Chapter 8
BAILEY - SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD
“Where are you going?” Shane grabs my sleeve, pulling me back into the house.
“Out,” I say, shaking him off.
He steps closer to me. “Out where?”
“The p-pub,” I force out, trying to hold eye contact. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll get away with lying to him. He thinks I spend every weekend working in the pub, as a pot washer. That’s only on Saturdays though. On Sundays I sneak off to spend the day with Teddy.
“School’s over, you don’t need to keep wasting your weekends there. Why don’t you hang out with me for the day?” he smiles, and my stomach drops.
“I signed a contract,” I say through clenched teeth. “They’re expecting me.”
Shane looks me up and down. “Have you seen the Scottish boy lately?”
I swallow, scared of what he’ll do to me if he finds out I’m lying. Terrified that he’ll stop me seeing Teddy.
“Go,” he says, jutting his chin towards the door. He doesn’t step back; forcing me to squeeze past him. Everywhere our bodies touch makes my skin crawl.
When I’m finally free, I run down the path, only to find my stepfather pulling into the drive. He rolls down the window and calls out to me. “Hey, baby boy, you off to work?”
My throat closes up completely, voice locked down tight as soon as those words leave his lips.
I give a quick nod, then run far enough down the road to know they’re not coming after me.
Doubling over, I gasp for air, lungs burning with every breath.
I rub at my chest, waiting for my heart to slow down before walking to Teddy’s house.
“Hey, I thought we could go to the woods today, if that’s good with you?” Teddy asks as he locks his front door. I nod, but he’s not looking.
“Bay?” He turns around, and the sun reflects in his eyes, lightening them to whisky brown. I focus on them, trying to fight the knot in my throat, but the more I try, the more trapped the words get. Huffing in frustration I turn my face away from him.
He puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. “You not up to talking today?”
I shake my head against his chest; the movement blowing the smell of fabric softener and smoky cologne into the air.
“That’s fine, take your time. You’ll come back to me.
” He pulls back, a bright smile on his face.
“Look, I got chocolate.” He shoves an open carrier bag under my nose, revealing several share bags.
“Come on, I wanna check out this old oak tree I saw last week. It’s got low branches I think we can climb. ”
We? No way in hell is he getting me to climb a tree.
I follow him down the road and my hand twitches by my side, desperate to slip into his.
I settle for pressing close to him instead, our arms brushing against one another as we walk.
The contact, however small, is enough to settle me a little more.
Teddy doesn’t move away from me—if anything, I swear he leans into me as he carries on chatting away.
A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth as I listen to his melodic voice.
We reach the forest and head towards the stream.
Dappled light pierces through the leafy canopy, painting the water with glitter.
I’m not sure why no one comes this deep into the woods, but for all the time we’ve been exploring here, we’ve never seen another person.
I like that it’s our secret spot, far away from everyone else.
Teddy leads the way, further than we’ve gone before, and just like he said, a large old oak tree stands in a clearing. Some of its roots are poking out the soil, like it’s trying to break free from the earth. It’s tilted to the side, hanging over the water, some of its branches low enough to reach.
I perch myself on a large rock.
Teddy chuckles. “You’re not coming up with me?”
I frown at him and shake my head vehemently.
“Fine, here … you take this.” He hands me the bag of chocolate and takes his T-shirt off. I stare at him as if I’ve never seen him shirtless before.
I’m sure his chest looks bigger …
“Bay?”
I shake my head and drag my eyes away from his body.
“I called you like three times, you good?”
I nod, touching the tips of my ears to see if they’re as hot as they feel.
Teddy jumps to grab a low branch and pulls himself up so he’s sitting with his back to me. Then he drops backwards, hanging upside down by his knees. “Throw me a chocolate!”
I grab the peanut ones and walk over to him. He shakes his head. “No, throw it, I’ll catch it,” he says, opening his mouth wide and sticking out his tongue.
Groaning, I turn away, subtly rearranging myself in my boxers before going back to the rock. I swear he’s doing it on purpose. He never takes off his shirt like this. And now his tongue … My cock, oblivious to the bait, twitches in anticipation.
I’m unsure how many more times I need to tell myself not to think about him that way before it sticks.
My feelings for Teddy are getting too complicated.
Since we first met, there’s been a pull I couldn’t ignore.
When I hid in the woods and saw him by the stream, I was helpless to do anything but go to him.
I haven’t even had the courage to tell him I’m gay. When I play the conversation through my head, I start to sweat and hyperventilate just at the thought of him not wanting to be my friend anymore. If he knew how I felt on top of that … if he pushed me away—
Don’t think about that. He’s here, and he’s not going anywhere.
It takes a few tries throwing the chocolates before one lands perfectly. He whoops in delight, swinging himself upright, face red from hanging upside down for so long.
“So did something happen?” he asks out of the blue.
“You’re quiet again. You never talk to me about—” His eyes go wide as he backtracks.
“I mean when you can talk, you never say what happened … and that’s fine!
I-I don’t expect you to tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable. Just … you can. You know that, right?”
I do know that, and if I could, I would tell him everything.
But if he knew how scared I am of Shane …
how scared I am of myself … I swallow down the guilt I feel for clinging to him, hating that I’ve grown to depend on our friendship as an escape from everything.
I know it’s selfish. The more time I spend with him, the more danger I’m putting him in.
And yet, despite the risks, I can’t stop.
