Chapter 9 #4
I swerved in the emergency lane while leaning to the left. Snatching the black wallet from my pocket, my heart raced. I wished that my fingers would move as fast as my heart. It felt like it took ages to open my wallet to retrieve the two things I was itching to have in my possession again.
With two niggas flipping on lights and God turning on the earth’s light a bit at a time, August Junior yawned. “Goodnight. Good morning. Y’all be safe. Love y’all.”
“Goodnight. Good morning. Love y’all. Always,” we responded as I stared at the ultrasound with ‘Baby A’ and ‘Baby B’.
Ending the call, I blinked rapidly and cheesed at the two beings in my woman’s womb.
Thrusting, I hooted, “Oh, so we was fuckin’ like that fo’ som’ twins?
Ayeeeee! Lemme get to this guh an’ them spawns in her womb gettin’ ready to turn my throat every way but loose!
I’m finna be these churren fine, hood ass, toss ya innahole, hollerin’ ass Daddy! ”
“Let me look in my damn wallet. I don’t have to pull it out often, either. Motherfuckas know me,” King said excitedly, causing us to chuckle as I rushed from the side of the road.
“Wait. I’m confused. Why would she be pregnant if she’s afraid of postpartum depression? I’m very sure y’all still using condoms every time, right?” Kingdon said quickly.
“Nope. When we were sober, I strapped up. If we were tipsy or drunk, we didn’t give a fuck about condoms or me pulling out,” he answered as the confusion was flushed down the toilet.
“Oh, well, in that case, open that wallet. She might be like her cousin,” Kingdon admitted as the ex-stripper, rolled his mid-section and waved the ultrasound picture.
“Ahhhhhooouuu!” King hooted, doing the beat-it-up dance. “My, my, my. I’mma put this back in my wallet. I’ll address that when I hop out of the shower, looking like a gotdamn meal. Hold up. Are there two bodies on this damn thang? August, pull over so I can see better.”
“Bitch, the light on. I ain’t finna stop again ‘cause yo’ ass got them soggy ass contacts in,” I fussed, mashing the pedal. I had to get to my woman, who probably felt I wasn’t in tune with her, because I didn’t know of her womb status.
“Oh, Jesus. It’s two of ‘em in that body. My God,” King said woozily, causing me to laugh at the weak-stomach nigga.
“What kinda shit is going on? They must be pranking us. Yeah, they gotta be pranking us because Aleana is pregnant with twins. Ain’t no way …
well, it is a way I could’ve shook my sperm so damn much it’s dizzy ass bust down an egg two ways.
My God. I gotta half-ass watch two’um come out of her body.
We … we … we made a deal. Every other child I watch her give birth to.
How the fuck am I gonna do that with twins?
Huh? Y’all better give me some gotdamn answers, nih. I … I can’t. I’m woozy....”
While I was up against the door, laughing at the idiot who loved making a baby and being a father, Kingdon loudly chuckled. “Min, your husband received the pregnancy message. I must ask, is it a prank, or are you for sure pregnant with twins?”
King whipped his head in his brother’s direction as his wife groggily said, “I’m for sure pregnant with fraternal twins. An induction may take place two weeks before January 26th. If you are calling me, that means my husband is losing his damn mind about our birth deal.”
“Yep. He needs clarification if he must watch both come out or just one.” Kingdon laughed as I rubbed my ace boon coon’s shoulder and laughed.
“It’s a pregnancy with two kids. His ass will watch their births.
Y’all better be his damn legs when whoever escorts his ass out of that room.
He will do all daddy duties once they have been safely removed from me.
So, y’all better prep his ass. To be clear, if Kingston Abbott’s motherfucking head hit anything hard …
y’all asses will be beaten. When he recovers, y’all’s asses will be his because I had to beat y’all’s asses for not holding his weak stomach, infant body ass up.
I don’t want to hear any back talk. If his ass can stand up in the pussy stroke it seven different kinds of crazy, his ass better stand tall and fucking proud, watching them come into this world,” she sassed, leaving me wheezing as I was ten minutes from my destination.
“King!” Min fussed, making Kingdon and me laugh harder.
“Yes,” he said like a toddler, causing Kingdon to laugh so hard he farted.
“I’m so sick of this family.” I chuckled, shaking my head.
“Honey, you have plenty of time before our twins arrive. We aren’t going to fully focus on you holding my hand while the doctor cuts them out of me.
The main tasks right now are for y’all to return home the same way y’all left.
Whole and alive. We will focus on our kids, household, Auntie Orthella, Mona’s and August’s wedding, August Junior’s first day of college, the welcoming of Kingdon and Aleana’s baby girls, and one more thing very important to me.
Understood?” Min said confidently, restoring some life in her husband.
