Chapter 11
BAILEY
He’s avoiding me, and every day that passes, I feel like I’m losing a grip on myself.
Something really bad must have happened the night Teddy left me, and I hate not knowing what.
My mood’s plummeted, I’m struggling to eat, headaches are a daily occurrence, and I had my first nightmare in nine months last night.
I roll over in bed and come face to face with Noah.
His eyes are closed, and his mouth hangs open with quiet little snores filling the silence.
He’s been sharing my bed since he was fifteen; just crawled into it one night, and refused to leave.
Even if he does like to sleep diagonally and take up eighty per cent of the bed, in times like this, when I’m so in my head like this, I’m glad I’m not alone.
I poke his face. “Get up, Noah. It’s eight.” He groans as I slide out of bed, bending down to retrieve my anxiety pills from my suitcase. I pop one in my mouth and wash it down with water.
“Why?” Noah complains.
“You asked me to wake you up to go jogging before breakfast." I don’t think I can actually stomach any food, but if we get to the farmhouse early enough, I might bump into Teddy.
“Fine,” he grumbles, throwing the duvet off and getting dressed.
I follow him out of the house and he jogs off ahead of me. When he looks back, I plaster on a fake smile and overtake him.
Running usually helps to clear my mind, but the silence surrounding me lets the monsters in.
“You’re never good, Bailey. Never,” my brother’s voice carries on the wind.
My light jog turns into a run, Dean’s voice chasing me also: “Hey, baby boy.” I pick up my speed until I’m sprinting, pumping my arms and legs as fast as I can until my lungs burn and my knees feel like they might buckle.
My stomach cramps, and I come to an abrupt stop, grabbing my stomach as I double over, retching.
Noah eventually catches up with me. “No more,” he gasps.
“Come on, you’re done.” He marches me all the way to the farmhouse, telling me I’m stupid for doing that on an empty stomach.
Once inside, he forces me to sit on the stool and tells Teddy’s gran I need a double portion of bacon.
I roll my eyes, about to protest, but Mary shoves a plate under my nose before I can say a word.
“Gran!” someone yells from another room.
Mary rolls her eyes. “I best go see what Isla wants.” She unties her apron and hangs it up before leaving the room.
“Have you got therapy later?” Noah asks.
I freeze with my fork almost to my mouth, suddenly nauseous. “No. Carol said we could pick it up again when the wedding’s over. Unless I—unless I feel like I need her.”
Noah raises an eyebrow, and I know he thinks I need her.
Everything is starting to unravel in the worst possible way. What's worse is that I’m the one doing the unravelling, and I know I’m not going to stop until Teddy tells me what happened—even if I destroy myself in the process.
Even if I do need my therapist, I can’t tell her about this. I haven’t told her everything about my past. I’m not ready for it. I may never be. I’m fucking terrified that if the whole truth comes out, they’ll lock me up and throw away the key.
I put the fork down and rub my temples to try and ease the god-awful throbbing. Noah bumps his shoulder against mine in comfort, but remains silent, knowing not to push me.
“There’s the unhappy couple,” Richard says as he walks into the kitchen. “We’re all going to the pub later, you’re coming right?”
“Who’s all?” Noah asks.
Richard steals a sausage from Noah’s plate. “Me, Isla, Theo, and Robbie,” he mumbles, chewing.
“You think that’s a good idea, with … you know.” Noah nods his head to me. “Theo isn’t going to want Bailey there.”
“Isla spoke to Theo; he said he’s fine with it.”
That seems hardly likely after what happened the other day at the harbour.
“I was there,” Richard says. “He’s fine.”
The brothers look at me, two sets of grey eyes, waiting for me to make a decision. I’m not sure what would be worse: not going and acting like I have a problem with Teddy, or going and risking him shouting at me again.
This might be my only chance to get him to talk. I nod to Richard. “Sure, we’ll go.”