I draw in a shuddering breath and my chest feels tight all over again.
“Bay, it’s fine, we don’t have to talk about it, okay?”
I do want to talk about it. One day I want to tell him everything. Just … not yet.
Teddy pulls himself up so that he’s standing on the branch, wobbling as he tries to walk along it. The branch extends over the stream, but it’s not overly large or sturdy-looking. He places one foot carefully in front of the other, arms spread wide.
I jump to my feet in anticipation. As if I’d be able to catch him if he fell.
Then the idiot slips and my heart seizes.
“No!” The word rips from my throat in a gasp as I rush towards him.
He reaches up for a branch above just in time, catching it as he loses his footing, leaving him hanging by his arms.
He lets out a nervous giggle.
I stand there with my hands on my hips, watching him drop ungracefully to the ground. I’m in his face within seconds. “W-what the fuck is wrong with you?”
His mouth splits into a giant grin, and he grabs my arm, pulling me to him. “Hey, I told you you’d come back to me.”
I’m stunned for a moment. “You … you don’t have to scare me half to death to bring my voice back,” I grumble, rubbing my sore throat.
I’m suddenly all too aware of how close he’s holding me against his bare chest. I feel it rise and fall, solid yet smooth beneath my fingertips.
The proximity is scalding, and I try to step away from him.
All of a sudden, my feet are swept out from under me and I crash down to the forest floor. Teddy follows, straddling my waist, digging his fingers into my sides, tickling my ribs. I struggle to breathe through silent laughter, smacking his hands and begging him to stop.
Almost certain he lets me, I manage to flip us, pinning him down. He has a shit-eating grin on his face, looking like he’s exactly where he wants to be.
“You’re an idiot,” I say, frowning. All the tension in my body fades away, and I give myself a second to calm down.
I realise staring into his eyes and counting the flecks of gold scattered amongst the obsidian doesn’t help at all, so I release his wrists and put my palms against the earth, either side of his head.
For just a moment, I forget Teddy doesn’t know how I feel about him.
My eyes dart to his lips. I’ve never let myself get close enough to notice the curve of them.
Fascinated by the way they glisten as his tongue darts out to lick them.
When I meet his eyes again, he’s frowning. I panic that he’s figured out how I feel about him, that he’s about to throw me off or punch me in the face. But then he cups the back of my neck, pulling me down. Our lips touch and I squeeze my eyes shut, not daring to move.
“Bay,” he whispers, lips moving against mine.
My rigid jaw softens and my mouth falls open in a soft gasp.
The barest touch of his tongue against mine sends a bolt of electricity through me, and I stop thinking altogether.
My tongue curls around his, and he lets out a deep hum that vibrates in my chest. He untangles my hairband and fists my hair, pushing me harder against him.
The tug on my scalp snaps me back to reality.
My best friend is kissing me … Teddy is kissing me.
I know I don’t deserve this—don’t deserve him, but I push the thoughts away, chasing his tongue and nipping at his lips. I thread my fingers through his dark curls, holding on tight, as though he were a lifeline.
Teddy pushes a hand against my chest, forcing me to sit up. I refuse to open my eyes, not wanting to see his face. If there’s regret written across it, or he says it was a mistake, I—
“Bay, look at me.”
I shake my head.
“Bay.” He sits upright, pushing me back so I’m sitting on his lap, wrapping his arms around me. “Please look at me.”
I slowly open one eye and see his grin firmly back in place. I puff out a breath and brush my hair away from my face.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while now,” he says. “I didn’t stop to think whether you’d want to. I mean … you looked like you wanted to, but if you didn’t then I’m sor—”
I place my hand over his mouth. “I wanted to, Teddy.”
He strokes my wrist, then pulls my hand away, eyes softening. “Would you do it again?”
I don’t think twice before I nod. “Would you?”
“Always,” he whispers. He grabs my top, dragging me towards him, our noses nudging against one another. I’m about to kiss him again when a series of dings and vibrations come from my phone, snapping us out of whatever haze we were in.
“Sounds important,” Teddy says, pulling away.
My stomach roils as I pull out my phone, knowing exactly who it’ll be, seeing as the only other person who texts me is currently under me.
Shane
Guess where I am?
The pub
Guess where you’re not?
You’ve been lying to me, little mouse. Where are you? You better not be with Theo. You know it’s not safe for you to do that
I stare at the messages. He’s wrong. He has to be. I’ve been seeing Teddy for over a year now and nothing bad has happened. I’ve been good … I’m in control when I’m with him. I shut my eyes and throw my phone to the ground.
“What happened?” Teddy shifts underneath me.
I don’t know what to say; there’s so many secrets inside of me, any one of them could end this. Tears sting my eyes, and my lip wobbles. I open my mouth to talk, but my throat burns so badly that nothing comes out.
“Hey.” He wraps his arms around me again. “Who was it?”
I bury myself into his neck, and he starts gently rocking back and forth, making me melt into him. “It was my mum. I-I don’t want to go home,” I croak out the lie.
He strokes my hair. “You don’t have to go home, Bay. You can stay at mine, Ma and Da won’t mind.”
I gaze at him longingly. I’ve never felt more safe than when I’m with Teddy. Warning lights go off in my mind telling me this is a bad idea, but selfishly I whisper, “yes.” I want him to take me away from it all.
Teddy kisses my forehead. “You’ll be alright now. I’ll make sure of it.”