Chapter 7
BAILEY
I startle as Noah grabs my arm, so deep in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed the dust cloud, or how aggressively I’d been sweeping. My lungs burn like they’re on fire, and I cough uncontrollably as I’m dragged out into the fresh air.
“Are you stupid?” Noah scolds. “Were you trying to give yourself an asthma attack for fuck’s sake?”
“I don’t have … asthma,” I wheeze out. “I didn’t realise it had got that bad,” I look back at the barn and see a plume of dust drifting out the open door.
My head’s been a mess since yesterday. I’m still no closer to finding out why Teddy hates me so much—hate might not be a strong enough word.
His eyes had been like shards of black ice when he told me not to touch him, revulsion dripping from his words.
I know I’m missing something important, but I have no idea what.
“I think the dust has settled. Ready to go back in?” Noah asks after a few minutes.
Looking back at the barn, the huge cloud I made has finally dissipated. “Sure, are you going to actually help this time?”
Noah scoffs and leads the way, grabbing a broom as he goes. “Are you going to tell me why Theo punched you in the face yet?” he asks.
I keep my eyes down. “It was just an argument, I told you. We went to school together and it didn’t end well.” I shrug as though it were nothing, as if the memory of a grinning eighteen-year-old Teddy doesn’t feel like a knife to the heart.
“That’s a half-arsed answer.”
“I’m not ready to talk about it.” I stop to look at him so he knows I’m serious.
“You’d tell me if you were in trouble, right?”
My jaw clenches, and I go back to sweeping.
There’s so much I haven’t told him, haven’t even told my therapist. So many secrets stacked up inside of me, ready to collapse at the slightest breeze.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to tell Noah about my past. What would he think?
If I saw disgust and horror in his eyes, it would destroy me.
“Yes, I’d tell you.” I force the lie out.
After a couple of hours sweeping and washing the wooden floor the barn finally looks better. I stretch my arms up and my stiff back twinges.
“Oh! It’s looking good, boys,” Isla says as she comes through the doors with Richard. She pulls her phone out and starts taking photos of our progress.
Richard comes straight to me, handing a large tool kit and a drill over. “Apparently you know what you’re doing?”
“Of course I know what I’m doing.” I’ve been working for Jake since I was eighteen.
Building decking and sheds is routine work, and it’s the whole reason we’ve come up here so early.
Richard insisted on paying for the barn to be fixed up, but Jake whacked on such a big discount that the price barely covered the cost of the materials.
Jake told me and Noah that we’d be coming with him to help, but I’m starting to think that was a lie.
The past few days, Jake’s buggered off somewhere, leaving us to do all the work.
I show Noah how to pre-drill some holes into the hardwood, then I get to work nailing down any loose boards.
I’m barely listening to the conversation going on around me, mind wandering back to yesterday again.
Specifically to the way Teddy dismissed me, saying I’d made it clear I wanted nothing to do with him .
.. I didn’t think I’d been that convincing when I broke up with him.
A flare of irritation rises in me. He should’ve known I wouldn’t have said those things unless I had no other choice.
The resentment I harboured for Teddy after he abandoned me at eighteen starts to rear its ugly head again. I feel the wood beneath my hand, coarse and cool, and count back from ten, shoving it all back down.
“You want coffee?” Richard asks, tapping me with his foot. I’m pulled away from my thoughts, which is probably for the best. I can’t keep blaming Teddy for something I started.
“Please,” I say.
Richard turns away and shouts across the barn. “Come on Noah, help me get the drinks.”
Within two seconds of them leaving, Isla sidles up next to me. “So what’s going on with you and Theo?” She hands me a nail and I line it up on the floorboard. I’d managed to avoid her for most of the week. I knew the questions would start as soon as she got me alone.
“I’m not sure what’s going on.” I say, gripping the hammer tighter and hitting the nail repeatedly, in rhythm with my pounding heart.
“You said you were friends in school, right? He never mentioned you ... but then I didn’t keep in contact with him much when he moved. But even when he came back, he never mentioned making any friends.”
