18. Aarti #2
A boulder from my past landed on my chest and crushed my breath.
“I didn’t create the scandal,” I cried with anger.
“Sameer did. He stomped on my heart, and he gets to walk with his head held high. He gets to parade around town with his new girlfriend. Meanwhile, I’m freezing my ass off in New York in the winter. ”
Aakash’s face softened, as did his voice. “It isn’t fair, but he wasn’t spared either. You know how much he lost financially after that. He says he doesn’t care, but we can’t afford it, not for a fling, do you hear me, Sis?”
“So, it will always be about the two of them, never about us? Sujit and I will continue to live in the shadow of their happiness?”
“All your life, if you pursue this. That’s what I’m trying to say.”
I ran my hand over my head and let out a deep sigh. “I’m not involved with Sujit, and I’m most certainly not fucking him. Are you all happy now?”
“It’s not just about us, Aarti. It can’t be healthy for you either. You’ll never get over Sameer if you’re reminded of Tara every time you turn around.”
My heart twisted in pain. Was this the undetectable sorrow that was lacing my joy, casting a shadow on my happiness?
I looked at Aakash’s sympathetic face. He felt sorry for me, as did everyone around me.
He was sorry he had found his happiness while I was fending off the stigma and embarrassment of a broken engagement.
Then, something hit me. “Aakash, who did you say saw me with Sujit?”
He averted his gaze the slightest before responding, “Just a business contact of mine.”
“It wasn’t a business contact. You said they also saw me at the restaurant, which means they saw me at the exhibition as well. Do you have someone following me?”
“Of course not, Sis!” The indignation in his voice sounded a bit too loud to be convincing.
“Tell me what’s going on,” I demanded with a stern face.
He didn’t immediately divulge it, but I held my silence and the I mean business expression on my face until he came clean. “Papa was talking to someone about your marriage.”
The news assaulted me like a knife through my heart. My father, who never made a big decision about his business without consulting me, thought he could make decisions about my life without my knowledge? A tear threatened to gather in my eye, but I blinked it away. Now was not the time.
“Tell me everything, Aakash,” I ordered in a smooth, even tone.
“I don’t know the details. It’s not like Papa is confiding in me about it,” he cried with mild outrage.
“All I know is the family had heard the rumors about you after the breakup and wanted to judge for themselves. They hired a private eye to tail you and report to them. Fortunately for you, the day this entitled jerk walked into our office, inquiring if you were involved with Sujit, Papa was out. I assured him that it had to be a coincidence and told him that if he didn’t trust you now, he should drop the idea of marrying you.
You don’t want to know what he said after that, but I told him off. ”
My blood was on fire. “Let me guess. He said I was damaged goods, and that he was doing me a favor by marrying me. That he was a good person to accept me despite the breakup and the rumors.”
Aakash raked his hand over his head and released a deep sigh. “Something to the effect, and in less charitable words.”
“I’m going to talk to Papa. Now,” I declared.
Aakash shook his head. “Don’t. It will only worsen the situation. He’s already angry at how it all unfolded. If he learns I told you about it, he’s going to hurt. I don’t want to embarrass him, Aarti.”
“Did you tell him about the private eye following me and what that jerk said about me?”
“I did. I told him to stop trying to scrape the bottom of the barrel unless he thought that’s what you deserve.”
“What did he say?”
Another sigh from my brother. “You know he won’t accept he made a mistake. But I saw it in his eyes. He was embarrassed for himself and insulted for you. I don’t think he’s going to try it again, this whole seeking-out-grooms-for-you thing. He seemed defeated and devastated.”
The conflict within me felt incapacitating.
I was angry at my father, but I was also grateful for his love and protection.
He shouldn’t have sent marriage proposals without asking me, but when he learned what they thought of me, he was angry on my behalf.
He had made a mistake. How could I not forgive him?
Where did that put me and Sujit? Would there ever be a chance for us?
“He blames himself for pushing you toward Sameer and now he wants to somehow remedy it,” Aakash clarified softly.
“I don’t blame him for Sameer,” I said with a frown.
“But he does. He blames himself, and that’s why this is so unsettling, Aarti.
It doesn’t matter how we came about the information, the fact remains that you were spotted with Sujit.
You know Papa will never like that. And did you ever consider the possibility that maybe Sujit is using you to get his revenge on Tara? ”
“Sujit is not that person,” I objected. “He is a kind, considerate man. A good friend. And I am not involved with him.”
I wasn’t with Sujit. I wasn’t dating him. I wasn’t sleeping with him. Yet all of me—my body, heart, and soul—yearned for him. What did one call such a relationship? A crush? An attraction? An infatuation? An obsession? Or was it something more? Something deeper and meaningful?
