19. Aarti
AARTI
I t was a terrible way to go through the week. Between my emergent feelings for Sujit and Akash’s words of caution, all I felt inside me was anguish. A sense of helplessness that was debilitating.
Sujit had not only helped me move into my new place, but made the house a home in a short few minutes.
I had never felt so loved and cared for.
I had never yearned for this kind of connection before.
Maybe it was the first-daughter syndrome, but I had always been adamant about being able to care for myself.
Then, along came a man whose kindness melted the tough armor I had built around my heart.
He had managed to pierce straight through it and he didn’t even know it.
And I would never be able to tell him because Akash’s words held up flashing signs before me.
The most poignant of them? Dad’s entire legacy was at stake if I continued to indulge in this foolhardy attraction.
His warning reminded me of Mary Beth.
The optics, it’s always about the optics , Mary Beth used to say. “Your life could be a glorious mess, but all that the world should get to see are rosy faces in fancy clothes. And don’t forget the wide smiles.”
Since my move to the city, Mary Beth had invited me several times to visit her.
But I hadn’t, and she knew why. There was a reason she was my best friend.
Her ability to give my introverted self the space I needed to thrive had been one of the most endearing features of our relationship.
I didn’t want to talk about the breakup or the impending wedding, and she respected that.
That week, though, I missed her presence and her wisdom. I needed to make a headway through my misery.
I texted her.
Miss you. How’s everything?
She texted back instantly
Mary Beth
Glad to know you’re alive. You missed last week’s party.
I didn’t miss it and you know it.
I heard her laughter in my head as another text dinged.
Alright, I missed you then. Come over for a visit. I promise Ezzie won’t bite.
Does he know you say these things about him?
What do you think?
Of course, he did. He hadn’t married her for her money or good looks. It was for her charm and sass.
I will, soon. I promise.
Not soon enough. Is the wedding over?
It’s a few weekends away.
Do you want to come over?
No, I have plans.
What plans? Is there someone I don’t know about?
Yes, a very handsome building we just acquired that needs my attention.
You know you’re not funny. I’m the funny one.
You’re funny, smart, and gorgeous. What does that leave me with?
You’re the genuine one, the one with all the love and warmth.
Less interesting than being smart and funny.
I might be smart, but you’re brilliant
I could visualize her warm smile.
Come over. I’ll send a car.
They had an apartment in the city, but they both spent most of their time upstate, at their estate along the water.
She was one of only three people with whom I could be myself in all my glorious weirdness. Mom was my first confidant, Mary Beth my second. And now, Sujit had made himself my third humraaz. At that moment, I made a quick decision.
Can I bring a friend? I texted.
Mary Beth
What friend? Boyfriend?
A friend.
Aarti Marie Bhatia, what are you hiding from me?
My middle name wasn’t Marie. I didn’t have a middle name, so Mary Beth had assigned me one to use in admonishment.
I’ll text you.
My heart bubbled with anticipation and excitement as I considered the idea of taking Sujit with me to see her. If Mary Beth approved of him, I would gain a level of confidence to assess the situation accordingly. The more I thought about it, the more excited I got.
For the next hour, I tried in vain to focus on the mountain of paperwork before me. It was a metaphor, of course, because we no longer used paper. Everything was digital, with backups of backups on server farms far, far away.
Before I could change my mind again, I pulled out my phone and typed, Wanna come with me to see Mary Beth this weekend?
Nah, too casual. I deleted it.
I’m thinking of visiting Mary Beth this weekend. Would you like to join me?
I stared at it for several seconds before deleting it. Too formal.
I was in the process of drafting another text when Sujit’s call pulled down on the banner.
“Just say it,” he said without preface.
“Say what?”
“I’ve been watching those three dots dancing for several minutes now.”
“And may I ask what you were doing that you saw those three dots?” I asked with utmost curiosity.
“Waiting for your text,” he said without missing a beat. Haazirjawab, he was. “Just tell me. You know you can tell me anything.” It wasn’t a question. It was a declaration.
“Alright,” I said, “I’m going to visit my friend Mary Beth this weekend, and for some reason, I asked if I could bring a friend….”