It feels like there’s a fist clenched around my heart, squeezing until I can barely breathe. Two whole years erased, just like that. My throat feels tight and raw as I swallow.
Placing the hammer down, I stand and face Isla. “We fell out. I told him I never wanted to see him again, and that I didn’t want to be … friends anymore. After that, he left.”
Isla’s eyebrows rise. “Must have been a pretty big falling out if he punched you twelve years later.”
I frown. “I don’t know why he punched me. The Teddy I knew never would have done that, even with how I left things between us, he never would have hit me. Maybe something else happened and I—”
And I what? I can’t remember because I was out of it the night he left. Half that night is missing when I think back. I can’t tell her that. So I swallow around the lump in my throat and crouch back down to finish nailing the floorboards. I struggle to see the nails as tears fill my eyes.
“What else could have happened?” Isla asks with a slight edge to her voice.
“I’m not sure, he won’t talk to me about it.”
Isla hands me another nail. “Did you mean it?”
“Mean what?”
“That you never wanted to see him again?”
A pain shoots through my chest, and I shake my head. “No, I didn’t mean a word I said that night.”
She hums then walks away. “The boats come into the harbour at two.”
“What?” I look up, but she’s already gone.
Seagulls squawk above, navigating the grey clouds, as I walk down the country lane towards the harbour. I can’t believe I’m doing this. It’s a terrible idea. But I need to know why he’s so angry with me. Whether it’s something I can actually fix.
I approach the jetty, noticing Teddy's car parked on its own. I take a deep breath and head over there to wait for him.
A white refrigeration van sits by the jetty with a small boat anchored beside it. From this distance, I can only really make out the shape of people, but I pick Teddy out straight away, standing taller than everyone else, wearing a grey turtleneck jumper.
Someone locks up the back of the van and it slowly ambles out of the harbour, followed by a few cars. Teddy walks alone along the jetty, tugging on ropes that are attached to the boat. Then he picks up a duffel bag and swings it over his shoulder.
When he sees me, he freezes. For a moment, we both just stare at one another. I begin to wonder if he’s trying to work out how to escape, but then he moves towards me again. His pace is quick, and the deep scowl on his face triggers my defences.
Teddy unlocks the car, throwing his bag in the boot before he slams it shut and heads for the driver’s door.
“Teddy …”
He ignores me, keeping his back turned as he opens the door.
“Please! I just want to talk,” I shout in desperation, reaching out to pull the back of his jumper.
He whirls around and pushes his chest against mine.
I’m suddenly eighteen again. A shiver ripples through me as one of our last moments creeps forward—our bare, sweat-slick chests pressed up against one another, Teddy brushing my hair from my face, whispering that he loves me as he kisses along my jaw.
“What?” he snaps, yanking me back to the present.
I open my mouth, but no words come out. Shit. This hasn’t happened in years. Teddy is standing so close I can’t even think right. His eyes search mine, waiting.
“I … you … left,” I stutter, trying to ignore the way my heart is racing in my chest.
He frowns and takes a step back. “I left?”
I nod.
“What are you talking about?”
“You left me … why?” I ask, looking at the ground, cheeks aflame, embarrassed that I can’t make the words come out the way I want them to.
“Yesterday? I told you—”
“No!” Tears prickle behind my eyes. “Twelve years ago. Why did you fucking leave me there?”
“I left you?” he asks. “Bailey, you told me to leave. You said you never wanted to see me again. You are the one who decided to punish me when I tried to talk to you. Of course I bloody left you.” His fists are clenched so tight the knuckles are turning white, and the tendons in his neck strain as though he’s holding himself back.
“But I didn’t mean any of those things I said!” I yell, balling up my fists to stop myself from grabbing hold of him again.
Pausing, I realise what he just said. “What do you mean punished?”
He grabs me by the throat and shoves me against his car so fast my head spins. Getting in my face, he snarls, “I don’t know what game you’re playing, Bailey, but I’m not doing it again.”
With that he releases me, and my legs give out. Teddy gets in the car and starts the engine. I scramble away just in time as he speeds out of the harbour.