The smell of wood smoke fills the air as we walk down the lane towards the pub. The closer we get, the more my palms sweat, and I can feel Noah’s questioning gaze on me without even having to look at him.
When we reach the entrance, I push the door open, gesturing for him to go first, then follow him, ducking under the frame. Inside, the ceiling isn’t much better. I bend my neck to avoid hitting my head on the low exposed beams adorned with hops.
We approach a large table at the back of the pub. Richard and Isla are sitting on chairs on one side, with Robbie and Teddy on a bench opposite.
“Hey strangers,” Robbie calls out, face lighting up with a big grin. He climbs out from behind the table and gestures for us to sit in the middle. I look at Noah, expecting him to sit between Teddy and I as a little bulwark, but he just stares right back at me.
“What?” I ask.
“What?” he replies.
I frown, then cast a quick look at Teddy.
He’s eyeing me warily, but doesn’t protest when I slide onto the bench next to him.
I leave a big gap, but Noah sits so close to me that I’m forced to move over.
He moves with me, so I shift again until I’m pressed right up against Teddy—thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder.
The moment we touch, I feel his body stiffen, as mine prickles all over.
I push Noah back, but he seems just as squashed, with Robbie practically sitting on his lap.
Noah looks up and opens his mouth to say something, but Robbie flashes him a grin, highlighting the barbell in the middle of his bottom lip.
Noah quickly averts his gaze, a slight blush blooming on his cheeks.
“Comfy there?” Robbie asks, prodding Noah gently with his elbow, making him fall against me again. I’m pushed further into Teddy and quickly turn to apologise, but he’s already staring at me. The words turn to ash on my tongue and I look away.
“There’s clearly not enough bloody room; get a chair and sit on the end,” Noah snaps.
“I’m good here, thanks.” Robbie stretches an arm along the back of the seat, behind Noah’s shoulders.
“Anyway,” Isla interrupts, glaring at Robbie. “As I was saying, a dog walker found a body in some woods down in Surrey. They think the amount of rain they’ve had recently unearthed him.” She gags dramatically. “The police searched the area and found two more bodies.”
“Shit,” Robbie says, screwing his nose up. “Do they know who did it?”
“Not a clue so far. But they’ve shut down the entire forest to see if there are any more bodies. They said the victims were likely killed years apart, due to the different stages of decay.”
“Lovely,” Richard mutters next to her.
“It could be Peter Sutcliffe all over again.” Isla nudges him with her elbow. “The Surrey Ripper is at large,” she says in a deep, serious voice, mimicking a news presenter.
“Have your parents said anything?” Robbie asks Teddy.
He looks around me to answer. “No, but I haven’t spoken to them for a few weeks.”
I should probably be concerned for my own family, but I haven’t spoken to them since I ran away. I changed my last name specifically so that they couldn’t find me. When I let my mind wander to picture something happening to them, I feel nothing.
“So, you two were friends back in England?” Robbie asks, changing the subject. “How’d you manage to win him over? Theo hated making friends when he was a kid. Still does as an adult, actually,” he chuckles.
I look at Teddy, unsure of what I’m allowed to say. My throat closes up from the fear of saying the wrong thing.
He holds my gaze, warm whisky eyes sweeping over my face. “We dated for a year,” he mutters.
“What!” Robbie bellows. Noah jumps at the volume, covering his ears.
“What?” Teddy asks cooly.
“A boyfriend? You never told me about a boyfriend, Theo.” Robbie complains.
“It was nothing.” Teddy frowns, eyes turning cold again as he picks up his beer.
I stare daggers into the side of his head, but he avoids meeting my eye.
It was not nothing.
Is this my punishment? Him announcing to everyone that I had been such an insignificant part of his life? Maybe I deserve it. I threw him away first—told him I’d never loved him.
Except I was lying when I said all those things. I'm not sure I can say the same for him.
“Excuse me.” The table falls silent as Teddy stands up before making his way to the bathroom.