I waited for a reaction, but he was smarter. I knew he was flashing his irresistible smile, and it irked me.
“So, would you like to join me?” I asked.
“With pleasure,” he said. “I thought you’d never ask.”
I rolled my eyes, and I heard him say, “You just rolled your eyes. Tell me I’m right.”
“You’re so wrong, you could never be wronger,” I teased, and I heard his heartfelt laughter. “Are you done?”
“Yes,” he said in a soft voice that rustled against my skin and made my insides tremble.
“I’ll have the car service drive us,” I said and penned down a reminder for myself in my planner.
“Don’t,” he replied in the same soft voice. “I’ll drive us.”
The element of romance in that statement, the thought of us driving along highways in the cold weather, the car, warm and toasty, probably soft rock playing in the background…
“Sorry, I have a meeting now, but send me the details—day, time—and I’ll pick you up,” he said when the silence drew out way too long.
“Better bring your best car,” I jested.
“Always the best for you,” he replied, and his soft voice was back in action.
“You don’t mind accompanying me, do you? Truthfully?” I asked.
“Are you kidding?” he said, “How often does one get a chance to chat with Ezzie Strauss, one-on-one?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Does this mean your willingness to accompany me has nothing to do with me? It’s all about meeting Ezzie?”
“Of course, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.”
I could hear the smile in his words.
“Have you met him before?” I asked.
“We’ve been formally introduced on an occasion or two, but I doubt he remembers me.”
“If he’s met you, he remembers you, trust me,” I said softly. Like I remembered him from our two-minute interaction in Dallas.
“Is that right?” he said in a deep, sexy voice that made me want to awaken the rebel in me, abandon all caution, and hurl myself at him.
“Off you go now,” I said, “Take your meeting.”
“Bye, sweet girl. See you soon.”
Saturday evening, I sat across from Mary Beth, sipping wine.
She had chosen a fine Bordeaux from their own vineyards in France while I savored the Chateau Cheval Blanc.
The ride over had been exciting but less eventful than I had imagined.
Sujit had remained concerned about the weather and the snowfall that was predicted in the evening.
Right now, he sat cozily with Ezzie across the spacious lounge as if they were old friends catching up. As I had prophesied, Ezzie did remember Sujit and was interested in learning about some new technology that was on the horizon and slated to make waves.
Mary Beth caught me stealing glances at him. I tried to ignore it, but I knew she had her gaze steady on me. When an inadvertent sigh escaped my lips, Mary Beth placed her glass down.
“Alright, out with it,” she commanded in a private voice. There was little chance the men would hear us, but she was careful, and I appreciated it. “Do you like him?”
“I do, but I haven’t decided if it’s a good idea,” I said, making peace with the fact that I couldn’t hide much from Mary Beth.
I started my tale with the dramatic fact that he was Tara’s ex.
Her gasp was immediate and involuntary. I told her about our encounter and how it had blossomed over the past few weeks.
When I finished telling her about my phone call with Aakash, she blew out a breath.
If anyone knew about the gravity of family name and status, it would be the renegade daughter of one of the oldest and richest families in Dallas.
“I see Aakash’s point,” she said solemnly.
I sat upright. “You agree with him, then? Is it bad?”
She took a slow, thinking mouthful of the wine.
“The optics? Most definitely,” she said, glancing at the marvelously handsome man.
“But it can’t be healthy either, as Aakash rightly pointed out.
If I were your therapist, I’d use a lot of jargon to explain that this is a textbook case of transference. ”
I shook my head resolutely. “It isn’t. I refuse to believe that my feelings have anything to do with Sameer or Tara, and I don’t need an expert to help me decode it.”
She nodded in thought and glanced at Sujit again. “Let me ask you, is the attraction only physical? He’s a gorgeous man.”
“He is a gorgeous man,” I affirmed.
“If it’s physical attraction, that can be remedied easily. A few times with him and it will be out of your system,” she advised with the worldly wisdom that was her forte.
