dad at the homeless shelter every Tuesday. In the beginning, he mumbled a greeting. But Ian and I were determined to show him our side. We presented a united front, keeping things in the friendship zone.
My father’s eyes watched us like a hawk surveilling its prey. With time, he opened up to Ian a bit more. He recounted stories of his time as a player. I called it progress. Then, he started telling stories about my childhood that mortified me, but it’s all for a greater goal.
Is it hard keeping my hands and mouth away from Ian? It’s beyond difficult when I know he’s my man, but I can’t claim him as mine already. But I can’t lie and say I don’t want my father’s approval. And I don’t want to be in a secret relationship forever.
Between managing the original shop, logistics for the second location, wedding planning with my best friend, and navigating the relationship between Ian and my dad, time has flown by, and summer is halfway over.
Amelie is visiting Ian this weekend, spoiling us with cupcakes. They’re the freaking best and Ian’s strict training camp diet hasn’t started yet so he can enjoy them too.
I’ve missed her. The two of us picked up where we left off as if the months between visits were nothing but hours. I’ve found a friend in her.
Ian is working out at the gym while Amelie and I amble through downtown. We talk about our shops and the men in our lives.
There’s an air of nostalgia around her, and she sighs here and there.
I sense it has something to do with her breakup with Levi.
“I’m sorry.”
She offers me a broken smile. “It’s been six months, and I don’t know when I will stop counting. One day, I am mad at him, the next I am desolate.”
“What about dating?”
She looks at me and shakes her head. “Levi is the love of my life, even if I am adamant not to take him back.”
I know that weakness well.
“I understand he wanted to protect me. He has championed my independence more than I have. It would be noble if I didn’t want to strangle him. I thought we’d overcome the times we need to be apart. I guess I was wrong.”
Shrugging, she quickly changes the topic. “So, you and your just friend? I’m not blind. I’ve wanted the forbidden fruit… once you taste it, it gets worse. I understand you’re the coach’s daughter, but you’re both adults and you need to fuck. Like it’s in the air. It smells of sexual frustration.”
I elbow her playfully, not finding it in me to deny. “Shut up. We’ll get there.”
She giggles. “Serves him right.”
I arch a brow. “Are you enjoying your brother’s misery?”
“Quite protective of your just friend.”
I fell into that trap with wide eyes.
“You know the first time he saw us interacting? Ian looked at Levi and me and said ‘little sister, best friend.’” She mimics his deep voice, making me laugh. “You’ve got to love karma.”
Wanting the heat off me, I ask her, “So, what will you do when he comes back to you?”
I’ve caught some of the phone calls between Ian and Levi. That guy won’t let her go.
Her brows furrow in deep thought. “I haven’t decided yet. Am I a bad person for wanting him to hurt even though I know the insufferable, stubborn asshole hurts even worse for what he did to us?”
“It’s your right to be mad at him…”
“Yes, but for how long?” she sighs, the sound choked full of despair.
We drop the subject to have some drinks, do some shopping, and enjoy spending time together.
And when she leaves, we exchange numbers this time, moving to the next phase in our friendship.
When Ian returns from driving Amelie to the airport, he cocks his head, a line digging between his brows. “I hate sharing you.”
“Oh my, are we jealous?” I tease him.
“You spent more time with my sister than with me,” he grumbles.
I approach him, and rising on my toes, I tap his nose. “Should I kiss your worries away?”
He digs a finger into his temple. “I’m keeping everything I wish to do to you in my head. Oh, flower girl, when it’s time to make them reality….”
A delicious shiver rolls down my spine. I can’t wait.
“My mom called to ask when we plan to arrive for their anniversary party. I told her we’d be there on Thursday.”
Glad he changed the subject before I combust at the sexual innuendo alone, I ask, “Okay, so we’ll fly out that morning to meet them for a late lunch?”
I would love to be introduced as more than just a friend. But we know the truth. We love each other. I feel it in every beat of my heart. The foundation of friendship is the basis for a long-lasting relationship. It’s still difficult though.