“Yes.” He nodded, facing forward. “I love you, Yasmin.”
“I love you, Kingston. Get your voice right by closing your eyes and envisioning our shovel collector and Forensic Files watchers sitting on the bed with us, watching my favorite TV show, eating snacks, and wiggling their toes, just like their mother,” she said soothingly, causing me to clear my throat sternly and shake my head.
“Sister-in-law, real weird,” Kingdon said lowly as King acknowledged his psychotic ass wife.
“Yep.” I nodded as they lovingly ended the call.
Before the music could resume, Kingsley called. My truck rocked so badly as we hollered, “What the fuck!”
“I’m five minutes from my guh an’ this gotdamn phone ain’t let up yet!” I fussed as King answered Kingsley’s call.
“Talk to us, Kingsley,” King answered, sounding much better.
“Shit,” she held out, tapping noises coming from her background.
“Guh, spit out what the fuck the problem is nih?” I hissed, tightening my grip on the wheel as I drove around a steep curve.
“Okay, so um, the weekend before Memorial Day last year … I’m sho’ y’all remember it’s the one where no kids were allowed, and we were ass wild.
So, um, after the party, Ryan, Shannon, and I had a threesome.
So, um,” she stalled, causing my truck to seem as if it had hydraulics in it.
We weren’t antsy for her to finish; we were stunned at what they had done.
“Gotdamn it, Kingsley, finish, please!” Kingdon barked, sliding his big back ass in between the driver’s and passenger seats.
“Shannon and I are seven weeks pregnant. We are due Feb 21st. Both with single babies, thank God. But you see, this is the problem. How the hell are we going to explain this to our kids?” she said, distraught.
“Hell, y’all are the parents. The fuck are y’all explaining shit to them for? Let it be known that two new additions will grace our family, and Ryan is the father of both babies. Any questions they have, walk the fuck off,” King said nonchalantly.
“He’s right, honey,” Ryan admitted as I sat upright, swerved onto the street my woman was at.
Looking around the semi-well-kept neighborhood, I asked, “Ryan, boy, you was up in them pussies raw an’ ballin’ out, huh? Y’all still fuckin’ ‘round, tossin’ bodily fluids eerwhere?”
“Something like that,” he offered shyly.
“Wild, nigga.” The twins laughed as I saw my woman’s truck parked on a porch. I laughed so hard that tears blanketed my vision.
When the twins noticed what had me gasping for air, King said, “She fit us.”
“Yes, she does,” Kingdon admitted as I pulled directly behind my woman’s vehicle.
“Focus, niggas!” Kingsley yelled, causing us to look at the radio.
“We focused. We at Mona’s location. Kingsley, yo’ situation ain’t shit but you feelin’ ashamed.
You let yo’ husband fuck another chick raw while you was ridin’ her face an’ suckin’ her clit.
You got caught up in pleasure an’ not the consequences.
Like always, fuck what other folks got to say.
They get out of hand … Them Abbott Men comin’.
So, shut the fuck up. Take yo’ pregnant ass to bed an’ get ready to be a mom to a brand-new wet mouth, always up, lookin’ in yo’ face, loose neck baby.
Get on board wit’ being a stepmom, civilly co-parentin’ wit’ Shannon an’ Ryan.
Know yo’ place. You the stepmom, not the mom.
Trust him. He yo’ husband. Can we get off the phone, nih? ” I said as we opened the doors.
“Yes. I love y’all. Come back home. I need to be underneath y’all,” she said sadly.
“A’ight. Go to bed. Call you when we touch down. Love you, guh,” I admitted as the twins opened the door.
“Love you too, Aug.”
After the twins showed love to their sister, we stepped out of my truck with the tonka toys no one liked to see us toting.
When we neared the stairs, the twins looked at me.
Stopping me from walking, King looked at me and said, “Bruh, she will lose her mind when she learns Phineas got another baby on the way. Do we tell her so she can prepare herself? Shannon needs to know another mouth finna grace their household.”
Searching his curious eyes, I said, “Man, listen, one thing at a time. We gon’ focus on our households first. Phineas an’ Ariel gon’ have to handle their shit when they ready.
It’s gon’ come out, an’ we step in an’ assist if need be.
No need to poke a hornet’s nest when they need to be the fuck still.
Hopefully, by the time I get Momma comfortable, all pussies that’s due to bust out churren at the same time gon’ be on the table.
My God. That’s a lot of fuckin’ churren I gotta learn.
That’s a lot of … who got my babies? That’s a lot of ‘gotdamn it, Azaria stop fuckin’ wit’ them loose body frogged out babies. That’s a lot of—”
“All right, August. We get it.” Kingdon laughed as he and King pushed me toward the steps with barely any room to walk up.