Chapter 21
BAILEY - EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD
I find myself back home, unsure where else I can go.
I know I can’t stay here, but I need money.
I’d hidden my wages from the pub under my mattress before I moved out with Teddy.
Hopefully they’re still there. I gently push the front door open and step inside.
It’s quiet … I let out the breath I’d been holding, thankful no one’s home.
I keep an ear out as I head up to my bedroom and straight to my bed, shifting the mattress to find the money’s still there.
The movement blows up the stench of death, and I freeze.
Prickles scatter over my body, and I forget how to breathe.
I look around my room, wondering where it’s coming from.
The smell gets stronger when I get near my bedside table, and as I pull the drawer open, I retch.
Four dead mice lie there in various stages of decay.
I slam the drawer shut, but it does little to dull the stench.
They weren’t there the last time I was here, three months ago. I haven’t been back since. I’m sure of it. None of it makes sense—the treehouse, this. Teddy would have noticed something, I’m sure of it. Why would I keep coming back here just to kill these animals?
A floorboard creaks behind me, and my head snaps up to find Dean leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. I quickly shift the mattress back over the money out of habit.
Hiding it was necessary before, with Mum's drinking habit. If she’d found it, she would have taken it all.
If Dean found it, he would have given it to her, because if she passed out drunk, she wouldn’t be paying attention to what he was doing.
“Bailey, what are you doing here?” he asks, voice soft and low. Walking over to me where I’m kneeling by my bed, he places a hand on my shoulder.
I freeze immediately, my body starting to shut down. “I-I just came to get something. I’ll go.” I shake my shoulder, trying to dislodge his hand, but his fingers dig in deeper, making me wince in pain.
He’s never hurt me before.
“What did you need?” he asks casually.
“Just—just some more clothes,” I lie.
His hand slips under my armpit, and he yanks me up, spinning me towards him.
There’s a smile on his lips, but it doesn’t match the glint in his eye or the tone of his voice as he says, “I think you’re lying to me.
” He drags his calloused thumb across my cheek, making me flinch.
“You’ve been gone for so long; I missed you, baby boy. ”
I try to pull away, but he grips me tighter. I’m taller than he is, but he’s stronger, making it impossible to fight him off. My mouth opens, but nothing comes out.
No. Not again.
Dean pushes me onto the bed, and it feels like I’m still falling, even with my back against the mattress. He pulls his tie loose and whips it from under his collar. In an instant, he’s holding my wrists, tying them together.
No!
He’s never done anything like this before, never been aggressive. My stomach drops, feeling that this is going to be so much worse than last time. His movements are jerky and desperate. I kick my legs and lift my knee, trying to get him off me, but he jumps out of the way.
“That wasn’t very nice.” He grabs my legs and flips me over, pulling the long end of the tie up to the headboard, securing it in place.
This isn’t happening. I’m not really here.
I fight until my muscles burn, but Dean’s too strong. He puts a hand on my back, pushing me down into the mattress, while his knees knock mine apart. I try to scream, but it just reverberates inside my head, never finding a way out.
No one’s coming to save me.
I’m alone.
I hear a zipper opening, and think, not for the first time, that I want to die.
I’m lying on my back, my hands are untied, but I can’t move. My mind is just … gone. I feel like a ghost hovering over my limp body, praying I never reunite with it.
I want Teddy. I want to get up off this bed and run to him.
The smell in the room is putrid, but I’m too exhausted to move. My whole body aches. I just need to close my eyes for a minute …
“Bailey.”
I jolt out of my sleep, jarring my muscles at the sound of Shane’s voice.
“Do you have something to tell me?” he asks, sitting on the edge of the bed.
My chest hurts from holding my breath. I swallow and concentrate on getting the words out. “I-I broke up with him.” The words tumble out, clumsy and stilted.
“I know that, little mouse. It’s a good thing you did, because I don’t think he’d like to know what you just did.” Shane starts stroking my hair, twirling the ends around his finger.
My heart thumps hard and fast, and the walls close in on me. “W-what do you mean?” I whisper.
“I saw you. You dump your boyfriend and in less than twenty-four hours, you’re bending over for fucking Dean? Are you that desperate for attention? What would Mum say?” His hand tightens in my hair, and I choke out a sob. I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t let him … I—I tried to get him off of me.