“Our business has concluded. We arrived at an acceptable number, and he has signed the lease for another five years,” I added absently.
“Good. That’s the last thing we need. Another scandal,” Aakash said. “Neither you nor the business can afford it right now. And I care about you, Sis.”
“But you care more about the business and its reputation,” I spewed out the accusation.
That irked him, and the gentleness of our conversation blew up into acrimony.
“Yes, I care about the business and the family’s reputation. We’ve barely reeled in from that fucked up surprise public proposal to Sameer, and you’re going out with Tara’s ex, and you don’t see how messed up it is?”
“For the last time, I’m not going out with Sujit.
He was a business contact. Now he’s a friend.
He understands what I went through because he did too.
He understands it much better than any of you.
I’m not going to stop talking to him or hanging out with him because someone somewhere spotted us and thought we were fucking. That’s their problem.”
“That’s your problem, Aarti, and ours!” Aakash cried in the same loud tone I’d used.
“Goodbye, Aakash, and don’t ever call me about this again.”
“Stop this BS, and I won’t have to.”
I’d never hung up on Aakash. That had never been the spirit of our relationship, but that day I did.
Hurt, angry, and humiliated, I couldn’t decide if I should open the door and walk into Sujit’s arms or stay here until my anger dissipated. I knew Sujit was outside, worrying, pacing, unsure if he should approach me.
I was right. When I walked out through that door into the living room, he stopped pacing and looked at me with concern in his eyes.
“Are you alright?” he asked from where he’d stopped in his tracks.
“Did you hear it all?” I inquired with a sigh.
“Not everything, but I heard my name mentioned several times. I also heard the F-bomb dropped several times.”
I rolled my eyes and walked around him to sit on the couch. “The F-bomb , really?”
He sat beside me. “Are you alright?”
“My brother asked me if I was sleeping with you and said it was unhealthy. He also said it would be a terrible blow to our business and social reputation if I had a relationship with Tara’s ex.”
“What did you say?” The intelligent eyes behind those glasses glimmered with a sentiment I couldn’t pin down.
“The truth—that we’re friends and that I’m not going to stop hanging out with you because he thinks it’s unhealthy.”
Sujit nodded and shifted to put distance between us. “Do you want me to leave?” he asked.
I gave him a side-eye. “If I’d wanted you to leave, I would’ve thrown you out myself. I don’t need my brother telling me what I want or what I should do.”
“Good, because if you’d chosen to throw me out, you would’ve had to put away the groceries yourself.”
I frowned. “What groceries?”
“Well, I thought you might need some staples, so I ordered delivery while you were on the phone. I hope it’s all right.”
The little things.
I turned to face him and, looking straight into his eyes, declared, “I’m going to hug you now and possibly cry, and you’ll promise not to make a big deal out of it.”
He nodded. “Tears of relief or sorrow?” he asked.
“I don’t know yet. I’ll decide when I’m done crying.”
“Alright,” he said and opened his arms for me.
I stayed in his arms until the doorman buzzed the intercom for the delivery. Sujit answered the door, collected the bags, and stocked my fridge and pantry while I went to the bathroom to wash away my tears.
“Milk, coffee, butter, eggs. Some bottled water. Took a chance and ordered bread, but I’ll get you a fresh loaf from my favorite bakery later.
Some fresh pasta in the fridge, in case you feel like cooking, and dried pasta and sauce in the pantry.
That should hold you until you can put in a proper order.
And we’ll pick up some pots and pans in a bit if you want.
I also ordered my favorite coffee maker.
It’s not fancy, but it’s the best. It should be here in a bit.
And I’ve already talked to my personal chef.
He’ll be happy to come make meals for you a couple of times a week if you want. ”
He stepped over to the counter and picked up a bunch of bananas. “Oh, I ordered some bananas. I saw you eat one first thing in the morning at my place, so I thought that’s something you do? Also got some apples. They’re in the crisper in the fridge.”
I hugged him again and shed a few more tears.
“Frustration,” I said, wiping my eyes. “Those were tears of frustration. Not sorrow, not relief.”
“We can remedy that too,” he said. “Dinner at Marco’s this evening?”
“How about La Traviata? I want the potpie.”
“Done,” he said and pushed the glasses up his nose to look at me. “I’m not a fan of your tears.”
“Sorry, but you’re the only one who gets to see them, so you’ll have to learn to deal with them.”
“That’s alright, too. I’m not worried,” he said with a single pat on my shoulder.
But I was. I was terrified that if I lost whatever it was that we had, I’d never have anyone who’d understand or appreciate my tears.