Chapter 10
BAILEY - EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD
I run as fast as I can away from Teddy and the rancid smell of decay, navigating the trees without having to think.
I’ve walked these trails so many times I could do it blindfolded.
The air burns my lungs as I get far away from the clearing, but I’m convinced I can still smell rotting carcasses.
The scent clings to the back of my throat, making me feel sick.
As soon as the smell hit me, I knew exactly what it was.
It’s something I’ve become accustomed to over the years.
Since I was ten, I’ve had blackouts. Periods of time I can’t remember, because, for some reason, my brain has decided I don’t need to.
I’d fall asleep, and when I woke, my hands would be stained with blood.
I’d find dead mice hidden in drawers, in the wardrobe, under the bed.
Shane would help me get rid of them, but sometimes we’d miss one, and after a while, that sickly sweet smell of rot would fill the air to the point of choking.
That’s what I can smell, and the thought of what could be in that shed makes my blood run cold.
Shane said this would happen. Any chance he’s had to corner me at school over the past six months, he’s asked how I’ve been doing.
How I’ve been coping without him keeping me in check.
Asking when I’ll be coming home, telling me if I don’t then there’ll be no one to fix me when I break.
He was right. I can feel myself breaking, and I’m all alone.
There’s no way I can tell Teddy what I’ve done.
I need Shane.
A solid weight crashes into my back and I hit the ground hard. Twigs and stones scrape along my arm. I’m rolled onto my back, and Teddy pins me in place. He says something, but I can’t hear over the thumping of my heart. I struggle, trying to get out his hold, gasping for air.
“Bay, you need to calm down!” His voice floats towards me as though I’m underwater. “Why’d you run from me?”
I let out a guttural yell. Everything I’ve been holding in for years suddenly bursting free. Teddy releases my arms and cups my face, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. “You’re safe, I’m right here. I’ll always be here.”
He presses his forehead against mine and we stay like that until I go numb, mind blank. My breathing slows and the tears dry up. Teddy gets off me and sits on the ground, pulling my head into his lap as he strokes my hair.
I stare up at the canopy of trees, counting the blackbirds hidden between the branches. So many things are running through my head—what I could tell him, what I should tell him. Taking a deep breath, I mutter, “I need to leave.”
Teddy shifts under me, hand pausing in my hair. “Why do you need to leave?”
“I don’t want to end up hurting you.”
The view of the trees above disappears as Teddy leans over me, frowning. “How are you going to hurt me?”
“I … I don’t know. I’m just scared that I will.”
“Well I don’t think you will. You need to have more faith in us, Bay. More faith in yourself.” He presses a finger against my chest, over my heart. “Because I do. I think you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and I want you to stay.”
A single tear slips free, scalding as it runs down my cheek. Teddy leans down to kiss me gently on the lips, and it’s almost too much. I want to believe him, but just one blackout could end everything. Us … me. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hurt him.
Stop it, I growl to myself. I’ve known Teddy for a year and a half and I haven’t hurt him. I’ve lived away from home for six months and nothing bad has happened. Everything bad that’s ever happened has been in that house. Away from it—away from my family—I feel safe. In control.
“Okay?” he whispers against my lips.
I nod. “Take me home, Teddy.”