I shake my head and try to say no, but everything’s locked down again.
“Roll over.”
I know what’s coming, but I don’t understand why.
I’ve done nothing wrong this time. It wasn’t my fault.
I shake my head. I can’t deal with this, not on top of what Dean just did.
Shane leaves me no choice, wrestling me onto my front, and I find myself in the same position as earlier.
He grabs my wrists and pulls them above my head.
“No!” I croak out. He’s never done this without me agreeing to it first. He isn’t listening to me.
I feel a needle pinch into the crook of my elbow as he whispers, “Keep quiet, little mouse.”
When I wake up again, my stomach lurches, and I throw up where I lie.
I’m so nauseous I feel like I’m on a boat rather than on my bed.
My back is on fire, burns throbbing with any slight movement, and the smell of stale cigarette smoke lingers in the air.
I glance around the room, relieved to see that Shane isn’t here.
I push myself up on unsteady arms and turn over, wincing as I sit on the edge of the bed.
I feel my pockets, but my phone isn’t there.
Turning to look for it, I hiss at the pain before snatching it from the bedside table.
I check the messages, but there’s nothing from Teddy.
It’s three in the morning, so he won’t see if I text him.
I stand up, the skin on my back pulling taut.
Shane left my shirt on this time, and I can feel where it’s stuck to some of the blisters, every movement tearing them open again.
I push the mattress over and grab my money, then limp to my door, opening it quietly.
The house is silent again. I make my way downstairs, gripping the banister to steady myself, legs barely holding me upright.
As I get to the living room, movement makes me jump so hard that pain shoots through my chest. When I look at the sofa, I see Mum asleep, facing away from me.
I shuffle to the front door, wondering if she was in the house when everything happened.
Whether she would care, or if she’d think it was what I deserved.
I close the front door quietly and slowly make my way to Teddy’s house.
A walk that usually takes about ten minutes takes me half an hour or more.
The lights are off, so I make my way into the back garden.
Faced with a trellis that leads to the top of a flat-roofed extension, I cry out in pain as I put one foot on the wood and pull myself up.
Finally, I’m facing Teddy’s bedroom window.
I press my cheek onto the cold glass to try and cool down before I collapse.
I knock on the window, but there’s no answer.
I knock again. Still nothing.
“Teddy, please!” I shout in desperation.
A light comes on from the room to my left, and I jump when the window opens.
“Who’s there?” Teddy’s dad, John, shouts sternly, popping his head out. He groans when he sees me, rubbing a hand over his face. “Bailey, what are you doing here?”
“I need Teddy,” I say quietly.
John stares at me, the furrow in his brow softening. “I’m sorry, but he’s gone.”
Gone?
“Decided to go to his grandparents early, he left in a rush a few hours ago.”
He wouldn’t … he wouldn’t just give up on us that quickly and leave.
“He texted me once he was already on the train, so there was nothing we could do about it. You two had a falling out?”
“Y-yes.”
“Right, well maybe he just needed some headspace. If you can’t go home, you can come in. Ellen would rather you stay here, I’m sure.”
Teddy’s parents know I have issues with my mum, but not much else. I can’t stay here though, not on my own. It doesn’t feel right. I shake my head and climb down the extension, biting my lip so hard from the pain in my back that I draw blood.
I make my way down the road, looking over my shoulder to make sure John isn’t following me, then pull my phone out, weighing heavily in my hands.
I feel numb, not wanting to believe he’s actually left.
I pull up Teddy’s number and ring him. Before it can even ring once, an automated voice says, “This number is unavailable.” I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it in disbelief, then open my texts and type out a message.
Me
Teddy, I’m sorry. Please, I need to talk to you
UNDELIVERED
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I pull my hair, barely registering the sting.
I try another messenger service, typing out the same message, but the same thing happens.
He’s blocked me on everything. I have no way to get hold of him.
The ground collapses out from under me, ready to swallow me whole.
I don’t know what to do—where to go. My fist tightens around my phone, useless to me now.
“You left me behind!” I yell, as I throw it across the street, watching it shatter.
Then I scream at the top of my lungs until there’s no air left.
Collapsing to the ground, scratching the tarmac.