“If only it were that easy,” I said, letting out a gentle breath. “Over the past few weeks, he’s become a part of my life, a part of me, I’m afraid.”
“That’s dangerous.”
“Don’t I know it!” I looked into her stunning green eyes, gazing back at me with concern.
“Tell me how you feel,” she insisted.
“I feel happy when I’m with him. It is the ease with which I can talk to him. I can be myself around him. Even when I need to cry, he lends me a shoulder without judgment.”
Mary Beth nodded, looking into her glass of the ruby-red liquid.
“Then there’s the situation with Dad, as Aakash so firmly warned me,” I added.
“He’ll be upset?”
I pulled in a deep breath. “I don’t know if he’ll be upset, or angry, or hurt.”
“Parents usually are one of these,” Mary Beth said with a chuckle. She had faced an uphill trek, if not a battle, to convince her parents about Ezzie. “But I think you’re losing sight of the bigger picture.”
“What’s that?”
“Your happiness,” she said matter-of-factly. “That takes precedence over everything else. You’re also misreading another thing.”
I raised my brows.
“That maybe your father’s interference in your life comes from a place of love and concern, not authority and power. I’ve known him long enough to know how much he cares about you. I’ve also seen many a toxic parent in my lifetime, and I can assure you, your father isn’t one.”
“No, he isn’t,” I confirmed with conviction. “What does that mean?”
“It means whatever fears your brother communicated to you are his fears, not your father’s. He said your father’s legacy is at stake, but does your father feel that way? Will he be willing to put your happiness on the sacrificial altar to save his name and face?”
Dad had not cared about asking me before approaching some random family with a marriage proposal. Was it in a bid to find me happiness, or was he trying to dispose of me like a risky investment?
I shook off the thought. I knew my father. He had his faults, but the one thing I was always confident about was his irrefutable love for his family—for Ma, Aakash, and me. He called me his pride, and I had never taken it lightly. Neither had he.
“What are you thinking?” Mary Beth interrupted my deliberations.
I shook my head. “All this is futile, anyway. I don’t think I can scour up the courage to tell Sujit how I feel.”
“Why not?” she asked with a gentle frown.
“What if he doesn’t feel the same way? We began on a note of friendship.
Something to help us wade through the sea of heartache that was threatening to consume us both.
What if he still sees me as a friend or, worse, a charity case?
He’s a good man, I won’t be surprised if he’s spending time with me because he thinks I need it, that I’m benefiting from it emotionally. ”
She extended her hand and covered mine. “Alright, take a breath and calm down. If you ask me, you are overthinking it. You’ve known him for just over a month, and you’re considering life decisions? Life-altering decisions,” she reminded gently.
I pulled myself out of the quagmire with a deep breath and a sip of the wine.
“You’re right. I don’t even know if we’d be good together.
I also don’t want to make a decision that could end up hurting my father.
Or worse, disappointing him. I am not going to make the same mistake I did with Sameer and jump into a relationship based on an attraction. ”
“Well…” she said and let her words trail.
“What?”
“I see how you look at him, and believe me when I say this. You never had the same look in your eye when you were with Sameer.”
A gasp escaped my lips. “You mean to tell me this time I’m in trouble.”
“Deep trouble, Battie. You’ve found yourself in deep, deep trouble, which makes this even more complicated. He is and will always be Tara’s ex, sweetie.”
We had polished off a bottle each and a staff member had miraculously appeared with another two and a set of fresh goblets.
“Thank you,” I said as Mary Beth handed me a glass.
She picked up her glass and said, “It might be a terrible idea to pursue this, but I think you should still sleep with him. You need it, and I bet he’s a fantastic lover.”
“Mary Beth Arlington!” I reprimanded her teasingly. “Your very handsome husband is sitting right there, and you’re ogling at other men, tsk tsk.”
“I’m doing it as a favor for you,” she argued with a wicked smile. “And it’s Mary Beth Arlington-Strauss now.”
“Precisely. Let us not forget that and check out other men,” I teased, and we both burst into chuckles just as the two devilishly good-looking rogues approached us.
“I think we should leave,” Sujit said. “It’s starting to snow.”